jobs

As a rule, there aren't really that many Townie jobs-the whole concept of a job to a Townie is unheard of-they prefer the 'dole' income plan. As it says on the League of Gentlemen, on one of those funny posters:
"Earn �214 a fortnight-sign on the dole"
   Hehe. Anyway, as I said, there aren't too many jobs that are Townie, but the few there are are blatantly obvious if you're even just an intermmediate Anti-Townie. You can generally split it into genders:

FEMALE:

   Hairdresser-a blatant Townie job. But only for the hairdressers who stand there and cut your hair into Townie styles, and poodle perms. They think since they enjoy doing their own hair, they'll be really good at doing YOUR hair. But oh no. I had to suffer a Townie hairdresser one time...it was a joke. I described what I wanted exactly....she stared blankly at me for a few seconds with a hating look on her face then said 'oh, I don't think I know what you mean...I'll have to get the manager'. What a joke-I'd booked for a re-style! I then had to rearrange my day around another appointment...and the manager (who was also a Townie) cut my hair really crap, and left it sopping wet. Let's just say there were no tips involved.
   Oh, one more thing-a MALE hairdresser is however not Townie. Men are generally better hairdressers by my experience. Oh, and if you work in an exclusive salon (Toni and Guy etc.), or even where they use Fudge, Redken or Tigi products, you're not a Townie hairdresser. K?

Beautician-God, how many Townie girls aspire to manicure nails all day?
At the local college (South Downs College, near Portsmouth) they even have a whole BLOCK for beautician's studies and hairdressing! It's just the same as hairdressing-they think because they like to do their nails all day they'll like to do somebody else's all day. It's just sad how they think t's such a glamourous job, waxing bikini lines and perming eyelashes. Hehe.

   Stripper/Hooker-Hehe. The most Townie of jobs. Selling your body to crinkly old pervs. I'm sure all Townie teens have thought of stripping for money once or twice-they already practically strip all day with their tiny low-cut tops revealing drawn-on cleavages. 'They want somebody to love them'-when will somebody teach these lost girls moral values?!

MALE

   Townie Market Employee-Arrrrrrgh! One of THE most Townie jobs-this job is completely exclusive to Townies, so its just so funny to laugh at them-especially when the men are selling 5 bras for �1! Hoohoo! You won't usually find women working the stalls in the Townie market-they're off shopping for nappies, or watching Trisha.

   Cowboy Builder/Plumber/Artexer/Roofer-Ah yes, the scourge of the Yellow Pages, the COWBOY BUILDER. How could anybody live with the guilt that they've just tricked a poor blind old woman out of her life savings of �4000, AND probably endangered her life further by putting unsafe pipes into her heating system?? I mean you see enough of them on Crimewatch and it disgusts me-I bet they also claim the dole and disability benefits.

   Garage Mechanic (plate swapper)-Townie men love making themselves feel better about themselves by surrounding themselves with (stolen) cars and (void) tax discs...to make up for their small...statures. Yes.

   Town Centre Security Guard-Other men who need to make themselves feel bigger-only now they have the security codes to every shop in the town centre....and they can fix the CCTV cameras while they raid them. Hehe.

UNISEX

   Holiday Rep.-Every Townie wants a job in the sun, out of England-and into the Mediterranian England. Think Benidorm...Costa Del Sol...and the dreaded IBIZA. The most Townie holiday destinations (coming to a Townie website near you! I mean, I'll be adding a new Townie Holiday page soon) conatin Townie workers. They think it'll be a right larf looking after kids in a 5-9yr old club every day, or look after randy 20yr old pubescent adults on their 18-30 holiday. What they don't know is they actually need to speak a foreign language (have language skills at all-most Townies can't actually speak English) and have to sleep in tents or cockroach-ridden apartments for 6 months at a time (come on, you've all seen that docusoap).

   Carnie-Some Townies think they'll earn a bomb from other Townies who love to trash local parks every summer for 6 days at a time riding rusty old amusement rides which arent designed for 500 screaming 11yr old Townies in 6 seats....for some reason Townies love to vomit and scream-fairs are always riddled with them. They also love to give out faulty soft toys as prizes on those awful machines.

   Cleaner-Gah, so I'll forgive you if you're an incredibly poor student and have to clean toilets in the morning to earn enough money for rent at uni, but perleeze. School caretakers aren't Townie because they're usualy sweet little old men who enjoy their jobs (same as lollipop men and women) but gaah.

   Fast Food Restaurant Employee-The ultimate summer job for Townie teenagers/graveyard shift for very old Townies. If you enjoy smelling of chip fat all the time, looking like a twat in awful uniforms and glistening from the chip fat, then this is the job for you. And in McDonalds you get an Extra Value Meal for lunch every time. For every dollar of food you purchase in Maccy D's, only 27 cents of that is the worth of the food, by the way. CORPERATE BASTARDS.