Had to get on tonight & give a "Happy Birthday" to my former dog, Day-Z. Which is funny, if you really think about it, for many reasons, not the least of which being that she doesn't really visit my site very often. Whore! I raised you!
Selah, i guess. She's not my concern anymore, the ex-wife got custody. Which is probably for the best, since Daisy wasn't really that fond of me anyway. Cat, however, is a different story. The ex-wife kept Cat as well, although since me & him had an odd sort of hate-hate relationship that seemed to work on some level, he got thrown out on his ass shortly after i did. He deserved it, same as i did, cos he's a fucking bastard.
Besides that, lately i can't stop listening to the song Slow Nerve Action by The Flaming Lips. Luckily i've not been doing any drugs lately, & thank christ for that, cos i've got a feeling that i could easily sit in a room by myself for about 17 or 18 straight hours getting high & listening to this song over & over & over.

"It's all a waste of time again."

Oh, & by the way... the dog is 5. That's 35 in people years. I can only hope i make it that long.
-cpb 4/20 {link}

"Just get it out there. Get it reviewed. Get it in libraries. Let the public decide."

There are days & there are days. Then, well, there are weeks/months/years... to kiss off &, "Selah to you, sir." I'll have to admit, i'm at the end of an already short rope. Work is so fucking frustrating right now i just want to sit down in the middle of a street with my thumb in my mouth & cry like a big fucking baby. That'd be a sight, no?
And in addition to that - & about a hundred and fourteen other things - i'm starting to lose confidence that The Book will ever see the light of day. Which is sad to say, cos it's only been about three months or so since i started submitting it to various assholes that can suck my hard cock. At least i'm not bitter.
-cpb 4/14 {link}

Seriously, though... break up the fucking Tigers! 3-0 & looking like they're going to be 4-0. Shit, is Detroit Sports in the house right now, or what? The Tigers, Red Wings & Pistons all have the best records in their respective leagues. And while the Tigers more than likely will not be going to the playoffs, it'd be a shock, i think, if both the Wings & 'Stons didn't go deep into the Playoffs. I'm making no predictions in the Wings' case, cos i don't know shit about hockey, but i think the Pistons will beat the Spurs this year in the Finals. And the Tigers? Well, i'm thinking an 82-80 record if they stay relatively healthy. And if the planets happen to align, maybe they could push that to 85 wins. Which, given how bad they've been in the recent past, would be pretty damn sweet. A meaningful game in September? Again - we can dream...
I know i've been posting about sports a lot in the past month-plus... but it's just that time of year. You got the NCAA's going on, the NBA season winding down & Baseball just starting up. It's a great time of year, indeed. And to wrap up all this sports talk, i just gotta give myself a pat on the ball bag for picking the winner of the NCAA Basketball Tournament correctly (even though the Championship game, & the entire Final Four, was boring as hell & Billy Donavan & that Noah dude are both incredible douchebags). I think that's the first time i've ever filled out a bracket & picked the winner of the whole thing correctly. Of course, i can't gloat too much, considering that Florida was also the only team i picked correctly to get to the Elite Eight. Yeah... i'm the man.
-cpb 4/7 {link}

Okay, so calling yesterday Opening Day of the Baseball season might have been a bit of a stretch since there was only one game... but TODAY... today was O.D. proper. And it's time to break up the Tigers, folks! They're on a roll.
Jim Leyland, smoker. Chris Shelton, professional hitter. Kenny Rogers, roaster.
Seriously, though... i honestly think they might be able to play .500 ball this year. We can dream, can't we?

Hopefully i'll be able to stay up to watch the NCAA Championship Game tonight. I've complained about this shit before, but again - fuck people on the left coast. Is it too much to ask that the game be over before midnight Eastern Time?

Florida - 61
UCLA - 52
-cpb 4/3 {link}

Well, so much for a couple of good games. Instead, we got a couple of duds. Hopefully the Championship Game will be a bit more interesting. Anyway, in other sports news, it's OPENING DAY! Goddamn, i love baseball. And screw you for judging me.

"You mean Coop would have to quit BASEketball, too?"
-cpb 4/2 {link}

Well, it's April first... April Fool's Day. Weeee! I've never really pulled a good AFD prank &, to be honest, i've never really been interested in doing so. So, bahumbug... or whatever you're supposed to say. More importantly, though... & more sadly, Hot-Torrid Butt-Sex Month is now over. And it looks as though we only got 5 butt-pics. Selah.
"We had no one show up to the mutant hamster races, then we only had one entry into the Madame Currie look-alike contest & he was disqualified later... why do i bother?"

Anyway, i'm gonna try to get through this weekend without being arrested, so we'll see how that goes. The Final Four starts tonight & i am looking forward to that shit. Hopefully we'll get two really good games... or, at the very least, one good game & one average-to-above-average game. It's tough to predict what's gonna happen, it seems as though any of the four teams could easily win it all, but i'll stick with my original prediction of Florida winning it all:

Florida over George Mason
UCLA over LSU

And then Florida over UCLA in the final, although i hope i'm wrong on both games... i'd love to see a G. Mason/LSU final.
-cpb 4/1 {link}

Man... motherfuck Bowling Green cops & motherfuck that guy who tried to hit me with a chair & motherfuck the "drunk tank" & motherfuck asshole cab drivers & motherfuck trying to drive home hungover with dried-out contact lenses.
Luckily, however, i made it back to Ypsi in time to watch that unbelievable G. Mason/UConn game. Great stuff, per usual, this tournament year.
-cpb 3/26 {link}

I recently watched a "best of" compilation of the old BBC show The Old Grey Whistle Test. Talk about some real good shit. Ain't No Sunshine by a sweaty Bill Withers, Stir It Up by The Wailers (the original lineup with Peter Tosh & Bunny Wailer), Upon The My O My by Captain Beefheart, Tom Traubert's Blues by Tom Waits, Can't Stand Losing You by The Police & A Message To You, Rudy by The Specials are just some of the great performances on this disc. The best performance, however, is probably a kick-ass version of Frankenstein by The Edgar Winter Group. Curtis Mayfield, Rory Gallagher, Little Feet, Emmylou Harris & Iggy Pop "rock the house," so to speak, as well. This is good shit, as i said... do yourself a favor & check it the fuck out.
-cpb 3/21 {link}

Brackets... DEAD!
-cpb 3/20 {link}

So, quite an entertaining opening round... even if i did have to listen to half of it on the radio. And what the hell is it with all the low scoring games? I mean, shit... someone learn to shoot a fucking jump shot. Where's Knitt, when ya need him? Anyway...
So in my "official" I went 22-10 for the first round & lost three of my final eight teams. Yeah, i'm the man. Or not.
None of this matters, however... cos i'm off to C-bus for the weekend. Weeeee! Or, weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Take your pick.
-cpb 3/18 {link}



"We're all a wee bit Irish on Saint Patty's Day."
-A young man who still believed in the power of St. Patrick's Day to uplift & destroy.
-cpb 3/17 {link}

Damn you, Work... you got to hell. You go to hell & die.

For the first time in i don't even remember, i wasn't able to just sit around, veg out & watch all of the first round games of the NCAA tournament. Sad... but unfortunately, it's money that makes the world go round & good luck to you in the future if you haven't figured that one out yet. Anyway, i was able to fill out a couple brackets yesterday... very quickly. I have no idea what i'm doing anymore in picking tourney games, but i just can't help myself. Anyway, this is what my Final Four looks like in my "official" bracket:

Duke over Pitt & Florida over Illinois, then Florida over Duke.
A stretch, i know... but like i said earlier...

Now i'm gonna sit back, watch this evening's games & pray for about six inches of snow so that i don't have to go to work tomorrow. Come on, Old Man Winter... get in the fucking game, already!
-cpb 3/16 {link}

Well, it's March. March, March, March. M-arch. M-m-m-m-m-march. Got it?

It's a bit of a bittersweet time, to be honest. Right now the college basketball conference tournaments are in full swing, which i love - & March Madness is not far off. However, i'm back to my full-time gig in the lawn business now, so i'm going to be missing some of those afternoon first & second round games. Plus, it's HTBSM & since i can't get DAK to ever call me, it looks as though i'll have to go without. That is, unless Andy The Spic comes through. Selah, i guess.

Anyway, i've got to give a congrats out to my good friend Keith & his wife Jess, who are expecting a tiny Krygielski sometime later this year. It's a scary thought, but we seem to be growing up.
-cpb 3/9 {link}

Ha-ley-fucking-lu-yah... goddamn, i love the demon-drink. But ect, ect...

I just watched Sideways again... & what a great movie it is. Unfortunately, i can only watch this movie when i'm drunk, cos as time passes this movie seems to hit more & more at home. Besides the fact that i've long thought that, if there were to be a movie made about my life, Paul Giamatti would be (with the exception of his height) perfect to play me.
Yeah, beside that, recently i have just seemed to meld into the Miles character he plays in Sideways. I'm depressed, (should be) on medication & recently divorced & not taking it well... plus i've recently been a best man at a wedding that shouldn't have taken place, a book i've written has been rejected a few times &, to top it all off, i've been impotently & idiotically fumbling around with an extremely attractive & intelligent woman who, for some odd reason, has a bit of an interest in me.
This really sucks, cos if there was ever a movie character i wanted to become, it was Muad'Dip from Dune.
"He who can destroy a thing, controls a thing."
-cpb 2/25 {link}

Jesus H. Mother-Fucking-Christ... you would be amazed at how much time going insane takes up. I barely have enough time to keep up with my croquet. Which, i guess, is okay... my balls hurt, anyway.

However... we have received a few butt pictures. Thank you to all three of you, especially whoever sent in the picture of Georgey - although this was already done by Polio a few years ago.
-cpb 2/24 {link}



Yes, folks... Hot-Torrid Butt-Sex Month is fast approaching. And in honor of our favorite month, THE Experience is bringing back an old tradition. You guessed it, we need you to Send In Your Butt-Pics. It's been a few years since we've done this, plus all our old pictures were lost... but fuck it, what better time to start this idiotic bullshit back up? As before, we're looking for any pictures of butt/ass. No porno... that's not what we're looking for & we don't need any more of that shit, anyway. Just get creative... or vindictive... whatever works best for you. Give us a ring at [email protected].
-cpb 2/19 {link}

Well, i hate to admit it, but Winter Olympic Fever has got me. Actually, that's a lie... i still couldn't care less, but there's really not anything else on T.V. at 3:30 in the morning. I've not been sleeping much lately, so i'm kinda stuck - i haven't been writing much either & at that hour i really can't concentrate on a movie... so it's tape-delayed bullshit winter sports for me. And this has got me thinking about two things:
1) In my life, i've watched WAY more curling than i should have. I've gone through a few short phases in my life where i've actually watched curling - for an extended period of time, mind you - on the CBC. And yet, despite this sad fact, i still have absolutely no idea what the object of the sport is. As Polio would say, das sigh.
2) I have decided to team up with my old friend Doug-E-Fresh & we are going to start training to compete in the 2010 Games in the 2-Man Luge. Quite frankly, there just isn't enough homo-erotic content in my life right now, & i think this should just about do it. Step one - getting fitted for skin-tight latex suits. Step two - finding the most aerodynamic way for the bottom dude's bulges to fit into the top dude's concaves. Oh yeah... we're in...
-cpb 2/17 {link}

Well, it's seems as though Dick Cheney can't even vacation without hurting someone. I think this little incident cements Dickie's place as the most evil VP since Spiro Agnew... and maybe even since Hannibal Hamlin. Fuck you, Mr. Vice President.
-cpb 2/13 {link}

So, the Super Bowl was a bit of a dud... but i guess i did know what i was talking about five months ago. At least a little bit. The game, though, left quite a bit to be desired. It was poorly played, poorly officiated & generally boring. The Rolling Stones looked ridiculous & sounded worse. There weren't even any really good commercials. Selah, i guess.

Anyway, the Winter Olympics start tonight... does anyone care?
{crickets chirping}
Yeah, i didn't think so.
-cpb 2/10 {link}

Well, Super Bowl Sunday is finally upon us. And thank Christ for that, cos i'm sick of hearing about it. Just play the damn game already.

Luckily i made it back to my apartment in time to get my prediction down. I had a fairly odd & very crazy night last night. I ventured into the D last night with a big group of people to take in some of the sights, sounds & festivities going on downtown. It was quite an interesting trip. Or, at least, i think it was. Unfortunately my recollections are a bit hazy, owing mostly to a combination of (too much) alcohol & a couple small red pills given to me by someone in the group that i didn't know. Quick tip - never take drugs from someone you don't know, especially when that someone used to date somebody that's trying to get in your pants.
But i guess i can't complain too much... i got to schlep around quite a few places that a ragamuffin such as myself should never be allowed into, getting drunk & high & generally acting like an idiot, & then got to crash in a suite at the Detroit Marriott. And, as a bonus, in the morning all i was missing was about 18 bucks and my pants. Actually, my pants weren't missing, they were just hanging up in the bathroom because they were soaking wet. No, i did not piss my pants. I just fell in the slushy snow, that's all. Shit happens.
Anyway, i didn't get to pick a fight with some celebrity as i had hoped (at least, not that i know of)... & no luck on getting knocked up by a professional athlete, either. Oh well, i guess i could always take a trip down to Miami next year.

But enough of all this gay banter... there are predictions to be made:

Pittsburgh - 31
Seattle - 17

Also - Pittsburgh wins the coin toss, Bettis scores at least one touchdown & Big Ben is the MVP. Place your bets, place your bets. The season is coming to a close & you've only got one more game to degrade yourself...
-cpb 2/5, 3:56 PM EST {link}

Last night i was watching Mythbusters & i caught something pretty interesting (i mean, besides the shit they did on the show, which is usually pretty interesting). One of the two main dudes had a GONZO shirt on with the symbol of the two-thumbed fist holding a peyote cap. Props to you, Adam Savage.

Anyway, last night i also took a look at my guestbook for the first time in quite a while & saw a couple interesting things. The first one was from someone called Sandra who was commenting on my writing. She gave me one of the greatest compliments i've ever received - Anyway, it wasn't all bad. Fucking awesome. The second was from someone called Jo Anne (although it was probably a "Joe") asking for more pictures of Keith. This actually reminded me that, after a couple months of all the pictures being out of comish, The Official TERRY's KID Homepage is now back in total affect. Wird.
-cpb 2/2 {link}

Well, the eyes & ears of the country/world (at least those interested in football) are all on "The D" this week. Hopefully the Super Bowl will be a good thing for Detroit - god knows the city could use some positive press - but i'm already sick of hearing about it. The week before the Super Bowl is always annoying, with the un-ending coverage & blah, blah, blah... but it's magnified when the game is being held in the vicinity. Oh well, it'll be over soon & then they can get back to bitching about the roads, the weather, poor people, taxes & idiot politicians. In the meantime, maybe i'll go downtown & catch a "Super Bowl party", or whatever... maybe see some pseudo-celeb & try to pick a fight with them, setting the wheels in motion for a good lawsuit. Or maybe a paternity suit. Donavan McNabb got me pregnant!
Detroit sports right now are "feeling it", so to speak. The Pistons are unstoppable & the Red Wings have the second-best record in the NHL. The Lions & Tigers have a new head coach/manager respectively - hope springs eternal. We'll see, we'll see.
-cpb 2/1 {link}

I just heard that Wilson Pickett died last week. That sucks, cos Pickett was a bad man & a great voice. It's been a bad month for famous R&B singers, what with Sweet Lou passing a few weeks ago. Well, that's two... so who's gonna be next? Watch the fuck out Percy Sledge.

And in others... it took less than a day, but someone correctly identified My Routine as a skit from the first season of The Kids In The Hall. And it was none other than Chrissy Boyle. Unfortunately i heard that she had a little trouble at the carry-out trying to redeem her 20 Bucks. Damn you, Milwaukee!
-cpb 1/25 {link}

So, both the teams that i thought would win won on Sunday... but fuck were they two boring games. Selah. What can you do, except bitch about it?

Anyway, My Routine:
I'm a golf pro, so I wake up in the garbage. Then I go across the street to the coffee shop and grab a guy by the neck. Then I whisper something into his ear, like, "Hey, I'm on fire... give me your hair." Then I let him go and go chase a bus for about two blocks, just to make sure it's not doing anything I don't like. After that I climb up on the roof and just howl at the city for a while. I love to howl at this great city.
(And if anyone can tell me what this is from, i'll give them 20 Bucks.)
-cpb 1/24 {link}

Well, i might as well embarrass myself yet again. I hear there are a couple football games today. Go team!

Pittsburgh over Denver (yeah, i'll got back to my "original" prediction)
Seattle over Carolina

So, there you have it. I'll be back in two weeks to predict the winner of the Carolina/Denver Super Bowl. Peace!
-cpb 1/22 {link}

Well, i found out Thursday that The Book received its very first rejection. So, on to another House, i guess. Fuck the bastard anyway... it's not even that good. I'm washing my hands of the son-of-a-bitch... at least until someone says, "Yes." Then i'll take him back, nurse him at my teet through the editing process & get him ready to print.

Oh, & yes - i have lost my fucking mind.
-cpb 1/21 {link}

I hate to admit it, but last night i actually watched most of American Idol. Have to be honest, i guess it was entertaining at times... although the show could have been about an hour & a half shorter. It is funny to watch people make fools of themselves, but i think i've had my fill for the rest of my life. The best thing i saw during the show, however, was a commercial. I still can't believe it myself, but did i hear T. Rex's The Slider on a Coke commercial? Fucking sweet!
-cpb 1/18 {link}

So, yeah... screw me trying to pick NFL playoff games. I'm just not good. But at least there were some good games this weekend. I still can't believe the last five or six minutes of that Pitt/Indy game. Good stuff, indeed.

And in other news, or some such other tired clich�, i recently picked up a couple of movies at the library & realized something. I don't know if this is just me, but it seems as though any time i rent multiple movies at once (or pick them up at the library... yeah, i'm cheap - wanna fight about it?) there is some small connection between them. Now, i'm not talking about picking up two movies that star the same person, like getting two Russell Crowe movies, or something. Just some small thing, like a bit character actor will be in both, or something. Anyway, i picked up two excellent movies - Rosencrantz And Guildenstern Are Dead & Brazil. I knew that Tom Stoppard wrote & directed Rosencrantz, but i did not know that he also helped to write Brazil. Interesting, no? Okay, maybe not, but screw you anyway. In any case, i recommend both to anyone wanting to see a good flick.

Finally, i need to give a late shout-out to my main man, MLK Jr., whose birthday we all celebrated yesterday (even though i don't even know when his actual birthday is). He was the Man & we all know it. I meant to shout yesterday, but i ran out of time due to a most unexpected phone call. So, wird up to you, Martin... we may get there some day.
-cpb 1/17 {link}

It's been a good half a year or so since i've put a playlist out, so here is a little of what i've been listening to lately (individual songs):

1) Rush - Big Audio Dynamite
2) I Can't Turn You Loose - Otis Redding
3) Blue Orchid & Walking With a Ghost- The White Stripes
4) Every Planet We Reach Is Dead & Dare - Gorillaz
5) The Roar Of The Masses Could Be Farts - Minutemen
6) Us - Regina Spektor
7) Who Is He (And What Is He to You)? - Bill Withers
8) Perfect Day - Lou Reed
9) Born Slippy [Nuxx] - Underworld
10) Mod Style '68 - Single Frame
11) Blue Monday - New Order
12) Fire On The Bayou - The Meters
13) Moonlight On Vermont & My Human Gets Me Blues- Captain Beefheart & His Magic Band
14) Wah-Wah - George Harrison
15) Wedding Bell Blues - The 5th Dimension
16) Eye Know - De La Soul
17) Got to Give It Up, Pt. 1 - Marvin Gaye
18) Parchman Farm - Mose Allison

I've also been listening to quite a few comedy albums lately, as well... trying hard to funny shit up in my life. Both Dave Attell's & Dane Cook's latest are pretty good shit. I've also been listening to George Carlin's last two albums quite a bit, both of which are excellent. Surprisingly enough, though, on his 1999 disc You Are All Diseased, Carlin makes one of the best observations on blues music i've ever heard. He's doing a bit on what a total abomination the House of Blues is & how ridiculous it is to have half-talented, white actors playing blues music. He actually says that no white person should ever play the blues, which i happen to disagree with (just listen to Bluesbreakers With Eric Clapton by John Mayall). But during the bit, he says, "Tell ya a little secret about the blues, it's not enough to know which notes to play, you gotta know why they need to be played." Now, i'm sure Carlin isn't the first person to say this or make this observation, but i think it's an excellent point.
-cpb 1/11 {link}

Life is a funny thing, with is cyclical qualities... or, do i mean quantities? Not sure. Anyway...
Screw deer - a whole family of the bastards tried to kill me Friday night. Screw you, Bambi... stay the fuck off the highway.

So, for the two of you interested, The Book is currently "in the hands of" the "important people" that may or may not "accept" it.
Wait a second, Knitt doesn't read this. Shit, alright... never mind that...
-cpb 1/10 {link}

Holy crap! I think last night was one of the rare instances where a game actually lived up to the hype. That was one of the best college (or any kind of) football games i've ever seen. Vince Young was un-fucking-believable. So, anyway, in my face for picking USC.
-cpb 1/5 {link}

Well, it's almost time for the Big Game... finally. My bowl picks were pretty good, 18-9 right now with one more game left. That's really about as good as i can do, i think. There are really only two teams that i should have known better than to pick. One is Akron (Fear the ROO!) - i was going more with my heart on that one, i just can't pick against the MAC. The other, of course, is Michigan. I know U of M hardly ever wins bowl games... but they were playing Nebraska for Christ's sake. Lloyd Carr is such a joke in big games. Anyway, i know it was about four weeks ago that i made the pick, but i still think the Trojans will win. I hope Texas pulls it out, but i just don't think they will. I'm sensing a 41-31 type game that's not as close as the score indicates.
Sticking to the sporting world, namely the guys who legally get paid to play football - now that the NFL regular season is over it is apparent how absolutely ridiculous my predictions for the season were. I only picked two of the eight division winners correctly & just four of the 12 playoff teams - all in the AFC. Guess i should just stick to the college game. Still, gotta stick my neck out again:

AFC:
New England over J'ville & Pitt over Cinci
Indy over Pitt & Denver over New England
Indy over Denver

NFC:
Washington over Tampa & NY over Carolina
Seattle over Washington & NY over Chicago
NY over Seattle

Super Bowl:
Indianapolis over New York Giants

And there you go. Don't bet on it.
Anyway, i'm off on a little road trip before returning to Life As We Know It, so to speak. What a bad time to be reading Kerouac.
-cpb 1/4 {link}

Well, there was no lampshade Saturday night... just a lot of booze, memories & driving. I saw a few friends - some i see often, some i haven't seen in quite a while. My mind blurred - with memories from the past & the infinite specter of the future - & settled on three people with whom i've shared some of my best New Year's Eve memories. One, a young woman who probably cared more for me than anyone i've ever met outside my family, another man who has been my best friend for a long, long time & finally a young woman i love more than life itself. The sad fact is, however, that the first is dead, the second is holed up by himself right now (a position i'm all too familiar with) & the third is finally doing something for herself & leaving me. So, yeah, it was a fairly depressing night, however...
Reflecting on it now, it's time to turn a few corners. Maybe just a couple this time, instead of four. I'll let go of my ex-wife & be glad that she can start her life, a real life, & finally be happy. I'll do my best to help my friend & all my friends... in the only backwards & sometimes idiotic ways i know how. And i'll stop remembering those i/we have lost with longing & start placing them on their pedestals where they belong... returning them to their rightful roles in the Play & just being glad to have known them. It should be an interesting year...
-cpb 1/2 {link}

Ho, ho, h... oh, wait, we've done that one already...
-cpb 1/1 {link}