It's christmas day & HO HO HO to you, too. I'm in Albuquerque right now, where there's no snow on the ground, but it's at least somewhat cold outside. In less than 12 hours i'll be headed back to the frozen tundra, & probably just as well. Four days with the fam is plenty. It's actually been a pretty good trip, save for two things. The first is the minor detail of my plane from Detroit to Cincinnati coming precariously close to crashing. The other is a lot harder to deal with, & it has to do with not being able to stop thinking of things that i cannot have. Actually, there is one more very small thing... & that's the fact that my parents bought me a couple of gifts when i told them not to. Just a couple of things, mind you, but certainly way more than i deserve.
Anyway, i'll return to Michigan (or, well, hopefully i'll return... it seems as though Delta may have some sort of grudge with me) & get ready to bring in the New Year the only way i know how - sitting on my couch, alone, trying to drown my sorrows with a bottle of cheap whiskey. Which sounds pathetic, i know, but is actually fine with me. As glad as i was that i decided to spend x-mas with my family (& as much as i missed being able to spend some of this time with another family i used to know), i actually prefer to spend New Year's Eve alone. I've never enjoyed going to parties or even being around a ton of people on New Year's Eve. I would much rather just hang out with a few friends or simply sit around by myself. And since i no longer have any friends within a 40-or-so mile radius of me & the only other person i'd want to be with probably doesn't want to have anything to do with me, i'll probably just kick back with good ol' Mr. Beam, watch the ball drop on the TV, yell out the window, run around my apartment naked a couple times & then try to kill myself with the kindness of alcohol. God bless the holiday season!
-cpb 12/25 {link}

The life is a strange one. Rubbish in, rubbish out. Or is it - the Good in, the Good out? Does it matter? I think it does, sometimes. Others i don't.
Anyway, i'm off to the desert to celebrate christmas... or something like that. Doing the family thing, which is good, to take my mind off the "usual" thing. I try not to bother with "the usual thing," if i can borrow a line from Marshal Crenshaw. We'll be back to usual soon enough, i think. Which may or may not be a good thing, we'll decide afterwards...
-cpb 12/22 {link}

I know the first Bowl Game is still a week away, but i couldn't help myself... i just needed to get my picks out there. Actually, that's not entirely true. Truth is, i've lost my old handicapper, Cat, since he was put out by my ex-wife. And, quite frankly, without him, i know nothing. So these are all guesses. Last year, with Eli's help, i went 17-11. So, we'll see how it goes:

New Orleans Bowl: Southern Miss over Arkansas State
GMAC Bowl: Toledo over UTEP
Las Vegas Bowl: California over BYU
Poinsettia Bowl: Navy over Colorado State
Fort Worth Bowl: Kansas over Houston
Hawaii Bowl: Nevada over UCF
Motor City Bowl: Akron over Memphis
Champs Sports Bowl: Clemson over Colorado
Insight Bowl: Arizona State over Rutgers
MPC Computers Bowl: Boise State over Boston College
Alamo Bowl: Michigan over Nebraska
Emerald Bowl: Georgia Tech over Utah
Holiday Bowl: Oklahoma over Oregon
Music City Bowl: Virginia over Minnesota
Sun Bowl: UCLA over Northwestern
Independence Bowl: South Carolina over Missouri
Peach Bowl: LSU over Miami (FL)
Meineke Car Care Bowl: NC State over South Florida
Liberty Bowl: Fresno State over Tulsa
Houston Bowl: TCU over Iowa State
Cotton Bowl: Texas Tech over Alabama
Outback Bowl: Florida over Iowa
Gator Bowl: Virginia Tech over Louisville
Capital One Bowl: Auburn over Wisconsin
Fiesta Bowl: Ohio State over Notre Dame
Sugar Bowl: Georgia over West Virginia
Orange Bowl: Penn State over Florida State
Rose Bowl: USC over Texas
[18-10/2-2]
-cpb 12/13 {link}

I almost forgot to give my respects, or what few i have left, to one of my favorite comedians, and probably one of the two greatest stand-up comedians ever, Richard Pryor, who died Saturday morning. Sad to hear, although i guess not totally unexpected. We will miss you, Mudbone.
And although not quite as funny, but maybe just as interesting, was Eugene McCarthy, who also died Saturday. At least the Senator was 89, but Gene will be missed as well.
-cpb 12/12 {link}

Well, well, well... yesterday was most certainly an interesting one. A day full of discovery. Or, i guess i should say, re-discovery.
First i made a quick little trip out to the airport to catch Shan-O, who was laying over on his way to his 'rents house... back in the states, taking a break from saving Africa, for a few weeks. It was good seeing/feeling/rubbing/caressing Shane once again. I've neglected Mr. McGee since he entered the Peace Corps & have felt horrible about it. Luckily, however, i didn't have to admit this to the little prick & was just able to make a few fag & dick jokes & smoothed it all over. And who else did i run into at DTW, other than one Mr. Fresh? It had been quite a while since i had seen my former arch-enemy... too long, in fact. But it's like riding a bike with old friends like that, & D-Nice can use my face as a banana seat any day. I'm sorry, did i take that a little too far? Anyway, the reunion was rounded out with a visit from E.B. & his beard & Polio without his beard. Polio is also back from the Dark Continent (he's saving the west coast while Shane's banana is laying pipe on the east coast).
All seemed to be well with this gang of yahoos... & that's good. Cos it's good to be well, right? Good... & well.
I then rounded the night out with a trip to Akron, to visit my sister. Aimee recently (well, actually about a year & a half ago) bought a house & i had yet to see the bastard. My sister & her roommate have a party every year around this time, so i usually try to make it, get really drunk, make an ass of myself, then throw up all over myself & pass out in the shower. I actually didn't do any of those things this year, save getting drunk. But i did re-discover something that i have to admit is good to know - there actually are good-looking females out there that want to have sex with me. And armed with this knowledge, it's about time i get back to my plan of TAKING OVER THE WORLD! Either that, or just holing back up in my apartment & getting drunk by myself, laughing at my own jokes & generally being insane. Either one.
-cpb 12/11 {link}

Last night i was sitting around, havin' a few co-co's, thinking about how much December sucks, when it hit me that there are quite a few good things goin' on this month. Besides the NFL regular season starting to wind down, college football Bowl Season & that Paul McCartney christmas song, there are two things that really stand out for me.
One is, that it's around this time that the stores all have their holiday booze boxes out, where you can by a bottle of liquor & get some kind of goofy glass or flask or something. This, actually, kinda sucks, since i'm trying to cut down on my booze intake right now. The second, & more important, thing is that the college basketball season is getting into full swing right about now. There are lots of good out-of-conference match-ups & preseason tournaments & such. But the one i like the best is the Jimmy V Classic. Not that it's always the best games, but i just love seeing/hearing Jimmy Valvano's speech from the 1993 ESPY Awards. No matter how many times i see or hear or even read that speech, it still gives me goosebumps every time. Outstanding speech.

And also, after over a year, i've finally added a new edition of random thoughts. I know it's been a long time, but it has not been a very funny year... or a very random one, for that matter. But these are both, enjoy.
-cpb 12/7 {link}

December is upon us... weeeeeeeee! And how did i celebrate? Well, by going to some seedy Titty Bar in Toledo with the most degenerate married friend that i have & having a stripper thrust her asshole about four inches away from my nose... that's how.
This, of course, is the time of year when i would normally start wanting to plunge hot pokers into my eyeballs & filling my ears with cement so i don't have to see or hear one more thing about the goddamn "holiday season". This year, though, is looking like it will not be quite so bad. Of course, a lot of that has to do with the fact that i'm recently divorced & already well into winter depression, but what the hell? This is going to be great because, as it is right now, i am not going to have to buy one christmas present. And even better - i am not going to receive one christmas present, either. I have no significant other right now, which also means no in-laws. And that is most certainly not a swipe at my ex-in-laws... they're a great family, great people. But the less i have to 1) think of gifts to buy people & 2) spend money i don't have buying said gifts, the better. I'm also not buying anything for my family. I'm not going to the regular christmas gathering at my grandparents' house, which is good, because i have never known what to buy them or my aunts & uncles. And as far as my immediate family, my sister & i have agreed not to buy anything for each other cos we're both broke, & my gift to my parents is getting to see ME! I'm traveling out to Albuquerque for a few days & that's gonna have to be good enough. And i know it is... after all, who wouldn't want to see ME?
-cpb 12/6 {link}

Well, it's the last day of November... is it wintertime yet? Feels like it. Even got some snow this year... did we have snow in November last year? Hell, i can't remember. It seems like years ago... what a different world it was, what a different person, what different people.
If you can believe it, i'm still out working on lawns. Fun, fun. What a fucking adventure. Today i slipped & ate shit in someone's back yard. Goddamn boots they give us have all the traction of a good pair of tap shoes. Selah. I have no pride, if you've not picked that up from my posts the last couple of months. But we must move on, no? Gotta "grow up", or some such nonsense. I've quit drinking... or, at least, drinking so much. Sobriety has not helped The Book much, but i found out this week that if i remain such a fuck-up, or in such a fucked-up state, that i am of no use to anyone. Apparently i can't help anyone if i have problems of my own. It was a real slap in the face to realize that not only had i ruined my own life, but that since i have a screw loose, i'm of no use to anyone. Can't help my friends, my family or even the woman i love more than anything in the world. Totally useless.
So, i guess i gotta straighten up. Twenty-seven years is a long time to waste. The future is bright for some, a dim memory for others. Time to choose...
-cpb 11/30 {link}

Holy Geez, we're coming to the end of an unbelievably uneventful Turkey Day weekend. Thanksgiving has always been one of my favorite holidays/times of year... but this year was just, i don't know, boring, i guess. I drove down to Tiffin on Thursday for dinner. Now, don't get me wrong here, it's good to see my relatives, especially my sister & grandparents, but it's not the tryptophan making me want to crawl into a coma. I swear, you could make a video of this gathering one year, then on Thanksgiving just pop it into a VCR somewhere & save everyone the trouble of driving & cooking & all that. It is the same thing EVERY year. Same food, same clothes, same conversations. But i digress...
And after that, the weekend only got more boring. I've pretty much just been sitting around my apartment working on The Book... taking breaks every once in a while to watch a football or basketball game here & there. Oh yeah, with a quick trip to the Laundr-o-Mat thrown in there. See, i've had custody of the dog this weekend, & i'll be damned if the bastard didn't take a piss on my bed. As if it's not bad enough that i've got to watch my ex-wife's dog while she's off screwing around with her boyfriend, but i've got to get my bed pissed on as well. Thanks a lot, Day-Z... that's just what i needed to send myself deeper into this nagging depression. Actually, though, it's probably a good thing i've been responsible for the dog this weekend. I gotta be honest, that bottle of sleeping pills has never looked tastier.
-cpb 11/27 {link}

What a windy, cold, rainy, snowy, sore throaty, achy, ear infectiony week it's been. I know i've said this a million times, but here's a million & one - FUCK WIND! But what can ya do... besides take it?
Oh well, tomorrow is the OSU/Michigan game. Luckily i work at a place full of Michigan slappies, so i finally had an excuse to wear my Ohio State jersey that Peter B bought me for being in his wedding. To be honest, even though i'm originally from Ohio, i'm not really that big of a Buckeye fan... but i do hate Michigan. I think it's just cos their fans are so fucking conceited. Then again, if i lived anywhere near Columbus, i'd probably hate OSU. Anyway, my prediction:
OSU - 27
UM - 19
-cpb 11/18 {link}

Oy, what times we live in... or, should i say, what times i've created for myself...
A date... or, i should say, a "date" with an old classmate. Well, an old "classmate", i guess. And on top of that, the daughter of my new agent. Well, maybe my new "agent". Fuck, if this, this... The Book, isn't gonna be the death of me.
Anyway... the "date". What a fucking joke. The first "female contact" of any sort i've had since my wife left me - with the exception of the drugged-up whore that grabbed my sac at the Roundtree a couple months ago - & what a fucking disaster. Unfortunately, i can't just move on like my ex-wife has. As much as i would like to, i just can't get past her right now. Damn you, ex-wife! As the Reverend Mother told Maud'Dip towards the end of Dune - "Get out of my mind!"
-cpb 11/12 {link}

Well, how-dee-do. After years & years... or year of neglect, i've finally added some new stuff to The Corner. I feel bad about the way i've treated The Corner. I promised it so much & done nothing but let it down. I've ignored it like my parents, neglected it like my friends, avoided it like my family, lied to it like my ex-wife & disapointed it like i have every person that's ever given a shit about me. But what can i say? I'm a derelict & a douchebag. Actually, i take that back. I am not a douchebag... but i most certainly am a derelict. And as with everything/one else... i have an excuse. Except this one is actually legitimate. I spent the last six months of my marriage in an existential funk that left me completely uninterested in writing & the past seven or eight months since my wife left me working mostly on "the book"... which, from here on out, will be referred to as The Book. So, i've had little time for poetry or interesting babblings (with the exception of this hunk of shit that barfed out of my pen about a month ago).
Anyway... the section i've added contains what i call Waitsisms. And what are Waitsisms, you ask? Well... i explain it there, so check it out. Good luck & have fun... & try not to hurt yourself.
-cpb 11/8 {link}

"You haven't met yourself yet. But the advantage to meeting others in the meantime is that one of them may present you to yourself."

Halloween's come & gone. Who was i? I was the Continental's retarded brother... that's who. Who have i been, the past year or so? A joke, that's who/what. Did i pass out candy this year? No. I no longer have a porch. That was taken away from me by my bad decisions & my ex-wife's need to rid herself of excess baggage that was no longer of any need of her's. Did i make an ass of myself yet again at my friends Keith & Jessica's house? Well... i don't think so... although there's an empty bottle of Jack Daniel's whiskey that may want to differ with me. Well, bring it, Jack. I've dealt with you before... maybe not on my own Turf, but i've seen it done. I know you.
I'm afraid of what might happen tomorrow. It's a sad anniversary of mine...
-cpb 11/1 {link}

So, uh, yeah... those silly little predictions i made for the baseball playoffs... we can just forget those, can't we? Wow, was i off. But what's new? I'm just off a lot... what can i say?
-cpb 10/27 {link}

Quick tip for all you guys out there... &, i guess, for the women too: If you ever get the urge to shave your crotch while you're drunk... do yourself a favor & sleep on it. Not that i'm saying it's a bad thing to shave your junk, or anything like that... but just don't do it while you're drunk. Bad things can happen. Take my word for it...
-cpb 10/23 {link}

That dude on the Burger King commercials really creeps me out. And he pisses me off. He pisses me off, not because he's so fucking creepy, but because he can pull chicks & i can't. Goddamn you, economy. And Econoline vans. I won't soon forget you... that's a promise.
-cpb 10/21 {link}

Well, apparently, yesterday was Sweetest Day. Another bullshit mock-holiday invented by money-fucking whore greeting card execs. Oh, putridity. I can tolerate St. Patrick's Day, even though it's bullshit, too. But, at least it's a real holiday. And don't get me wrong here, it's not as though i'm against buying a chick flowers or anything. I know i didn't do it nearly enough for my ex-wife, but that's just cos i was broke most of the time. But having a day when it is required to buy your girlfriend/wife/lover/whatever flowers & candy is complete bullshit. If that's the case, there should be a Balls On Your Chin Day, when women are required to give their men head.
Anyway... in honor of this bullshit holiday, The Third Floor Players have released their first single in about four years or so. Although, putting the TTFP moniker on this release is a slight misnomer, since i'm the only one of the original three members to work on the song. Of course, i had help from my old running mate B. Early & the latest incarnation of the Early Birds. Shit, it's the least he could do after all the hits i've penned for him. Anyhow, i had little choice, seeing as though Shan-O is off saving Africa & The Drummer is mired in relationship problems & busy tattling on me to my ex-wife.
The song, though, is another cover... although not in the same vein as Undone (The Sweater Song). This single is a re-working of the Beatle classic All You Need Is Love, without the trumpets & with new lyrics. I wrote the new lyrics... but they were inspired by Mr. McGee, who once asked me, "What if John Lennon had sung 'All You Need Is Fuck'?" So, there you have it... the story behind the next TTFP single poised to skip across the bottom of the charts - All You Need Is Fuck.
The song, as i said, was inspired by Shane... but it was the events of the past six months or so that made me feel like getting this single done. In the past half year, i've had the unfortunate pleasure of realizing that Love is not enough. Love is not, in fact, all you need. This is something i've always feared... always felt, yet hoped wasn't true. Well, boys & girls, i hate to say it, but it is true. Love is not enough. So, who knows, troopers... maybe Fuck is all you need. Ya never know...
-cpb 10/16 {link}

So, only 2 of 4 in my Divisional Series picks. Stupid American League. What the hell was i thinking picking bats over pitching in the Sox series? And i forgot about the curse of Don Mattingly. Unfortunately, however, i was right about the Houston/Atlanta series. I sat around all freegin' day watching Game 4 on Sunday. I was hoping the Bravos would pull it out & make my Houston-to-win-it-all pick look silly, but somewhere around the 13th inning i started getting the feeling that Houston was going to hit a solo ding-dong to win the game. Then - about an hour and a half later - i was proven right. I've been a Braves fan since my Little League days, when i played on the Braves (this was when Ethan Hill hit me in the throat with a bat, thus ruining my future singing career). And in this capacity, i've agonized, along with my good friend J. Knitt, on their playoff woes in 13 of the past 14 years. Goddamn you, Charlie Leibrandt! So... as for the AL now, i think that the Angels will beat Chicago in 7 & go on to get beat by the 'Stros. As Jose Lima says, "BELIEVE IT!"
Anyhoo... the Detroit sports scene is starting to look up. The Red Wings have gotten off to a quick start & the Lions, after a win Sunday, are 2-2 & all alone in 1st place in the anemic-looking NFC North... not to mention a bad call away from being 3-1. That won't last, i'm sure... but around the time they're 2-6, it'll be NBA time - & then we'll see what kind of magic the Flipster will bring to the 'Stons. What joys will come to the D? We'll have to wait & see. (Yeah, i'm a poet & i know it... BITCH!)
-cpb 10/11 {link}

"Is there any way that it could work out between us?"
"I wish I could say yes, you know. But... in the end... I'm not what you want."

Got the urge recently, while listening to Dane Cook's latest brilliance - Retaliation, to watch Heat again. It's been a long time since i've seen this movie & i had forgotten how fucking good it is. DeNiro & Pacino are brilliant - before they both started to become caricatures of themselves - & Val Kilmer... remember when he made good movies?
And besides that, i finally saw the first season of Da Ali G Show. Fucking brilliant. I had heard a lot about the show & had seen some of Cohen's other work, but i haven't had HBO since D-Fresh had to go mess up the free cable that our whore landlady had been getting when the two of us lived together by getting his cable modem set up. So, i had to finally break down & just go out & buy the first season on DVD. I had heard nothing but good stuff about the show, especially from my former brother-in-law, who, for reasons i never actually found out while i was part of the family, is called The Sheriff.
Well, as i said... fucking brilliant. Great stuff. I think the funniest line of the whole season, though, is when Cohen, as Ali G, is interviewing Boutrous Boutrous Ghali & calls him Boutrous Boutrous Boutrous Ghali. I would recommend this DVD to anyone with a sense of humor. And especially to anyone with a sense of humour.
-cpb 10/6 {link}

Baseball, baseball, baseball. God i love baseball. What a great season this year. Wildcard races coming right down to the wire, people putting up great (legitimate, this year... hopefully) stats... good stuff all around. Too bad the Tigers sucked fat dick this year. And today the word came down that Alan Trammell got the ax. Knew that was coming... & he deserved it... but it's too bad. I think Tram may be a good manager some day, but there was no way he was going to succeed in this situation. Oh well, there's always next year, right?
Anyway... here are my predicts for the playoffs:
American League: New York over Anaheim & Boston over Chicago - New York over Boston in 6
National League: Houston over Atlanta & St. Louis over San Diego - Houston over St. Louis in 5
World Series: Houston over New York in 7
-cpb 10/3 {link}

Holy shit... Toledo is a crazy town sometimes. And those times are usually when i'm drunk off my ass at 3 o'clock in the morning in Steak & Shake & some drunk-ass bimbo with big tits pours water all over me. That's about the time that shit gets crazy.
And then i had to wake up, wash the crust off, try to sober up & drive down to Tiffin to have lunch with my grandparents. Maybe i should make it dinner next time. That way, i can sit in the shower for about an hour & a half chasing the demons from my blood & mind. Selah, i guess...
-cpb 10/2 {link}

Screw, screw, screw... screw the Lions. Frustration is the name of the games in the D right about now. The Tigers are limping to the end of another disappointment, the Lions look to be the same ol' Lions & even the Red Wings look to be a bit fucked.

Oh well, luckily i'm sticking to a pretty strict drug regiment. Or, at least, a strict booze regiment. I've been keeping pretty well lit in my spare time, which actually isn't much... but it makes the lonely hours pass quicker. Past experience would suggest this would lend itself well to getting some good writing done, but even that has been a trainwreck of late. Worthless sessions sitting in front of this goddamn computer... wasted time, it seems... & the only funny or relatively intelligent blurbs have been scribbled on the empty spaces of unused Keno slips at the Roundtree Bar & Grill.
I've been spending quite a bit of time of late at the Roundtree, which is slowly turning into my personal Jerome Hotel Bar. It breaks the monotony of being in this dumpy-ass apartment. It's actually a decent escape... there's a bartender there that knows my name & what i drink, which, when i'm out, tends to be Bud Light. It's nice having someone that knows your drink... something i've not had in a long time. Unfortunately, though, she happens to be a very good looking & attractive young woman. The scenery is nice, but it makes me feels skeevy & a bit lecherous sitting at the bar. But what can you do? It's right next to the Laundromat...
-cpb 9/18, 7:51 AM EST {link}

I realize this is a week late... but too bad. It's not as if i picked up anything from week 1 to change my opinions, anyhow. Except maybe that the Lions are now in an even better position to break Detroit's collective hearts once again. Anyhoo... here are my picks for divisional winners & the such:

AFC:
East: New England
North: Pittsburgh
South: Indianapolis
West: Kansas City
Wildcard Teams: Jacksonville & Buffalo
AFC Championship Game: Pittsburgh over Indianapolis

NFC:
East: Philadelphia
North: Minnesota
South: New Orleans
West: St. Louis
Wildcard Teams: Atlanta & Green Bay
NFC Championship Game: Atlanta over Philadelphia

Super Bowl XL: Pittsburgh over Atlanta

So there you have it. Place your bets now.
-cpb 9/18, 10:55 AM EST {link}

Football Season Is Over
"No More Games. No More Bombs. No More Walking. No More Fun. No More Swimming. 67. That is 17 years past 50. 17 more than I needed or wanted. Boring. I am always bitchy. No Fun -- for anybody. 67. You are getting Greedy. Act your old age. Relax -- This won't hurt."

If i could have written a suicide note like this i probably would have killed myself four or five months ago. When i heard this on the radio on Monday i was surprised. Not that Hunter S. Thompson had left a suicide note, but that it was so short & sparse. But, the more i've thought about it this week, the more it makes sense. This was a man that made his living writing words... & was well known for writing way more than those in charge wanted from him. It makes sense... it's obvious he knew where he wanted to go & wanted to get there as soon as possible. Although he apparently wrote this a few days before killing himself, it figures he would keep it short & bittersweet. Had he started to write down everything he was thinking, he'd probably be into his 70's by the time he got around to pulling the trigger. So, here's a shot or two of Wild Turkey to you, you selfish, dead bastard. Thank you & fuck you, you son of a bitch.
-cpb 9/15 {link}

Well, it's September 11th, 2005. There are about a million things i want to talk about from the past couple weeks, a few of which i'll get to in a few lines. But i wouldn't be a "true patriotic American" if i didn't mention the anniversary of the, "tragic events of seven-eleven," as Ali G. once said.

I still remember that day four years ago. I got up in the morning to go to a class, which i discovered to be canceled (then, would later find out that my teacher just happened to be from & have family in New York). Then, on the way home, i heard on the radio that a plane had crashed into the World Trade Center. With no other details, i thought it kind of funny that some idiot crashed their plane into a building. Of course, when i got home, the news was all over the TV. Then it started to quickly sink in that someone had done this on purpose, not once but twice. I just remember sitting around all day, watching TV, with my mouth wide open, thinking, "This is un-fucking-believable." I must have said & thought that line about a thousand times that day. "This is unbelievable" Thinking back on those events now... the death & destruction... all of it - i still can't believe it.
Unfortunately, hearing about/seeing/remembering that day now no longer leaves me open-mouthed & saddened. The reaction is now more of a cringe. Four years ago i had no idea how badly that day would be politicized & used & exploited. The finger-pointing, the blaming, the reactionary decision-making. It all makes my head hurt. And that is too goddamn bad. This day should be a remembrance of those that lost their lives and a celebration of all the every-day men & women who, without thought, became heroes that day. Ah well, what the hell do i know, anyhow? I wasn't there, i don't know anyone who died that day, i'm not a pig or a fire-fighter, i'm not a politician & i really can't exploit the event for any gain of my own. Hell, i can't even write a good paragraph or two to remember the damn day...

Anyway...

From one disaster to another. This whole Hurricane Katrina is just ridiculous. What a tremendous cluster-fuck. I mean, what a just unbelievable series of screw-ups & idiotic decisions. Louisiana is a crazy-ass, backwards state. The whole state moves to the beat of its own drum... it's kinda like a whole separate country. And, of course, New Orleans is the epicenter of the whole thing. Unfortunately, however, New Orleans is/was also very poor, very fat & very dangerous at night. Or, as Wolf Blitzer put it so elegantly, "These people are so poor & so black." Oh, Wolf... you dumb cracker.
Fuck... i have/had a crap-load of other shit i wanted to hit on about this whole fiasco, but just typing these first couple sentences is making my head hurt. Plus, there are a few other things i need to hit on & i gotta wrap this up, cos football is about to start.

Speaking of football... it's time for FOOTBALL. Ohio State & Michigan both got beat yesterday & quite frankly i couldn't give a shit either way. That's just how i roll. The Patriots started off the NFL season with another win... & thanks to Oakland's botched two-point conversion, i won $100. Yee-fucking-haw. And in a few hours, the train-wreck that is the Detroit Lions will be kicking off their season. I just don't know about the Lions this year. I don't think they'll be as good as a lot of people were thinking they would be before the preseason started. However, i don't think they'll be as bad as many think they'll be now after their preseason debacle. My prediction? The Lions will beat Green Bay today, finish the season 8-8 - behind the Vikings, who will win the division - & miss the playoffs.

That's it, for now. The "games" are on & i need to watch, for some unknown reason. Back in a few, maybe.
-cpb 9/11 {link}

"Shit. What's one more old nigger to the Board of Education?"

An interesting week, thus far. Well, at least i think it's been an interesting week. Mr. Beam has robbed me of much of my short-term memory. I just wish he'd start in on the long-term stuff soon.

"Did ya get my cheese wiz, boy?"

Sunday i finally broke down & drove down to Tiffin to see my grandparents. Don't get me wrong here, i love my grandparents... always have & always will. But it is just such a drag talking to/seeing them anymore. I've got nothing but "fuck up"/"disapointment"/"i'm a loser" to tell them about. And though i know they do & always will love me no matter what, it still kills me to have to tell them how much of a dunce their only grandson is. Selah, i guess.

"Well, what are you going to do about it, Whitey?"
"I hate Illinois Nazis."

And just a quick message to anyone driving on the highway, or anywhere for that matter, talking on a fucking cell phone - Get the fuck off the phone & drive, asshole!

"Why not? If the shit fits, wear it. Scoot over goddamn it!"

And yeah... i did just watch The Blues Brothers.
-cpb 8/25 {link}

Well, it looks like the good Doctor's ashes are going up in flames tomorrow. It's not quite being shot out of a canon, but the whole affair seems fitting none-the-less. And who knows... i just might be joining Thompson in hell soon. I've been drunk for the past 6 days & i just ate some fish that was definitely questionable. Selah, i guess.
-cpb 8/19 {link}

Caught an interesting discussion today on Talk Of The Nation about the best death scenes in movie history. Some good ones were mentioned, such as Jimmy Cagney in Public Enemy, Mel Gibson in Braveheart & HAL being shut off in 2001. It got me thinking... & if pressed, i'd have to say that my favorite death scene in a movie is Willem Dafoe's Sgt. Elias being gunned down in Platoon. It's an awesome scene, made even more powerful by Barber's Adagio playing in the background. Gives me goose bumps every time.
I've been on a kind of Willem Dafoe kick the past month or so. Starting with The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou, which he is great in, then on to Finding Nemo, The Last Temptation Of Christ, Auto Focus & American Psycho. All good stuff.
-cpb 8/18 {link}

Was just watching Jethro Tull's Nothing Is Easy DVD, which is their performance at The Isle Of Wight Music Festival in 1970 spliced with an interview with Ian Anderson from last year. I don't give a shit what anyone says... Jethro Tull is/was a great fucking band. Quite frankly, anyone who denies this i will fight right now. Except Jeff Knitt, because, quite frankly, he's the coolest person i know, with the possible exception of D-Pyle. He just doesn't have very good taste in music.
I'm really glad they put this DVD out... cos there isn't a plethora of live Tull material from the late 60's/early 70's, video or audio actually, readily available. And they were an amazing live band around that time. Again, don't deny this, or we will fight.

Anyway...
The baseball season is starting to wind down. Unfortunately the Tiggers raised the white flag a couple weeks ago when they traded their closer away for nothing... but i guess it is good to see them hovering around the .500 mark. We do love our mediocre baseball here in Michigan. And it looks as though the Bravos are going to win their division yet again. Oh, to be bored with winning. It must be nice.
-cpb 8/17 {link}

Man, whatever Cat. You'll be back. You couldn't even catch that mouse...
-Day-Z 8/16 {link}

Free at last, free at last... thank god almighty, we are free at last!
-Eli 8/16 {link}

Happy Birthday to my Sis... you are OLD! And so am i! Weeeeeeee!!!
-cpb 8/15 {link}

"You cannot say 'filth, flarn, filth, flarn, filth' in front of people."
(Yeah, i know... i've been on the quote-unquote "quote" tip lately... deal with it.)
Was watching Raw tonight & it got me thinking - remember when Eddie Murphy was funny? I mean, in the late 80's, Murphy was probably one of the two or three funniest men on the fucking planet. His stand-up was amazing, his SNL shit was funny as hell & he was doing some funny-ass movies, like 48 Hours, Trading Places, Beverly Hills Cop & Coming To America. What the fuck happened to him in the past 10 or 15 years? Daddy Day Care, The Haunted Mansion, The Adventures of Pluto Nash... & so on. Admittedly, i have to tread lightly here, being that George Carlin is my favorite comedian of all-time... & he did do that bullshit movie Jersey Girl last year with that bullshit, good-looking Hollywood bitch & Liv Tyler. But, at least that wasn't his movie... & he still tours & is coming up with funny shit year after year. Oh, the 80's - where have you gone?

Anyway... i was listening to NPR this morning at work & heard some disturbing shit. The FCC, which can suck my cock every day of the week & never justify itself, hired Penny Nance as an advisor on indecency issues. And if you're not familiar with Ms. Nance's work, she was most recently a board member of Concerned Women For America which "helps... bring Biblical principles into all levels of public policy." Are you fucking kidding me? This kind of shit just frustrates me to no end. Why can't the government (or, even more to the point, appointed bodies such as the FCC, that aren't even voted on by the brain-dead public) just stay the fuck out of our lives? At least when it comes to entertainment. We have to sit around & hear about war & death & famine & disease 24 hours a-fucking-day on the news... but god-for-fucking-bid that someone hear the word "fuck" on the radio or see some tits on TV.
Curse you Aqua Scum!
-cpb 8/13 {link}

"Burgandy did it... Hey-o!"
-cpb 8/12 {link}

"If it's a choice between eternal Hell & good tunes or eternal Heaven & New Kids On The fucking Block... I'm gonna be surfing on the Lake of Fire rockin' out."
I wasn't gonna smoke a Beesh tonight... but then i started watching some Bill Hicks stand-up & just sorta got the urge to smoke.

Anyway... just needed to get on & say a word or six about the passing of Peter Jennings. This was too bad... a sad thing to hear. I always liked Jennings, mostly cos he wasn't a smug asshole like Dan Rather & didn't have a speech impediment like Tom Brokaw. Even though i rarely watch the news on TV anymore, i'll miss the lunger bastard.
-cpb 8/8 {link}

Oy... i know, i know. The updates have been slow & boring. Well - Hey! - fuck you, man. I'm going through some shit here.

"I'm barely holdin' on here!"

It's been too damn hot of late to be insightful or funny about anything. Not that there's been that much funny going on. Bombings in London & Egypt, more deaths every day out in the desert, everyone is poor, crime is up, human decency is down... bad news is the only News lately, it seems. But maybe i've just got a bad outlook right now. You just don't know "my emotional state," if i may borrow a phrase from an old friend i just recently got back in touch with.

Alright, then. I'll make a true effort to be funnier... but i'm not promising anything.
"We show you the Funny."
-cpb 8/7 {link}

Well, it's been a while, per usual. Except this time i actually have a good excuse(s). I've been moving & changing & blah, blah, blah. Yes... i am back to Ghetto Fabulous. None other than - Big Ypsi... Ypsilanti, Michigan. In the hizzore! And how did i get here? Well... that's a long story. And, as much as i could, i'm not going to tell it. It's none of your business... & it's barely any of mine. But, in short, i am now a single man. Only 27, yet already going through the Big D. And i can sum up the entire ordeal with these three words: All My Fault. That's all you need know... &, quite frankly, it's all i know.

And on & on...

I have nothing bad to say about my soon-to-be ex-wife, because, to be honest, there is nothing bad to say about her. Kinda disappointing that i don't even have any "my crazy ex-wife" or "my fucking ex" jokes. To be honest, the only fault in the woman is her taste in men. It sucks. But then again, who could blame her for falling for a catch like me?

Anyway, it's been 90 degrees for the past 2 weeks, with 400% humidity. But FUCK IT! I deserve it, right? I've no reason to bitch... i can stand physical torture...
-cpb 7/24 {link}