As I explained the things that were "normal" in our home, she assured me that the behaviors and experiences I was having at the hands of my husband were not "normal" or even legal. I was kept up until all hours of the night being degraded, reprimanded, assaulted sexually in demeaning ways and my life threatened if I were to leave or tell anyone about what went on in our home. I had created a self-imposed punishment, waking up at 5 am to walk and exercise so I could stay small (in size and weight) to avoid his contempt of me. (I was never perfect, but I didn't have a weight gain problem until we were married and I was trapped in the "name game" of feeling that I my appearance was shameful and embarrassing to him. He told me often how he despised me, I made him sick, I needed to change this and that, how I thought I was better than him, etc.) As I opened up and related all this, heart pounding, talking a mile a minute, she patiently listened until my internal tremble became an uncontrollable shaking inside. I knew I had gone beyond what I had ever done before and I couldn't take the words back. Someone now knew my ugly secret and I felt both relieved and terrified.

She began to tell me of her own experience growing up with an abusive father, his attacks on her mother and family, her attempts as a youth to leave her dad's domain and her struggle to move into a loving and healthy relationship with her husband (of 30 plus years, I might add). She explained how she recoiled from her loving and kind husband for quite some time before his love and consistently appropriate behavior could help her to feel safe inside. She filled me with hope as this amazing woman who I admired greatly because of the loving way she had raised her family "spilled" her own guts and allowed me to see that I was not alone. She went on to say that my husband's behaviors were not only inappropriate, but criminal.

As providence would have it, two police officers came in to the restaurant and sat down right by us. She turned to them and said, "This young lady has a question to ask you"

I about choked! I was terrified of the repercussions of talking to the police. My friend assured me that I didn't have to press charges, that I could just talk to them, get their views, file a report so the behavior would at least be documented. "ANYTHING, just talk to them," she said ...and I did.