Steps of Re-Structuring

It FEELS like the time of quiet-desperation will never end!

As I described in the previous section, quiet-desperation is much, much more than sadness or depression.  But some days, bad depression can hit, making a person feel even more immobilized.  And there can be days or months of severe depression, where it seems one is simply surviving and there is no chance of ever, ever re-creating a meaningful life.

Because quiet-desperation involves a review of almost everything about your life to that point, and everything about how you think of yourself or about "you" as a person, quiet-desperation can feel pretty confusing.   In the process of review of "everything," the person has thought about so many different ideas that nothing seems to make any sense!  

My Skills

Usually the questions a person starts silently asking about themselves is "what skills do I have that could be useful in a different job -- and could I physically do that job?"

• In my job as a nurse, I was a superb leader; I've always had leadership skills.  But, who want a leader whose speech was affected by a major stroke?

• I like to write, but it would be impossible to get published (so why bother going in that direction).

• I am good with computers; maybe I could do a job from my home.

Thinking of previous skills is a good step.  It is like taking a personal inventory of everything you might or could do in a job.

Yet, many times our job skills don't seem to fit with either our new physical state, our physical limitations, or with the available options created by society.

• I could work in computers, like data-entry.  But I'm in so much chronic pain, I can't predict how I'll feel day to day, so there's no way I could work in an office.

• Despite the fact my body is injured/changed, I still have much knowledge in (math...science...human resources...etc).  But, the schedule of my medical treatments prevents me from doing a real job.

Talents, Passions, Desires

Sometimes the skills you've used in a previous life aren't enough to show you a direction for your future life.  

You'll need to consider one other important aspect: Your talents, passions and desires, which have often been ignored through your former life, in favor of a secure job with a steady paycheck.  Or, your previous job gave you highly-skilled knowledge which doesn't seem to fit now into one alternative job.  

Slowly in the quiet-desperation, windows open briefly, showing you a long-forgotten talent or passion that you'd set aside long ago.  Your heart remembers these secret passions and desires, some that maybe you had in childhood but never pursued.  Or something you "forgot" was a talent because you didn't think you were good enough or could be good enough to actually do it.

Oprah and the new industry of Life Coaches (e.g. professional encouragers for a fee), preach to people to "find your passion."  

Where your passion is, your life will be.

When you pay attention to your talents, worlds open to you.

A passion followed often turns into a job - and is often the job of your  dreams.

Fits and Starts

Quiet-desperation slowly moves into realizing one's passions, and along with the ideas you've been throwing around for months in your head, you start to develop a plan of action.  Maybe your plan involves going back to school for professional training.  Maybe your trek involves creating your own home-business.  For others, following their passion may lead to a "chance encounter" with someone who can offer just the right job, or some support in getting to your dream job.

The plan is important.  It gives structure to all those days and nights spent in "thunking" (my word for some very tough periods of thinking) and evaluating, and re-evaluating yourself and your life.  The plan gives you the steps you'll need to achieve the creation of a new life.  At first, you might not even KNOW the actual steps, but you have some sense or ideas of what you'll need to do to get to your overall goal.  Having medical problems - and having to continue living your current life- , you may find your plan and steps come in fits and starts.  That's normal.  It's okay.   On your good days, you may accomplish a lot towards part of your goal -- then, nothing for days or weeks while you deal with health problems or normal life responsibilities.  It feels like there's not enough time....  And still, you wonder if you can even DO what you would like to do....

Next.... One Foot IN - One Foot OUT.