shops

Sometimes, the first way to spot if your friend is (turning into) a Townie is finding out where they shop. Read the guide below, and hopefully you will be able to save a few poor misguided souls before they are too far gone to save.
So, we can split the shops into sections: Townie, and VERY Townie. Usually you will find only the truly Townie-riffic humans who shop in the VERY Townie shops, but lets hope you NEVER shop EVER in them.....

Townie

New Look (five tops for �1 and the like)
BWise (five tops made in Pakistan for 50p)
Tammy (five tops for the under-12s for �1)
Clarks shoes (the Bootlec/g shoes! Nooooooooo)
Shoefayre (plastic-o-riffic boys and gals)
Woolies (sometimes, I know there's many of us who get our Easter goodies there, but it's the cheapo stuff that attracts the long-term Townie shoppers)
Argos (but JUST for the jewelery section)

VERY Townie

Pound Stretcher* (100 tops made by 5 yr olds forced to work 20-hr days whilst being fed radioactive dye as laboratory 'guinea-pigs' by Estee Lauder in Bulgaria for �1)
Mark One (Arrrrrgh the Townieness of it all!)
Sports And Ski (Donnay, Kappa, Adidas....arrrghhh!)
�1 shop
Cut Price*
Good Deal*
Right Price*
Kwik Save*
Netto
Aldi

*Basically anything that confirms that they sell things which cost about 0.004p to produce and are *cheapo tat*.....BUT however I find that quid shops are EXCELLENT for finding obscure imported products from Asia and Eastern Europe with cute illustrations on.

And of course, the one place which is absolutely definately Townie....the TOWNIE MARKET. Or TAANIE MAWWKI' if you want to practise your pronounciation. Not to be confused with good markets, like err...fruit n veg ones....and the Lock Market in Camden Town, you'll find food and drink with German instructions (they've been nicked off a lorry at the ferryport), lovely home-produced clothes (this season the markets seem to be riddled with pink stretchy polyester tops with 'Popstars' or 'Madonna' emblazoned on them with glitter, white tops with handprints on the breasts, tops which proclaim (and I quote from one I saw earlier) 'You're the weakest link!' and 'Fondle with care.' Eurgh. And naturally enough, entire stalls devoted to selling bin bags and lighters.