Blonde Inventions
1. The water-proof towel
2. Solar powered flashlight
3. Submarine screen door
4. A book on how to read
5. Inflatable dart board
6. A dictionary index
7. Ejector seat in a helicopter
8. Powdered water
9. Pedal-powered wheel chair
10. Water-proof tea bag
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A blonde is speaking to her psychiatrist. "I'm on the road a lot, and my
clients are complaining that they can never reach me."
Psychiatrist: "Don't you have a phone in your car?"
Blonde: "That was a little too expensive, so I did the next
best thing. I put a mailbox in my car."
Psychiatrist: "Uh ... How's that working?"
Blonde: "Actually, I haven't gotten any letters yet."
Psychiatrist: "And why do you think that is?"
Blonde: "I figure it's because when I'm driving around, my zip code keeps
changing."
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A brunette is trying to get across a river and suddenly she spots a blonde on
the other side. She yells over to the blonde "Hey, excuse me! How do I get over
to the other side?" And after a quick survey of the river, the blonde calls
back "You ARE on the other side!"
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A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, "Can you tell me how long it'll take to
fly from San Francisco to New York City?" The agent replies, "Just a minute..."
"Thank you," the blonde says, and hangs up.
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To get into heaven you had to walk up 100 stairs but on each stair god asks
you a joke if you laugh you go to HELL. So the brunette gets to the 56th
stair and bursts out laughing and gets sent to hell. Then red-head gets to
the 97th stair and bursts out laughing and gets sent to hell. Then the blonde
gets into heaven and bursts out laughing then god asked her "why are you
laughing?" the blonde replied "I just got the first one!"
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Two casino dealers are at the craps table when a cute blonde comes over and
says, "I want to bet twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice.
But, if you don't mind, I'd I feel much luckier if I were completely nude."
They say fine, she strips naked from the neck down, and rolls the dice.
Then she screams, "I won! I won!" She starts jumping up and down, hugs each
of the dealers, and then picks up her money and her clothes and walks away.
For a minute the two dealers stare at each other. Then the first one says,
"What did she roll, anyway?" The second dealer says, "I don't know. I thought
you were watching."
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During a rock climbing expedition, an accident occurred, as some of the
grappling hooks gave way. This left the eleven climbers clinging precariously
to the wildly swinging rope suspended from a crumbling outcropping on the
Mountain. Ten were blonde, one was a brunette. As a group they decided that
one of the party should let go. If that didn't happen the weight on the rope
would cause more of the hooks to give way and everyone would perish. For an
agonizing few moments no one volunteered. Finally the brunette gave a truly
touching speech saying she would sacrifice herself to save the lives of the
others. All ten blondes applauded.
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A blonde buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to lottery headquarters
to claim it and the man verifies his ticket number. The blonde says, "I want
my $20 million." The man replied, "No, sorry lady. It doesn't work that way.
We give you a million today and then you'll get the rest spread out for the
next 19 years." The blonde said, "Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I
won it and I want it." Again, the man explain that he would only get a
million that day and the rest during the next 19 years. The blonde, furious
with the man, screams out, "Look, I want my money! If you're not going to
give me my $20 million right now, then I want my dollar back!"
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A blonde buys a box of laundry detergent, and it says on the box, "20 uses".
A day later, the blonde calls the laundry detergent company and says"
I bought your product and the box says '20 uses', but all it does is my laundry!
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A blonde walks into a library and says, "Can I have a burger and fries?
" The librarian says, "I'm sorry, this is a library." So the blonde whispers,
"Can I have a burger and fries?"
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A plane is on its way to Montreal when a blonde in Economy Class gets up and
moves to the First Class section and sits down. The flight attendant watches
her do this and asks to see her ticket. She then tells the blonde that she
paid for economy and that she will have go sit in the back.
The blonde replies "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Montreal and I'm
staying right here!" The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the
pilot and co-pilot that there is some blonde bimbo sitting in First Class that
belongs in Economy and won't move back to her seat.
The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she
only paid for Economy she will have to leave and return to her seat. The
blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Montreal and I'm
staying right here!" The co-pilot tells the pilot that he probably should
have the police waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman that won't
listen to reason.
The pilot says "I'll handle this. I'm married to a blonde and I have learned
to speak 'blonde'!" He goes back to the blonde, whispers in her ear, and
without question she gets up and moves back to her seat in the Economy section.
The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and ask him what he said to make
her move without any fuss. "I told her First Class isn't going to Montreal."
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A highway patrolman pulled up alongside a speeding car on the freeway. As the
officer peered through the driver's window, he was astounded to find that the
blonde behind the wheel was knitting. The trooper cranked down his window and
yelled to the driver, "Pull over!" at the top of his lungs. "No!" the blonde
yelled back, "Scarf!"
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A blonde and a brunette are driving down the highway in a convertible. The
brunette knows that she's speeding so she asks the blonde if there's a cop
behind them. The blonde looks behind her and sees a cop and tells the brunette.
The brunette then asks if his he's got his lights on. The blonde replies Yes.. No..Yes..No.."
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A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he
could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys could get your
act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you
expect me to show it to you."
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Two blondes walking down the street. One reaches into her pocketbook for a
make up compact and looks into the mirror. "This picture looks like someone
I know" she says.The other one has a look and says, "Of course dummy, it's ME...."
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