Did you ever get something stuck in your teeth, like really lodged in there, and you have no idea how or why it got there? I mean, like a fig leaf.
Food: Where would we be without it?
The next time you see a person walking around with a stupid shit-eating grin on their idiot face - the kind of person who is always grinning - do me a favor. Slap them straight in their stupid ass-wipe face. And don't worry about it. If their day has gone that well, as to give them this permanent, idiotic, ram-ass look, then their bloated self-worth can absorb the blow.
The other day i was shaving & i happened to notice the warning on my bottle of aftershave. It reads:
Warnings: Flammable. Do not apply near flame or while smoking.
Well shit! Here, i had just started a fire in the fireplace we have in the bathroom and i had to put out the cigarette i had lit up in the middle of my shave.
Goddamn rules & regulations.
Mission For Today {Men}:
Wait at the urinal until someone gets beside you. Then, just start laughing & slapping your dick. Tell it it's funny. Compliment it. Ask it out to dinner. Then look over at the guy & ask if he wants to double date with you and your "Championship Schlong".
Mission For Today {Women}:
Chill out, okay? We're men. We like to watch football & pick our nose & wear comfortable clothes.
Just lay off for a day.
What if John Lennon had sang, All You Need Is Fuck?
{Thank you to Shane for this.}
|
