Out of bed at 6:55, though I could have been up earlier. I should probably stop fighting the dog and just get up when he starts fussing, but I don't want him to make the association (and he will). Did notice my patience slipping already. I have a sense of pressure from somewhere I can't place - though I think it may relate to my fellow team lead being out today, so I have to bear the brunt of all of Mike's energy.

Still carrying some of the AT work with me. I noticed as I drove home from the course that my right leg and ankle were not collapsing as they normally do when I drive. Still able to maintain this, if I am aware of that part of my body.

Good meeting with some of our customers, but a couple worrisome items come up, particularly:

- The sense that they want someone there on call for everything. Of course, they aren't paying for that sort of direct dedication, but that seems irrelevant.

- The ongoing conflict between systems created and supported by Germany, but the expectation that we inthe U.S. are supporting them (or even know about them).

Caught myself slumping at the desk just before writing this. A battle to stay connected today.

Alarms go off at 5:15 and 6:00, despite intentions, the body is up at 7:00. After shower and sitting, out the door into the fog. Slow going into work, and straight into RFI meetings part 2. Finding myself getting testy with Mike about what we're doing, and quickly find a limb.

-------------------

Most of the morning spent on the RFI costing, plus some damage control for another project. Luch of left-over stir-fry from last night (still quite tasty). Occasional peeks at the Process of the Effortless Knife, and an insight on '9'. Soon will have this to Patrick for his thoughts.

Now listening to Rob Rushin's never seen.

Felt hungry and thirsty, and wondered why - ha! It's 4:00 PM, time for tea.

-------------------

Finishing up RFI costing, back-posting course journals and recollections as best I can, also tabbing out Mind Funk. Now, home and dinner.

-------------------

Light and quick dinner. Jelly babies for dessert

This memory fro the course: The final night, one of the best performances I have ever seen on a course. Nico performing a finger-picked piece in NST - absolutely beautiful. The opening arpeggios had me in tears, the same arpeggio later in the piece had my heart filled with joy. Such Music.

A day off, with only a trip out for some home necessities (a new teapot, a small garbage can for the cat food cans) and one item for dinner tonight. Kerry comes over and we have dinner (lemon/basil/garlic chicken, jasmine rice, lemon ice). Sit afterwards with tea and puzzles. I go to do some catch up for Monday work. Reading a note from Patrick, and considering the response.

Up at 9:00 after a good sleep-in (up with the dog at 6:30, back to sleep again). Sitting and contact at-a-distance, very strong - feeling the lingering effects of the course.

Out to shop for tea this afternoon, and dinner tonight. Helen and Steve over for tea at noon - good to see them. Helen brings over the charcoal she did of Zeke, fantastic work. Steve and I talk some music - he does marketing for the Von der Mehden hall at UConn. Talk possibilities for the CGT, and I will get him information. VdM is 500 seats, which might be a bit big, but there is a smaller theater (Harriet S. Jorgensen) that's about 200 that would work as well. Perhaps not this year, as the season is booked, but perhaps the fall season.

Back out to the store, as Lisa has a good idea about dinner. Begin prep at 3:00, people expected at 5:00. Lisa takes a nap. Focus in prep on good knife technique, thinking more about the Process of the Effortless Knife. Some insights. Menu for the evening: chicken cacciatore, rice & orzo, lemon ice from the recipie that Patrick had on the course.

Dinner is ready at 5:00 PM, guests arrive a little late, which is OK - the cacciatore can sit in the slow-cooker all night if need be. Marie and the boys arrive, and I'm immediately sent off-kilter. Addison has a wild energy that hits me pretty hard after the course, and it takes me a few minutes to find my balance. Pretty unnerving, though I should have expected it, on some level.

Pleasant dinner, and afterwards the adults play cribbage and the boys watch Wallace & Gromit. Eventually, Addy is looking for "that movie with the big guy, and the other bald guy that says 'I don't think you know what that word means, Bob'". After asking a few questions, I confirm that he's looking for The Princess Bride, and we sit and watch that for a while.

After Marie & the boys leave, Lisa and I sit with our other guests and chat for a while. Mary is recovering from breast cancer, and it's good for her and her husband to get out and see people. Despiter her being tired, we're up until after 11:00 PM chatting.

To bed about 12:00 after dinner clean-up.

Awake at 7:30 and downstairs to check the calendar to see what my meeting schedule is for the day (perhaps I can get in a little later?). No such luck - the boss calls, and we have a meeting at 8:00 AM to discuss a RFI for one of our divestitures. Boss-man is stressed (his favorite word is "crisis", whether it applies or not), but I still carry the work of the past week in my body, so I am able to diffuse that energy and be productive. Looks like a day working from home, which is just as well.

--------------------

Some items simplified, and we are off with the first part of the RFI. The next part deals with costs, but that's for Monday. As I close the day, we have a meeting for our proposal process. The internal balance carries through this meeting as well, and we seem to make significant progress.

---------------------

With the day completed, Lisa and I head to Puerto Vallarta for queso, calamari and fajitas. We're both too tired for margaritas, but the food is good and the company better. We share our week, and I find it much easier to share my experiences this time than I have for any other course. I think that part of this is because I fell less self-conscious about it, but it is also because I was more present for the course, so I could recall the events more clearly after the fact.

06:30 - Rise
07:00 � The Practice of Doing Nothing
07:30 � Breakfast
08:30 � Practical Work
09:00 � AT Meeting
10:30 � Guitar Circle w/Curt � review of C Major
12:00 � Guitar Circle w/Curt � review of cross-picking and counting
13:00 � Lunch (Bowtie pasta, red sauce, spinach salad, fresh croutons)
14:00 � Pre-Final Introduction to Kitchen Craft meeting
15:00 � Personal Meetings
16:00 � Tea
16:30 � Personal Meetings continued
17:30 � AT Team Final Meeting
18:00 � Guitar Circle w/Curt - circulating
19:00 � Dinner (Carrot & tofu coconut curry, Sweet Potato green curry, rice with rasins & cashews, lemon ice on chocolate wafers) (special dinner for Steph - acorn squash with sweet potato chips in butter & garlic)
21:00 � Guitar Circle
22:00 � Final Meeting
22:48 � Course declared completed

A full day, by any standards. The omelette instruction goes well, Barry has the support role, preparing eggs, I'm doing the instruction and direct support of the Omelette Students. During the initial presentation, I make a decision to demonstrate the flip - I haven't done this in years. Success, oohs and ahhs. I do a few flips for the students, but only one attempts their own (Sandra, and successfully, complete with startle and collapse). The process is easy, even having to adjust for one left-handed student. Surprisingly, I have the most difficulty with TK, who decides to go his own way. I find my left foot, and let him.

Patrick suggests we look at the last two meals, and look at necessary effort to make the meals happen. We also discuss ways of coming back to the beginning, in order to resist the pull, and some strategies that Patrick uses. Barry & I look at lunch, work backwards from the completion. It's a bit tight, but not hurried. One thing that did not figure into our calculations was the lie-down, but we compensated. The Trillionaires (Barry and I) perform All Along the Watchtower.

A break after lunch, and Barry and I practice more, as well as the patterns Curt has given. I realize about halfway through that Curt has switched around a few of the patterns, and it's actually the 5 against 7 Thrack pattern. Once I get this, I can no longer play the patterns in the order given.

Tea with the second wave of toffee bars and snickerdoodles, then The Trillionaires (Barry and I) perform It's Me or Guitar Craft. Tom announces that he will be leaving, which is not unexpected for him, however, one of the Intros leaves as well, leaving a huge hole in the course.

Prior to dinner, the KT meet for a final meeting in the Hermitage, and review the week. I note that the kitchen, though small, had a KT of just the right size. Also, remarkably level energy for the course (unlike Lebanon, apparently). The KT also meets prior to dinner to discuss something that came to Patrick, regarding "The Process of the Effortless Knife". Good discussion, forward progress on this, which I'm sure will carry on for a while. We agree to a silent meal in the kitchen, and work through on the various parts of the meal. Patrick get's a 15 minute session on the floor during this, and we deliver the final meal. Again, well received - the food, while not as good as I remember in Atlanta in September, is of a very good quality.

After dinner, I begin to pack up the car and prepare for departure. In retrospect I should have saved this, as I believe I lost some energy in the transition - this despite knowing that it would happen, and pausing regularly to keep in contact with myself, and the course.

Final circle, more circulating - very interesting to hear phrasing coming out, certain people considering what the next note should be, and not just playing in the key. Some 5 against 7 thraking (I find it difficult to hold the 7'swithout wandering - fortunately, Curt swaps us over to the 5's. This is possible). Finally, we finish with "Architecture" a.k.a. "Building Castles in the Sky" this time in D (I've done this twice in the past year in A). Still beautiful.

Final meeting comments are light, but generally insightful. I note that when I arrived, the dining area seemed dark and dismal, even at 1:00 in the afternoon, but that by Wednesday had a different light (it seemed more natural, and more like it came from the room, rather than outside). Course declared completed, though I did hear the hint on at least one conclusion during Curt's closing comments.

Following the meeting, goodbye's to those I can find, pack the rest of the items from the kitchen and my room into the car and head out. I am on the road by 11:15, and home by 1:30 (with a couple necessary stops along the way, to stay awake - dozing on the Merritt Parkway is never a good thing).

06:30 - Rise
07:00 � The Practice of Doing Nothing
07:30 � Breakfast
08:00 � Practical Work
09:00 � AT w/Kim
10:15 � Kitchen Craft meeting
10:45 � Guitar Circle w/Curt � intentional circulating
11:30 � Guitar Circle � Experienced Players
13:00 � Lunch
14:30 � AT w/Sandra
15:00 � Performance Preparation
16:00 � Tea
16:30 � Performance Prep
18:30 � AT Lie down
19:00 � Dinner (Black Beans & Rice, Roasted Acorn Squash, dessert reserved for post-performance)
21:00 � Performance
21:45 � Post-gig debriefing
22:15 � Cheesecake Social

Light breakfast today. We had intended to be complete last night at 12:00 (or at least I had). We were done at 12:10. This set the tone for me for the day (we were about 10 minutes behind on many things, but it straightened itself out by lunch). Barry and I both set our alarms incorrectly (I set mine for 6:20 PM, he for 6:30). I awoke from a Guitar Craft dream, and felt I should check the time - 6:29 AM.

A haiku arrives during the sitting, as a direct result of observing the change in note quality from the circle last night. Immediately after breakfast I put the words down.

KC meeting, discussing the Discipline of the Heart as it relates to preparing meals, the 10 minute off feeling, and it's source. We have Help in the kitchen, so Barry and I have lunch off.

After the meeting, I intend to lie down and take a power nap, but Barry is working on and arpeggiated All Along The Watch Tower, and despite my lagging energy, something pulls me out of bed and fills me, so that I am workingout a harmony/mirror to what Barry is doing. We work on this and another piece he's writing. We decide to perform them at lunch tomorrow.

Guitar Circle for "experienced guys": Curt, Terry, Tony, Tom, Barry, me. Though it wasn't advertised as an open circle, necessarily, the entire Intro team showed up, so we had an audience (which immediately upped the ante for us). One of the best circulations I've ever been a part of (feeling like the weak link). Amazing what happens with 6 people listening, phrasing, and letting music play them. During one part, where we were repeating one of the exercises from the previous night's circle, Tony, Tom and Barry were burning. Laughter throughout, even after a mistake, not interrupting the flow of the circulation. Eventually, Curt asks if there's anything we want to work on, and Barry offers up a funky bassline in 27(!) at which point the Intro's dribble out. In about 15 minutes, we have the whole thing, and are grooving, Tony adding a mirror, Tom given a bonus line (Barry - "Pretend you are the funkiest bass player alive", Curt - "Bootsy!"). Lots of fun.

Borscht for lunch, always good whenever Patrick has a hand in it. At lunch, Barry and Tom perform Idiot Wind. It goes on forever, but, is pretty powerful in spite of that. I give my haiku at lunch, and though it came as a result of observing another person, it applies just as much to me, directly:

Twitching mass, writhing
Stillness is available
Perfect notes arrive

More goodies from Leslie and her daughters for tea (Michelle's World Famous Toffee Bars and Snickerdoodles!).

Dinner prep, good focus.

Post-meal shower, and then upstairs to the performance space, well prepared for the audience. Security at the door misses my camera phone. Very good performances from the small groups and the large group (even though the large group piece sounds like Fly Like an Eagle). Pleasantly surprised that some of the 11:30 circle made it into the performance, and that music appeared several times. As Barry noted, this was not possible 15 years ago (or even 5 or 2).

Pleasant time over cheesecake, we had originally planned to teach people how to make omelettes at breakfast, then to give ourselves a break moved it to lunch. Patrick moved it back to breakfast, and this is the right choice.

Barry and I prep for breakfast and go to bed.

The blur begins here. Much of this is recalled after the fact, schedules borrowed from Curt's site, memories jogged by other diarists, and events may be switched in order.

06:30 - Rise
07:00 � The Practice of Doing Nothing
07:30 � Breakfast
08:00 � Practical Work
09:00 � AT w/Sandra
10:15 � Kitchen Craft meeting
11:00 � Guitar Circle w/Curt � circulating C Major through 3 octaves
13:00 � Lunch
14:30 � Kitchen Craft AT w/Dr Seuss, Personal Meetings with Tony
16:00 � Tea
16:30 � Body Beat w/Tony
17:30 � Guitar Circle � counting and playing
18:30 � AT Lie-down w/Stephanie
19:00 � Dinner (Bowtie pasta with white parmesian sauce, green salad, Lemon Ice)
21:00 � Guitar Circle � circulation, cascades, modulating in time
23:00 � End of the Day Meeting and Performance Challenge

Barry and I rise at 6 to begin setup, prep and cooking for French Toast. Up to sitting on time. I go to AT this morning. At the KC meeting, Patrick asks about the third item that we have not covered inthe Kitchen. I am at a loss for what that is.

Still playing catch-up, we are 5 minutes late for lunch today (we began the KC meeting 5 minutes late as well, though we were done on time).

Hellboys at tea today, performing Masters of War. They came down the stairs saying "Yar" and "Grrrr". More like the Hellboy Pirates. It was noted after the performance, that it included the first in-utero Hellboy (Stephanie played).

Dinner was amazing. Once Barry and I were done serving and sat down, I paused before tasting it, and was amply rewarded. The first thorught that entered my head was "I could not have possibly made this!", yet I had.

Circle this evening was good work with one remarkable moment (or actually about 5 minutes). We were circulating and modulating, and there is one Intro who I don't believe has any awareness of his tone. Not a judgement, I was there at one time, and certainly does not feel intentional (on my Level 2, there was a young man from Columbia with some drug damage, and was the epitome of the soul-sucking Level 2. His notes were similar, but had the quality of "LISTEN TO ME PLAY MY NOTE", much more intentioanl that this person). Sandra had worked her way around the circle, beginning to this young man's right, ending with him. As soon as she made contact and he released his neck, I heard an amazing and pure note. And then another. And another. This went on for about 5 minutes while Sandra helped him maintain this stillness, and it was beautiful. I litterally ran up to her afterwards and told her how amazing it was, and we wondered if he had noticed. Later, downstairs, he came to Sandra and asked her "What did you do?", and Sandra and I cheered, because he had noticed.

Performance challenge given at the meeting this evening. Much activity in the house as the groups prepare themselves. Much effort on my part not to be pulled into this energy.

Introduction to Guitar Craft/Kitchen Craft Day 3

6:30 Rise
7:00 PoDN
7:30 Breakfast
8:00 Practical Work in the House
9:00 AT in the Meeting Room
10:00 Intro to KC Meeting
10:30 Intro with Guitars
12:00 Intro with Guitars
1:00 Lunch (Nut Sausage w/Cheese sauce, Greenbeans w/mushrooms, Potatoes)
4:00 Tea
7:00 Dinner (Curried veggies, rice, Spinach in a sweet sauce, don't recall dessert)
9:00 Whole house with guitars
11:00 Evening meeting

Alarm at 6:20, and into the kitchen at 6:30. Patrick was already in the kitchen and had set out the tea station. Barry prepared the cooking area out in the dining room, and I sauteed the mushrooms and onions for the omelettes. Looking at the clocks in the kitchen, we believed we had enough time to bet up to sitting, but the door was closed, so the KT sat in the dining room.

Breakfast was fun today. Barry and I split duties making the omelettes and mixing the eggs. There was a tremendous amount of goodwill from the people waiting in line for their food to be prepared. Applause as Barry and I completed the preparation. As I sat to eat, I realized that I had not sent good wishes to the YGP team as I had intended to at dinner yesterday. Sent the team good wishes anyway, and good wishes to each of the members.

Alexander work after breakfast, the Winking Game, filling the room (I really had a sense of the people in the room being like water molecules as it comes to a boil - all moving quickly, never quite touching). Also, some work with the polyrhythms (3 & 4), and how we can learn them if we don't know them, where our startle is in the pattern, and how we can manage the startle. More information keying from last night's comments and observations at dinner.

A quick KT meeting for practicalities, and I try to call Lisa (VM picks up immediately, so she is probably in a conference call). Now, I have the morning off, as the AT team is preparing lunch. Just now, as I write this, I notice a towel hanger on the back of the door. A nap is in order (protect your sleep).

A good nut sausage with cheese sauce for lunch prepared by the AT team. At one point prior to lunch I enter the Room of Suffering (room 3 across the hall from Barry and I where the extra kitchen gear is stored) and find someone suffering. Leave quickly and send good wishes as I do.

View the kitchen after the meal and am a bit shocked.

Prep for tea goes smoothly (Leslie has brought lemony cupcakes for tea), and we set to dinner. Beginning dinner is late, as we must do some work to restore order to the kitchen after lunch. I begin preparing lemon ice (made with raspberry zinger tea) for tomorrow's dessert (also making lemon bowls with a van Dyke cut on the lemon halves).

We are fortunate that the Intro team has been able to pick up the load of post-meal clean-up. With just two of us, this would be a never-ending course. In the break between dinner and the circle I am able to get a good long shower and work some of the tightness out of my back. despite the 5 minute lie-downs hourly on the half-hour, I'm still holding a lot in my shoulders.

A fun circle tonight, some good circulations working in C Major. After 6 years, I seem to be able to hold the scale and positions better. Ended with some Venus in Furs Rock-n-Roll.

French toast for breakfast tomorrow, so Barry and I do prep. We're getting tired, so we get a list together of what needs to happen when in the morning. Prep completed and in bed by 1:15.

Introduction to Guitar Craft/Kitchen Craft Day 2

7:00 Rise
7:30 PoDN
8:00 Breakfast
8:00 Kitchen Cleanup
9:00 Intro with Alexander
10:00 Intro to KC Meeting
10:30 Intro with Guitars
1:00 Lunch (African Ground Nut Stew, Tabbouleh)
3:00 Intros with Guitars in the meeting room
3:00 KT with Sandra in the dining room
4:00 Tea
7:00 Dinner (Zucchuini Fry; Creamy, Cheesy, Garlicky Polenta; Walnut Cake)
9:00 Whole house with Guitars

Alarm at 6:50, into the ktichen for prep - making oatmeal, getting the tables and tea station set up. Sitting (good contact all the way through the body today, working in a chair rather than on the floor - I don't have enough pillows for the floor) and then breakfast. Already feeling the tiredness in the body, though some of the accumulated tension is leaving my body. A quick doze to clear my head.

Lunch prep was valuable today. I was preparing tabbouleh (no bulgur wheat, so we used couscous instead), and while chopping the parsley, Sandra came into the kitchen to do some work on us. As I was chopping she worked with my right hand in a way that made me clearly see the motion of my right hand and the extra effort being put in to the chopping. It took me a moment as I processed the sensations int he wrist as we did this, but is was a very clear moment when I could tell the difference between this level of effort, and the effort I had been putting into the chopping before (all from the shoulder and am, no flexibility or fluidity in the wrist). A clear relationship to the right hand on the guitar, but available to me here because of the grossness of the action.

Dinner work - Barry and I tag-teamed the dessert first (I did the one thing I think I dislike most in the kitchen - chopping walnuts). Work with Patrick on the right level of effort when chopping (continuing on the observation this afternoon from Sandra). From there the polenta - it took much longer than I had expected, and there was much more liquid than I would have thought (when I think of polenta I think of the hard tubes of prepared stuff). What I hadn't realized was that this would be a creamier (i.e. more liquid) polenta. Dinner served, and several good observations available, many about the nature of attention and where it goes.

Good guitar work in the evening - Circulating a C major melody, and modulating through the modes. This proved difficult for many, and we moved to another A Minor, E Middle Eastern vamp with circulations. Two very revealing moments for me - first, I thought I couldn't hear one of the circulators before me, but the reality was I wasn't listening. Once I started listening, I could hear her, and for me the circulations really took off. Completed the evening by adding two new patterns in 7:

Pattern 3:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7
L X X X
R X X X

Pattern 4:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7
L X X X
R X X

Barry and I prep for breakfast (chopping mushrooms and onions), prepping the tea station. To bed at 12:10.

Introduction to Guitar Craft/Kitchen Craft Day 1

7:00 Dinner (Stir Fried Vegetables, Brown Rice, Ice Cream, 20 people)
9:00 House meeting for introductions
10:00 House with guitars
11:00 End of day meeting

Wake at 8:00 feeling rested for the first time in a while. Shower, sit and get laundry drying, load up available items for the course. I had intended to leave the house by 10:00, but the laundry was not dry (hey, I need underwear), and I wanted to have breakfast with Lisa. We go to Rein's (which is not very busy, surprising for a Saturday morning at 9:30) - spinach & onion omelette for me, latke's for Lisa. Tasty and necessary time together.

Back home, I complete the laundry, load the car and head out. I feel slightly stressed by the departure time, but take a moment and acknowledge it. I expect that the travel time is two hours based on the location and the 1:00 arrival time, and I should still have plenty of time.

Uneventful drive, the center is easy to find and is well labelled (unlike some othe places I've been to). I arrive as most of the team is (JB just leaving from dropping off Curt) and we have the pre-course slice of pizza. A review of the kitchen finds it to be small and poorly stocked for utensils (I could have brought the entire kitchen from home and not duplicated much). The biggest issue we find is prep space, but quick adapt the space to three big guys and food prep. I get the feeling the kitchen here is not used much for actual cooking, more just for dining. After much rearranging of the dining room we have an adequate space to eat, but difficult to manoeuver about. This will be an evolving thing. We have Help this evening from the NYGC (Leslie, Mark B., Billy J.) which is a gift.

Meeting for introductions, some familiar faces in the intro team (Christina F. from S.F. and the KT in Santa Barbara, Michael from the Intro to NST in Atlanta, Robert - one of Mark B.'s students). After this, guitar work. One very surprising thing to me: even with the 2 or 3 intro people who had to retune their guitar to NST, tuning seemed to be of small issue in the circle work. Marvellous way to start. Good circulation work to begin the course, including chair-hopping, multi-directional stuff. After this, meeting without guitars and two patterns introduced:

Pattern 1:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7
L X X X
R X X X

Pattern 2:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7
L X X X
R X X X

Out of bed later than usual today (7:05). Essentially lost the sleep battle with the dog after 4:30 this morning. I'm funny about sleeping - too much noise or movement, and I can't sleep. Dog scratching himself on the bed or re-settling=no sleep for Alex. Fast morning, with many quick calls and other items of import. More work comes our way, and some schedules need to be adjusted. Good all around, though. Found out the current situation for the Intro course which begins tomorrow. The Kitchen Team/Intro to KC is two people, with 7 staff and 7 Intro to GC students. Two. Believe it or not, I'm looking forward to it (not least of which because there is a 1-1 ratio of AT instructors to Kitchen Team members). Good wishes are welcome. Reading through the GC diaries see a reference to one of the Google Videos I watched yesterday - killer drum solo by a 10 year-old. I know there's a punch-line in here (something along the lines of "when the drums stop, that means one thing - bass solo...")

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Speaking of punch-lines, some stuff I found on the web:

~36 RULES FOR BANDS:~

1. Never start a trio with a married couple.
2. Your manager's not helping you. Fire him/her.
3. Before you sign a record deal, look up the word "recoupable" in the dictionary.
4. No one cares who you've opened for.
5. A string section does not make your songs sound any more "important".
6. If your band has gone through more than 4 bass players, it's time to break up.
7. When you talk on stage you are never funny.
8. If you sound like another band, don't act like you're unfamiliar with their music ("Oh does Rage Against The Machine also do rap-rock with political lyrics?")
9. Asking a crowd how they're doing is just amplified small talk. Don't do it.
10. Don't say your video's being played if it's only on the Austin Music Network.
11. When you sign to a major label, claim to have inked the best contract ever. Mention "artistic freedom" and "a guaranteed 3 record deal".
12. When you get dropped insist that it was the worst contract ever and you asked to be let go.
13.Never name a song after your band.
14. Never name your band after a song.
15. When a drummer brings in his own songs and asks to perform one of them, begin looking for a new drummer IMMEDIATELY.
16. Never enter a "battle of the bands" contest. If you do you're already a loser.
17. Learn to recognize scary word pairings: "rock opera", "white rapper", "blues jam", "swing band", "open mike", etc.
18. Drummers can take off their shirts or they can wear gloves, but not both.
19. Listen, either break it to your parents or we will; it's rock 'n' roll, not a soccer game. They've gotta stop coming to your shows.
20. It's not a "showcase". It's a gig that doesn't pay.
21. No one cares that you have a web site.
22. Getting a tattoo is like sewing platform shoes to your feet.
23. Don't hire a publicist.
24. Playing in San Marcos & Alpine doesn't mean you're on tour.
25. Don't join a cover band that plays Bush songs. In fact, don't join a cover band.
26. Although they come in different styles and colours, electric guitars all sound the same. Why do you keep changing them between songs?
27. Don't stop your set to ask that beers be brought up. That's what girlfriends/boyfriends are for.("and/or lead singers!" -Timbo)
28. If you use a smoke machine your music sucks.
29. We can tell the difference between a professionally produced album cover and one you made with the iMac your mom got for Christmas.
30. Remember, if blues solos are so difficult, why can so many 16 year olds play them?
31. If you ever take a publicity photo, destroy it. You may never know where or when it will turn up.
32. Cut your hair, but do not shave your head.
33. Pierce your nose, but not your eyebrow.
34. Do not wear shorts onstage. Or a suit. Or a hat.
35. Rock oxymorons; "major label interest", "demo deal"," blues genius", "$500 guarantee", and "Fastball's second hit".
36. 3 things that are never coming back: a)gongs, b)headbands, and c)playing slide guitar with a beer bottle.

So, how many have YOU broken?

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Likely to be off-line during the course. I'll back-post when I return.

Out of bed a bit earlier today to get the car from the service shop. Paid for it last night, but it was too late by the time Lisa got home to go pick it up. Sinus ick this morning, not to pleasant, but the shower helped clear me out. Easy ride in, though I forgot my badge and office key at home. The security guy was pretty abrupt (or at least I took it that way), and afterwards found my self having an internal conversation about/with the guy. Total waste of energy on my part. A different security person came to unlock my office, and was all smiles. Balance is restored.

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Mad dash up to, through and after lunch for a number of issues. Upgrades, pricing, projects, all with todays TOP PRIORITY shoulting from the e-mail. Feh. Looking forward to retiring at 90 to a life free from this unecessary agitation.

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Found a very bad thing on the net: Google Video. Saw the Pink Floyd Live 8 performance (I hadn't seen it the day of the broadcast), and a related video of the School of Rock kids blasting through the Wall. The Allman Brothers treatment (3 guitars). Pretty good for what it was - I think these kids were at the school branch in S.F. rather than the main school. My favorite part of the video is the kid sitting in front of the kick drum, rockin' out.

I have to tell our security people about this site so they can block it. I'll be here constantly if they don't.

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Out of work at a reasonable time, and home to get a hair cut. During mine, good wishes sent to the YGP team as they perform at Coda.

Up at a reasonable time for working from home (car is in for service today). Struggling with focus on a couple tasks that must get done today. Preparing now for a meeting with the service delivery manager for one business unit to discuss some ongoing issues. We want to push an upgrade and replace some hardware, they are, naturally trying to avoid that, since it will cost them money. We keep circling around this.

More asset cost distribution (isn't the life of middle management enthralling?) in between other meetings, with a break for lunch (dumpling soup at the Pho pace up the road). Working to keep my body in balance while I work in the home office. It is always interesting to me when I finally notice that I've slid my body sideways in the chair to a point where it looks ridiculous. It is hard work being that lazy.

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Sad news today that one of my great-aunts has passed away. Some of that generation has already gone, but now it is getting closer to my grand-parents. They are healthy still, thankfully. I can't imagine a world without them.

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Asset & cost allocations complete at 4:30, talk with the boss 'til about 5:00, getting the details finalized. Then, out to dinner at another Pho restaurant (I actually had Pho this time), then over to pay for the car. Lisa out to a Master Gardener class (on soil and compost) and me back to finish a few work things. No clear plan for me for the evening; I'll either kick back with the National Geographic channel (newly added to the cable system), or do some more associative web reading on String Theory. (Previous associative reading included the definition of a cult, G. I. Gurdieff and John Bennett, as well as a few other more fun items like Atari.) When I say "associative reading" I mean in the context of picking a starting point of interest, and following the associated links. Wikipedia is great for this, and will take you some very interesting places. From Atari, you can go to the word syzygy (an astronomical term which was the original name of Atari Co.) to Carl Jung (who used the term syzygy in his writings on psychology) to the Book of Job (which Jung published a controversial study of) to Satan (you all know who that is, and finally (though it isn't directly linked in Wikipedia) to Mark Twain (whose book Letters from the Earth contained letters from Satan to Gabriel about how things were going on Earth). A fun and enlightening version of six degrees.

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The holiday page has today as "Winnie the Pooh Day". For a person of little brain like me, this is a nice thing to know.

Dragged out of bed at 6:45, through the shower and dressing at 7:14. Out to the gas station to put air in the tires, but Connecticut seems to be going through an epidemic of air units at gas stations that are out of order. The two by me were out-of-order or just not pushing any air (matching the three around the airport on Thursday night that were broken as well). had to push my luck and go up an exit to find one that worked.

In a bit late as a result of the air-finding adventure, in time for a meeting on our allocations for the month. What I thought I had down has become very confusing. My sinuses have also decided to ramp up the pressure, leaving one manager to comment this afternoon that I "look like I just woke up".

Lunch run to the tire place to have the flat tire addressed (nail in the tire, patched and rebalanced). Lunch at the Mexican place next door (Baja's - highyl recommended if you are on the Post Road in Milford/Orange). I haven't been here for a few months, yet the waitress remembers me and what I typically order for food and sides. I am constantly astounded by her ability to do orders without taking them down, and getting them back to the table in the right order (even with large parties). There is some quality here at work that I just don't feel in contact with (though, the argument could be made that I do, since I have a set of repertoire reasonably at my fingertips on the guitar). So, fed and tire repaired, I return to work.

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Contemplating responses to questions that came to me in e-mail - I am contemplating the responses (as the questions are relevant) as well as whether to reply with the responses or not.

Day off, more or less.

Up at 6 with the dog, back to bed again 'til 9:30. Up for Sitting (interrupted regularly by doggy spaz-out) and then a massive Level T effort on the upstairs bathroom. Lisa cleaned most, with me popping in and out to help or relieve when needed. I did laundry and vacuuming up- and down-stairs. Break for lunch, Lisa to a nap and me finishing a few things.

Associative Web reading today finds me this little nugget about a holiday today:

January 14, 2006 Holidays & Observances: Lee - Jackson Day (Virginia) Commemorates the birthdays of Robert E. Lee and Stonewall Jackson (Stonewall Jackson was born January 21, 1824.) Note: We received an E-mail from a visitor telling us that this holiday is now observed the Friday before Martin Luther King Jr.'s birthday. Smells ironic to me...

Home finally.

Got in late last night, but uneventfully. Clear flying last night (it was in the 60's in Pittsburgh and mid-50's at home). In bed late after wifey debriefing and watching Bride and Prejudice.

Up late this morning, but into work at a reasonable time. Interview for the position in Berkeley with a manager I have known since I got to Bayer. Casual conversation, information exchanged both ways, more follow-up may be coming.

Most of the day has been spent gathering information so I can divvy up the costs of the assets and prople to the correct products. Lots of speculation and rough estimation, but enough to get started.

Last meeting of the day for another potential small project. The To-Do list is the last thing to work on, see if I can knock off a few of the key items. Part of the weekend will be consumed by laying out the cost allocations, but I'm running out of steam at the moment.

Woke abruptly at 3:30 this morning and slept fitfully until 6:30, when the alarm went off. The source of the agitation was a statement I made, in which I casually added a modifier that I shouldn't have. I know why the modifier was there, but it wasn't clear in the context of the discussion. Essentially, my manager and I had been talking for a couple hours about my progress, the state of the organization, the upcoming changes, and what things the organization are looking for. In the course of the conversation, we talked about some things and people that were intended to be kept private. After we were done, he called me as I was on the way to dinner to reinforce that the conversation was confidential - understandably. I said, "what we talk about together is, for the most part, going to stay between us". It's that "for the most part" bit that woke me up - it meant "unless you tell me it can be shared", but of course, in the context of the conversation, I could see that it could be misconstrued. I spoke with my manager this morning, to make sure he understood what I had meant, and he had - later in the conversation I told him that unless he said otherwise, our conversations were always private.

This whole thing brings up a couple thoughts:

- I am particularly sensitive to being trusted, and to being seen as someone who can be expected to follow through on a commitment, and should something go wrong or fall through, that I will always take responsibility for that, and not try to push the blame onto others.

- I do not always choose my words carefully.

As a secondary comment on my exit from the YGP (which is related to the previous items above) - yes, a commitment was broken, but that was not necessarily the mistake that was made. My mistake was not recognizing, or not having the fortitude to stand up and make it clear at that time, that my work with the YGP, as it was progressing, ended in August. I have (hopefully) made a decision, and made it with intention and attention. I know there will be repercussions, and I accept responsibility for them.

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Sitting this morning was reasonable, though I had to struggle with the internal conversation I was having regarding the above. I've been sittling for 20 minutes, and only getting to my hips. It is clearly time to move to 30 minutes.

First thing this morning, I talked to my boss about last night's conversation. Now, working on my review for the year, though I can't see any of the documents I need to do them, which makes it difficult. Quite frankly, I don't recall what my objectives were for the year, but I know I did a lot of work.

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Paid an overdue parking ticket (Cambridge, August 6th, 2003). This brought to mind the reason I was there - the WMBR (MIT Basement Radio) show with the NEGC. I remember having a lot of fun, feeling very comfortable playing the material (even if the quality might have not always been there, the spirit was), and being hot and sweaty (no AC in the basement).

The amazing thing about the ticket - desipite being over 2 years overdue, it was still only 20 dollars. No interest or late fees.

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Meetings shuffled & re-shuffled, somehow I managed to get my review documentation together for my manager. Also went to lunch with a couple of my team (one is a part-owner of an Indian restaurant about 15 minutes from campus). Good food and talk about the restaurant business, surviving the first 3 years in business as a small business, neighborhood traditions like wine making and mango picking.

A very good meeting in the afternon with one of our more difficult customers. They can be difficult, but they are definitely willing to attempt new technology - we now have a discovery project for something that has good potential to save time and money, and has some pretty cool tech to boot.

Now, waiting for my boss to get out of a meeting which has him delayed. Getting the review out o the way will be a relief. From there, off to the airport, and home finally.

Alarm at 6:30, up at 6:50. Better sitting this morning than I've had in a while, even though I didn't make it to my feet. Some very good contact in places I usually don't have (like portions of my spine).

Reading Azimov's over breakfast, reading today as a reader. At some point, I'll read as a writer. Reading a book on fiction writing now that has the flavor of "The Advancing Guitarist". More about getting in the space of writing than "do this, do that" - exercises to that effect. The author also makes mention of the Artist's Way and the Morning Pages. Good to get a hint at what that exercise is about.

Rough time getting up this morning - alarm at 6:30, up at 7:30. Moderating the room temperature was difficult - either it was too warm or too cold, and the jet-engine heater didn't help things. A bit of a throat scratch, and my sinuses are stacked.

Morning with the Boss, going over the things that need to be done this week, and for the first part of the year. Travel to Germany confirmed for February, and some good discussion about coping with the demands of the organization, and potential moving scenarios. I feel a little better about this, but the scale of the impending change (location-wise) is still daunting. Accepting that I may be staying in what I consider the more mundane part of the business. This is disappointing, but I can cope. There is still enough work to be done, and I can make it interesting and nourishing personally. With care and attention, I can do the same for others.

A good meeting with a colleague on another difficult issue - essentially making someone redundant (or right-sizing, downsizing or whaterver euphemism you choose for letting someone go). How to do this with care for the person, the role, the responsibilities and the company? Always a challenge, since one of those things always suffers (typically the person). Sometimes, being the boss sucks, especially when you actually give a damn about the people around you.

This does force me to reflect on my own position. There is the potential for the same thing to happen to me, and this is part of the general malaise in the department at the moment. Fortunately, I've been through this situation already (consolidations and layoffs which hit our location pretty hard last year). Now the folks here (Pittsbugh) are feeling the pressure, with the reorganization in Germany, and its potential impact to the organization here. Part of me sympathizes, part of me wants to run around and say "See! You did this to us two years ago! Now how does it feel?" Trying not to give in to that part of the lizard brain.

One afternoon meeting canceled, gives me time to sort through and clear out some necessary paperwork. Starting to drag, and I can feel my sinuses moving into my chest.

Up early to travel out to Pittsburgh for the week. 9:30 flight, slightly delayed to be de-iced (a brief whiteout as I drove to the airport covered everything with enough snow to be annoying). Into Pittsburgh by 11:00, and into the you-get-what-you-pay-for-but-it's-right-next-to-work hotel (not a bad place, and it would be an acceptable gigging hotel). Lunch, some light ephemeral reading, couple cheapo book purchases.

Caught some of the games (sort of rooting for Pittsburgh, sort of not). Dinner, more reading, and to bed early (screaming headache and sore back from travel).

So, a day off, with air flight.

Up late (9:30ish), but still not feeling rested. Can't understand why, but there it is.

A little discussion with Lisa before I leave about the things before us. We need to plan out the eventualities, and narrow down some plans.

Out to the YGP meeting today, dodged a couple cops (but just barely). At the meeting, I tendered my resignation from the group. There are simply too many things flying around in my work and home life, and I must sacrifice something. Nearly tears as I went through the reasons today, but very supportive reactions from everyone. We had a lunch of pizza before I left, and good conversation of the joys (and not so) of home ownership.

Home to the sick wife, and tending animals. Some more discussion about life matters over an Indian dinner. A call from a friend takes me over to the Motorcycle show in the expo center - csome pretty cool bikes, and even more cool that they are relatively affordable (someday - but not today).

Now, to pack for the trip, and to bed.

For a short week, this has been very long, experientially. Wife still home, sick, me, just homesick.

So plans are finalized, I go to Pittsburgh next week. Also, throw my hat in the ring for the position in Seattle. The phone conversation with the recruiter left me very interested. Of course, that could be simply recruiter bullshit, but there you go. The fact that I'm even considering not one, but two, cross-country job opportunities tells me someting is afoot. I am, in a word, terrified. It's not the moving so much, or even the thought of starting over at a new place; it has to do, quite simply, with money. More specifically, the cost of housing, and having to move. I bought this house we are in now, knowing that it needed work, but also knowing that I could do enough on the house myself, and with a little help, to really turn it over. Problem is, I need more time (as we all do). I was looking at this house as a 5-year thing, and we're already on 6 years without much change in the condition. We've cleared a lot out of the front, and helped the curb appeal (I think), and redone some of the space, but the things that really need doing (and that keep leaking) are still to be done. The biggest one, the kitchen, I fear will not be done while I live there.

All of this stems from a point of seeing I had on the way into work this morning - for my work, I will need to move in the next year, but more likely in the next 6 months. It could be internal to my company (Berkeley, CA; Pittsburgh, PA, Leverkusen, Germany), or to another company altogether (Seattle, WA; or somewhere else). It's that simple. Conditions in my company will pretty much assure that if I don't move, I won't be working for Bayer. And fundamentally, to move, I need to sell the house. And if I need to sell the house, there's a ton of work (cosmetic or otherwise) that needs to happen. So, unless a real stroke of luck happens and I find something comparable in the state, I have to leave, which brings me back to this albatross of a house.

A lot to have loaded on for a Friday, but still liberating in its own fashion.

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Out for lunch today, as I couldn't stare at the monitor again for today's meal. Local buffet, cheap, tasty and plentiful. Not much care taken in the creation of the food, but some care taken in the consumption.

Up at a reasonable time, almost feeling rested, but not quite. Many aches in the body, likely from how I sleep (curled up and clutching a pillow over my head to cut down on any ambient noise) and from the constant push-pull with the dog for space on the bed. He's taken to sleeping on my legs, curled up between them, or lying against me (this is partly due to the cold and partly due to normal pack behavior for dogs). So, I have a fight on my hands every night for sleep, some internal, some external. I did have some clear dreams last night, one which woke me up out of a sound sleep at 1:43 - it had to do with a bear, and it cornering me, my wife and a friend in a bathroom (it was a sow, and her cubs were there - she was protecting them). I had gotten the others behind the tub and curled up, and was about to face the bear when I woke up. I had the clear realization as I woke, that in that situation, I would have died. Sometimes you eat the bear, and sometimes the bear eats you.

The phone message last night was a recruiter, and the job is right up my alley experience-wise. And it's in the Seattle area.

On another note, good to see some old friends back on the Guitar Craft Journal page.

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Good lunch today - more crock-pot leftovers: chicken cacciatore with jasmine rice.

Good team meeting, very productive. I had a full agenda for the team, but we breezed through it relatively easily. Good progress on a number of fronts for the projects. Now I need to get more action from the other half of the team. On the travel front, plans are shifting back and forth between travelling next week, or the week after. Many things turning today.

Final work task for the day - to crunch some numbers on service performance for the 4 teams that my manager is responsible for. Good overall, and some clear and promising trends in tickets: the numbers are consistently falling, which means that our users are better learning the systems, and our systems are performing better. Of course, it could mean that nobody is bothering to call in any more, but the data doesn't really indicate that.

Now, home and to a sick wife.

Slow rise this morning, dog & cats shuffling around at 4:30. Managed an extra hour of sleep after my wife fed them and went off to work. Still dragging - I never feel rested when I wake up. In by 8:30, spending some time making a clear beginning to the year in the office: cleaning out or moving the 2005 files, swapping out 3 months in the Franklin Planner, planning the next 3 months of travel, at least one trip to Germany and 3 trips to Pittsburgh. Some serious time and money management questions are arising, particularly with the work that needs to be done on the house.

Plow through a few meetings in the morning, lunch is left-over chicken & sausage soup with Earl Grey tea.

More afternoon meetings, more tea. Learned that my wife's car was clipped by a small plow as she went to get cat food at Agway. We haven't had good car Karma this past year. Some minor damage will cost $1500 to repair, and will surely impact insurance.

After meetings, awaiting the inevitable call from the Boss. The year has already started, rather than begun, and I'll be paying the price for that. Also, a message from a probable recruiter on the machine at home. Should be interesting.

Having some thoughts about the beginning of the year. I don't typically make resolutions, simply because I lousy at them. I hit the middle of a commitment, and usually burn out, or forget. What seems to be a better way for me to handle this is the daily routine - sitting, JotD, etc. - small daily commitments executed with quality. Easier on one level, but much more difficult on another. I suppose everything would be easier without the ass & mind-numbing job, but again, some things wouldn't be. I've entered a personal middle of some kind, but I'm not able to identify what exactly. Just a feeling that something isn't right, and that something is substantial. It could be the job, the house, the music, the work (capital W and otherwise), the dog, whatever. One thing I do know - a change is coming, that change is necessary, and it won't be just one thing. Now if I can just figure out what it is.

Today is the first day officially back to work, BUT! There's snow/sleet/freezing rain/rain in the air, so I work from home. The $185,000 bill from last year still plagues us, but we find a new resolution to the issue. Already tasked to work on 2006 Objectives for the two teams, without any real idea of the organizational objectives for the year. The bottom up approach is good to a certain extent - I can define what we'll be doing - but without any real connection to the business goals, it's just an exercise, and produces no real benefit to the company.

Made chicken & sausage soup in the crock pot for lunch and dinner, came out OK. The broth was pretty flavorful, though the chicken wasn't. Used a really tasty sausage (spinach & something) that worked pretty well. Took about 30 minutes to clear the driveway - very heavy, slushy snow. Switched from shovel to snowblower. The blower had some trouble moving theheavy wet stuff, but it was better than me lifting it. As it was, my hurt from the shoveling I did. Despite the wet and snow over the past week, the 4-season room ceiling is holding up. There's still some seepage along the inside wall I need to address. I have some sealer I'll put down. The more I look at this, the more I realize I'll need a pro (or at least the full removal and re-roofing) to work on the thing.

Ended the work day with the goals, and meeting planning for the overdue retirement of some systems.

Some Triddler puzzles with Lisa, then dinner, a game of cribbage, some light reading, then to bed, in the hopes that we get to sleep and will be able to wake at a reasonable hour and still feel rested.

One more day off.

Still off. Making crock pot dinners, wood fires, playing cribbage and other games with the wife. A nice time.