LF 215 57
Intentionally rose late today, as I work late tonight. Was asked a question, and given an option. I took the option favorable to me, though I knew that wasn't the answer that was being looked for. Feeling a bit guilty about it.

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A request this morning for someone to hear the music that I play. I'm a little leery about it, mainly because I'm not very happy with the quality of it.

A quick clerical fix on the journal this morning.

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Reading an article today that discusses the concept of Input Bias. Basically, this is the idea that our perception of the quantity of the input (for example, he spent 100 hours on the presentation) has an impact on our perception of the quality of the output (that presentation was really good). So, if a group is shown presentations objectively of the same quality, but told that one took 100 hours to prepare and the other took 10 hours, the 100 hour presentation is percieved as being of better quality. This is part of our internal way of handling these type of things, and for the most part it works: in most things, the more time that is spent, the better the outcome. The problem is that this can be manipulated, and often is. The best examples, naturally, are in advertizing. It doesn't matter how long the beer was in the vat, as long as it tastes good.

Interestingly, this breaks down if the results are bad enough to notice. If the beer tastes bad, then it doesn't get any better with a shift in input bias. The trick is not to be influenced by input bias when the results are OK, but not bad enough to stand out.

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Many changes tonight, but I managed a good hours worth of practice, mostly getting the first 24 bars of the bass hand of the Cm prelude into my hands. Searching for elegant transitions, remembering some of Bert Lams advice regarding arranging/playing Bach in NST.

RH 216 56
Another act of will to leave the bed this morning. All those things inside the body and mind that want to stay inert are quelled, but only just.

A morning of drone work. Lunch outside the office, sitting in the sun, listening to 80's hits at volume. I've been very cold all day, which could indicate that I am either unduly stressed, getting sick, or both.

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Meeting, then call with manager. My review will be done on the phone rather than in person, due to a family issue. This is fine for me, as he and I will meet next week to discuss this and hopefully, a few other things.
Now, I'm ready to go home.

LF 216 55
Moderately productiove day today. A struggle to get the ticket queue under 10 was defeated at every turn. Sometimes, it's just not in the cards.

Fat Tuesday celebrated at work with breakfast and lunch. More food than I've had in a long time. Good conversation at the table, some commentary on certain presidential events.

Dinner after work at a friends house, one that I haven't seen in a few years. A good catch up on things, visiting the kids and dogs. Some seeds for my 5th anniversary were planted.

RH 54
I wish it were a day off. Back is still bothering me, and I didn't sleep well last night. Some disturbing and emotional dreams last night, and in that odd place in the morning when I doze before getting up. One particularly violent dream, where I was the perpetrator of the violence. "It" rears its head in my subconscious again. Much tension in my jaw when I wake.

LF 53
Day off.

RH 215 52
Rise at a comfortable time, sit and greet everyone. The late morning is taken up with AT for Musicials class at the local community college. Seven of us in the class, and an interesting blend: 3 vocalists, 1 conductor, an oboeist, a guitarist and a 70 year old returning to being a pianist. A good introductory class, with some observation of others performing their craft, and the lie-down exercise. A good sense of my body while doing the Third Primary as my presentation. Worked through the shoulders out to my hands while playing and could hear the sound difference. I was unable to release my jaw, though, and the instructor noted this while she worked on me during the lie-down.

From here, to New York (a bit later than planned) to work with the YGP. A good, if brief workout, with some creative play, and focused work on Unbound. My left hand felt the burn, especially in the tip of my pinkie. My back has also started to act up again. I'm not sure what to do with it, but more lie-downs will be required, and some gentle exercise.

I knew exactly what I wanted for dinner, and Lisa and I went out. Also made arrangements with a friend to meet Tuesday night.

LF 215 51
Slow rise this morning, and a decision made to come to work. The lure of sleep was overcome by a small act of will.

RH 216 50
More difficulty rising, partly the effects of last nights festivities. Learned a good deal about wines, tasting, and the newer wine regions, as well as what the ratings mean, and a little about what to look for. Also found out that no matter how long you keep a $10 bottle of wine, it's still a $10 bottle of wine.

Long day, capped off by change control. The ride home was lightened significantly by Larry the Cable Guy.

LF 215 49
Later rise than normal today. Tiredness still lingering in the past couple of days. Yesterday was the twins birthday. No card sent yet, but it will be shortly.

Getting lunch today, I was putting tabasco on my food. I could sense the things happening in my mouth (the whole Pavlovian salivation routine) as I put the sauce on. Stayed with this for a few minutes.

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Afternoon of meeting hell. This leads to a nice department event: a wine tasting with "emerging" countries. Unfortunately, Lisa isn't feeling up to travelling down here (it's an hour drive).

RH 215 48
A quiet weekend, at home and in the journal. I'm still slowly returning to normal sleep patterns after last week's adventures. A 65 hour week, which doesn't sound like much, but add on the extra 10 hours for travel time, plus any house related matters to be addressed, etc., and the week became one long blur. One interesting observation: the week was long, but I could sense the duration as being a "longer" time than usual. I have this notion that despite a certain detachment from my body, I did have an increased awareness of the flow of things around me. Thus, for me, there was actually more time available this week.

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A quick bit of work on the Ventura last night freed the bridge from the body, and allowed me to remove two inordinately sized pieces of wood that were being used as backing for the three inch bolts that were holding it on. This gives me some hope that I might be able to make this a playable instrument, once I find or make appropriately sized bridge pins. My only concern is the fretboard, which seems to be irredeemably twisted. I'm beginning to think that this will be a good candidate for restoration practice. If I have to remove the fretboard, then I may as well refinish the body while I'm at it.

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I finished my first pass at my review yesterday. Self-analysis sucks.

Tired on the way home, tired at home. Just me and the dog tonight, as Lisa is helping our trainer at the Y. Quiet time for both of us, as I watched "Raiders of the Lost Ark". This movie holds up pretty well, considering. I'm trying to sort out my relationship with the dog. He has some over-riding issues with food. He clearly had to scrap as a puppy (he's a rescue dog that we got after he was about 5 or 6 months old). That may never leave him. I think he was abused, and by a man (naturally). He is often wary or defensive around me, even after nearly 3 years. No amount of talking gently, moving slowly, keeping hands open and in clear view seems to have changed this. He is part Chow Chow, which can contribute to his unpredictability, and I can be imposing and threatening, if I'm not careful or aware of myself. So, we've had some incidents, the frequency of which have been on the upswing. Some thought is needed to address this. I know that I am doing something, consciously or other wise, but I can't tell what it is, so that I can correct it.

LF 214 43
All awarenss of limbs has been absent the past two days. I'm not sure I even have limbs.

I've slipped into an after lunch coma (too many carbs again). The week has finally caught up with me, I think. Still a few residual issues with the DNS fuck-up from earlier in the week. They may finally get addressed today.

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Coma has lifted, and now I'm getting a few things done. Sorted out one task that takes time, but can be run in the background. Got a few others done. Still have a large amount of writing to do.

RH 213 42
The day is a blur. Still recovering from the Sunday/Monday event, trying to get some things accomplished. A colleague is visiting from New Jersey, and we've met off and on during the day, and will head out to dinner later. Good to catch up with her.

LF 214 41
Still not sure what day it is, but I think it's Tuesday. Pager went at 0700 (I had intended a morning off). Spent another couple hours on issues, then took a break. Got some items at the store, including the $99 Applause (it was still there, so I took it as a sign). Still so tired that when was suggestive-selling a strings and picks, I said "I don't need any pricks." Fortunately, he was very good natured.

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Spent some time cleaning and attempting to revive a guitar that had been sitting in the barn at my mothers for a number of years. It's a Ventura Bruno, Model V-10. These were some early copy guitars that came out of Japan that were knock-offs of some better known models. They are good quality, though. All the references I've seen cite them as being excellent quiality and tone for the money. This particular model was probably built in 1968, and 35 years were not kind to it. I've got it 90% of the way to playable, but the neck/fretboard are pretty tweaked, and the bridge was re-bolted on by someone (not me). Also, the holes for the bridge pins are larger than standard, so I need to find replacements larger than the ones I already have. A bit miffed that I can't get much farther, but there's not much I can do about it at the moment.

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Finally fixed the dresser in my bedroom, an old one my family has had for years, and was old when we got it. The drawer pulls hae pulled out, so I set to cleaning the holes and adding pegs to hold things in place. Needed a drill to re-size the holes, so I plugged in the charger on the cordless. A bit later I smelled ozone, and blanked on what could be causing it. Then I remembered the drill. The battery was smoking! Now, something else to add to the list of broken things I need to replace. Ended up using a diffferent drill, with more power than I needed to finish the job. As a result, despite my care, one piece was slightly over drilled.

Back to work in the afternoon, and one server is still being a thorn in my side. Some things not done, that should have been, left to me to figure out. A good resource on the other end of the phone helped out immensely. Finally, 48 hours after the initial problems started, I think they're resolved. I still haven't slept enough, but perhaps I'll catch up at my desk tomorrow.

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A little work on arranging some of the Well Tempered Clavier, Book 1 pieces. A good exercise for me, associating the notes on the page to the ones on the fretboard, looking at fingerings, then at how each phrase will relate to the other as it is played. I'm about 12 bars into the C Minor Prelude.

Now, waiting for Lisa and the dog to come home from class, then some dinner, and bed.

JotD complete, and tomorrow's identified.

RH 217 40
Sunday became Monday. Much work in the morning adderssing the issues from the previous day. I basically haven't slept. Left at 1400, and was nearly asleep. Up for 32 hours. Long enough.

LF 215 39
Normal rise to the morning, encouraged by a pager. Servers not put into maintenance mode during scheduled outages means I get unnecessary pages.

Puttering around the house, a little out of focus. Waiting for Lisa to see if she felt like going out to breakfast. No, so some left-overs for me, and cartoons for the both of us ("Mucha Lucha" rules like the Steamroller of Destiny!). Make a list, and do some shopping. Pass up an opportunity for a $99 Ovation (Applause, actually). If it's there in a week, I'll pick it up as a guitar to keep in OST for giving lessons. Picked up some parts for another guitar I'm repairing. Some kitchen cleaning, rearranging, and organizing.

Made dinner (pork chops & asparagus), watching the end of a chick flick (I really do get sucked into the TV. Now waiting for Mythbusters (dropping a penny off a skyscraper). After this, a new game from the Old World Game store, then to bed.

OK, so not to bed. It's now 0230, and there are changes still happening to the network at work that have impacted four of my servers. After eliminating anything on my side, I've reassigned the issues to the network team, and am awaiting issues. This may take a while, so I will be going to get my guitar.

RH 215 38
Rose at 8:00 of my own volition. Sitting and greetings sent. Shower and prpare to go to Yorktown. This is the first YGP meeting for me in two months. I am a bit nervous, as I had a significant break from the guitar. My recent work has been to bring my hands back into some control, using the most developed repertoire I had been working with prior to the accident. This repertoire has suffered as a result. Not relying on it, but hoping that muscle memory will serve me, as will the good will of the team.

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First meeting with all six of us in some time. Something clearly available at the beginning of the meeting. Good work throughout; began with quiet, and a circulation. Then some work for a good 30 to 45 minutes on the Third Primary. Another person would arrive, the circle reset, and another increment of the Third Primary. Finally, a circulation with all six of the team present. It was musical throughout, and had moments of real beauty. An excellent meeting throughout, with the beginning of a necessary discussion about what needs to happen in the short term.

Back home to a sick wife, low-grade cold, due to the change from vacation mode to normal mode. This is a normal event for my wife upon return from Vermont. This time is worse, due to stress while there, and the impending stress of work tomorrow.

LF 217 37
Weather is not too good today: snow, sleet, freezing rain, rain. Cold and miserable.

Many small things to attend to, one important one cannot be completed today. Spoke with my manager about this and we agreed to Monday. I'll touch it this weekend.

RH 216 36
Slightly delayed rise this morning (TV sucked me in last night). Dog & cats taken care of, and out the door a little behind schedule. Nearly hit for the second time this week while driving to work.

LF 217 35
Dragged out of bed this morning, body protesting yesterdays unplanned snow removal. I had an opportunity during said snow removal to observe my body as it worked. Unnecessary tension, particularly in the shoulders and buttocks. A good amount of practice before and after (about 90 to 100 minutes), mostly Third Primary, Third Relation, Lark's intro, Blockhead, the last at 92 (good) and 104 (wobbly but approachable). In working with Blockhead, an opportunity as well to observe the tension in various parts as I worked at tempo.

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Much busy-ness this morning, demanding attention. I have much writing to do, to add some clarity for our procedures. This will take most of my time and energy today. I also must address my performance review, which is due at the end of the week. Have I said I'm not very good at self evaluation? Ah, a point to contemplate...

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A quick run out to grab lunch. In to Trader Joe's, finding snacks for me (roasted, unsalted nuts), and for the team around me (more sugary/salty things). Also got some flax oil to up my intake of Omega-3's. I had forgotten it Sunday when collecting my other dietary enhancements. Salmon, salad, eggplant, tomato and mozzarella for lunch. Just a bit too much in volume. I'm still adjusting. I was hungry going shopping, so all manner of things I wanted but have decided not to have leapt out at me, particularly breads. Stove off the attack by focussing on the aim. Got back and washed some things in the sink in the common area. Will likely go back and finish this afternoon. It calls to me.

More good practice this evening. Third Primary, Third Relation, Lark's, Blockhead. JotD complete, and now, some items from work that need to be caught up...

RH 215 34
Got up a little late this morning, but managed to get out in a reasonable amount of time. Dog taken care of, some things put away, JotD identified (it was escaping me last night). Now, the DGM delivery will be placed in the car audio system for the drive to work.

Hellboys rule. And I think one of my speakers shut down in protest during the Chord From Hell. I think an orchestral version would warp wood.

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As I listen to the Hellboys CD, I believe that I was present for the premier of four of the pieces on the album (Don't Tell My Wife, Robert Ain't your Father - Camp Lebanon, 09.2000; PTSD, Missed the Train - Santa Barbara, 02.2002, though my memory tells me that I heard these at Camp Lebanon). As I write this, I realize that the SB course was two years ago this week. When I first heard Missed the Train, man. I still can't describe it. Thanks, Tom.

I looked at the clock, and it was suddenly an hour later. I can recall all that I did, and it was significant, but don't recall the time passing. I'm not sure if this is good or bad. Agreed in principle to a special project with the NEGC team.

LF 218 33
Awoke with difficulty this morning, but managed. Acknowledged the day as my feet hit the floor, and bundled up to take the dog out. Clear and cold again today, though there is talk of a slight warm-up tomorrow, and possibly rain/sleet/snow.

In a word-of-the-day e-mail, today's is 'finis' as in the end. They include this phrase in Latin: "finis coronat opus", literally, "the end crowns the work".

A phone meeting just finished. One of the participants, who doesn't usually, came to the meeting with a list of items almost as long as the one Martin Luther nailed to the Church door. I spent most of the meeting in my left foot. Barely.

I realize that I shouldn't have this reaction. I can clearly see this person is defending themselves, keeping the status quo wherever possible. It's one of the four behaviors outlined in a book called "Who Moved My Cheese", by Spencer Johnson. It's a pretty light read, a "business fable", if you will. There are some very broad personality characterization, but one is that of a person who fights change, and denies that it is happening. The tale is fairly broad, and over-generalized, but there are some clear points of truth available in it.

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Home, walked the dog, and dinner for the two of us. I had a leftover pork chop & asparagus, he had the usual. After this, more tasks from work, and JotD. A couple other things, then practice, and hopefully an early bed time.

RH 219 32
More small things accomplished. JotD completed, and tomorrow's still awaits its identity. A nice brunch with Lisa, and then I se her off for the week. The dog is still siting at the bottom of the steps for her to come back.

Shopping completed, and a couple movies rented to fil some time that isn't spent practicing. Today's work: more Third Primary, Third Relation, Lark's Intro.

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The Patriots would kill a lesser man, if we could find one.

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Garbage out, dog walked, and now to bed.