Tuesday, May 16h, 2000
Ugh. Been at this computer for a while now. Found out last night that these pages can't be seen on a Mac without some serious difficulty. Argh. Ergo, I've gotta figure out what to do about that. Sigh. Well, that can wait 'til later.
Ryo-kun just came in, dropped off a stack of paper shuriken and left. What a great kid. He's our special needs student - although no one is willing to tell me exactly what that means. At any rate, he comes by every once in a while just to see what I'm up to. Soon as I get a picture, I'll post it for y'all.
 This here is a great site. Chris forwarded it to the listserv today. Check out the Engrish buildings for the big version of his here pic. Of course, the rest of the site is pretty good, too.
I'm beginning to wonder if I am displaying signs of a budding Internet Addiction. I've been spending a lot of time in front of one or another lately - mostly trying to get this up and running with as few bugs as possible. Which is no real excuse, I suppose. Then again, it's not like I've anything to do at school except teach the occasional class and study some Japanese.
And suddenly, I'm home again. Just finished watching Taxi Driver - surprised it was on TV completely unedited. As I sit here smoking in front of the screen, I can't help but wonder whether this endeavour is the best of ideas. Though I still want for this to be a completely honest record of my life and thoughts, I realize that there are other people to be considered. I simply cannot expose everything that happens or is discussed carte blanche - there are too many feelings and emotions involved. Yet these are the things that preoccupy my thoughts. Though I would like for those who read this to know my mind, I cannot be certain that they will not misunderstand both my meaning and my intent.
What is it about relationships that is perpetually so difficult? Sitting here alone again and wondering how this keeps happening; knowing full well that I am not the only one in this position and not only can I do nothing about it, I cannot help others in the same plight. Why is it that the solitary mind can spawn so many arduous hours? Editing the fiction of my life in the twilight hours: there can be no escape from this.
Thursday, May 18th, 2000
Y'know, there's just something about J.R.R. Tolkien that you can't help but love. Got this link off of a copy of The Lord of the Rings that Becky is currently reading. I'm always glad to meet someone who has read it, let alone someone who is currently reading it. I'm gonna have to borrow that puppy.
On the weary side of things this morning. It was Jason's birthday last night and I ended up staying far later than I hald anticipated. It happens when the bartender not only busts out the tequila and sambucca, but the hash as well. I can't believe I'm not hung over. Amy and Takashi came by just in time for the main event.
Anyhow, got a birthday coming up. What to do, what to do? Polishing off my first quarter century... hope I got a few of those left in me. Not that I'm feeling particularly older (or wiser, for that matter), it's that feeling I always get around my birthday: not so much a sense of loss, more along the lines of shock and disbelief. Can't wait to see what that feels like when I hit 75. Well, if you're lucky I'll post an update. |
Sunday, May 21st, 2000
Why is it that we wait all year until the day we were born to try and kill ourselves through excessive recreation? What's up with that?
Birthday weekend in progress. Not feeling too bad, all things considered. Friday night was spent in and around Swaggy's with most of the ALTs from Saga. Folks were buying me drinks - which I surely do appreciate - however, everyone buying me a different drink was more than a little a little worrysome. Ended up crashing at Madeleine & Marisa's place around 4AM. Yeeesh.
Headed out to Hamatama last night (after much ado - not really worth relating...) and ran around the beach out of my gourd with all the other kids. Again, crashing out at 4AM. Tonight we head up to Fukuoka to check out Beck - must take a nap beforehand. Assuming I'll return home around 4AM. Monday it's out to Inakamon to make up for missing the party Tetsu had planned for me. Still feel badly about that. I think that might be the reason I have developed a distaste for birthdays; not because I have 'aged', not because they make me nostalgic, not because of the abuse I heap on my body every year, but simply because it's the one day of the year that doesn't belong to me. Which is absurd, if you think about it. Maybe if I quit being a nice guy I could get the day off. |
Tuesday, May 23, 2000
Lately I've had a few people asking what exactly I'm doing with these here pages. Truth is, I'm not all that sure myself. Is it a confessional, a search for truth, or simply my ego seeking further attention? Doesn't matter, really. If you're here and reading the things that I have to say, then I'm doing the right thing. If nobody is visiting, well then I guess I'm wasting my time with this - but somehow I don't think that's the case.
I guess what it boils down to is this: I've got something inside my head which has been trying to get out for years. It couldn't do it with poetry, it couldn't do it with music, it couldn't do it with visual arts. It might not be able to do it with this, I don't know. The point is I am eager to share my thoughts and experiences with people through this medium. That's it. I hope that I will touch certain people out there and that they will take what they need from all that I have to offer. If there's nothing that they need, then I hope they can point me in the direction towards something that I need. It's all about give and take. If no one is willing to take the first steps and open the channels for communication, then the world might has well end today. No, I'm not the first to do this, nor do I think I will be the last. But I am someone who is doing it - and being a part of that group holds meaning for me.
So read on, take what you need, tell me what you think and get your friends to do the same. Hell, you might even want to start doing it yourself. I recommend it. |
Thursday, May 25th, 2000
Was out in Saga tonight - drank, drove home. Sort of realized what the hell I was doing and pulled onto a side road where I sat down, smoked a cigarette and tore a strip off myself. Of all the idiotic things to do. Did crashing my previous car and almost killing 3 people teach me nothing? Why is it that I feel such a need to sleep in my own bed that I am not only willing to risk my life but the lives of others to do so? I ask thisknowing full well that�@I am not the only one. This sort of behaviour is utterly unacceptable - no, it's fuckin' bullshit is what it is. Of all the people in this prefecture, I'm the one who should damn well know better. I can't understand why it is that not only do most of us do this o a regular basis, but we also allow others to do so? What kind of people are we? Yes, I recognize the fact that we might have work to consider - but if this is the case, then what are we doing out in the first place? I can't think of a single person who would refuse me a place to stay after a night out. It's so completely and obviously idiotic that I can't believe it still happens. How many times have I caught myself dozing at the wheel? How many times have I wrenched my car away from the guard rail? How many times have I found myself in the wrong fuckin' lane? I can't believe this. Never in my life have I undertaken a course of action which is so utterly stupid. Not only that, I've never even conceived of doing it on a regular basis. I came home to find Don Quixote had left me a dead bird on my pillow. Now if that's not some sort of warning, then�@I don't know what is. Idiocy. Sheer and absolute.
Jesus.
Good night. |
Friday, May 26th, 2000
 Hmm.  Had more than a few thoughts about posting yesterday's entry. I wrote it right after coming home while still drunk and fuming at myself. I dunno. Might change my mind yet.
Got this from Tomomi today. Realized that despite writing a whole bunch of stuff lately, I've been a little lax in the links department. Bound to happen sooner or later, I suppose. Still, I've got a few more ideas floating about upstairs, so we'll just wait and see what comes up.
Phew. Sure is muggy today... |
Monday, May 29th, 2000
Goddamn. Of all the strange things - about to play basketball in the gym and I forgot whether I was right- or left-handed. Tell me that happens. Otherwise I'm going to be very concerned about the state of my brain for the next little while. It didn't just go away once I started playing, either; it lasted for roughly half an hour. I'm decidedly displeased with this.
Anyhow, longish, hottish weekend.  Noah sent me a fat, phat site called Soulbeat. One slick, slick page. I don't think I could ever pull something like that. I'd have to be a programming virtuoso or some such. I do, however, have something that they don't:  oh, yes, indeed. Chairman Mao lighters. Lovin' Julie, Marisa & Madeleine for these. That's about all I have to say for the moment. I'm feeling too hungry to be creative.
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I think I might have finally mastered the arcane art of bowing on my bicycle. To tell the truth, I've had so many thoughts come caroming through my head lately that I seem to have misplaced most of them. What's up with that? I suppose it's mostly due to the fact that I've been trying to get everything up and running simultaneously. One thing at a time, kiddo. I seem to have developed a knack for forgetting that.
I laughed.