transport

   Townie Transport is so easy to spot this page is almost pointless-but then I remember-it's damn funny to see the Townies drive round in their Escorts with customised numberplates, phat bass amps sticking out the sunroof, wearing those white Nike caps they ALWAYS wear when driving. Or whatever. I'll explain it all in a minute. But this page exists because of loyal page viewers who suggested it-ooh and also sent in some fiiine diagrams. Thanks Wildhair. I think the diagram pretty much says it for Townie cars anyway:

Yeah, so Townie guys love cars that make them feel bigger, louder and more 'manly'. Townie girls...do you ever see Townie girls driving?!! They generally opt for 'hairdressers cars' like those ikkle Mistsubishi jeep things or Fiestas. But Fiestas are ok :).

Examples of Townie Cars:

   The Ford Escort.The classic. Especially with spoilers, metallic blue finish, big alloy hubcaps, and the low ground clearance which means they have to slow right down to get over speed bumps. And ESPECIALLY if they are Xr3i's. See the Song 'Xr3i' by MC Mabon for more details-if you speak Welsh, that is...
   The Ford Fiesta. However, ONLY if it has a 'phat bass' system, carries up to 7 screaming Townie girls and boys, and has its numberplate customised with a special font (usually Brushscript, so it's harder for the Police to read while they're chasing them). Anybody else who owns a Fiesta is NOT Townie, especially grannies.
   Any kind of big BMW owned by a 20yr old male Townie. Usually beige or silver with suede seats, manufactured in the late 80's, with beer stains/ash burns all over the interior. Townies see these cars as the ultimate make-out cars, guaranteed to pull a few Townie girls.
   The Vauxhall Cavalier. These cars are owned by the more 'aard-nut' Townies who can't afford the Escort after coming out of prison or the children's home, and are coloured in the 80's colours they were originally painted-burgandy, silver or black with red go-faster stripes. Completely decrepid interior comes as standard. Also the Vauxhall Nova goes with the Cavalier.

Examples of other Townie forms of transport:

   BMX-Those tiny little BMX bikes they hobble around town on, with the seat right down low so they drag their arses about on the road. Usually ridden by two townies, one peddling standing up, the other balancing on the seat or bag rack, both with one or both hands up in the air, fags in mouths. The thing about Townies is that they don't actually do any form of BMX competition, so they just look foolish trying to do tricks on the pieces of metal they've threaded through the spokes.
   MOPEDS-Clapped out mopeds, usually a 70's green or blue colour, with no helmet, just their Nike baseball cap and a fag to keep their heads from splitting open. However, scooters are in no way Townies, especially Vespas or any Aprilia. They are rather stylish in fact. But I didn't need to tell you that, Anti-Townies.
   BUSES-The top back of a double decker bus in the early afternoon, when it's time for older people to do their shopping, and time for usual people to be in school. Ever notice how they send the older buses into Townie areas and leave the good ones for respectible citizens? If you ever get the chance to ride a bus when Townies are NOT inhabiting the top back of a double decker, go and see what presents they've left for the cleaners. Usually a melted hole in the back of the seats in front, or perhaps a nice permanent marker piece of graffiti claiming that 'AJ 4 Tara 4 eva','Darren is a dick', or 'Sharon is a slapper'. Occasionally they could leave cheap sweet wrappers, gum stuck on the front of seats, crushed tins of beer, an empty plastic bottle of Strongbow, condom packaging, or maybe even vomit. Lucky, lucky bus cleaners.

The picture below shows the interior of a typical Townie car, complete with McDonalds wrappers. Mmmm nutrition.