clothes

Girls:

There are generally three styles of clothing that Townie girls wear: fake-sports, prostitute, or Miss Bootlegs.
Fake sports consists mainly of the fake Tommy Hilfiger, Tommy Sports. Fleeces and polo shirts are the main items of clothing, all with the huge red/white flag logo across the chest. Other sad townie sports brands include: Donnay (teeshirts 3 for a pound down the Townie Market), Reebok (the cheapest trainers-Reebok Classics are possibly the most popular Townie trainers), Fila (very cheap down the Townie Market), and the dreaded ADIDAS TROUSERS. There aren't many variations of the Adidas trousers, but the most Townie are the most hated *stripes down the sides* with green flourescent stripes, and the poppers that undo. WE HAVE AN EXPLAINATION FOR THE POPPERS! They are there for athletes who want to take their trousers off to reveal the shorts they are wearing underneath without taking their trainers off. Not for twats who like to *think* they're sporty... (list of contributors at the bottom of the page)

   The prostitute style generally consists of a black belt (they call them 'skirts'), a three-quarter length shirt or cropped vest, and uncomfortable looking *platforms* (there would be an additional section on platforms, but they disgust me so much I might just puke if I speak about them too much). They buy these clothes from either New Look or Mark One(-now, you might buy from New Look, but don't worry yourself too much-if you don't buy Townie clothes in there, don't class yourself as a Townie. Just stop shopping there...) The Townies think they look 'gawwgeous' (see Townie pronounciation guide) but really they just look like prostitutes-hence the name.

   The Miss Bootleg consists mainly of the horrible 'bootleg' trousers that only Townies would want to buy-every Townie clothes shop stocks plenty of these. You know the kind-tight down to the knees, then ever so slightly flared (n.b - do NOT get these mixed up with flares-flares are nice-and to be classed as flares, trousers must flare out more than an inch, unlike bootlegs.) They're usually fake denim (100% polyester) or black. With these bootlegs, they usually make the tragic mistake of wearing a POLO shirt with them, so it makes them look really top-heavy (if they have any boobs at all-Townie girls usually look like/are boys and are not at all curvacious).

With the bootlegs they wear *platforms* exceeding 5" in height as to make them look lanky (lanky is consequently a compliment in Townie dialect-see Townie words and phrases). Also on the issue in height, Townies take great pride in their boyfriends being shorter tan them (Townie boys will always be shorter than their girlfriends-the amount of junk food they eat before 8.00am causes this freak feature of Townie boys to be widespread.

Boys:

I have been informed that there IS a Townie boy clothes variation!!! So now there are TWO styles. The first is for night, the second is for day.

   Townie boys like to 'dress up' a little when they go 'clubbin' or to the local offie, and this usually includes a very flourescent polyester shirt (or shiny satin), or a checked lumberjack styleee one. Eww. And those horrible beige jeans with black loafers with those silly silver buckles on. And of course the obligitary sovereign rings and necklaces, and lots and lots of hairgel. The Townies think they look really grown up with their shirts and trousers, but we all know you can't possibly look grown up if you can't see over the bar.

    The Sports Brands style consists of a large number of cheap or fake sports brands that they wear because they play football so much of the time that they think that they'll look really cool and super sporty if they don't look like they've had time to get changed from their crappy sports clothes.

   Brands of fake sportswear are as for Townie girls-also the sports clothes are unisex (they're not really-the girls just don't need properly fitting tops and trousers because of their lack of boobs and buttocks) and always either made out of nylon, or one of those 'orrible polyester mixes that make 'em sweat (you'll notice that Townie boys cover up the BO with their fake Tommy cologne that they buy dwn the townie Market (see Townie jobs) that really smells of dead stuff-Townie girls find the mix irresistable.

For shoes, it's either trainers -boys favour Donnay, Reebok Classics and Fila, those black loafers with the shiny, shiny buckle, or ROCKPORT massive steel toe-capped boots, which are used for kicking in telephone boxes, lampposts, garage doors, cars.....well, anything a Townie can kick in, including people.

Contributers:

Ross Mathers
Matty Bolton
Vicky
B
Noel Howgill
Tessdoff
John
Jennifer Straw

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