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Ah, "not a discouraging word, and the skies are not
cloudy all day."
Remember that song from grade school days? Most of us probably
don't even remember all
of the lyrics to "Home on the Range." Our
memories may be short because actually the rest of the lyrics are pretty
grown-up, while "the deer and the antelope play" appeals to
the child's mind, as well as part of the most famous refrain:
Where seldom is heard a discouraging word
And the skies are not cloudy all day
How many of us wish for that? Or put differently, how many of us wish to hear
encouraging words? We all need a song of:
Give me a home, where always is heard, the encouraging word...
Encouragement is in short-supply in this over-stressed world. Everyday,
people receive (and give) more criticism, more rejection, more belittlement, or
even simply being ignored or disregarded.
Let me ask a question here: When you are down about something in your life, who
do you want to talk to the most? Now, let me ask you why
that person?
You may have said you want most to talk to your mother, grandmother, sister...
father, grandfather, brother... another relative... a certain
friend. Regardless of who you said, I would bet that person has
certain qualities. First they are probably very interested in YOU and
YOUR life. They want you to succeed and enjoy hearing of your successes -
but they also care when you're having difficulties in life. They listen.
And most importantly, the person is probably very upbeat and very encouraging
to you. We all need this kind of special person in our lives!
The Way of Encouragement
Encouragement begins "where the person is now," but can see ahead to
where the person wishes to go....
Encouragement is being with the person where they are, but helps the
person focus on where they want to be...
Encouragement doesn't emphasize a person's flaws, and sees more of the person's
strengths and good qualities....
Encouragement is sincere and caring of the other person's well-being....
Encouragement is not lies or wishful thinking, but builds upon something true
about the person...
Too little encouragement joins forces with the discouragement the person
already feels...
Overwhelming encouragement, given all at once, about everything, simply ends up
feeling insincere to the person who is already discouraged...
Illness and Encouragement
There is a reason that the best physical therapists are successful in their
work of rehabilitation: Most are good at beginning with one step, adding
another step and another, all the while seeing the goal of the person walking
across a room. Yet even some physical therapists foster discouragement
when the first goal set is more than a person can possibly do at first.
The best therapists begin where the person is or slightly beyond where the
person is.
After major surgery, a patient is helped to sit on the side of the bed first;
the next day the patient is helped to sit in a chair for 5 to 15 minutes;
later, the goal of walking to the bathroom or down the hall is started.
Every goal in nursing is patient-centered, meaning the goal is broken into
steps that are determined by that patient's condition and ability.
One patient may start at 1 minute for an activity, while another patient starts
at 5 minutes for the same goal. One patient's strength may allow them to
lift a 1-pound barbell 10 times, while another patient may only be able to lift
1-pound a total of 5 times. Or one patient quickly is able to walk part
of the hall, while another patient can only make it to the hospital room door
and back to bed.
And in each of these situations, the medical professional offers
encouragement to meet each small goal.
Encouragement in Chronic Illness
For those who struggle with chronic illness, it's important to use the same
process in setting goals, and offer yourself encouragement (or give daily
encouragement to the chronically ill patient). If you know you can
walk 10 steps, make a goal to walk 12 steps the next time. If your loved
one can wash their face by themselves, encourage them to try to also wash their
arms during the next bath. If your family member is re-teaching
themselves a skill, like dressing or cooking, remember to break the goal into
smaller tasks and give encouragement, regardless of the progress.
Sometimes progress can seem so very, very s-l-o-w when you've been ill a long
time. To use the word of the old "Tammy and the Bachelor"
movie*, progress in any
area for a patient with chronic illness seems "mightily" slow for the
ill person! One day blends into the next (and the next) when you're
trying to build your stamina, improve strength, increase mobility, or any task
that you can't yet do fully or "normally." So, encouragement is
precious, and becomes almost a survival need!
There's so many fears when you are chronically ill, and so many questions.
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Will I ever get well?
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Will I ever be able to do ____ again? (fill in the
blank)
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What is my purpose -- NOW?
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Who will help me? Take care of me?
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What (else) can I do to help myself?
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What will become of me?
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Will I ever work again -- at any job?
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What do I DO - now?
Encouragement and Hope
Without hearing lies, sometimes I know I have wanted to
hear:
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It is "okay."
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"It" will be okay (whatever "it"
is).
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You are still "okay" to me.
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I still love you.
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I still want to be around you.
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I know you can't do the things you used to do, but
someday, maybe you can do some of the things you used to do.
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I know that ONE little step seems sooo little, but it is
A LOT considering your physical condition.
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I KNOW one day you'll be able to do more.
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It's Okay to not meet every goal, no matter how big that
goal was -- or how little the goal was.
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Tomorrow, you may succeed at the same goal you did not
meet today.
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It's okay to get tired, frustrated, and want to give up,
because you are human. Tomorrow is another day to try again.
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It's okay to get angry.
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Keep trying.
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REST today.
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You ARE still valuable; You still do have a purpose in
being alive.
-
When you want to give up, *I* will never give up on YOU.
Oh, there's so many more. I'm sure you could add to
this list too!
Today
Today as you go through your life with a chronic illness, or
as you help care for someone with a chronic illness, think about one thing
you could say to be encouraging.
If you are practicing walking, give yourself praise for what
you did today! Encourage yourself to keep trying. If you're
working on re-learning or learning a skill, make sure to give yourself small
goals that build to your bigger goal and give yourself praise for what you
did accomplish.
Be careful who you listen to - whether your own negative
thoughts or someone who is being negative around you. You don't need
those negative words! Positive thoughts and words will boost you up
and help you on bad days too.
Don't let yourself get so negative that you just stop
trying. Keep GOING!
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