Quiet-Desperation

Quiet-Desperation.... quiet....painful...desperate...reflection....

Do you know what is meant by quiet-desperation?

If you've gone from relative health to a life-changing medical event, you probably have felt it yourself.  Maybe you didn't know what to call the feeling though.  Maybe you called it sadness, or depression.  Yes, both of those can certainly be part of quiet-desperation, but it's not the completeness of what this state is, or means.

Quiet-Desperation SCREAMS in your heart and in your brain.  It screams inside you, even while you are continuing to do the normal daily things you are responsible to do.  It's "there" almost every day, morning, noon, and night (and often in the middle of sleepless nights).   Sometimes it comes in your dreams at night, through dreams that are confusing and stick with you as a feeling of uncertainty mixed with hopes mixed with reality.  

Inside quiet-desperation is a re-evaluation of simply everything about you, your life, your wants, hopes, dreams, your former life, your current abilities, your previous education, your options, your fears, your ideas, your mental or emotional obstacles, the messages you've always abided by in your head (like "I have value if I have a job"), the negative messages you've carried about yourself ("you'll never be anything great"), your previous job-skills, and thinking over and over and over again about what things you CAN DO NOW.  Quiet-desperation is an ongoing reflection of every part of your being.  It's walking through the Valley of the Shadow of Death...and even more-so if your medical problem was one in which you know you cheated death, AND that the same medical problem could occur again and could indeed cause death (the next time).  Quiet-desperation is the the physical and human side to the spiritual-religious meaning behind the phrase "the Dark Night of the Soul."  Just as a person going through the spiritual struggle of the Dark Night, the Shadow of Death struggle is not over in one night, one day, one week, one month, or even one year!  In fact, some spiritual historical persons said they struggled for 20 years in the Dark Night.  The physical-human Shadow of Death conflict probably takes a much shorter time than a spiritual struggle, but it can still take several years to figure out a new life for one's self.

Next.... Steps of Re-Structuring