thoughts and such
I was shocked today when...
Paying Attention
The other night, my dad asked me about me skipping school thursday. I realize that i forgot to mention that rick and i didn't go straight from school to home. First, we went to JobLink. We spent over an hour there, looking over all the available jobs posted. We wrote down a few, but didn't see many second-shift part-time jobs at all. I saw that Priscilla's is hiring, so we went by there and i picked up an application but i'm not sure i want to work there..considering. heh. We also set up an appointment to come back and talk to some job consultant woman and such.
So today we came back for our appointment. The lady was nice, and i got two phone numbers for a couple of child care jobs. Rick and I wrote up resumes on some computer program, and I'm going to call on those jobs tomorrow. First i gotta go back there tomorrow to adjust my resume a little. The woman also came up with a job for rick to check out. She told us that she had very few second-shift openings ever come up.
Afterwards, we went grocery shopping and got a few "essentials:" milk, Italian Ice, pizza, and some other stuff pregnant women need.
I made cookies once we got home, but burned them a little. I'm not too disappointed though, because my cheesecake i made a couple days ago turned out pretty good. seriously. We had pizza before the cookies, played a little Starwars Battlefront, and now i'm updating my diary. Rick is gone to work. I also added a couple of new tests to the test page that i thought were cute.
I turned in my descriptive narrative today. I've already assumed that i failed, because i'm a terrible writer. The baby must be just as nervous, because she's been kicking all day long. Maybe not kicking, maybe just wiggling, i dunno, but she's moving SO much! it's incredible.almost annoying, but not quite. interesting, i guess. new.
Last night, when i was putting the finishing touches on my paper, i was sitting in the upstairs living room with the tv on. I didn't have any clue what was on tv, however, it was just still on from something i had been watching earlier and i was engrossed in my paper. my dad came up here from the basement, to grab a beer or something i guess, and it wasn't until he was standing up here for a moment that i realized what was on the tv: some kind of sex. I didn't expect anything like that to come on, because it was on FX and i figured it had the same stuff as most channels and wouldn't have anything like that. I was pretty embarassed.
Back to today. I was trying to notice things around the school today. Just take in details, you know? I saw things I don't think i would normally catch. Like a pair of asian girls praying together in the hallway. A very pretty gay (or metrosexual?) guy walking in front of me with
a nice book satchel. An older man resting on a bench, tired from still needing to be a student in his past-ripe age. People I recognize as being from my elementary or middle school. A corkboard plastered with flyers from desperate students trying to get people to buy the books they don't need anymore. Then I saw Rick standing there by my math class, waiting on me. This was a nice surprise, because I hadn't expected to see him until after math.
Well, I suppose that is enough for now. I need to call Myfawny and tell her why I can't go with her to Yoga. I just don't want to go back yet, after what happened Friday. Maybe I'll go Wednesday, but I doubt I'll make it a twice-a-week thing. I hope everyone reading this is enjoying life.
Finally!
It's finally snowing like "they" said it would. The flakes are pretty big, and it's starting to get thick and built up outside, which is nice. It's starting to look very pretty outside. I doubt this will effect school on Monday, but i hope it does. I really do. I'm just not ready to turn my paper in, and I wont be able to print it off if we aren't able to go anywhere this weekend. Our printer here doesn't work, so. *sigh*
Caiti came over yesterday. She didn't stay the night, but she stayed till about 11:30. We were supposed to go out and do something, but I started having pains around 1:30. I called the gyno and the nurse told me to take a bath and stay off my feet, so caiti brought some movies over for us to watch instead. We watched a dubbed French movie called Am�lie and a movie called Marilyn, about Marilyn Monroe of course. The Am�lie movie was great. Maybe my new favorite movie. We didn't get to finish the Marilyn movie so i'm gonna finish watching it today.
Not much else has happened for me to write about, since it's still early. Hope everyone is having a nice weekend.
I forgot to mention.
I titled yesterday's post as being about caiti
and baby, but then forgot to mention baby *slaps wrist*. Wednesday night, for the first time, i was able to feel baby kicking
from the outside. I was lying in bed with rick, and i grabbed his hand and had him to feel it. you can imagine how excited he was, feeling his baby move for the first time. simply incredible. and i was really excited yesterday about telling you guys, and then i forgot. i feel terrible.
Not to mention i am in pain right now. i am supposed to call the nurse back in an hour if i don't feel better. i'm having pains where baby is, and we don't have any tylenol, which the nurse said to take along with a warm bath. we don't have a bathtub either, so i shower will have to do. at least baby is still kicking, so i know it's ok. anyway, just wanted to let you know about the new baby thing.
Caiti! and Baby!
I'll start from the last entry.
I had a great time with myfawny yesterday. Yoga was better than i had anticipated. I was able to do most of the yoga moves, but sat a few out for the baby's sake. i couldn't do any that worked or stretched my ab muscles. it was very relaxing. i talked rick into doing it with me next time. we're going to try and start going to the Y every day, or most days at least.
Today was a lot of fun. Religion class went well; I found out that I made a 93 on the test. I was right; I missed those definitions i thought i had missed. well, actually, i got one of them partially right with just a minus 1 on it (i went ahead and guessed them just in case), but i missed the other two. Dualism and Ainu of Japan. I felt really good about myself, knowing i did well. you can imagine.
Rick and i left school after he got out of his first class, skipping the rest of today's classes. we went home, and got ready to do yoga, but napped instead. i would feel bad, except that i know everything in math class, and i'm ahead of schedule in drafting. week 3's work isn't due till next thursday, and i'm done with it. so yeah.
Caiti and I went to the Y today, which was fun again. We went to a different one than the one i went to with muffin. We went to the bigger one. we worked out on the bikes and the step machines. i don't know what those are called. i only worked out for 5 minutes at a time when i did, because i didn't want to get my heart rate up or anything that would hurt the baby. so caiti did a bit more than i. It was great hanging out with her. She's staying the night tomorrow, which is bound to be fun. we're supposed to see a movie or something. i durno, but i'm excited.
anyway, i gotta work on my english paper some more, so see ya later. hope everyone else is having a good life. lots of love to justin and caiti, and some others.
Muffin!
Myfawny (aka muffin) is gonna pick me up in a few hours for us to go do yoga together at the Y. i'm gonna take a nap for a little bit. I'll post yesterday's entry when i get home from the Y, unless rick and i leave when i get home to go to mom's house. rick's gonna be here playing miniatures games with Tyler and teaching him to play Warhammer 40K. funstuff. just thought i'd update. oh, and caiti and i are going to the Y tomorrow for stuff too. fun fun. not to mention caiti is going to stay the night w/me friday. i can't wait! *huggles her* have a great day
I Finally Typed It Up
I wrote this while at CVCC. Today is the 27th, but i've been too busy to update. so here it is now. enjoy.
I just got here to the Student Center. It takes me 10 minutes to walk here from religion class. The walk here was somewhat painful since today I'm carrying that bookbag i complained to you about before.
*pause*
Myfawny and Tyler just visited me! I haven't seen them in a few weeks. I got Tyler's number for Rick. He says he bought a tank for warhammer yesterday and he's trying to build up an arm so he can play with rick. Myfawny wants me to start doing yoga at the Y with her. Sounds fun yet painful. We'll see. She says the classes are monday and wednesday. i'm already looking into doing water aerobics on tuesdays and thursdays, so it looks like i'm going to get into shape! By "get into shape," i don't mean lose weight. i mean be able to go up some stairs without getting out of breath.
So the walk here was painful, but it was also nice, because the bells in the clock tower were playing some beautiful song. i can't remember the name of it, but i think it was a song about Bethlehem. I had my first test in religion class today.
*pause again*
There is an obnoxiously loud group of people in here making it hard to think. I don't know if it makes a difference, but they're all black (they always all sit together for some reason). I'm not racist, I just don't think it's necessary. No one else in here is that loud. Everyone else in here is talking quietly, studying, resting, or doing homework or something, and they're over in their corner yelling, laughing, clapping, stomping, and such. Anyway.
So about that test. 10 3-point definitions and 2 essay questions, from a choice of 3. I was second-from-last to finish because i wrote 2 pages. No one else seemed to write taht much. Hopefully the effort paid off. I'm usually one of the last to finish and I usually make the best or one of the best grades. I was unusre about 3 of the definitions, though. The were dualism, pantheism, and Ainu of Japan. I think I made a B at least. I hope.
Now I'm waiting on Rick to get out of class. I only have about 6 minutes left of waiting. Then i have math and then drafting. Jeeze, those people are so loud! Now they're over there pretending to be retarded, literally. wtf?
I'm home now. Myfawny and Tyler came over, which was fun. Tyler and Rick played Heroclix, and Rick taught Tyler some stuff about Warhammer 40k. Tyler is building together an army of Eldar, which is what i am also wanting to play. Muffin and i just messed around on the internet and caught up on stuff. we also set up for her to pick me up tomorrow to go do yoga at the Y. well anywho, that's enough for now. see ya.
Eat, Sleep, and Be Merry
Today went pretty smooth. I got a 100 in english for turning in my draft, and a 94 on the math test i took friday. We went to a chinese buffet for lunch, which was cheap and pretty good. most importantly, it had sesame chicken. lots of other good stuff too, but that's what i wanted the most. i slept from about 3:30 to 7 tonight. for dinner so far, i've had two slices of birthday cake and a slice of strawberry cheesecake. this is the second time i've written this entry, because the first time something messed up and i lost it.
I also wanted to mention the new series NUMB3RS, which comes on CBS. rick and i watched it last night, and i LOVED it. so, beside CSI, it's my new favorite tv show. I'm not sure what times it comes on or whatever, but i know that it is going to be on Friday. Oh yeah, and last night rick and i hung out with his parents. we ordered Pizza Hug (my favorite) and watched Resident Evil: Apocalypse. it was pretty good. well, that's all for now!
An Actual Entry
Let's see... update...
Today is my dad's birthday, which is cool. it's also "supposed" to snow today, but i don't really have a whole lot of faith in that. at least today is saturday, which is nice. for the first time in a while, i find myself at a loss of words for what to write in my diary. i must be all worded out from yesterday, lol. hmm, the baby is moving a LOT more lately, which is awesome. yesterday's post, the rough draft, is all about going to the doctor tuesday, so i guess i dun need to tell you about that.
we had fun going out to eat with my mom for her birthday. we ate at Kobe, and it was me, rick, mom & conway, my three sisters, conway's mother, brother, nephew, and sister-in-law. i had teriyaki chicken, as usual. that's what i always get when we go out for japanese. my favorite. i didn't finish my meal, however, because i didn't feel well. pregnancy stuff, i guess, or maybe not. i didn't go to school wednesday because i still didn't feel good. i found out thursday that my mom had to pick up one of my sisters from school wednesday because she felt sick too.
thursday was alright. my mom picked me up from school and we took my grandma to get her glasses fixed. we then went to grandma's house, i worked on math homework, and mom made us fried balogna sandwiches, which were great. i also had fun in general because i got to hang out with emily. after a bit, she took me back to school in time to meet rick and go home with him. rick and i hung out at the house for a little bit, then met mom and her friend tonya at the YMCA. rick and i babysat emily there while mom and tonya did some kind of exercise or yoga program for women. well, i watched emily for about 15 minutes first while rick worked out on one of the bicycle things, then he came out and we sat for a while. after a bit, we went and walked around the indoor track, then it was time for mom's class to be over so we went to the lobby and met mom there. emily was a lot of fun. i think she's starting to enter the terrible two's, but she's still sweet. we came home in time to eat hot dogs with my dad and other two sisters.
i don't really remember yesterday much. we didn't have classes for long, we were out by 10:30. we hung out at the house for a bit, napping mostly, and rick had to go to work at 6. i wrote that paper, talked online a bit, didn't do much else. all in all, things are going pretty good. i can't say that i'm going through a rough time or that things are bad at all. i do miss my friend tom, who seems to be drifting apart from me, but i guess that's life and growing up. at least i still have caiti around, and justin.
hope things are going well for everyone that reads this, and even those who dont.
Rough Draft
just gonna post what i have so far of my rough draft for my first english paper. check it out. i don't care if you think it needs editing, because i already know that it does. duh, it's a rough draft.
We were a couple minutes late, and i didn't even need to check in with the desk girl because she recognized me immediately. she directed me to sit down and my husband, Rick, followed me to a couch at the back end of the waiting room. i picked up some pregnancy magazine, and bugged rick every couple seconds to look at some cute baby or toy or pregnant woman. he'd look, feign enthusiasm, and then go back to his sports magazine. the waiting room smelled like all waiting rooms, was colored the same, and had the same waiting music. a pregnant woman walked in that seemed to be pregnant everywhere on her body. i pointed her out to my husband, he looked up briefly, then back to his magazine, then back up as he realized what i was pointing out. yes, i can be cruel at the expense of others, but everyone is, even if they aren't open about it. i wiggled on the seat, anxious to go back and have the nurse weigh me, to have my blood pressure taken, to pee in the cup, and do all the things you do at the gyno before you go back to the room where the doc sees you. the receptionist called me to the front, and asked if i remembered to bring my medicaid card. i got it out of my purse, signed it, and handed it to her for her to make a copy. she gave it back to me, and i sat down. soon after that, a nurse opened the door leading into the inner parts of the building, peaked around the door, and called my name. i jumped up, and went with her. she weighed me in at about 128 pounds, which is about 10 pounds more than i originally weighed 19 weeks ago. the nurse, i think her name is nancy, led me over to a chair built in to the wall and checked my pulse. i was a little nervous because she was checking it on my left arm, which still has old cutting scars on it. the day i was there, it had been a year and 5 days since i cut those. that was the last time i cut. i quit worrying about her noticing them when i saw the mole on the nurse's arm, the one she was holding the pulse thing with. it was large, about the size of a half-dollar, and very hairy. the hairs were dark and long, and quite interesting. she told me my pulse, said it was good, and then told me to go pee for her. i did this, and she told me it was time for me to go into the room where you wait for the doctor. i asked her if i could go get my husband, and she told me i could. i went and got him and led him into the room, where we were left alone to wait.
the room was like every other individual waiting room. the temperature was cool, enough to give you goose pimples during the times when all they would let you wear is a paper thing that leaves your butt out in the open for anyone to see. i sat on the cushined table, which was lined with paper, as usual. it crinkled beneath me as i squirmed into a comfy position for waiting. those doctors will make you wait forever, wont they? my husband looked around, having never been back in the room with me at the gynocologist before. he looked at the "stirrups," and asked me about them. i put my feet in them, and pointed to the short stool the doctor sits in, and laid back and showed him what the stirrups were for, and how i had to lay, and pointed out a few various objects on a table and told him about them. he seemed intrigued, and at the same time glad that he would never have to go through quite the same thing. i looked at the picture on the wall next to me. it was a large, colorful work, with lots of things from fairy tales in it, like a moon with a face, a castle, a giant, and different things of the fantastical nature. i looked at it with some interest, because i was used to being in a different room everytime that had a different piece of art, but of the same artist. that one had different houses, like a dog house, a tree house, a house call, a sick house, etc. very amusing. my usual doctor was out, which is why i was in a different room. i looked up at the ceiling and noticed a fake humming bird hanging from one of the tiles by the vent. it swayed slightly from the draft of hair flowing from the vent. i noticed the floral wallpaper, and wondered if the doctors ever got tired of the same thing. every doctors office you will ever go to will have the same type of wallpaper, floor tile, and ceiling. a plaque hanging on the wall declared the doctor a graduate of some fance college. rick noticed the soap on the sink, Softsoap brand or something, and laughed about it being the same kind of hand soap his mother buys. he continued to peruse the different phamplets and investigate this and that, but i was uninterested in those things as they are in all of these waiting rooms.
he was an older man that i haven't seen before, with an interesting last name. he was cordial, asked me if i'd had any problems and if i'd been feeling alright. i answered his questions, told him how things were lately. he had me to lay down on the table. the paper protested at being wrinkled further, and i enjoyed the sound. it's silly, the little things i enjoy about going to the doctor, but the noisy table paper is one of them. i pulled my shirt up and exposed my belly, vulnerable as ever in one of these rooms. rick stood by the counter and watched from there. the doctor pulled out a small measuring tape. i think it may have been a Stanley PowerLock 10', because it looked like my husbands. my husband looked on and mouthed "i love you" to me. i was too giddy to say anything back. the doctor measured my belly first from my left side to my right, and then from my naval to my pelvic bone. he never said the measurements aloud, and i didn't think to ask. i grew more excited because i knew what was coming next. like afore mentioned, my husband had never been back in the room with me before, so he didn't know to be anxious. the doctor grabbed his listening-thing and put it around his neck. then it hit, the cold! it surprised me as always, the jelly. he smeared it on my belly, then put one part of the thing against my belly. static and jumbles, and then, swoosh-swoosh-swoosh-swoosh, there it was! a sigh of relief escaped me, as it was very reassuring to hear that little heartbeat once again. my own heartbeat was also audible, but i didn't care. i motioned for my husband to come closer and hold my hand. he was grinning from ear to ear, and i'm sure i was too. swoosh-swoosh-swoosh-swoosh it continued, our baby's way of telling us that she's fine and dandy. i was so proud of her, foolishly, as if she were making it beat herself and it wasn't part of a natural process. but how could i not be pleased? the doctor moved the thing around slightly, and i was immediately aggrivated by the pause in sound, but then we could hear her again. it was simply amazing. almost as enjoyable was the expression on my husband's face, for he hadn't heard that sound in 8 weeks. the euphoria was soon over, as the doctor took the device away and wiped my belly with a tissue. he told us how her heartbeat was 160-couple, and how, if you play the heartbeat game, that would make the baby a girl. he also told us that that was an unreliable way of knowing, and i told him i was very willing to play that game, as a girl is what we are hoping for.
He then had rick and I follow him to his office, where he scribbled some things down and talked to us about something. I don�t remember what exactly. Rick asked him when we would get to have an ultrasound. The doctor told us that since I am still kind of small, he�d write us up for one, and to come back in four weeks for it. Hearing this was about as exciting as hearing our baby�s heartbeat. We would finally find out if we were gonna have a boy or a girl! Yes! We squeezed each other�s hand, knowing what we were both thinking. We�d been wanting to find out forever, but wouldn�t be able to until my seventh month since we couldn�t afford to just have one for finding out, and Medicaid wouldn�t cover it. But since I�m still light-weight, we would finally get to see our baby again, for the first time since the day before thanksgiving. Of course, being "underweight" is not a good thing, but it would bring something good about. the doctor also told us that we didn't need to worry about this, as everything else seemed perfectly fine and he was very sure our baby was positively healthy. We walked out to the lobby to check out. both of us excited as ever.
The receptionist gave us a time to come in, but we couldn�t then because of school. She gave us another time, the day after valentine�s day, which was perfect. What a sweet gift! To get to see our baby again, and how much she�s grown! Of course, I�m still assuming it�s going to be a female, because that�s what I would prefer. But I�ll love any baby of ours, male or female. I am hoping more for a happy, healthy baby than a baby of a certain sex, and rick hopes for the same.
Lots to read
my dearest caiti wrote the sweetest things about me in her xanga today. i feel soooooo loved *swoon*. she really is awesome, and i am finding out how much i love her more and more. i'm going crazy with love, lately. it feels amazing.
i finally appreciate rick better than ever. i think for a while i was afraid.. afraid of him, of being commited, of being the matron of a new family. but now our relationship is very comfortable. he doesn't get jealous anymore. he doesn't care who i talk to online, or anything. and it's not a "do whatever the heck you want" kind of attitude, but an attitude of trust. and i have the same attitude towards him. we're both growing up, and maturing together. it's great. i'm feeling things i've never felt before. i actually adore rick. i mean, i really do. i love how hard he is working for this family we're building. he hates his job with everything in him, but he keeps going and trying to get extra hours so we can live a little better. he's got us on food stamps and medicaid, pays for us to be on the internet, drives me places i want to go, and he's teaching me to drive. i can tell he loves me. it really showes when he looks at me. i hope i can make him feel as good. i try to show him; try to tell him nice things and do his laundry just right, get the stain out of his pants (i actually ended up rubbing it off onto my pj's), making him cornbread (his favorite), giving him alone time for videogames or reading, stuff like that.
as for caiti, i'm crazy about her too. she has really been the best friend i could ever have. i've never had a friends as wonderful as her, or loved a girl as much as i love her. i'm so glad i live close to her again. getting to see her is like, i dunno, indescribeable. it makes me feel great. i love getting to hug her and hold her hand and kiss her again. there are so many wonderful things about her. to name a few of my favorites, i love how terribly honest she is. i love how she will tell me exactly how she feels, without beating around the bush or leaving room for error. she knows that this is the best way for us to fix anything that comes up. i love how she gives me straight advice, regardless of whether my feelings may get hurt, because she knows i need to hear the truth. i love when we hold hands or just sit near each other and don't say anything, just enjoy each other's company. this is what having a best friend is all about. i love you caiti!
{4:56pm}
we had a decent time at rick's mom's house. we watched the movie Troy, which was pretty good. it's the only time i've ever seen Brad Pitt (is that who it was?) as attractive, and that was only because of his hair. i love shaggy hair on guys. not dirty hair, mind you. clean and shaggy. anywho. nothing really happened while we were done there. church was ok. his mom gave a talk, and then 3 girls sang together, and then a man gave a talk and that part of church was over. we never stay for the sunday school and what-not. just the 11am-12pm service.
Speaking of sevice, i have been listening to The Postal Service a lot lately. they remind me a little of Hellogoodbye. mostly, lately, i have been listening to The Postal Service, Hellogoodbye, and Weezer. ah, just found out from justin that it is supposed to snow saturday. he showed me on
this link. that's pretty cool. but like i was saying about the music, i've been listening to these bands a lot lately. they make me feel good. i especially listen to them while working on math. it makes the time go by faster. i also like listening to them while doing laundry. in fact, i never do laundry without listening to them. they make me feel less lonely, since rick is usually at work when we aren't at school.
tomorrow is my mom's birthday, which is cool. she's going to be 36. my dad's birthday is saturday, he's 5 years older. i go back to the gyno tomorrow, rick and i will prolly get to hear the baby's heartbeat again, which is awesome. i can't wait. that is at 3:30. later, we're going out with my mom, step-dad, and sisters for dinner. that should be nice. tomorrow should be a good day. not to mention i have religion class and drafting tomorrow, and i love those classes.
well, i think i meant to write about something else, but i can't remember what right now. if i think of it, i'll come back and let you know later. hope everything is going well for you.
Don't worry, this one really is short
Not much to say, since i haven't really done anything today (it's 11:42 and i'm still in bed). Just thought i'd write a quick thing or two.
i got my first assignment (besides reading) in english class. i have to write a narrative. it has to be at least 500 words long, be written in first or third person, and be about something that took place within 3-5 minutes. i'm not real worried about this one. i mean, i'm not a fantastic writer, but i'm sure i'll be able to reach the 500 mark on words (i mean, look at these diary entries!), and i know what i want to write about. i hope to at least get a B on it.
the other thing is that rick and i are staying the night in SC tonight. his moms birthday was a couple days ago, so. we're going to leave around 4 (after he gets off of work), and we're going to their church tomorrow. it's a mormon church. yesh. i find their services boring. i mean, compared to a baptist service. because no one talks, or testifies, or sings joyously, or anything. the songs are slow and sad-sounding, different people who were assigned lessons go to the front and talk. they pass out bread and water in these tiny
tiny cups. i never take part in that, i just pass the tray on down the line. the mormons are nice people, but not something i want to be a huge part of. i'm married to one, that's enough for me.
Caitikins
wow, i just realized that it is tomorrow already. i would have gone to bed earlier but i was trying to stay awake with rick while he does his homework. he just got home from work a little bit ago, and he didn't have time to do it after school b/c we went grocery shopping on the way home, and by the time we got home he had to get ready to leave. anyway.
i'm gonna keep this short since i usually bore everyone with lots of details about school and all. the only thing "big" that happened in school today is that i changed to a closer math class, so now i don't have to walk all over campus. it's right down the hall from my english class, and in a building close to my other two TTh classes. *thinks* nothing else really happened. i got about 3/4 of next weeks work for drafting class done, which is cool. this means i can leave as soon as the teacher quits lecturing, which is usually by 11:30. on the other hand, rick changed his classes and now he has a class from 12:30 - 2:30. so i can go hang out in the cafeteria or just stay in drafting and work on the assignment of the coming weeks. i'll be done with the semester by week 6, it seems. just kidding, i'm sure the assignments will get harder as we go further, so they'll take longer, but you get the idea.
*remembers to keep it short* anyway, i just wanted to update quickly. i had a great time hanging out with caiti today, the weather was horrible but we still had fun. we went to the mall, looked at baby clothes in a few stores, went to Hot Topic, called Tom, and then left. we went to Chien's Chinese buffet, which was pretty good. i've never been there before tonight. we went to another store, and then came back here and looked at my Ann Geddes/Celine Dion CD, which was sweet. then she left b/c she had homework to do and i needed to read for english and i wanted to go to bed. however, i ended up staying up b/c i was worried that rick was not ok in the terrible weather we had tonight. after i finish this, i'm going to bed. well, i'm already in bed, but you know.
one last thing: yesterday (1/13/5) marked one year since the last time i cut. i'm pretty proud of myself. i've been thinking about it lately... i don't mean to offend any of my friends or anyone that may cut or may have in the past, but it really was terribly stupid. there's nothing smart about cutting. it's immature. it's worse when the people who do it are your friends. because then it's like they're saying "our friendship isn't good enough to make me appreciate you more than doing this for more of your attention and not just enjoying what a good time we could be having together otherwise." really. it's like you're using your friends for attention, and insulting your friendship by acting like it's not enough to make you feel good or happy. i'm so embarrassed that i used to cut that it's not even funny. i haven't talked to rick about this. i jsut can't quit thinking "what was i thinking? what was i trying to prove?" Then i think about how at the time, it seemed momentous and important and all. it seemed that way. but really, cutting is dumb and not the way to fix whatever problems you may think you have.
this baby has really made me figure out what is important and laugh at the things i used to think were important. or maybe i'd be growing up even without the baby, and i'm just maturing. jeeze, if i could just show a couple of my friends how it truely is. not caiti or justin or tom, they know reality. but a couple of my younger friends seem to be going through that crap where everything seems so important, like impressing that girl, or looking cute, or having the right jeans, or whatever. yeah, this is supposed to stay short and simple, sorry. goodnight, hope you stayed safe during this crappy rain and such.
Sometimes I let Word spellcheck for me
I would have written last night, but Rick accidentally messed the laptop up and I didn't want to get on the other computer. He was using Partition Magic to partition the laptop so he could put Linux on it (for his Operating Systems class) but somehow the partition table got messed up.
Yesterday went pretty well. I had world religion, then algebra, then drafting. I really like the religion class so far, and drafting is cool too. Algebra is algebra. The only problem with my TTh classes is how far apart they are. religion class is on one side of the campus, and then algebra is on the opposite side, and drafting is over by religion. The walking back & forth wouldn't be so terrible if my book satchel wasn't so heavy. It's the kind that has just one strap for hanging it on one shoulder or the other, and it weighs 23 pounds with my TTh books & things in it. I weighed it when i got home because I'm not supposed to carry over 10-20 pounds.
I learned a lot in religion class even though it was just the first day, like that there are over 10,000 denominations of Christianity, and that I am an axiologist. I am excited to be in this class because it is one in which you can express your ideas and hear other peoples' opinions, instead of just listening to the teacher. I also look forward to learning about Buddhism (sp), Islam, and other major religions I don't know much about.
Drafting was also awesome. I was late for class, but it was ok since it was the first day. There are only 2 girls in the class including myself. After opening the AutoCad2004 program, I went ahead and did all of this week's work, because I had already aced drafting class second semester of senior year, and I still know all the AutoCAD stuff. I was done when everyone else was starting the first or second exercise. I thought that was cool. I sit next to a cute guy that smells like Abercrombie or a gay man. I had to help him a lot because he didn't know much (anything) about it. I'm really glad I know what I�m doing so that the guys won�t think I�m a baby that everyone has to wait on.
As for algebra; well, it's really really lame. Not lame as in "I hate math it sucks" but as in I know everything we are going to "learn" this semester and I have no clue how I placed into this class and not a different one. I�m going to drop it and change it with another class tomorrow. So I won't say much more on that, because it aggravates me so much.
Today was pretty sweet. English was cool, we had a quiz and then talked about Old, Middle, and Contemporary English. Algebra was lame, as I said. After algebra I went to the cafeteria/student hangout place and sat with Natasha and some other pregnant girl. This girl is as far as me (about a week behind me) but a bit bigger. She pissed me off because she left to go smoke. I let her know what I thought about that. Then something nice happened. I saw my ex boyfriend Austin. This was awesome, because I haven't seen him in foreffingever. He�s still just as sweet as ever. I was shocked to see him because last I heard he was going to Brevard, but here he was! Such a cutie. We didn't get to catch up much because Rick showed up (his class doesn't get out till 30 minutes after mine does) and we left to take care of some stuff for him. He�s dropping and changing a class too.
After school we went to a gas station to get some gas. The station also had a Subway, so we went ahead and ate lunch. Then we went to Best Buy and dropped his computer off to get fixed. We looked at book bags, and I saw one I�m gonna get. It�s $90, but we get it for $42. Pretty sweet, I know. We�re gonna pick his laptop up tonight after we go to my moms to hang out and eat dinner. we don�t really have the spare cash right now, though, so Rick is gonna let me use his book bag (it rolls) and he'll use mine until we can get it. I thought this was really sweet.
Well, I see that I�m starting to write a LOT lately, so I�ll go ahead and end this. I hope everyone else is having a good time at school. I'm gonna go catch up on some reading for English class.
first day of school
Today was a great first day of school. Rick was a few minutes late for his 8am class, but I was fine because my class didn't start until 9. so i went to english, and it was alright. i was glad to at least find it by myself. the class is only 50 minutes long. after class, i found rick and he showed me where my second class is. it is Algebra, and it is only 50 minutes long too. That's not so bad, but it is an every day class, as opposed to all my other classes either being Monday/Wednesday/Friday or Tuesday/Thursday classes.
I was late for algebra since it took a minute to find Ricky and then it is a good walk from where we met (near my english class) to the building algebra is in, and then i wasn't sure where the room was. The teacher wasn't upset though, which made me happy. I can really be a teacher's pet, and if they don't want a pet, i still strive to impress them. unless they come off as snobs. then i don't really care. but if they seem to REALLY be interested in teaching you something and wanting you to learn, i want to be great. anyway.
After that class, i went and talked to Mrs. Biggs for a while. she really is awesome. she's helped me get my scholarship even though things were screwed up (not on my account. i wont go into detail though). we get along great. i wanted to talk to her because, since rick and i have been busy, i haven't had a chance to tell her yet that we're expecting. she was thrilled. we talked for a while, and then i left because i wanted to be in time to meet rick.
Rick's class ends 30 minutes after mine, and when i left Biggs' room, i wasn't sure what time it was. i still had 10 more minutes. i went to the place we had decided to meet at, and saw a guy i haven't seen in foreffing ever. his name is wesley. we chatted for a bit till rick showed up, then i said goodbye and rick and i went to the bookstore. there was a line for going in, and a policewoman was letting only one or two in at a time "every so often." while waiting, Mrs. Biggs walked up to us (we were also standing next to the women's restroom) because she was heading to the bathroom and i waved to her. She said "hey daddy" to rick and she told us a joke and then went to do her thing. we made it into the store before she came out. we got about $40 worth of school supplies (using my scholarship). Then we went to Best Buy to get ricky a bookbag. He got this Samsonite "Mobile Office." It normally would cost $104 but rick got it for $52 since he works there. The bag/suitcase really is awesome. After that, we left for Office Depot to get rick a daily planner, because the school store was out of daily ones. We also got some pencils and a box of Tic Tac Silvers. they're yummy.
Now we're home. i set rick's bookbag up with his supplies and books for tomorrow. he can put his laptop in it in the morning. i also got my pocketbook set up to carry my stuff in. i feel a lot better now because i haven't cleaned out my pocketbook in a couple of weeks and it had accumulated several gum wrappers and scraps that needed to be trashed. I also got rid of some other things, and rearranged some things. it's a deal lighter now because i took out this heavy puter calender i have. it's neato. i can't explain it to you well, but i'll tell you that it's good for about 65 years. it's round and you turn a dial to match up a year with a month and it'll give you the calendar for the month & year you want. it's in my bookbag now.
I have some algebra homework to work on, so i guess i'll get started on that. PS my boobs leaked last night. yeah, pregnancy info.
driving
The Charlotte Checkers beat the Florida Everblades 5 - 4. It came to a deathmatch (Sudden Death), b/c we were still 4 - 4 to the end, and Charlotte scored the last point in the last 30 seconds of the death match (5 minutes). I had a blast. I've never been to a hockey game before, but i definately want to go back :). especially at only $5 per seat (balcony seats). The view was great, so i'm glad we can get the tickets that cheap. i can't wait to tell ricky about it. he's still at work. okidoke, gotta finish some laundry. see ya. oh, my bestest
frances has a site now. check it out, yo.
{1:32pm}
yesterday wasn't too busy. rick and i woke up late as usual. we went to Sams and i bought the Celine Dion & Anne Geddes Miracle book. it's real sweet. lots of pictures of babies. Sams had it the cheapest of all places: $33.94. here are some of the pics from the book:
after Sams, we went to CVCC to get a few more supplies for school since it starts monday, but they were closed. they closed at 4:30 and it was 4:45. pffft. I don't really need much, i have a pencil and i can find a notebook somewhere around here for monday, and then get stuff after school or during break. i shouldn't have to write too much down anyway, just a few notes on stuff to bring or what-not. i'm excited about going. two more days!
anywho. rick took me out driving again yesterday. we practiced in this huge church parkinglot. it was pretty fun. i am getting better at turning fast enough. rick's power steering doesn't work, so it's hard to turn the wheel quickly. also, even at 5'7", i'm not tall enough to see over the back of the car when i need to check behind me or anything. he showed me how to do a three-point-turn and all. we practiced only for about 30 minutes, then went home b/c it was getting late and rick needed to get a shower and eat before he went off to work. i'm learning about being married. like getting out of bed at 12:30 (after midnight) to make chili and cornbread, and ricky getting out of bed around 1:30 when we're alread settled in and turning the light on and searching the room for my favorite pillow. it's nice.
rick and i are going bike riding in a few. well, i'm gonna rollarblade, and he'll ride the bike. then he's gonna take my sister and i over to my mom's house (my sisters live there) and i'm going with my mom, stepdad, and sisters to a hockey game in Charlotte. i wish ricky could go, but he's gotta work tonight. At least he gets tuesday off, and he doesn't work Sundays or Wednesdays. Right now i'm sitting at the kitchen table with rick and my sisters. we're playing Sorry Card Revenge. it's pretty fun. actually, my sisters are the ones playing, i'm just helping holly out and rick is helping steph. good stuff. anywho, the games over, so rick and i are going to play now. later.
from my xanga
I'm getting pretty excited about school. I'm such a recluse, i swear. i pretty much only talk to people online. the only person i really have contact with is rick. occasionally i see caiti at Media Play. sometimes i'll say hello to my dad when he comes home from work, but then i go to my room and get online and he goes to the den and watches football or Everybody Loves Raymond or something like that. so what i'm getting at is, i can't wait for the social integration that comes with attending school.
YAY i am talking to caiti online (heh) and i just found out something really happy! yay for caitikins. *snuggles & kisses*
so anywho, not much else to say, except that i felt the baby move again today, which was awesome. i'm also starting to realize that i use the word "awesome" a lot, which kind of bothers me. however, everything does seem awesome to me. everything is going great. everything is awesome. i feel really good right now, other than this headache. but headaches come with pregnancy, and i'm willing to deal with it. i am 17 weeks pregnant now. yay!
OH, i also want to mention that i finished reading
The Fuck-Up, and that it was really awesome. i could hardly put it down.
school
Got my books for school yesterday, rick's books plus my books cost over $700 together. luckily mine (around $200) were covered by my scholarship and rick's (about $500) were covered by his pell grant. yay. my schedule looks like this:
| English | 9 - 9:50 | MWF |
| Algebra | 10 - 10:50 | MWF |
| Religion | 8 - 9:20 | TTH |
| Algebra | 10 - 10:50 | TTH |
| Drafting | 11 - 1:20 | TTH |
not gonna say much else right now, other than if you haven't seen the
world on fire video by Sarah MacLachlin yet, go ahead and check it out. it loads slow, but i think it's worth it. see ya.
jobhunting, driving, and school
so yesterday rick and i went out jobhunting. he got two applications; one for a computer place and one for a video game store. i got 5; Cato's, Media Play, Barnes & Noble, McGuffy's, and some italian restaurant. I filled them out last night at my mom's house (rick and i went there for dinner) and forgot them there, so we are gonna meet her today to get them. We also have to meet her b/c i need a letter from her to CVCC (the community college i'm going to) saying how much she spent on me in 2003. We also had to get one from rick's dad. it's total crap.
CVCC (or at least the woman we spoke to working there yesterday) says that they will or will not give us the pell grant based on how much money we got from our parents in 2003.
Back when we were dependants, not married, and not expecting a baby. It's so stupid. So that means if rick's dad spent plenty of money on him then, it'll effect now. Now we're on foodstamps, WIC, and Medicaid. There's a huge-ass difference in our financial status. We tried to talk to her about that, and she says it doesn't matter, b/c they base it on the previous year. Rick said "so if my dad spent money on me 2 years ago, it'll effect if we get money now?" and the woman says back "well, it's only the beginning of 2005, so it's not technically 2 years ago." so we have to deal with that crap. anyway, school starts monday the 10th.
today rick is gonna take me driving. i mean, he's gonna take me out to practice driving. i'm 18 and i still don't have a permit or license, b/c i never took driver's ed. well, i did take it, but didn't stay in it. so we're going out to practice today, so i can work on getting good at it and get my license. this will be interesting.
well i guess that's enough of an update for now. oh, i would like to mention the book
The Fuck-up that caiti got me. it's awesome. it's by Arthur Hersesian. it's written in the same sort of style as
The Perks Of Being A Wallflower, or
Catcher In The Rye. i'm in chapter 5 of about 19. it really is a "page-turner." i've also heard of these books being called "gen-x-y." i'm sorry to say i'm not sure what that means, but i guess it fits. anywho, like i said, that's enough for now.
i felt it!
I felt the baby move tonight! i felt it move when rick and i were at Golden Corral with his brothers, mother, and stepdad-type. we had just sat down and were gonna grab our plates to go eat, and i felt the baby move. it was awesome. i haven't noticed it move since, but i guess it isn't big enough to make many obvious moves yet.
so. today i went to JC Penny's to buy a couple more bras and a pair of jeans, since i've outgrown mine. i only have about 3 jeans that fit me (i think i've already told you this), so i wanted to get at least one more pair so i don't have to keep wearing dirty jeans. yuck. so, i'm in JCPenny's and i have $20 left on my gift card, which is fine b/c a lot of the jeans are on sale for $14.99 or $18.99, and those are %20 off on top of that. but you know what? none of the pants are stretchy enough to give me enough room to grow a little except for 2 different kinds. one of them has seams that are a weird purple color, and they look goofy b/c of that. then i find some really cute jeans that are stretchy, and i bring back sizes 3, 5, and 7 to see what size i need. first i tried on the size 3, and those i couldn't get up my thighs well, so i put them back on the hangar. i wasn't upset with that, b/c the jeans i'm wearing right now are size 3, and it all just depends on the brand. so i try on the size 5. those i get past my thighs fine, and have to force over my ass (i have the ass of a black chick, seriously). however, i can't bring the button to the hole, so i know i won't be able to wear these. so i try on the size 7 after that, and those go on alright, and button, and are low-riders so they don't interfere with my belly, but they aren't gonna give me any extra room in case i grow. so i send rick over to get me a size 9 (i would have got them myself, but i was still in the size 7s and didn't wanna look like i was trying to walk off with them), but they didn't have size 9. so no new jeans for me.
before that, however, i did buy some new bras. they're having a 2 for $20 sale, so go ahead and check it out. this turned out pleasing b/c i realized i'm a C cup now. awesome. i'm sure my stepdad/mom, who read up on my diary, will enjoy reading that *raspberry*
hope everyone else had a good day, mine was pretty great, even if i don't have new jeans.
