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"O lente lente currite noctis equi!"
- Ovid, Amores I.xiii.40
"A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age."
- Robert Frost
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May 8, 2001
Yesterday was a terrible day. There's nothing worse than having a bad day after coming back from vacation, in my humble opinion. The morning was pretty good, just sitting at my desk and drinking coffee witht hte morning paper; the afternoon, on the other hand, was a complete travesty. Walking into the Board of Education with a mere 13000 yen in my pocket (meant to last me until payday) and a handful of omiyage for the staff on hand, I was greeted with a wad of overdue bills totalling 37000 yen and a gruff "How was your trip? These need to be paid." - these were bills that I could have sworn that I had already paid, bills that I was unaware I had to pay, bills that my supervisor wasn't sure I had to pay (but gave them to me anyway) - basically a whole lot of rain on my financial parade.
While I was there, I decided to bite the bullet and ask my supervisor how much a bit of drycleaning might cost (explanation to follow) and ended up having a 20-minute miscommunication with everybody in the room. After finally resorting to drawing pictures and gesturing frantically, I managed to covince everyone that it was Don Quixote (not I) who had urinated on my bed over the course of Golden Week, soaking through pillows, blankets and futons indiscriminately. I wish I could have found it as hilarious as they did. Anyway, a quick phone call to Mr. Takuya, the local futon wizard, and I found myself looking at an additional 13000 yen in expenses. Note that payday is still two weeks away.
I went home, intent on spending my frustrations on the bed of weeds that has recently begun to threaten the continued existence of my shack only to discover that Don Quixote (a.k.a. Shithead) had decided to freshen up my house with a few more coats of urine. I thought getting him fixed was supposed to take care of this sort of thing. Halfway through cleaning up the mess, the phone rang - my Board of Education again, this time just calling "to inform me that they had decided to start a second eikaiwa for me to teach so that they could get the most out of me before I left". ...At this point, I felt it was time for a cigarette. I lit the wrong end, prompting me to answer their proposal with a "Shit! Goddamnit!" (or reasonable approximation thereof... ahem). The following smoking attempt was even less successful. I got the damn thing lit, put it in the ashtray while writing something down, picked it up, dropped it on the tatami, cursed, picked it up again and stuffed the lit end into my mouth. This prompted a long and colourful sequence of assorted blasphemies and various derogatory terms to erupt from my smouldering lips.
Just thinking about it is getting me all riled up again. Let's shift into high gear for the remainder of the day: weeding the garden in the rain, cracking my head on the doorframe as I went back inside, making pasta for dinner and dropping the whole damn bowl of tomato sauce on the floor (much to Don Quixote's delight), cracking my head on the doorframe in the kitchen after cleaning up the mess, cursing for a while, heading down to the river to watch fireflies and tripping over a rock to land knee-deep in the river, going home, drinking whiskey and going to bed... only to have horrendous nightmares the whole night through.Oh, yes. Speaking of nightmares, I also had my first centipede of the season.  Don't worry, it ain't the critter you see pictured here. Not even a day like yesterday would prompt me to try something like that. It gives me the willies just looking at it. I know I'm asking for trouble here, but I still can't believe I've never been bit.
Thanks to a couple of last-minute class cancellations, I had the opportunity to read up on my many-legged roommates and was pleased to learn that these bad boys can actually get to be much bigger and nastier than those that hang out in my house. These venomous speed demons can get to be over a foot long and apparently have voracious appetites (which explains the lack of cockroaches in my neighbourhood, I imagine) for just about anything they can sink their fangs into. Scolopendra - I think they beat the pants off of just about any other insect in the 'scary-ass' department; spiders included.Well, I had originally planned to get all the statistics and photos from the Shikoku Intrusion put up today, but I haven't got the photos developped nor have I calculated all the stats yet. Don't worry, I'll try to pay attention to my significant figures (and no, that's not an onsen joke). I imagine I'll get around to that stuff tomorrow. Maybe.
May 9, 2001
Wondering what is up with Geocities at the moment. It's taken me 2 full days just to get this damn thing uploaded. I can't imagine what the problem might be... I keep getting "Invalid file" spit back in my face every time I try to upload. Terribly frustrating, and no good at all for my attempts at decreasing cigarette consumption.
I can force the file through using FTP it seems, but I'd be much happier just doing what I have been doing all along: namely connecting to Geocities and clicking 'upload' - it's so much simpler. I dunno - any computer whizzes out there feel like looking at the source for this page and telling me if there's anything wrong with it? I can't find any bugs... maybe it's Geocities. Regardless, I'm annoyed and now I have to go smoke. I wonder if I can sue Yahoo for this when I develop lung cancer?
May 11, 2001
Yet another beautiful day here in Kyuragi. It's days like these that make me want to stick around in Japan for a very long time. It's days like these that I have to make an effort to remind myself that the rest of the world get nice days, too.Currently using the online editor to write this - I just don't have the energy to deal with uploading hassles again. After having back-to-back classes first thing in the morning and a pre-lunch staff meeting, I'm feeling particularly drained. I should probably go outside, shouldn't I? Soon enough, methinks. Soon enough.Been messing around with ChaosPro (a fractal generating program) in an attempt to stick some of the Intrusion Statistics into the Mandelbrot formula - it would seem that the programmers are against that sort of thing. I'll keep at it though; I might even download a different program - the WWW is my oyster, after all. I wonder if I spend the average 9 minutes a day waiting for pages to load, or am I one of those who pushes that average upward? I sure hope not.
Come to think of it, I spend most of my time wrestling with the HTML beast or trying to think of something interesting to write. Most of the time I give up wrestling and just write whatever comes to mind, which is why this endeavour has turned out the way it has. Do I feel badly about this? No, but I figure I can do better. Maybe once I get my hands on a 'pooter that ain't all in Japanese I'll be able to figure out some of the niftier programs out there. I caught myself at Applied with a Nihongo version of Photoshop in my hand giving serious thought to shelling out the cash for it. Yikes. Granted, it would definitely help with my kanji reading and such, but I know I'd prefer just having to figure out the program without having to translate it first. Watching Eric and Joss do battle with a Japanese version of Linux was enough for me. Waitaminnit. Why don't I ask Eric about these uploading problems? I'm a fool!Yup. Blurring the boundaries between cyberspace and meatspace, that's what I do best. That little interjection there was meant to let you all feel as if you were privy to my innermost thoughts. Did it work? I'll bet y'all even know what colour underwear I've got on now, don't you?
My thought processes are obviously quite fragmented at the moment. Perhaps I should wrap this up and go work on my sunburn for a while.
May 14, 2001
You can always tell you're having a slow day when you resort to playing childish pranks on your co-workers. I've been pulling the ol' "Look out! There's a centipede by your foot!" gag today. And I'm getting paid for it.
Spent the better part of the afternoon at the Board of Education waiting for some guy from the Kyushu Electrical Company to come by and take all my money. I got tired of waiting, so I left. I did, however, tell my supervisor that if he shows up, she should call me and I'll make him wait for a while. Everyone in the office thought that was a good idea. I'd feel bad, but they're cutting off my electricity if I don't pay up and they won't let me pay at the 7-11 like I usually do. I figure that if they cut the power, I'll have one hell of a tirade ready for them.
While waiting at the BoE, I got a chance to look at my successor's application form and essay. I think folks over here are in for quite a shock - or at least a severe change of pace from my antics. Don't get me wrong, I'm not making any disparaging statements here (at least not about her) - I just figure she & I are about as compatible as icebergs and the Titanic. Even my kakaricho (section chief) said that things sure are going to be different come July; but I think he just figures he won't be able to drink with her. We all have different gauges for reckoning of character, I suppose.Read in the paper the other day that the US, outraged at being voted off of the Human Rights Commission, has decided to withhold funds to the UN until they are reinstated. Does anyone else find this as offensive and hypocritical as I do? Bullying your way back into the Human Rights Commission... appalling. I was pleased to see that quite a few Americans (Dubya included) are also rather squeamish about the whole affair. I think it's about time them folks down South start exercising their democratic rights more effectively and boot these power-hungry, arrogant SoBs out of office. And get rid of the Elephant and Ass parties while they're at it.
As a Canadian, I can't really criticize, of course, but at least we have some interesting things going on these days... take the Rhino Party and the Marijuana Party, for example. I can honestly see the Marijuana Party becoming the official opposition to the Liberals (well, in B.C. anyway) come election time. Can you imagine?
I confess, living overseas for so long has broken whatever tenuous grasp of Canadian politics I might have had, so I could be sticking my foot in my mouth here, but I don't care. Republicans and Democrats are equally dumb and the US needs some major governmental changes, IMHO - that's all I'm tryin' to say here.
May 16, 2001
Chaucer's Complaint to His PurseTo you, my purse, you whom I will not slight
For any other, you my lady dear,
Bitterly I complain. You are so light
That certainly you give me heavy cheer.
I had as lief be laid upon my bier,
And hoping for your mercy, thus I cry:
Be heavy again, for if not I shall die.Grant me this very day, before the night,
Your blissful jingle once again to hear,
Or like the sun to see your hue flash bright
That for its golden brilliance has no peer.
Rudder by which I teach my heart to steer,
Queen of good company, to whom I fly,
Be heavy again, for if not I shall die. Now purse, you are my solace, life, and light,
My saviour, down here in this earthly scene!
If you won't be my treasurer, ease my plight
By helping me away at least, my queen,
Out of this town, for I am shaved as clean
As any friar! Yet still your grace I'll try:
Be heavy again, for if not I shall die.
- Geoffrey Chaucer, Chaucer's Complaint to His PurseI just couldn't resist.
May 24, 2001
Jeez.  Have one little birthday weekend and suddenly a whole week has elapsed. From tequila to rugby to car wrecks (although not necessarily in that order), I think I have done enough damage to my body to last me at least a couple of weeks.
I was thinking about the situation the other day and realized that I had spent the whole year not feeling older at all - it was only until after the weekend of my birth that I felt I had aged. If it wasn't for abusive birthdays, I'd still be twelve or so. Of course, if it wasn't for abusive birthdays, I wouldn't have great photos like this one (which is not actually a celebratory photograph per se, but it's my page and I'll post what I want to. Nyeah).Truthfully speaking, I've been wondering lately whether or not weekends (and weeks) like the last one are the reason my writing output has dwindled considerably. Looking back over this endeavour, I find that a lot of the time I'm not really saying much of anything at all - just providing periodial insights into my life with a few random thoughts thrown in for kicks.
At first I figured it was living in Japan and the onslaught of new information and culture shock that was grinding me down - I thought my brain needed time to sort out and process all the fresh data it was receiving. While I still think that this is a factor, I can't help but face the fact that I have become slothful of late. "O drunken man, disfigured is your face,
Sour is your breath, foul are you to embrace!
You seem to mutter through your drunken nose
The sound of 'Samson, Samson,' yet God knows
That Samson never indulged himself in wine.
Your tongue is lost, you fall like a stuck swine,
And all the self-respect that you possess
Is gone, for of man's judgement, drunkeness
Is the true sepulcher and annihilation."- Geoffrey Chaucer, The Pardoner's Tale Yes, I'm on a Chaucer kick at the moment. May - brought to you by the number 26 and the letter 'C'. I'm not really feeling as Puritanical as it might appear at the moment, but I can't really disagree with this quotation here. It's strange to think of myself as slothful, what with all the rugby being played these days; perhaps the Seven Deadly Sins are only just beginning to encroach upon my soul. I don't think I've fallen as far as the good Doctor Faustus quite yet.It might be the fireflies that have brought these thoughts to bear - remember all that talk of Hotaru and My Father is a Waste of Bandwidth from a few months back? I'd completely forgotten all about them until last night. The continuing adventures of Jake & Ray have come along fairly well, but they were only intended to kickstart my creative engine, not become the sole outlet. Got to get back in the saddle - which might mean getting back on the wagon to some extent. I know that leaving Japan is going to make that feat well-nigh impossible, but there really is no reason I can't ease up on the throttle a bit.
Looking forward to hunkering down by the river with my luciferase-imbued friends later this evening. Quite the appropriately-named enzyme, wouldn't you say? I once read that a bunch of scientists had managed to isolate and extract the enzyme and inserted it into a tobacco plant - producing a strain of tobacco whose leaves glow in the dark. Fascinating science in action, but somewhat misguided, if you ask me. Genetic engineering might very well be the wave of the future, but someone is going to have to keep a handle on all the crazy stuff people are going to want to make. This includes the military, because you know they can't wait to get their hands on a sterile, short-lived, incomprehensibly deadly critter that they can lob at unsuspecting foes.
But I digress. This is neither the time nor the place for one of my tangential ill-thought-out rants. I really must work on my thought-filtering processes. I suffer from 'why-am-I-talking-about-this' syndrome - kind of like foot in mouth disease, but not as embarrassing. Also nowhere near as bad as foot and mouth disease, but that is a joke best left alone.
May 28, 2001
Hobbling around school with a pulled leg muscle on a Monday morning is a Bad Way to start the week. However, these things do not concern me this week; this the week of the School Trip to Osaka and Kyoto. I think I'm more excited than most of the kids are. It's been like waiting for Christmas ever since I heard we were going to Universal Studios Japan. I've intentionally forgotten to send money home for my student loan this month... these things happen.
Actually, I think the train rides to/from Osaka are the best part of the trip. You wouldn't think this to be the case, would you? Keeping all the kids in line and out of trouble is definitely a chore and wouldn't be any fun at all if it weren't for all the other schools having their trips at the same time. Watching kids watching kids is great. I've found that the best place to be seated is right at the dividing line between two schools. It's hilarious to watch all those young hormones in action - and most of the other teachers agree (although not in front of the kids). I particularly like how all the boys pretend to be really cool and all the girls pretend not to notice, resulting in a hasty retreat by some (not all) of the boys, only to be enticed back towards the water fountain (the only location on the train where they can freely intermingle) by coy looks and whispered 'kakkoii's (the Japanese equivalent to 'cool') - which invariably sparks off all sorts of inner-school tiffs and jealousies. Highly reccommended entertainment - I wonder why NHK hasn't picked up on it yet.  The one concern I do have, however, would be Hirokazu (a.k.a. King of the Bad Boys) who seems convinced that we are going to be drinking and smoking together for the most part of the trip. Where do kids get these ideas? The conversation (if you can call it that) went something like this:
HIROKAZU: Hey, sexfriend! Ok, ok?
J: No thank you.
H:So, um, like can I stay in your room in Osaka?
J: (Pause) What?
H: In Osaka, like, can I stay with you?
J: Uh... I don't think that will be allowed. Sorry.
H: Oh. (pause) Really? (pause - quick conference with some of the other boys) So, uh, like, can we drink beer and smoke cigarettes then?
J: What? I'll be sharing a room with the other teachers, you know.
H: (pause) Oh. (pause) So, like, can we just smoke then? Apologies for the translation - it's about the closest I can get to deciphering his Cool Guy Speak. I think my being concerned about bringing Hirokazu on this trip is justified. We've been making jokes in the staff room about whether he's going to make it back in one piece or just get arrested. Actually, I'm kind of glad he's around - it makes for interesting school life. Don't know if the other kids feel that way though; if I was them, I'd probably hate him. As quietly as possible.
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