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Becoming an Advocate In The Struggle Against
Domestic and Family Violence
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Domestic violence or "battering" is a learned pattern of behaviors used by one person to gain control of another. The abuse can be inflicted emotionally, physically, sexually, or financially. On the surface, abusers may appear to be good providers, loving partners, and law-abiding citizens. There is no exact profile of men who beat or batter women. Domestic violence crosses all social and economic boundaries. Although the details may seem complex and overwhelming, the solution is as simple as learning to become an advocate for yourself or someone else.
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Advocate for someone else
Many of us want to help in the struggle against violence but don't know how to help. All it takes is for each of us to give a small amount of time and energy to work on this problem together and support those around us struggling to over come it. No one expects any one person to break down barriers or solve problems that have taken generations to build, but if we each give a little time to work as an advocate we can definitely make a difference in someone else's life.
Before judging another, ask yourself... "Could I take the steps I think a victim should take?" Sometimes it's impossible to put yourself in someone else's position so rather than pointing a finger, how about reaching out a hand?
Know What Domestic Violence Is
When spouses, intimates, or dates use physical violence,
threats, emotional abuse, harassment, economic domination, or stalking
to control the behavior of their partners, they are committing domestic
violence. Domestic violence is CRIMINAL behavior.
Contact your local domestic violence coalition and/or shelter to see how you can help! Reach outside your comfort zone... it DOES make a difference in someone else's life.
- Learn about the issues of Domestic Violence, Sexual Assault, Sexual Harassment and their power dynamics.
- Be prepared to address many of the economic issues that victims face, and facilitate opportunities for victims to learn how they can improve their economic situation. Issues such as budgeting, identity theft, banking, predatory lending, violence in the workplace, housing, and credit, all play a role in ending domestic violence.
- Know or find out about the local resources available to victims, survivors, their families and allies.
- Learn about the rights, laws and Constitutional protections that safeguard the health, emotional well being and dignity of all citizens.
- Support the good work of concerned others, legislatively (by voting) and economically (by contributing financially).
- Keep yourself safe by enlisting your own allies.
- Make sure school curriculums address what to do if you are in trouble at home, at school, or in your community.
- Make sure survivors have allies and issue-educated people in local law enforcement, courts, medical facilities, local and state government, schools and workplaces.
- Call your local or the national domestic violence hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Find your state's hotline number and contact info here.
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Advocate for yourself
The following are steps for victims of domestic violence. By learning these simple steps, maybe we can learn how to help others escaping the terror they call their "home life." The ABA Commission on domestic violence recommends the following five-step safety plan to end abuse:
- Learn To Recognize What Domestic Violence Is
When spouses, intimates, or dates use physical violence,
threats, emotional abuse, harassment, economic domination, or stalking
to control the behavior of their partners, they are committing domestic
violence. Domestic violence is CRIMINAL behavior.
- Develop a Safety Plan
If you, a relative, a friend, or a neighbor are experiencing domestic violence, think about ways in which you can ensure your own security or that of the victim. Leave a spare set of keys, emergency money, important phone numbers and documents in a safe place hidden from the batterer and plan escape routes in case of crisis. Local hotlines and shelters are always available for advice and assistance.
- Call 911
Don�t be afraid to ask for immediate help. Domestic violence is a
crime, not a �private family matter.�
- Exercise Your Legal Rights
You, or anyone else experiencing abuse, has the right to go to court
and petition for an order of protection if you have been battered in any one
of the fifty states.
- Get Help For Your Family
There are many services available to help families struggling with
domestic violence.
If you are in an abusive situation always remember that you are not
alone, you are not to blame, and you can get help.
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Be an Ally... How?
- Listen - Really Listen- Often a woman will downplay the problems with her partner. She may say, �He has a really bad temper� instead of �He beat me up last night.� Believe her- Even when women talk about what is really happening, many times they are not believed because the abuser is so well thought of in the family and the community.
- Believe- Coming forward about abuse is extremely difficult and dangerous. Take ANY individual seriously if they admit they are in a dangerous relationship.
- Support Her- You can help with a safe place to stay, money, or childcare. Do not ask why she stays in the abusive relationship; it is not important and it places blame on the victim.
- Be patient- Leaving an abuser is a very dangerous time for a victim. Research over the last ten years indicates that women who leave their batterers are at 75% greater risk of being killed by their batterer than those who stay. Therefore, she must do it in her own time. Don�t give up! It took me three protective orders and numerous separations before I could make the break.
- Speak Up and Inform her- Inform her of options and opportunities. Be knowledgeable about financial, housing, and mental health resources in the community. Supply phone numbers, addresses, and information about counseling, support groups, and times. Do not make phone calls or appointments for her. Encourage her, do not pressure her. Tell her again and again, "You can get help. You do not deserve this. It is not your fault. I am here for you." and mean it.
- Speak Up for Someone Else- The terror, guilt and shame that grips a person stuck in an abusive or violent relationship can literally take their breath away. Speak up for those who are in danger. Speak up for those who need our help. Just speak up!
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Be an Ally... How? ...Continued
- Educate (yourself and others)- Inform yourself AND your community- Do all that you can to inform and educate others. Every effort is worth its weight in gold!
- Contribute (time, energy, $)- There is something that all of us can contribute. Some of us can contribute time for service, some can contribute energy and enthusiasm to change laws and excite others to action and some of us can contribute money. Contribute whatever you can. There is no effort too small or too large to help eradicate domestic violence.
- Volunteer- Not all of us can volunteer in domestic violence shelters, but we can all volunteer to do SOMETHING. Organize a fund raiser. Reach out. Call your local DV prevention organization or police department to find out what ways you can volunteer.
- Legislate- Study the laws regarding personal rights and make sure you VOTE to support the legislation you believe in.
- Vote- We are blessed to live in a country where every vote DOES count. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Make sure you are at the polls every election day and stay informed on the issues.
- Smile only when you mean it- Putting on a happy face when there are horrors going on around us is in no way helpful. We need to be honest with our feelings and let those who are abusive know that we do not condone their behaviors.
- Trust your gut- We all have a sense of right and wrong. If your gut is twisting and you feel something is wrong, act on it. Speak to someone about it. That feeling was given to you for a reason!
- Do what's right, not what's easy- It's often quite difficult to do the right thing in a given situation, but do it anyway. It's easier for all of us to stand back and look away at the destruction of individual's rights, but it is in our own interests to exert effort to thwart domestic violence. Again... Do what's right, not what's easy.
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National Coalition Against Domestic Violence
National Domestic Violence Hotline:
1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
1-800-787-3224 (TDD)
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