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Yes, You Can Overcome
Domestic and Family Violence
Many of us want to escape the struggle of family violence but don't know how to do it. I didn't. It was scary first; scary to admit there was a problem and even scarier to go talk to someone about it. As most of us do, I waited until an attempt to end my life was actually perpetrated before I actually left. I did not want to believe my situation was as dangerous as it actually was.
Contact your local domestic violence coalition and/or shelter to see what help is available! Reach outside your comfort zone and make a difference in your own life as well as the life of your kids. I felt I was being selfish by reaching out for help, but that was distorted thinking. If you're not comfortable with the thought of getting help for yourself, then do it for your children. Just do it! I wasn't beaten up all the time, so I didn't think the abuse we were experiencing was dangerous... it was/is. Get help. Do not remain in the vacuum of self destruction. Your leaving the situation will help the person who is battering as much as it will help you or other victims of abuse. Most batterers will not admit they have a problem until they are forced to, much the same as those of us who are their targets will not admit we are in a terrible situation until an attempt on our lives are actually perpetrated.
Domestic violence or "battering" is a learned pattern of behaviors used by one person to gain control over another. The abuse can be inflicted emotionally, physically, sexually, or financially. On the surface, abusers may appear to be good providers, loving partners, and law-abiding citizens. There is no exact profile of men who beat or batter women. Domestic violence crosses all social and economic boundaries. Although the details may seem complex and overwhelming, the solution is simple, but it takes courage to follow through. We don't always have the courage we need, so there are others out there to help us until we are strong enough to move on our own.
The following are steps for victims of domestic violence. By learning these simple steps, you can escape the terror you call "home life." Begin by educating yourself. The ABA Commission on domestic violence recommends the following five-step plan to end abuse:
- Know What Domestic Violence Is
When spouses, intimates, or dates use physical violence,
threats, emotional abuse, harassment, economic domination, or stalking
to control the behavior of their partners, they are committing domestic
violence.
- Develop a Safety Plan
If you, or a relative, a friend, or a neighbor are experiencing domestic
violence, think about ways in which you can ensure your own safety and security or the security of the victim. Leave a spare set of keys, emergency money, important phone numbers and documents in a safe place hidden from the batterer and plan escape routes in case of a crisis situation. Local hotlines and shelters are always available for advice and assistance.
- Call 911
Don�t be afraid to ask for immediate help. Domestic violence is a
crime, not a �private family matter.�
- Exercise Your Legal Rights
You, or anyone else experiencing abuse, has the right to go to court
and petition for an order of protection if you have been battered in any one
of the fifty states.
- Get Help For Your Family
There are many services available to help families struggling with
domestic violence. If you are in an abusive situation always remember that you are not alone, you are not to blame, and you can get help.
Excerpt from from an article written by Megan McCalley at www.familyviolence.com.
National Coalition Against Domestic Violence
Domestic Violence Hotlines Reference List
National Domestic Violence Hotline:
1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
1-800-787-3224 (TDD)
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