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2001
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2000
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"now i lay me down to dream of Spring"
- E. E. Cummings
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December 4, 2001
I think November was just about the most useless month of my life. Four weeks of hanging around, half looking for work and half dreaming about my soon-to-be-idyllic future. Basically a month of nothing. I haven't been creative, I haven't been productive - I've been fairly sedentary, but that's about it. I've got to get something on the go before I go insane.
I don't even have anything to say; there are no great stories to tell, no exciting adventures, nothing. One long month of cold weather, countless cigarettes and grey. Ick. I think the really scary thing about this is the fact that I haven't really been bothered by it. Periodically I have flashes of 'what the hell am I doing' but these pass relatively quickly as I am pacified and sedated by something and life goes on. It's like being in a looney bin and only realizing it as the drugs wear off - there's a moment of clarity before the orderlies can administer your medicine, one crystal-clear moment where you recognize all the wasted minutes, thoughts and aspirations before *WHOOP* "Ooh. Ally McBeal is on TV". Drool. It's terrible.I suppose the hardest part is trying to find direction without knowing exactly what it is I want to do with my life. Do I want to go back to school? Feh, whatever. Do I want to work for a huge company? Sure, could do that. Do I want to work as a freelance translator? Why not? I think by leaving my options open, I'm preventing myself from seing any of them. Can't see the forest for the trees kind of thing. Well, more like 'can't see the trees for the forest' in this situation, but you get the picture. I just... don't know - and I hate that.
December 8, 2001
You know, what with all the free time I have these days, you'd think I could punch out updates a little more frequently. I really have no excuses to offer - moshiwake arimasen desu ne.
Having all kinds of tire problems with the van. It has a set of locking bolts designed to prevent theft of the rims (and tires, I suppose), but one of the bolts is bent and won't accept the unlocking bolt attachment anymore. Which means I can't get my tires off. With winter fast approaching, the thought of driving around with my bald summer tires on is less than appealing. Exciting, perhaps, but definitely not appealing.
Went up to Mount Seymour for a day of snowboarding this week. I've never experienced pea-soup fog on the slopes before. Terribly exciting - cruising casually down the hill, expecting the usual bumps and such before hitting an invisible jump, realizing you're flying through the air and that you have no idea where the ground is. This immediately followed by a spectacular wipeout (well, would-be spectacular, if visibility weren't non-existent) and a brief moment of lying still in a ghostly silent world of white.
Things did clear up by the afternoon, resulting in my no longer having any excuse for wiping out, but all in all a good day. Sustained injuries were negligible, the rope-tow on the bunny slope winning the award for Most Hazardous Obstacle for the day. I might have to head on up to Whistler and become a ski-bum if job prospects don't pick up in the near future. I can be young, dumb and fullacum for a few more months before becoming responsible, right?
December 10, 2001
Got the bolt off - well, actually I paid a huge brute of a man five bucks to pound it off with a crowbar and a sledgehammer, but that's neither here nor there. I've got my winter tires on, I'm happy.I also made it up to UBC today to visit the Faculty of Asian Studies folks. Turns out none of them were there - it's the end of term and they're all marking papers. Sigh. I did get an email from one of them with all kinds of helpful advice, however. Suddenly all of the pressure of applying for grad school is gone, 'cuz if I don't get in, I can always become an 'unclassified' student. This means I can take the courses that I want to take, without having to concern myself with the decidedly large and cumbersome bureaucracy they've got going there. I can just learn kanji for kicks. Of course, I'm still going ahead with the application - no sense wasting all that hard work; not to mention the fine set of reference letters I gathered. Sure hope I can return the favour someday.
On that note, it's back to work on my research proposal - followed by a private screening of Akira Kurosawa's Throne of Blood.
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December 12, 2001
At long last, my expedition photos are beginning to surface. Don't get too excited, though, I didn't take these. The following are courtesy of Rene down in San Francisco. Her roommate, Karen, captured some of my hijinks on film during my first frenetic visit to the Bay Area.
My photos, although developed, are still sitting on my desk waiting patiently to be digitized. It isn't due to my wanton laziness, either - yes, there is a scanner available for my personal use, only it isn't hooked up at the moment. Yes, I am perfectly capable of hooking up the hardware and installing the relvant software - and yes, I'm also well-versed in scanner use. The problem, dear friends, is that the scanner was dropped (by a party who shall remain nameless) and now has the unfortunate prelediction for only scanning in half-inch increments.
To make a long story short(er), there's no way I'm going to scan each photo a half-inch at a time and then attempt to reassemble them for your viewing pleasure. I'm not even going to apologize for not doing this. If you'd like to see more pics put up, feel free to mail me a scanner. Or, I suppose you could just send me any pre-digitalized pics you might have of my smiling countenance. Whatever.In other news, it's a miserable day here in White Rock and I'm not feeling up to doing much of anything at all. Not that I have all that much to do, mind you. A little Christmas consumption, a touch of editing, maybe some job-hunting... you know, the usual.
December 15, 2001
Tetsu phoned this evening. It was good to hear from him again, despite all the trouble I've had with getting the money he owes me for my car. He mentioned that Jamie will be finishing up his contract at Tetsu's English school and will be returning to Canada come March - and that he'd like me to replace him.
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What? Sure, Tetsu is my friend and all, but I don't know if I can trust him anymore - particularly when it comes to financial matters. Doesn't he realize that I know Jamie's been living hand-to-mouth for the last year or so, as Tetsu hasn't been able to pay him? "I need your help," he says. Yes, he's my friend and I would love to help him out (although I know it would be more for the sake of Kyoko and his family), but how can I? I like to think I'm a nice guy, yet I can't help but feel that I would simply be subjecting myself to an impoverished lifestyle in the same neck of the woods that I just spent three years in.
Yes, I loved living in Saga, I had a wonderful experience there, but I don't think it would be a good idea to go back under these circumstances. So why do I feel like I should go back? There's this weird sense of obligation crying out from somewhere inside, saying that although all the above factors apply, it would be the 'right' thing to do. I don't understand.Oh, I should probably also mention that I've just applied for a job in Tokyo that pays six million yen per annum. I'm not saying I'm guaranteed the job, but I figure I've got a halfway decent chance. It might turn out that all these grad school hijinks were all for naught. I wonder if this is some form of culture shock; the larval stages of the 'must get back to Japan at all costs' syndrome or some such tommyrot. Who knows? Just another chapter in the nonsensical work of autobiographical fiction that is my life. It's a real page-turner, lemme tell ya.
New Years' Eve, 2001
Oh, yeah. My web page. I've been so wrapped up in doing nothing for the past couple of weeks that I forgot all about it. Of course, all that time spent doing nothing wouldn't have amounted to anything terribly exciting to read, so perhaps this is best for all concerned parties - I can be lazy and you don't have to read about a whole bunch of nothing. Or something like that.
Sadly, this entry is also going to have to be fairly brief, as I depart for Victoria in a couple of hours and I haven't even packed yet. Nor have I determined how I am going to get there (apart from the ferry, obviously)... I suppose I should make some phone calls. Well, whatever.I had a friend in university who once told me that according to Czech folklore, whatever happens to you on New Year's Eve pretty much sets the tone for the upcoming year. That is to say, if you are late in arriving to wherever it is you are going on the Eve in question, you will have problems with tardiness for the entire year. That sort of thing. Now, if we hearken back to this time last year - I am aware that the January link takes you to a morass of ambuguity, by the by - I seem to recall getting dumped by Kaori at about 1AM on the aformentioned evening. There's no bitterness here, we're still friends even (really! I spoke to her on Xmas), but according to the soon-to-be-ex-world-junior-hockey-champs this last year of celibacy is all her fault.
Yes, I know I suck. Let's move on.
Now I'm sure there are a whole bunch of you out there who are thinking "oh, no. Here comes the 'I wanna meet a girl' New Year's Resolution' again." - you lot are incorrect. Granted, I do indeed want to meet a girl (or twelve) but I don't want to let that become my one driving purpose in life. Actually, come to think of it, that's not too bad as far as driving purposes go. Forget I said anything. So that's it. Another year bites the dust. I don't know whether I'm glad or sorry to see it go, but I guess that's how it works. My indifference knows no bounds. Happy merry and merry happy to all.
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