There were two blondes going to California for the summer, they are about two
hours into the flight and the pilot gets on the intercom and says we just lost
an engine but it is all right we have three more but it will take us an hour
longer. A half hour later he gets on the intercom again and says we just lost
another engine but its all right we have two more it will take us another half
hour though. One of the blondes says "If we lose the two last engines we will
be up here all day"
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A brunette says to a blonde "Look! A dead bird!" and the blonde looks up and
says "Where?"
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There was a blonde who was taking her kids to Disney Land. When they were about
half way there, the blonde say a sign that said "Disney Land Left," so the
blonde turned back around and went home.
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There was a blonde and a brunette in an elevator. On their way down, they stop
to pick up another person also on their way down. When the person got on, the
girls noticed that he was pretty cute. Unfortunately he had dandruff. Finally,
on the way off of the elevator the two girls let the guy go ahead of them. The
brunette turns to the blonde and says "Oh my god! We need to give him Head and
Shoulders." The blonde then replies "That's a pretty good idea, but how are we
going to give him shoulders?"
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A blonde executive was driving by a field one day when she saw a blonde rowing
a boat in the middle of a dirt field. She drove over to her and said, "It's
idiots like you that give blondes a bad name, and if I could swim I would come
over there and kick your ass!"
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Three women are sitting in a doctors office waiting for their pregnancy test
results. The Brunette says, "If I'm pregnant it will be a girl because I was
on the bottom." The red head replies,"If I'm pregnant I will have a boy because
I was on top." The Blonde stops, thinks a minute and and says, "Then I'm gonna
have puppies !"
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What's the difference between a rooster and a blonde?
A rooster says cock-le-dood-le-doo...
A blonde says any-cock-le-doo...
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A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise money, she decided to kidnap
a kid and hold him for ransom. So she went to a playground, grabbed a kid, and
took him behind a tree. "I've kidnapped you!", said the blonde and then
proceeded to write a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning,
put $10,000 in a paper bag and place it under the pecan tree next to the
playground. Signed, A Blonde." The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid's
shirt and sent him home to show his parents.
The next morning the blonde checked under the tree and surely enough, a paper
bad was sitting there. The Blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a
note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow blonde?"
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A blonde, brunette and redhead woman decided to compete in the Breast Stroke
division of the English Channel swim competition. The brunette came in first,
the redhead second. The blonde finally reached the shore completely exhausted.
After being revived with blankets and a drink she remarked, "I don't want to
complain, but I'm pretty sure those other two girls used their arms.
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A police officer pulls over a car with a young blonde driver in it....
Cop : "Miss, this is a 65 MPH highway, why are you going so slowly?"
Blonde : "Officer, I saw a lot of signs saying 22, not 65."
Cop : "Oh miss, that's not the speed limit, that's the name of the highway
you're on!"
Blonde : "Oh! Stupid me! Thanks for letting me know, Ill be more careful from
now on."
At this point the cop looks into the back seat of the car, where the
passengers are shaking and white as ghosts.
Cop : "Excuse me miss, what's wrong with your friends back there? They're
shaking something awful."
Blonde : "Oh... We just got off of highway 119".
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Three blondes are stuck on a desert island and one finds a magic lamp. They
rub it and a genie pops out and gives them each a wish. the first blonde says,
"I wish I was 10% smarter so I could get off of this island." Then she turns
into a redhead and swims off the island. The second sees what happens and says
"I wish I was 25% smarter so that I can get off this island!" She then turns
into a brunette, makes a raft from trees and sails off. Finally, the third
blonde says "I wish I was 50% smarter so I can get off this island." She then
suddenly turns into a man and walks across the bridge.
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There were these three women who escaped from prison. A blonde and two brunets.
So to get away from the cops they hid in an abandoned farm house. In the farm
house there were three burlap sacks sitting around. So they hid in them. When
the cops came to the farm house the one of the cops saw the sacks, the officers
yells, "There's just three burlap sacks in here!" To which his partner replies,
"Then kick them just to be sure it's not them hiding". The officer goes and
kicks the one with the brunet in it and she yells, "MEEEYYOWW!" the officer
said "Oh, its just a stupid cat in there." So he kicks the one with the other
brunet in it and she yells, "RUUFFF RUFFF!", so the officer says, "Oh, it's
just a stupid dog!" Then he kicks the sack with the blonde in it and she yells, "POTATOES!"
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The teacher is instructing her fourth grade class, and she's telling them that
the word of the day is 'contagious.' She asks if anyone can use this word in a
sentence, and several students raise their hands. "Carl," she says. Carl says,
"My dad told me to stay away from kids with mumps 'cause they're contagious."
"Very good," says the teacher. Then she picks Suzie, who says, "The atmosphere
was contagious." The teacher says, "Excellent, Suzie!" Then she notices that
little Johnny has his hand up at the back of the class. "Yes, Johnny?" Johnny
says, "The other day, me and my dad's a-sittin' around, and we saw our blonde
neighbor painting her fence. She had a tiny little model car paintbrush, and
she was going in tiny little strokes up and down the fence, and my dad says
to me, 'Jesus, it's gonna take that cunt ages to finish that fence.'"
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