Slightly earlier rise this morning (6:15), shower and head to work. Still feeling the effects of yesterday - a sudden decrease in patience with the world and people around me. Responded to an e-mail from yesterday a bit more spitefully than I should have, perhaps. A pet peeve of mine is the butchering of the English language. I know I have moments where I do this, but this one really annoyed me. If the word used was intended (obtuse), I feel fairly insulted. I may have given a vague request, but definitely not obtuse. And if you are going to use inundate in a sentence, please spell it correctly.

I know, a little high and mighty of me to get on other people about their use of language, but really, how hard is it to use a spell checker? Inandate? And don't insult your customers by calling them obtuse, whether you know what it means or not.

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Realized about 10 minutes ago that I've completely lost contact with the Raft Island course. That needs to be rectified.

Up a bit earlier today, dozing until 6:30. Better time to get out of the house this morning means I get into work a bit earlier. A few more items attended to this morning, which makes the afternoon more manageable. Required forms filled out and sent to HR, so that I can get off the Red Alert list at the gym. Plans for application changes in the afternoon, and one meeting.

L4 AAD application sent. Where does Gutiar Craft fit into my life, and where do I fit into Guitar Craft?

Back to the gym at lunch. After returning, I speak with a colleague just back from vacation. He's rested and considering starting a business in the Filipines.

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Home, make dinner and watch "Underworld". Underwhelmed. Early night tonight.

In later than I'd like, but in nonetheless. Morning spent tidying up some items I needed to do. Lunchtime was my first trip to the gym. Getting back into the swing of this type of activity again. Some help froma colleague who encouraged me to go, and saw a few other folks from work.

Found myself on a rapid downhill during the afternoon. A few things I had thought were clear, apparently were not. Struggle to keep my head clear and not react too strongly. Some moderate success.

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Home to a night off of sorts. Dinner: pork on the grill with oven roasted broccoli, and a glass of Shiraz. "Once Upon a Time in Mexico" for the dinner movie. Another fun movie, lots of twists, lots of characters (Rodriguez managed to get some pretty good names for the movie). I like "Desperado" better, but this was still fun. Good extras on the DVD for the director's editing facility (jealous of the recording studio) and how to make one of the meals featured prominently in the movie.

Late rise at about 8:30(two glasses of wine last night were apparently a bit much), watching Mucha Lucha with Lisa. Errands after this, picking up meats for the week, as well as cat litter. Found a game that leapt into the cart on the way out (Unreal Tournament 2004). Home again, putting away groceries, then complete the cleanup of the garage and place the saw in its new home. It's larger than I expected, so there may not be the room for one more floor tool I intend to get. We'll have to see how it works out.

Later in the afternoon, my fried Chris arrives, on his way home from his second job at the golf course. He's a teacher, and I have the utmost respect for someone who can honorably carry out this job. There are four significant underpaid, unrespected careers (there are others, but these are the ones that stand out for me): teaching, police, firemen, nurses. To make ends meet, he works a second job. We had gone out the other night, and he decided to swing out on his way home. I showed him the house, and we talked for a while. It's good to see him periodically.

In the afternoon, a little more house cleaning, then making dinner. During dinner, watched "Intolerable Cruelty". It was fun, with a few laugh out loud moments. Not the best Coen Brothers movie, but good for an evening in.

Late rise after last night's festivities. Greet the day, greet the GC community, shower. About 30 minutes practice on the Third Primary in E flat before going to our final AT for Musicians Class. A review of the last five weeks, and a few new things. Solo performances from all, frirst alone, then with Elizabeth working on us. Very illuminating experience. Up until this point,I have had no problem playing in front of this group, but today was different. In over thinking some things about my body, I completely lost the music, and sank into stage-fright. Some very helpful observations from Elizabeth and the team.

After this, home and out for errands and lunch. Necessities procured (getting back to making meals at home, rather than going out, and focusing on lowering the carbohydrate intake). Once home, food put away, kitchen placed in some semblance of order. Late afternoon spent in HB mode in the bathroom. Now, with a Hellboy-clean bathroom, time to make dinner.

Dinner was good, if I do say so myself: steak on the grill, fresh salad. Wine and figs for dessert. Samurai X during dinner, then to bed.

220 63
Early rise, after a good, relatively undisturbed sleep. In to work, with no real issues this morning. Just two of us in today: one on vacation, another going in for serious surgery. Good wishes fly out to him.

Official word that one of our team will be moving on to other duties at the end of the month. A loss, as she has been a key member of the team, but a benefit for our "bottom line" as a team.

Good discussion with office coleagues about tools. One has pointed me to a web site with low-cost tools. Extremely low cost. My gut instict is that low price=cheap quality. Generally, the thought is that "something is better than nothing". For me, a bad tool is worse than no tool at all. Sometimes a bad tool is dangerous. There's a bit of wisdom lurking in there, I'm sure.

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Leave for home at a reasonable time and get home early. Start working on assembling the new tool. This takes about two and a half hours, but at the end, a new table saw awaits use. Acknowledge the completion of the assembly, but completion of the task requires assistance to movet he saw to the right place in the garage. Good wishes set out to the Raft Island team, who are likely beginning their work right about this time.

A call from a friend initiates a "guy's night out" at a local brew pub, Lisa resting at home after a stressful week. Good night out geting caught up on the shared experiences of growing up. Some boyish behavior as well, observing another patron, dressed in a manner cinsistent with the the spring thaw.

222 62
Restless night last night, including one dream involving credit card failure. I know where that one came from. A plan for the day which will address more of the house repair items. A brainstorm yesterday means that I need one less piece of equipment to complete a task.

Happy 19th GC! Four years ago in April, at the suggestion of my wife, I attended an NST weekend at Camp Lebanon, NJ. I met people who will likely be lifelong friends, revisited the Alexander Technique, revisited the guitar, got my first taste of the Hellboys, and my first taste of Guitar Craft. Things haven't been the same since.

Tool purchased (the listed one wasn't available, so I got a better one at the same price, as well as an accessory). Can't wait to set it up this weekend and try it out.

Home late (change control night), and one person I was waiting on finally got back to me. Light dinner, anime (Crying Freeman), and then to bed, reasonably early, after watching the end of A Mighty Wind.

220 61
Early rise to get my car in for service. Now reviewing the list of things that need to be done for the day. My main challenge will be to keep my team meeting under an hour today. I may need to schedule another meeting to cover two items. As much as I decry the time spent in meetings, these in particular are necessary.

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Remembering coping tactics I use at the beginning of the month. My main one was to quit every day as I left work, and rehire myself the next morning.

Went to the gym today to sign up. It's basically free, through work. How can I pass up a free opportunity to improve myself?

60
Slow start to the day, but some things are being accomplished. Following up on some requests made to our team whose information has not been completed.

Listening to a version of Havre de Grace (YGP#4) and looking at the time signatures. A lot going on here, and more has been added. I really need to listen to the latest version to get all the bits in my head. From there, they can go to my hands. Also, listening to a PowerTab I made of Chiara. Only the first few bars, but it brings back memories of working with Marc and Nancy a couple years ago. A good learning experience I'm still benefitting from.

220 59
Early rise today, catch up on a job started last night, completed this morning.

Dream #1: Driving home on a winding road, the people in front of me suddenly stop. We collide. Shortly after, I am hit from behind by another car. The person I hit turns out to be the person I bought my car from, only short, young and female, not tall, older and male. She asks me if I hit her on purpose. I reply, "Of course not."

Dream #2: A group of us, all kids, have found some secret area. We sneak our way in, going down elevators, paths, and caves, until we come to the bottom of the complex. There are a large number of wooden packages. One of the team picks one up, and it is warm. I figure out that this means the contents are radioactive, and have the person quickly wash off any contaminants from their hands. As we move forward, we get to the main part of the "base", and see people with flashlights coming up towards us. It turns out they are grownups, who like us, discovered this place and are protecting it. We are to be their replacements.

It's interesting, being able to pick out where most of the raw data for the dream comes from, and how it combines. The first dream is obvious: my car accident. The second combines the following, in no specific order:
Kids Next Door
The Nuclear Boy Scout
The Sum of All Fears
Crocodile Hunter

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The weekend in review:
Friday
Lisa and I end the day with a trip to the computer store to redo the home network. We now are a wireless household.

Saturday
The day begins with an early rise, sitting and extended contact. Necessary kitchen cleaning, followed by breakfast at the Cosmic Omelette, and a quick car wash to remove the last vestiges of winter "sand" from the car. After this, I go to my AT for Musicians class (constructive rest, work on the shoulder girdle, more work on breathing, some adjustments to my hips while playing standing), and then trek to Yorktown for the YGP meeting. I am able to make almost two hours of the meeting this week, and as I arrive, work is progressing on YGP #5. Parts return to my fingers, and new ones are given, including a new circulated part that I share with Tim. After this, we depart for Poughkipsee, for the HVFG performance. We stop for dinner at the Rolling Rock Cafe in Wappinger Falls (yes, they do have Rolling Rick beer), and talk about music and necessary "guy" movies. Mark rejoins us, after circlking back to get some flyers he has forgotten (such is the life of "El Presidente"). We arrive at the performance space (a Unitarian Church), tune and warm up with a number of pieces not on the performance list for the evening. High energy, perhaps a bit dissapated by this venture into other repertoire. The other repertoire is enlightening, though, as there is a considerable amount available to this team. We then run through the pieces to perform, and join the audience for the other performances. We are fifth, as one person signed up but isn't performing. With the drop of a person, and the fact that El Presidente is a part of our group, we get to play three pieces: Unbound, Havre de Grace and Overture. My personal observations on the three pieces:
- Unbound is reasonable. The excitement of the moment is palpable, so this is a bit shaky, but ends up working itself out. I am able to engage the audience at moments during the piece.
- Havre de Grace this starts at light-speed. Twice. My grasp of this piece is shaky at normal tempo (about 60), but I am unable to do anything effectively at the counted tempo (my guess is about 76 to 80, faster by the end). I provide silence and engage the audience throughout the piece.
- Overture brings a measure of redemption. We are certainly more confident in this piece, and it shows, in our performance and the quality of the sound.

After the performance, we regroup to acknowledge it. I can feel my heart racing, and I have no idea whether I was actually breathing during the performance. Good comments from the audience. I also learn that Marc B. has become engaged. Heartfelt happiness and congratulations at this news.

After this, I drop Tim off at the train station and head home. A long and rainy drive.

Sunday
Later rise today, completely unexpected, but welcome. Lisa is working, so I tackle a few tasks on my house list; cat litter is scooped, and the upstairs toilet is HB clean. We head out for lunch, support the U.S. economy with some discretionary spending, and pick up carpet cleaning supplies. An afternoon nap, completely unexpected, but welcome, followed by vaccuming and scrubbing of carpets. A late dinner, with an anime, Voices of a Distant Star. A beautiful movie and story. I tackle an evening work task, which will take longer than I expected. Since this is for a West Coast server, I'll finish it in the morning. Concurrently, I work on consolidating the various bits and pieces of YGP #5 into PowerTab. One question needs to be sent for clarification, and one other part needs to be added. After this, to bed and watching an episode of Crocodile Hunter, where he goes to Belize and ends up checking out a cave along a river that was used, at one time, by the Mayans.

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A quick review of available repertoire puts the YGP at 5 originals and 8 potential pieces of regular Crafty repertoire, including 4 Themes. A good 40 minutes of music at least.

Much absence this morning, resulting in a near hit in a parking lot with another vehicle. Looked more closely at a dent in my car that I spotted while filling up this morning. Someone got my car with their door, hard enough to leave a dent and several scratches down the door. Grrrr.

58
I'm back, in a manner of speaking.

The past three weeks have been stressful, challenging, frustrating, and an opportunity to learn about how I work.

On the positive side, great strides made in getting the shop cleaned and organized. Cabinets have been moved; an assembly table has been built; progress towards taking the unsafe, 1960's style electrical wiring (done by electrical engineer) more appropriate for the space; breakers and their associated outlets traced; shelving redone; a shop radio/CD/MP3 player purchased. A few key tool purchases have moved me closer to being able to complete some specific tasks for the house. I've begun to lay out the next purchases, with an eye towards the specific house projects for this year. Cabinet doors will be built. Glass will be replaced. Arches will be constructed.

In the world of the day job, some progress made in cost reduction, reducing support work, increasing customer service. I am fortunate to have the team that I do. Much back work cleared out and brought back to normal levels.

On the negative side, the first half of the month was spent essentially mentally consuming myself. This largely centered around my review, which was good, but never seems to be on par with the effort I seem to expend. Some of this feeling is clearly Input Bias on my part. Some of it is "it" screaming to be recognized. There is also a sense that forward progress has been halted, and that to really move forward again, there needs to be a clear state change. Change is unsettling, but to make the type of state change needed in this case is taking some real risk.

"It" also felt very unappreciated, and decided to steamroll its way through some things. A reprimand for this behavior caused things to escalate. Fotunately, there is respect amongst all parties involved, and it has passed.

Guitar pracice has largely ceased, though the past few days have seen a revival. A download has begun for a piece with specific principles to be exercised. Right now, it's unclear as to whether it's just a bright idea or not.

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I note that I feel much better about things in general when I have some sense that I'm moving forward. I know that can be a deceptive concept (there is an aphorism that referes to this), but there are times when that "forwardness" is clear. The challenge comes when that's not the case, and how we react to that feeling. Failure on that account in the past weeks, as it got the better of me. There were a few moments where I could clearly see it happening, and I let it.

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Decisions need to be made on some GC activities. Some things I'd like to do, but are they necessary? That is the question. The RI course and League tour is approaching. This was not necessary for me. Mendoza feels necessary. The unnamed 2005 course feels necessary. The L4 AAD feels optional, but leans towards necessary. The YGP is still necessary.

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Lunch, and a general allowance for my mind to wander a bit and relax. Many dreams lately, more involving work and work situation. This is unusual for me, as are dreams that involve people I know.

Working to remember the lessons from my AT for Musicians classes over the past few weeks. Wonderful work with Elizabeth Huebner, who apparently graduated with FS. Better kinesthetic sense of my body, especially the right shoulder and surrounding structure. How it reacts when I think about playing. How to inhibit this? Some good work in class for this. Also, work on breathing, Silent LaLas and Ahs. Good stuff.