I would like to say some things tho before I start off about how the Barbara Thompson meeting was.
First, I would like to reiterate that I don't hold responsibility or accountability of any of the problems that I had in my surgery on my surgeon. I do hold the responsibility and accountability to my surgeon as far as my success, my direction in life, and for helping show me that I am thick skinned and can handle things. (AKA, I am a fighter.) He probably has no idea of some of this. (Or if he does, he don't acknowledge it.) Some of the problems that I've had were due to either sheer luck or sheer stupidity on my part. I am always thankful for the way things turned out in surgery, as I know I could have had anyone do this surgery anywhere else, and I would have been facing other problems that were more serious then this. So Thanks Dr Williams, yet again. (I don't think I will ever be tired of saying thank you to you!!!!)
Second.... And this is for the people on the Penn Yahoo list. Rachel DOES read most of the postings. I say this because there were some postings on the board last week that really hurt her feelings, and if I were in her job position, I am sure would have hurt my feelings as well. Just as someone who helps out by offering my experiences and views on the board, it hurt my feelings. Being someone who tries to help out, I try my best to see if I can resolve the problem so that Rachel can spend the time on things that she would be able to handle over those of us who are further out. Also, being someone who would like to be in that type of a job position, I know that working with 700+ patients is a huge undertaking. That being said, I would like to say this. If you have an issue with her, you e-mail her. It's as simple as that. If you can not take it up with her, I will say to call Katie, or if you really don't want to involve the staff, you can let me know what's going on. I will then either tell you how to handle it or I will alert the proper channels to it. I don't work for the staff... I'm here for you guys who have had this surgery or will be having surgery. (Hell, no one right now from the staff knows that I have posted this here, as I would like to say this. I want the journies of everyone to be smooth, uneventful, and positive. I'm not being paid to to do this, and like I said, they don't know that I'm doing this.) If the concern can't be addressed to them, but you have to say it, I will listen, and if you want the concern relayed to the staff, I will relay it to the proper channels. We don't need to resort to bashing, flaming, and the hurting of other people's feelings. Let's remember that our staff are people too with feelings, ideas, and yes, they are human.
Third... and last.... I have seen some of the bashing going on at Spotlight. I have stayed away for two weeks now on this coming Tuesday. I will be headed back to do an angel report this week, another in the future, and to post the gatherings. I am encouraging those who have been to the gatherings and/or are going to attend others to please join the Philly Team Gatherings Yahoo Group. I am trying to move all of this over to that board so that we can better organize ourselves and get a better idea of where to go and stuff along that lines.
Now... Onto the Barbara Thompson meeting!!
I will say this. I was pleased with her! I do have to e-mail her, as I have a picture of herself and me together that I want to e-mail her, and I have some pieces of a posting I did on my MSN board and on the Penn list that I feel she should see. Even tho I was 18 months post, I do feel that she was informative.
I would have liked to have gotten a picture of my surgeon and myself together, but I will have to do that another time, another place. You never know when things are going to change and the person who helped you regain your life isn't going to be in the picture.
With all of that said, I think I will end things by saying something that I put on my business cards. Helping with the journey Worldwide.
TC all... I will post more later!
This revelation came back to me about a week ago when I got a hold of someone that I've been trying to keep in close contact with for almost a year now.
I contacted him to find out what was going on because I hadn't heard anything from him in almost two to three weeks. I know he travels a lot out of the country, so it was nothing too new for me, but I do want to say that I remembered his birthday and sent him a card. (Since it is hard to buy for him, I fugured a card that I had to write out and send would be better then just sending an e-card.)
Well I talked to him last night, after he called me this weekend and I couldn't talk. He had told me that sometime in the past two weeks, he went to the ER because of chest pain. There was no sign of a heart attack, it was probably just an anxiety attack.
This freaked me out. Not that there wasn't anything I could do... just that I do care a lot about this person. He has made me feel like I'm special to him.
He is someone that I hold dear to me. It did anger me that he didn't tell me sooner about this, but I have come to terms with it. I can't stay mad at him. (Honestly, I can't stay mad at him because he is really a one of a kind, and to be honest, someone who could have had me almost wanting to cry at the sound of his singing in a good way.. well you can guess on things.)
I do hope that he is someone who reads this page, so I just hope that he gets the message again. I am here for you. Even though we share our WLS as a bond, even a date... even if it is 2 months apart to the day, I am still learning you, and I want to get to know you a hell of a lot better then I know you now. We're still on for that event in Philly, when that takes place. (I just hope you can put up with me as a roomie. LOL)
Thank you for all the times you were there for me.. but I feel now is the time for me to be there for you. Let me be.
On a side note having to do with my WLS... I have figured out, with help, that I wasn't taking in enough. I have boosted this... and so far, I've dropped 3 lbs since I started it. Nice to know it was something I was doing wrong.
Anyhow... I will run for now.. I do have something else to do... I am preparing for another journey of going to see my family again, having my mom go through tests because of a heart problem, and a couple of other things.
TC all!!
What I have lost:
188 lbs, some bad habits... like eating fries at every meal, the threat of double amputation, my dad, normalcy
What I have gained:
Self respect, Self love, trust in some, the ability to walk further then before my WLS, the ability to see the good in everything and know that there's always that glimmer of hope, better eating habits (That I need to learn right now to exercise), a lifetime of maitainence, Hope for the future.
Within two weeks, I will be leaving for some family time for the weekend. (I'll be gone early Friday morning to Sunday late evening.) On this weekend, I'd like to be able to do a few things, and since I will be staying on the resort, I will be able to do them. (Like they have a night club, and I'd like to see what it's about. LOL) This will probably be the last time I do this for a while, as I would like to do things by myself, without my family. I have many people that I'd like to visit... and I know this costs money, but I will find a way to do it. I also would like to send out the hint that I am really wanting to do some of the travelling, just because at least one person does need the visit. I haven't opened up enough to this person. I know I have to. Something about spring makes me open up... and perhaps I see myself as the delicate flower that I am, and not the butterfly I have become. (Ok... perhaps I don't have the nicest coloring for a butterfly... but still... LOL)
I feel feelings that I have never felt before. I feel things affect me more then anything. I also feel my life taking turns that never would have affected me. It doesn't matter which they are, or what I'm talking about.. this affects everyone at some form of life. Reflecting on the past 10 years and seeing that yes, while I did take this step, and yes, I did spend 8 years of my life after HS taking on taking care of my dad, most of my 20's were about all talk and no action. I journal not only here, but on a couple of AOL Journals as well. I divided up my journals to work with my life from WLS and one that works for me to talk about certain guys that I feel something for. No one knows about my journal where I talk about guys that I feel something for because I feel that part of me is the part of me that I need to work on with myself, and keep it from anyone so that I know what my next move is. (Tho I do a lot of advice seeking.) I know I'll be a hot commodity at one point.. because I've been told so... but of course, I have to see and understand that their interests in me could be something other then physical. (Because I know guys tend to look at the physical package.)
There is a habit that I know I need to pull out of. I need to pull out of this mode of being the one that knows it all. I have recently begun that by saying to myself in the mirror every morning I go down the steps that I am not perfect, While you know quite a bit, you are from from a know it all, because you still learn today and everyday you wake up.
Life moves pretty fast. If you don't slow down, you may miss something or someone. I am realizing this to be the case... so I have begun to slow down and I've also learned that it's ok to not do all the talking, tho I am uncomfortable with silence, because you never know what the person is thinking. Or Feeling... it's exercising the fact that it is ok to to not do all the talking that is tough. there may be just that moment where you are just comfortable around each other and want to say nothing.
anyhow.. I will be updating my pictures part of this site as soon as I can, as I am doing a lot right now... and I am working on another site for my team gatherings. That also is a huge undertaking. I never knew that it was that difficult to throw lunches every month. I may be shouldering responsibilities elsewhere and letting others take on the lunches as time goes on.
Lastly, at the gathering yesterday, I had everyone fill out an index card. I wanted a lot on it, because I felt it was best to hear the reasons behind the person. These became our introductions. I worked hard on thinking about this, because as I wrote the stuff down, I started to realize that maybe even if I never reach goal, I will still be a success, because I gained back the most important thing in this world... and that would be to love again. Respect was also gained.
Anyhow.. enough of my ranting. TC all.