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REJECTION GALORE
Rejection is never,
ever, easy in normal circumstances. But when one becomes
ill or injured and especially when the condition becomes
chronic, the person comes to know rejection very well.
Family and friends get frustrated and feel burdened by having to
meet daily needs and feel overwhelmed by the constant
pressure of taking care of someone. Those who have been
helping can lash out at the person simply for having needs! Chronic
illness can destroy relationships and friendships.
Did you know that? At a time when a person needs help THE
MOST, others ACT as if the person needs help THE
LEAST. Others don't just act like the person doesn't need
help, they actually withdraw, The withdrawal of needed help comes with many
things directed TO or AT the person needing help, including
anger/rage, frustration, accusation, and partial or total
rejection, with partial or total avoidance (like not taking
phone calls). Others lash
out in anger, personally attacking the ill person with
put-downs, accusations, and incriminations. What a heavy
price to pay, simply for not being able to meet one's own needs!
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You just want everyone to wait on you!
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You could do it yourself -- if you wanted
to!
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You're just lazy!
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Get off your fat ass and do it yourself!
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I have other responsibilities besides
taking care of you!
The tone of voice is angry, bitter,
retaliatory -- as though YOU "did something" to
deserve their anger, even though you didn't. The simple
fact that you need help and are ill seems to give others
"permission" to be attacking. People have
trouble keeping clear about what are their issues and what are
yours. So instead of talking about how stressed they feel
or talking about feeling overwhelmed, often people get angry at the person who
is needing help.
Because the person does "need" help
with various things in daily life, often they just have to face
this kind of rejection over and over, and over again, especially
if they have few "helpers" in their life.
But there is a toll to this kind of long-term rejection.
First, it can begin to feel like you are just
an object, some thing that
can be left day after day, until whenever
the helper gets around to doing what is needed. This is
emotionally devastating and can create a feeling of
powerlessness. Along with powerlessness can come anger and
bitterness about not having one's needs met.
Second, rejection can lead to sadness and
depression. It can begin to feel like one has no friends
left. If family is the source of rejection, the person in
need can feel like they have no one left who cares about them or
loves them. Feelings a being a burden can be
stronger than a person's ability to shrug off the constant
rejections.
Hopefully, the parties
involved can talk out the feelings both sides have, about a
situation that is usually out of anyone's ability to control or
change. If there is
a way to rotate caregivers to give each person a break, try to
arrange such a schedule. DO
whatever YOU can do to increase communication between yourself
and caregivers. Whatever that can be done to ease the
stress of the situation will be helpful.
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