|
|
|
STRESS REDUCTION
Taking Care of Myself
Stress Reduction Techniques That Work
Do | Will Try
1. Breathe!
2. Ask oneself: What do I need to do right now to relax?
3. Repeating this statement and believing it: I have all the time that I need.
4. Yelling in the car.
5. Contract with someone to talk, cry, let out the feelings.
6. Escape into fantasy.
7. Read stories where 'good' triumphs over 'evil'.
8. Reading inspirational books.
9. Use humor.
10. Exercising.
11. Noticing when the energy is getting to be too much and calling it.
12. Baking cookies.
13. Have some herbal tea.
14. Eating something that reminds one of a happy time in childhood.
15. Taking a hot bubble bath.
16. Visualize or fantasize a perfect situation.
17. Go to a favorite place in nature in fantasy - or for real.
18. Take a nap or go to bed.
19. Go to a greenhouse, a bookstore, and/or a pet shop.
20. Taking care of plants.
21. Do athletic games.
22. Play games - i.e., computer games, backgammon, chess, checkers, cards.
23. Cuddling; hugs; sex.
24. Doing something with your hands - knit, sew, cook, clean, build something.
25. Go to the movies.
26. Buy yourself a present.
27. Play music.
28. Meditate.
29. Play with children.
30. Lower the lights.
31. Develop a reliable support system.
32. Identify what the real fear is.
33. Find someone to complain to who won't mind.
34. Eat an ice cream cone.
35. Spend some time alone.
36. Tense, and then release muscles.
37. Take a walk.
38. Take a vacation.
39. Write in your journal.
40. Splash water on your face; wash your hands.
41. Go to the bathroom.
42. Write a letter.
43. Do something silly.
44. Make a telephone call; call a friend.
45. Call a specific person who is calm, or outside the situation.
46. Hug your dog, or cat.
47. Take your dog for a walk in the park.
48. Clean/organize.
49. Hug someone safe.
50. Find out where you are powerful.
http://www.healinghopes.org/library/takingcare.html
"Learning To Trust Yourself"
"Many adult survivors have trouble believing their perceptions, senses, and feelings. You may doubt your intuitions and fail to trust your own instincts. You may not be connected to the inner gauge that tells you how you feel about what's going on around you. This lack of self-awareness is a direct result of child sexual abuse.
Children are naturally trusting. Their first impulse is to love the people who take care of them. Sexual abuse shatters that trust, and children learn that it's not safe to respond to their most basic instincts.
Many abused children were told they're crazy, that their feelings are wrong or don't make sense. Abusers often twist reality...you must get rid of the negative messages you absorbed as a child, discovering your inner voice, setting limits and saying no, you will clear away many of the obstacles to trusting yourself.
In order to get in touch with your thoughts, perceptions, and feelings, you need to be present in the moment--to feel your emotions, to stay in your body, to pay attention to what's going on inside and around you. This can be a tremendous challenge for survivors, many of whom learned early on to dissociate, to disconnect from unpleasant feelings and body sensations.
When you were growing up, splitting off from your feelings and physical sensations was an effective and necessary coping skill." [I personally would add here: that in both the case of denial for the survivor not diagnosed with a dissociative disorder and in the case of anyone diagnosed with BPD, in my opinion, DDNOS, and or DID/MPD an important part of why this coping skill worked/works is that it is denial at work as a defence mechanism without which many of us just may not have survived] "You couldn't stand the physical pain, the confusing sensations, the humiliation, the jumbled intensity of feelings the abuse caused. So you learned to space out." [or dissociate in terms of other fragmented parts and or alters] "The problem is you may still be spacing out, even when you don't want to. Like other childhood coping mechanisms, the survival skill may have outlived its purpose." [Again I would interject here that you know it has outlived itself as a coping skill when, now, as an adult, this may be the very aspect of your 'coping' that keeps you from functioning as you would like to in every day life]
"If you space out regularly, learning to be present when you want to be is an important skill. As you increase your ability to be present, your capacity to feel your feelings, think your thoughts, experience your body, and move through life with attention will dramatically increase. Such attention naturally increases your capacity for healing. [Another thing I would add here is that it also increases integration and or it enhances the process of working toward intergration in the sense of a more cooperative system as opposed to the seeking to eliminate fragmented parts or alters]
Learning To Be More Present
"If you want to be more present, begin by observing your current behavior, [and in the case of DID/MPD I add here the behavior which you are in fact aware of] Without judgment, explore the way things are. Then set the intention to change. Decide that you are willing to be present, to feel the feelings and sensations spacing out [or dissociation] has [or does] protect you from. Then practice paying attention. Being present is a matter of intention [to clarify yes it is for the survivor not diagnosed with a dissociative disorder not as much is as clear in terms of intention in the case where awareness and or control may not be very strong where BPD, DD, DDNOS, DID/MPD are concerned] willingness, and breathing.
As you begin your observations, ask yourself [selves] the following questions: Can I differentiate between the times I'm present and the times I'm not? What happens when I space out? What does it feel like inside? What thoughts run through my mind? What feelings do I have? What happens in my body? How does my behavior change?" [For those with DID it may be helpful if someone else can possibly also tell you what they have observed in these times]
When I space out, it feels as if (I'm going down the drain/I'm underwater/I'm behind a pane of glass/I'm floating on the ceiling)
________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________
I start (talking really fast/tapping my foot/feeling numb in my fingers)
__________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________
I stop (making eye contact/breathing/feeling anything/thinking clearly)
___________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________
I start to think (I'm going to die/I don't think--that's the problem/about going away on a magic carpet/counting things)
___________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________
Everytime you catch yourself spacing out note the time, place, and situation. Then try to answer the following:
Time of Spaceout: ________________________________________
Length of spaceout ________________________________________
(If known)Place: _______________________________________
Last thing remembered: _______________________________________
What was going on?: _______________________________________
Who, if anyone was there? What were they doing?
_______________________________________
What emotions was I feeling?
_______________________________________
Was there anything disturbing to me at the time I spaced out? If
so, what? ________________________________________
When you observe your periods of attention and inattention, you'll
begin to recognize some patterns. When someone is angry with you,
you space out. When you are expected to perform sexually, you
disappear. When you're sad or scared, you leave. "[Again I would
interject by way of suggestion that if you do not have a diagnosed
dissociative disorder then your leaving may take the form of denying
what you feel and or what your inner child is trying to tell you]
"Understanding these patterns is crucial to learning to be present.
When you isolate the times you space out, you can identify the need
you're fulfilling, and then you can find alternative ways to meet
that need.
I space out so I don't have to (feel angry/be sexual/say what
I really think)
_____________________________________________________________
Other ways I could meet this need:
_____________________________________________________________
"Once you've gathered information about these patterns, you have
to decide if you want to change. This is a question of willingness.
Are you willing to feel angry? To stand up for yourself? To feel
sexual?To be present?
If you are willing to be present, some simple techniques for
coming back to your body may help. Try breathing, putting your
feel flat on the floor, and saying, 'I'm willing to be here'
You may come back immediately. Sometimes you may need other things
to help you come back--looking at your surroundings, sitting or
lying on the ground, moving or stretching, contact with a safe
person who can help ground you, taking a walk, verbal reminders
about where you are (or who you are), safe physical touch, or
talking about your experience.
After you've gotten grounded again in the present, [or in
your own self as the case my be] take a few minutes to figure
out why you left. Record your answers in your awareness journal.
Learning to be present is a slow trial-and-error process. Often
when survivors tackle this issue, they suddenly find they're
spacing out more than they ever did. This can be very frustrating.
Hang in there. Be patient. Keep breathing and bringing yourself back.
Being present only exists in the moment. You can be present now...and
now...and now."
|
|
|
|
