thoughts and such
I was shocked today when...
not much
not much happened today. rick and i woke up around noon. we played starwars on xbox till we got bored, then played some game on PS2 till we got bored. then we did married people stuff. then he left for work (about 4:15 or so) and i went with my mom (she came over to drop my sisters off) to hang otu with her for a while. i'm on her computer now.
when we first got here, i put in some pizza bites and we watched some news about the tsunami for a little bit. i'd heard of it, but never watched anything of it b/c it's so depressing. so i saw the videos and heard the stats for the first time, and it was all i could do to keep myself from crying. i mean, especially for the orphans and the parents who lost their children. so i've had my fill of the news again. it never fails, every time you turn the news on, something really shitty is happening. last time i saw the news, some 8 months pregnant woman got shot and robbed. she (and her baby) lived, luckily.
oh, and i heard that b/c of the tsunami/earthquake, earth is spinning 1/20th of a second faster. i wonder how many times that has happend. i mean earthquakes speeding things up. i wonder how slow earth originally was. i wonder when i'll reach the point where i never turn the news on again.
i hope everyone else is having a good day. i cant say that mine was bad. it was just..slow. i'm gonna get offa here and spend some more time w/mom before she takes me back home. later.
ps: i know i already told you about the pins and books caiti got me, but i don't think i emphasized how awesome they are. i put a ton of the harry potter pins on my pocketbook, and it looks great. they rock. plus, i started one of the books she gave me, "Brave New World." I've only read the introduction so far. but it looks good, and i've heard it is awesome. thanks caitikins!
funstuff
so, caiti and jamie came over last night; caiti and i exchanged christmas gifts. she got me some awesome books: "The Fuck-up," "The Lovely Bones," and "Brave New World." She also got me a bunch of cool Harry Potter pins for my pocketbook and stuff. awesome. we drove out to rent The Blue Lagoon, but we couldn't get it to work, so we watched an Invader Zim DVD instead, which was just as cool. then they left and rick and i went to bed. poor rick was pretty sick, and i was pretty tired. but seeing caiti was great. jamie is nice too.
today rick went to the doctor, and i slept till he got back. then we ate lunch (totino's pizza bites, you gotta try these) and went to my grandma's. we stayed there for only about 15 minutes, and then left for Gastonia. we went to Warzone where rick got a new warhammer book, and i got some new bras and panties from JC Penny (2 bras for $20 and 3 panties for $18). that was awesome, b/c my boobs aren't fitting my old bras as well, since i'm getting pregnant boobs. like you care to know.
then we went to Dairy Queen on the way home. I got a cheescake blizzard with butterscotch, oreo, and sprinkles. unfortunately, i thought the cups were just like the ones at the DQ at the mall, so i ordered a large. but this large was like, 2.5 times the size of the ones at the mall, so i didn't get too much of it down. it's in the freezer now. rick just got a milkshake.
rick is feeling better now, which is awesome. he works tomorrow and he's gonna try to work saturday morning. he says that maybe, if he feels a lot better by then, we can go rollarblading saturday night. i really wanna do this before i get too pregnant to rollarblade. because now, if i fall, it'll just hurt me and not the baby. also, i've wanted to go for a while but rick usually works on the weekend, and he doesn't work saturday or friday night b/c best buy is closed on those days, or something.
why me??
moved to
baby page.
blegh
ok, so i played starwars till i almost puked (seriously). i'm in bed now, still queasy. i should be doing laundry, but who wants to do laundry when they're pregnant sick? not millie. no. before starwars, i looked around some chatrooms. wow. it's amazing how quickly strangers will IM you wanting to cyber! no thank you.
i'm almost done reading the book my mom got me for christmas, "Belly Laughs" by Jenny McCarthy. it's so funny. and so true. did you know that most all women poop on the table while they're giving birth? i've never used or considered using an enema before, but maybe i'll make an exception so i don't make boo-boo on the table. yuck. i'm sure you're enjoying reading this.
so! i was supposed to call caiti today but rick and i slept in, and then i forgot. i hope she isn't mad at me for it. i really meant to call, but i didn't remember about it until 1:48pm and it was too late b/c she would be on her way to work then.
rick says we can register domain names soon. this is gonna rock, b/c i'm tired of being geocities.com/millimificent. i want my own site. we're gonna go ahead and get hosted and everything. awesome, eh? maybe i'll redo my whole site. i'm not sure yet. i don't really have a problem with my site, but most people have sites where the whole thing matches and has a theme. i just went around and did a different layout for each page. i sort of do want to have a mono themed site, for order and all, but i'm afraid it might be boring. so i gotta make sure the theme rocks, at least for me. if no one else likes it, i won't care too much. i just wanna make sure i'm comfy with it. i'm comfy with the one i have now, so i'm not too sure it'll change. am i going in circles?
does anyone wanna recommend a good video game emulator? go ahead. also, recommend a couple of good books, good movies, good stuff. books especially. i meant to say earlier that i'm almost done with my jenny mccarthy book, and i want a real book to read besides "XHTML" or "PHP" or "Web Designing." so help me out. recommend something like "Catcher In The Rye" or "To Kill A Mockingbird" or "Things Fall Apart."
happy holidays
so my christmas went well, i hope everyone's did. it started with rick and i driving down to meet his grandparents and uncle Ron (i think) at his grandparents' house, and we followed them on further down to Lancaster to meet at Aunt Amy's house. i don't remember her husband's name. urgh, rick's making me clean our room so i gotta go, i will finish later.
{10:54pm} ok, so this entry is about 11 hours later. anywho. we went to Aunt Amy's and exchanged gifts with rick's dad's family. i got $30 from Uncle Bill (he drew my name) and some gifts for my baby. Cousin Alecia had crocheted (knit) a pair of booties, and grandma MiMi gave me a rattle/blanket that said "If only they could stay that small" and a matching bib, and two toys that rick played with as a baby. saying that i cried the whole time wouldn't do justice. i bawled. for some reason, i cry real hard every time his grandma gives me something. i can't even remember what she gave me before, i think it was a check or cash or something, but i don't remember why either. i just remember crying really hard about it. it means a lot to me that she cares so much. anyway, after we opened gifts, we watched some mormon (no, i'm not) christmas movie. then we drove back to his mothers and got there around 11pm. i went straight to bed, which pissed rick off b/c his mother and her family has some kind of midnight tradition of hanging out at Maw Maw's house (next door; they all live on the same street, pretty much) and it'd be rude of me not to go. well damnit, i'm pregnant and it's exhausting and we've been running around all day and i'm going to bed. so i went. rick gave in and went to bed about 20 minutes later, but fussed at me saying how mad his mom would be. his mother never said anything cross or made notice that it bothered her, and i wouldn't have cared if it did. because you know what? that woman woke us up at 6:19am christmas morning to open gifts. so we did that, and i went back to bed, only to be woken up around 8 by his family. well, actually, it was his uncle. hollaring at us for still being in bed. so we got up and ate breakfast, and left around 12 or something. then we drove back up here to NC to open gifts with my mom, then drove my sisters over to my dad's (where rick and i live) to open gifts with him, then over to grandma Sweatt's to open gifts with mom's family there, then back to dad's to open gifts with his family, and then to rick's dad's to open gifts with them. today, we took my sisters to the mall and then to grandma Wanda's (step-dad's mom)to open gifts and eat birthday cake (my sister holly's birthday was yesterday, she's a christmas baby ^_^ ), and after a while rick and i left and hung out at Barns E Noble until they closed, i bought 3 books:
XHTML In Easy Steps, PHP In Easy Steps, and Web Design Expert. they were really cheap, so i couldn't not buy them. XHTML and PHP were both $2.99, originally $9.99, and the Web Design book was $4.99, originally $24.99. awesome. i looked for a good fiction book, but couldn't find one. i particularly wanted a JD Salinger. they have his books, buti couldn't decide. so we bought the books and left 5 minutes to closing, and went to Ruby Tuesdays so i could get a strawberry daquiri, which i've wanted forever. i also got cheese fries and rick got bbq chicken tenders. then we left for blockbusters and rented Helsing, Invader Zim, and the XBox game Starwars Battlefront. now i'm updating for you guys. happy holidays!
awesome
so i've pretty much got all the wrapping done. i only have my dad's gift left. now i just gotta do all these christmas cards! they're really cute. one has a baby dressed up as a gingerbread man, and the other has a baby dressed up as a reindeer. i watched White Chicks while i wrapped gifts. i thought it was pretty funny. rick's working tonight till 12:30 again, poor guy. i'm here by myself' my dad's out on a date. i went to the gyno today with rick; i feel bad b/c he wasn't back in the room with me when the doctor saw me. i thought it was gonna be regular gyno appointment, cavity search and all (lol), so i just had rick wait in the lobby. but when i went back, the doc just had me lay down, he put some gel on my belly, and we listened to my baby's heart beat. the most beautiful sound in the world. that's why i feel bad; b/c rick wasn't there to hear it with me. i wish i could share the sound with every one. i mean, when you are laying with the person you love, and your head is against his or her chest, and you hear their heartbeat, it's wonderful. but when you hear the heartbeat of someone inside you, someone you and that special someone made together, it's a whole new thing. amazing. there's no word for it. and i'm only 15 weeks. i can't believe there are women who hear the heartbeat, see the ultrasounds and see their child moving, kicking, hiccuping, or whatever else, and still have abortions. i thought i was pro-life before i was pregnant. wow. i didn't know i could be even more so. but before i was pro-life because of personal beliefs, how i'd been raised, and because i know that it's wrong anyway. but now, i am even more pro-life, because i am experiencing life within life. i'm bringing life into the world myself. anyway, i'm not gonna go into it. well, Say It Isn't So is on. i guess i'll get offa here, make some chef boyardee spaghetti and meatballs. *flips some channels* Land Before Time VII is on. it's going off though. i've never seen this one, but not many after the first one were really good. *watches for about 3 minutes* yeah, this looks pretty damned stupid. alrighty, time to eat. see you guys later.
a cool song plays on
bellacankiss's xanga. here are the lyrics:
The Postal Service
Brand New Colony
I'll be the grapes fermented,
Bottled and served with the table set in my finest suit
Like a perfect gentlemen
I'll be the fire escape that's bolted to the ancient brick
Where you will sit and contemplate your day
I'll be the waterwings that save you if you start drowning
In an open tab when your judgement's on the brink
I'll be the phonograph that plays your favorite
Albums back as your lying there drifting off to sleep...
I'll be the platform shoes and undo what heredity's done to you...
You won't have to strain to look into my eyes
I'll be your winter coat buttoned and zippedstraight to the throat
With the collar up so you won't catch a cold
I want to take you far from the cynics int his town
And kiss you on the mouth
We'll cut out bodies free from the tethers of this scene,
Start a brand new colony
Where everything will change,
We'll give ourselves new names (identities erased)
The sun will hear the grounds
Under our bare feet in this brand new colony
Everything will change, oOo oOo...
done!
so rick and i got our shopping finished. now we need to actually wrap presents and sign cards and stuff. we only had one person to buy for today, actually. we hadn't got his mom anything yet. we got her some soap thingy from Bed Bath & Beyond. we also spent time in the mall, went by Sears and saw Tom, went to Barnes E Noble, Media Play, ate dinner at O'Charley's. oh, and we went to Time Tunnel Comics & Toys. rick got a new comic. it's the second issue of B.P.R.D., a continuation of the Hellboy story. i started to get one that i wanted, but i decided to wait and possibly spend the money on something else. my parents complain that i never tell them what i want for christmas, but the thing is i never think of what i want. i don't really need anything at all, i just think about other people. I think i may get myself some new charcoal pencils. that would be nice. i have a new sketchbook that is getting lonely and in need of art. oh! about Barnes E Noble.
Rick and i were standing in the sex section of B&N. this other teenage couple stands around on the same isle, at the self-help section. this is on the same shelf row, just further down. they keep kinda looking at rick and i, and the books, and they are standing close. everytime i catch their eye, they look pretty embarassed. hmm. so a few minutes later, the couple comes close to the sex section from the other end, by us. the sex section is all the way on the end of the shelf row. the guy kinda points at a book, and mumbles to the girl. i'm watching them, and they look nervous. so i say to the chick, "Go ahead and grab it, don't be shy!" The girl looked absolutely horrified, and they both shuffled away quickly with their shoulders hunched, like i had said "I can't believe you are thinking about sex! Go to hell!" i mean, come on. rick and i were in that section too. rick cracked up, but said i shouldn't have done it.
As far as Media Play goes, we went so that i could see Caiti. she was busy working, but i did get a quick kiss when i got there and when we left. rick and i spent a while there looking at baby books. i think we might name our baby Elfie Illiana if it's a girl. I like the name, because it's pretty original, but i'm sure other people will think it's stupid. People like it better when you name your kids Jessie or Sam or Sara or Nick. boring! we'll prolly name it Gavin if it's a boy. not sure about a middle name.
blah
So, i've been pretty depressed since frances came over. I've ranted to my closest friends about it, but i don't feel much better for it. i don't think i've ever felt so used or betrayed. i mean, you think you
really know someone, and then...WHAM! oh, you're someone i've never even met before, aren't you? I don't know what to do. she keeps emailing me, and i don't know what to say.
Hey frances, nice to hear from you, but how do i know you mean a damned thing you say? Oh, are you having fun playing your games with me? Because I'm done playing this game. I'm gonna go play pirates with tom instead. yeah, i'm angry. i'm gonna go eat something. *hugs everyone that sat through her ranting on IM & here*
btw, my belly has popped. you can tell now. yay.
..from today's xanga
well, today has been kinda lazy. i sleep in till 10:30 most days, and every time i feel like i've slept till noon or 1pm. but i'm glad i haven't, because then i'd be sad for wasting so much time. not that sleeping in till 10:30 isn't a waste of time, but being pregnant makes a girl really tired ^.^'
So! i think rick and i are done shopping. we pretty much got it done in 2 days. i feel bad b/c we weren't really able to get our friends much, but with the baby and all, it's tough. i love the gift i got my dad the most, i think. he's good at mixing drinks and such (he's even built his own bar downstairs, and don't assume he's a heavy drinker either), and he collects shot glasses as sort of a hobby, so i got him a shot glass carousel from a store at the mall. it's cool, it rotates and the glasses stay upright, and each glass (6 of them) a different color. i really like it. *remembers* i still have to get Aunt Colette (speling? it's really rick's aunt) something for christmas, i drew her name.
I had forgotten until this morning, when my mom called, that i'd told my mom i'd go with her and my little sisters to see santa friday. it kinda conflicts with frances coming over. i prolly wont go see santa, and i know my mom and sisters wont care, but i feel pretty lousy for forgetting. however, this
does mean that my sisters wont be over friday when frances comes. that's good b/c they're really loud and i think it would be frustrating trying to hang out with her with my sisters here. my sister holly can be nice, but she's also pretty obnoxious. i just want a nice quiet evening of catching up and doing girly stuff. whatever
that is.
Baby Stuff
you know you're jealous. my baby rocks. yeah i know, that isn't a pic of my baby, but that's how it looks right now. just wanted to show ya
Here's a great quote: "The body of the unborn baby is more complex than ours. The preborn baby has several extra parts to his body which he needs only so long as he lives inside his mother. He has his own space capsule, the amniotic sac. He has his own lifeline, the umbilical cord, and he has his own root system, the placenta. These all belong to the baby himself, not to his mother. They are all developed from his original cell."
Day & Liley, The Secret World of a Baby, Random House, 1968, p. 13
I don't know how anyone can say that this baby is just a piece of the mother's body, that it is not a living being, that killing it is not murder. i don't know what anyone has heard, but i know what parts of my body i have control over and which i dont. i can bend my fingers if i want to. i can't get my baby to suck it's thumb. baby sucks it's thumb on its own. baby does everything of it's own will. Awake or asleep, the human fetus moves 50 times or more each hour exploring her warm, wet compartment by touch. Reports indicate she touches her hand to her face, places one hand on the other hand, clasps her feet, places her hand to the umbilical cord and sometimes walks around the womb by pushing off with her feet. my baby has been it's own living being since rick's sperm met my egg. i love my baby. my baby is so awesome. you know it.
Maria-sama ga Miteru
i have to brag on Rick for a minute, and just say that he has been really good about feeding me when i need it. *feels like a puppy or goldfish for saying that* but seriously, he got out of bed and made me a bowl of ice cream at 11:30 last night, and he gets me whatever i want whenever i'm hungry. for those of you who don't know what a pregnant woman is like, well, i guess hungry would be one of 3 words to describe her. moody and insane would prolly be the other two. moody was what i went through first, and insane came just a little later, and would be when i would get über-angry, and hungry is me now, 24/7. i'm getting ready to make some ramen noodles! hibye.
{10:56am}My best friend caiti has introduced me to an anime i've fallen for, Maria-sama ga Miteru (The Virgin Mary is Watching). i've only seen the first episode, but it's pretty sweet so far. thankee caiti ^.^
so! my first trimester is almost up! thursday i'll be 14 weeks and starting my second trimester. we should find out if i am having a boy or a girl when we go back to the doctor on the 23rd, just in time for christmas! *dances* yep, i'm happy about the baby.
oooh! and frances called me last night wanting to hang out this weekend, so i'm excited. *hiccups* i was asleep when she called though, and woke up to talk to her, so i didn't really understand everything we talked about, lol. i emailed her asking the details again. all i got from the convo was that we were going to hang out this weekend. yeah, i'm a dork. anywho, i'm gonna end this now. *hugs for tom, justin, caiti, and frances*
ENLARGE YOUR PENIS 3 INCHES!!!!
that subject line is from the subject of an email my good buddy tom sent me. i just have to let you guys see it.
Are you tired of being on the small-end of life? do you feel like you wanna give your man more pain for all those annoying nights of bitching and whining? Well, have I just the thing for you.
A BIGGER PENIS!
it really works. simply strap on the enhancement device, and fuck like no tommorow. you'll have him screaming for you to either stop, or keep going. you won't be able to tell which, cause he'll deliciously out of his mind. This self-satisfaction could be all yours for but a mere $57.69!!!! what the hell are you waiting for? Send us your credit card information, and we'll send you a treasure map. ACT NOW!!
I think I read your diary, and just got the urge to change your tune about spam
oh, it's just you.
i know i can't be the only one. i have the yahoo toolbar that lets me know when i get an email. so i always freak out thinking it's gonna be from one of my best friends. either frances, caiti, or tom has emailed me. maybe justin even. but noooo, it's some crap spam that yahoo doesn't filter out. actually, i don't usually expect it to be tom or caiti, b/c they don't email me that often, but i still hope for it. i'm such a loser. *sigh* i get my hopes up all the time that way. everyday. which happenes to be the name of the song i'm listening to right now.
I'm listening to Eric Clapton's
Everyday. I downloaded a crapload of his music from kazaa lite, which turned out to be just that: crap. only about 6 out of 20 files were good. the others were 8 to 10 minutes of silence. *sigh*
my belly is starting to pook a little, if i haven't already mentioned it recently. i'm 13 weeks pregnant today; this is last week of my first trimester. my baby is about 3 inches long now, and is fully formed. the baby already has fingerprints, finger and toenails, lashes, etc. the only difference between my baby and one that is born, is mine is tiny. i might be able to feel "flutters," the baby moving around, by the end of december or the beginning of january. i'm pretty excited about that. i'm also pretty happy because once you pass your first trimester, chances of miscarriage drop dramatically. so that's mega-awesome. anywho.
i
did get to talk to caiti today, which was cool. i saw her online while i was working on my grandma's computer. she says her boyfriend is wanting to go to school in Boston, which is sad b/c they've been together for a year or longer, and i know they'll miss each other badly. so plenty of hugs for caiti, on top of the usual ones. *snuggles caiti* i'll keep her company, but prolly not as well as her boyfriend did lol. not that i'd mind providing that kind of company *wink* lol. *thinks of organizing a slumber party for millie, frances, and caiti*
well anywho, guess i'll get offa here. see ya later.
sorry
i said i updated my diary today, but i didn't. i guess now i have.
rick and i woke up this morning to the sound of our doorbell. apparently i set our alarm to
8:45 instead of 7:45 last night. Matt was at our house to pick up rick for school. yesterday rick's "check engine" light came on, so we didn't wanna risk him driving his car. my mom picked him up from school and drove him home around 12, and after lunch we took his car to Meineke (spelling?) to get it checked out. the bill came up to $399, because he needs his oil changed, an O2 (oxygen) sensor, and a transmission flush. luckily his parents are gonna pay $300 of it. rick called out of work, and we went by my dad's work, and hung out there for a while. the only people that work there are my dad, grandma, grandpa, and aunt. so i showed my grandma and aunt (grandpa was at home) the pics of the baby and we caught up. now we're watching the Discovery Health channel. there's a show on about a woman with a 200 lb tumor. it's a rerun. anyway. guess i'll get off a here now. i'm waiting for CSI to come on, so i can get another hour dose of Horatio Caine. mmmm
hello
ok so i'm back to finish diary-ing. the star lighting was nice; a preacher read about the birth of jesus, and there was free hot chocolate, and about 4 bon fires, and people singing christmas songs. it was freezing cold, but we brought a couple of blankets. i went with my mom and two of my sisters. now i'm waiting on frances to get home from Drips (in downtown) so we can talk. it kinda hurt my feelings that i wasn't invited, but i guess that's because her boyfriend cody was going and everyone knows i hate him. garrett went too, i'm not sure who else was there. like i said before, i've missed her a lot so i look forward to hearing from her. i kinda have this feeling that she wont get a chance to call, though, since she won't get home till late. here's to hoping. at least i got to talk to her for a few minutes today; that was nice. i also got to talk to caiti online, which is always good. i wuv caitikins. she's the best. *huggles caiti* poor caiti is sick so wish her well.
well it's getting late-ish, so i guess i'm going to get offa here sometime soon. no one is online anyway, besides justin. we've been talking for a while, so there isn't much more to talk about w/him tonight. we've just been exchanging funny links and such. btw, don't forget to check out the
Homestar Runner website soon, at least look at the
Strong Bad emails. they're great. ummmm ok bye.
ps: if you also have a site or work with html, do you ever forget to end links? i do. </A> is what i'm talking about. pffft
{6:13pm} The best thing happened today, in-between going to the parade and going to see the "star lighting." actually, i haven't gone to the star thing yet, that's in like, 2 minutes. but i just wanted to update real quick before i leave. yay. *dances*
leftover food, music, feelings
well, i hope everyone had a great thanksgiving, i dunno if i've mentioned that yet. mine was good, rick and i ate TG lunch in south carolina at his "maw maw's" house, and we drove home to eat TG dinner at my mom's house. i think i ate less this year than i have in previous years. i didn't eat any leftovers at all, either. it was nice seeing both families. also, my mom made punch, and i put sherbert in mine and i was happy. it was a happy TG. anywho.
i go back for another ultrasound on December 23rd. i'm pretty excited, b/c we'll get to see more details and everything, and maybe even tell what sex the baby is. btw, i'm listening to Launch and REMs
Everybody Hurts song just came on. i love this song, and i love the video. hmm... i'm talking to justin on AIM right now. oh yeah, ADD... i forgot what i was originally talking about. the baby. rick and i are both hoping for a girl. the baby already has toes and fingers and toenails, in case you don't know anything about how fast they develope. eyes and ears, too. actually, pretty much everything. fingerprints. just not in full size yet. and not completely finished..cooking, ya know? i'm so excited. i wish things had been different, with timing and everything, but i love this baby so much.
i know i've talked about this before, but i miss my friends SO bad. i miss seeing caiti and frances. i miss them so so bad. and i miss them both in different ways, it seems. i guess since i know then differently. i'm not exactly sure how to explain it. i also miss tom. i am hoping he'll let me come over and ride bikes next week, but i haven't heard from him on that so i guess he isn't up for that. i miss steven and other people too. justin i get to talk to every day, but i miss hanging out with him too. i've been really sad lately as far as that goes... i mean, i know being pregnant makes a person emotional anyway, but it's become really really depressing. *sigh*
well, i guess that's enough for now. like i said on the home page, now that we have internet installed here at home, i can update more "daily-ish" like i used to, instead of every once in a while. see ya round.
