More down on paper for the impending New Year. Some things are clearer, others aren't. I'll pursue the clear things and allow the less clear to come into focus.

"It" still lives, but muted. Keeping busy helps.

The second: I am in another New York-like metropolis, and am a part of the police force. There are suddenly attacks on buildings. One, which I witness, appears to be a rocket attack on an apartment building, which starts it burning. I am assigned with someone resembling Denzel Washington, trying to figure out the pattern of attacks. The fifth attack is on a Budweiser brewery in the city, which starts exploding, throwing beer kegs all around, some narrowly missing our team. We begin to see a pattern emerging in the form of the Star of David. We rush to the scene of the next possible attack on a multi-car, double-decker trolley. It is hit as we arrive, which prompts a daring escape for Denzel and I, off the top deck of the rolling, burning trolley, onto a rafter of the station we're in. Now safe, I wake up.

So, some ways to keep up on a journal\diary commitment, quoted shamelessly from RF's diary:

The Happy Gigster's Guide To On-line Diarising includes the three prime directives for the witless, dribbling diarist who has nothing to say, and even less energy and enthusiasm to say it�

1. Discuss the weather.

2. Comment on the dopey views of an on-line poster. This is both easier (there are more dopey posts available than reasoned, informed & considered commentaries) and more difficult (to be gentle, kind & fair while pointing out the witless absurdity & cluelessness of the posting).

3. Quote an e-mail from a personal correspondent. If the diarist goes this route, then let's hope they have friends with interesting lives.

If the diarist lives in a Basement Studio, doesn't read the on-line views of others, and has no friends, The HGGTOD has other recommendations�

4. Post your schedule for the day. 5. Find another way to expose yourself to public ridicule.

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Most sensible people have taken today off. The insensate among us are working and going to the Maul to take care of last minute shopping. Guess which class I fall into. A few things on my "list" are being completed. These small successes are healing. The sense of accomplishment is rare these days, and entirely welcome.

I've wrapped 3 of the 4 gifts for my wife, having forgotten the 4th at home. I sit here at work, in the morgue, waiting for a reasonable time to escape.

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The basic framework of a home page and web site are up on Geocities (http://www.geocities.com/lahoski). This is in preparation for beginning the New Year in a certain fashion. Part of the problem is that I have no clear sense, at least today, of where I want to be, in a month, a year, three years, and so on. I do have a sense of the work that I can do that might illuminate or expose what those might be. The on-line journal is one part of this. I have struggled with this notion of journal/diary for a while, and how it would be useful to me as a tool. There are two ways I see, at the moment:

- A way for me to be engaged with my life. Observing and recording. Gazing with an uncritical eye at what I am doing, or not doing.
- A way to encourage daily writing of some form. Much like the practice of the guitar, or sitting or JotD, the only way to develop the skill or aptitude is to practice.

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The deluge has started. I didn't bring my umbrella out to the car, so I am a soggy person. Got half of what I needed at the Maul. One more pass at a different store to see if I can get what I intend for my brother-in-law's birthday.

Anger is right at hand. I know some of the source, yet I cannot find a way to either reconcile or dissipate it. It spills over into other aspects and actions: driving, walking, thinking. Concern for others leaves; The crowd seems more crowded; The drivers more clueless, less considerate. Of course, this is clearly projection of my inner state on the outside world. The best I can do is observe it, and work to observing before it happens. My left foot is a beginning. Breathing as well.