|
2001
June
May
April
March
February
January
2000
December
October
September
August
July
June
May
|
July 2, 2001
Awoke this morning, rolled over and had my first thought of the day: I had finally entered the last month of my tenure in Japan. I very nearly had a panic attack as the fact that I had a mere three weeks left sunk in - and then I caught myself. That was no way to be looking at the situation, and although I've never enjoyed applying labels to myself, I opted to take a more optimistic, 'glass-is-half-full' perspective: I'd been in Japan for 2 years, 11 months and a week. I thought about all the things I'd done, all the places I'd gone and all the people I'd met over the last three years.
And then my brain kicked in: whichever way you look at it: glass-is-half-full (optimism), glass-is-half-empty (pessimism), glass-is-halfway-to-being-refilled (opportunistic optimism), there-is-no-glass (taoism) - any which way is not enough time. I hate it when my brain does that to me. In other news, yesterday was not only Canada Day, but my parents' Anniversary to boot. I say a toast and a round of applause are in order - don't worry, I'll take care of the phone call personally. And as for all you folks out there that think this month's red & white theme is due to my patriotic tendencies surfacing in some subtle fashion, they're not, so don't.Anyway, that's it for today - got to get home and get packin'. Then I get to hook up with the mayor for my official farewell party with all the town employees - promises to be an evening, alright.
July 3, 2001
After listening to everyone's packing horror stories last year, I was determined not to let the same thing happen to me - I'm shipping all my stuff through an Osaka firm which ships in minimum volumes of one cubic metre. I figured that a cubic metre would be less than I actually required, but any leftover essentials could be brought on the plane or shipped by Slow Boat to Vancouver... boy, was I wrong.
Granted, I've not finished packing up all my essentials yet, but I've only filled a quarter of my maximum volume. I have so much space left over that I'm considering bringing all sorts of extraneous items home - CD cases and whatnot - just because I can. I' actually concerned that my little boxes inside the big boxes are going to be sliding all over the place and breaking all my breakables. Curses.
Filling out all the paperwork for bringing unaccompanied goods into Canada is kind of a bitch as well - attempting to estimate the value of my 'goods' is particularly frustrating: how the hell am I supposed to know how much 35 T-shirts are worth? Or the value in yen of a framed Audrey Hepburn photograph? What it would cost to replace my mouldy, moth-eaten yukata? Who the hell cares? Paperwork and bureaucracies... yuck.Last night was an evening, alright.
July 4, 2001
Gotta love exam period - although I have been guilty of wasting all this free time by playing outside and/or playing inside, when I probably should have been packing and cleaning. Oh well. Going to the beach this afternoon - will I never learn?I don't have all that much to say at this particular juncture, so I'm just gonna stick in a list of links that I've been frequenting lately - or links that I've mentioned to folks that I was going to put up - and either haven't got around to it, or haven't been able to work them into the discourse heretofore presented. Ergo:-
That should keep you kids out of trouble while I'm working on my sunburn.
July 6, 2001
Every once in a while, I'm lucky enough to discover a bit of pure
insanity - or is it genius? Whichever you decide it to be, I figure it's worth a laugh - hell, the whole Pokemon phenomenon is pretty funny, if you ask me. Personally, I think it's all part of the Japanese Master Plan to subjugate the planet using the unstoppable power of kawaii.
Take Hello Kitty. I'm willing to bet that the vast majority of the global population has not only seen her rotund little visage, but know her name and country of origin to boot. Furthermore, I'd also be willing to bet that her mouthless mug has surfaced in every home in the industrialized world - even if only a tiny portrait on a pen or bit of stationery. In Japan, I doubt you could go for a whole day without finding yourself face-to-face with Hello Kitty's mindless gaze: the Hello Kitty market in this country is insane. Apparel and stationery obviously being the most common, you can also purchase all sorts of Kitty-ized goods: cutlery, dishes, cups, bowls, toasters, microwaves, TVs (oh, yes), VCRs, cars (I've even been in one), toilet paper, toothbrushes, combs and even - you'll never believe this - maxi pads.
Abandon hope all ye who come over here. For even if the Kitty-succubus ain't your thing, they've got something to snag you with: Pokemon, Tarepanda, Doraemon, Snoopy (does Charles Schultz really know how big his beagle is over here?) and countless more. Even would-be tough guys proudly tote cute little cel phone straps or some such nonsense - though my absolute favourite has got to be the ultra-cool, super-tough bad-asses wearing the Hello Kitty slippers as they walk down the street. That's how much sway the cat's got over here - and she's coming for you.At home for lunch today, sitting in the same place I always sit, looking out the same window that I've been looking out of for the past 3 years, I realized that perhaps the most difficult thing about leaving Japan is going to be giving up all the banal little rituals I've developed for myself. I know this sounds obvious, but I guess I had a moment of appreciation for all the things that I take for granted on a daily basis. I've never really thought of myself as a creature of habit, but it would seem that I am - as are most people, I should imagine.
Having a sort of 'autopilot' to perform the mundane actions of our existence is an interesting phenomenon - particularly when it screws something up. Ever been in the shower and found yourself unable to remember whether or not you washed your hair? How many times have you 'lost' something because you didn't put it down in it's 'proper' place? Ever tried putting your clothes on in a different order? All sorts of oddness whistles and strangeness alarms go off when you mess with the routine - why is that?
Dispensing with the rhetorical questions and returning to my original point, I figure a large part of the culture shock in coming here or going home (calling it reverse culture shock is inane - kind of like the term 'reverse racism': doesn't that suggest folks are getting along?) is the inherent and forced replacement of countless little rituals that form a sort of framework for daily life. The physical and mental fatigue associated with culture shock (or even jet lag, I'd bet) must be largely due to the body having to establish a whole new set of rituals in order to feel at ease within the new environment. Nothing quite like coming up with a new hypothesis on the fly - wonder which department this particular subject would fall under at university - sociology? Anthropology? Psychology? Guided studies in idleness? Today really has been a random day, hasn't it? Better wrap it up with a quote:"Travel has a way of stretching the mind. The stretch come not from travel's immediate rewards, the inevitable myriad new sights, smells and sounds, but with the experiencing firsthand how others do differently what we have believed to be the right and only way." - Ralph Cranshaw
See? I'm not the only one who thinks about this stuff.
July 9, 2001
PACKING UPDATE- Much thought and careful deliberation over the weekend
- Garnered an additional 9 days to procrastinate
- Accomplishments: watched Battlefield Earth. Regretted it.
Ate an orange for lunch today. As I was peeling it, I started thinking about the development and use of tools by mankind - looking at my juice-covered fingers, I thought "this would have been so much easier with a knife" and subsequently wondered if I would be able to make a knife, should I ever need to. I'm not talking about finding a sharp bit of metal and attaching it to a stick or some such nonsense, I'm talking about finding & mining some iron ore, smelting it, pouring off the slag and then moulding and shaping the blade. If I had all the tools and equipment ready at hand, maybe. But what if I didn't?
I wonder how many people would be able to survive if they were suddenly dropped off in a remote area - take building a shelter, for example: anybody out there know how they would go about making a house? I like to think that I would at least have a pretty good idea of where to begin, but then all sorts of little niggling problems arise. Ok, you've got trees that somehow you managed to cut down with a rock - now what? Anybody know how to make rope to lash them together? Any idea how to carve and shape them to fit snugly? No nails to help, no drills to bore holes for wooden rivets, and so on.
I guess for the most part, I'd returned to thinking about all the things we take for granted - how much of our 'higher education' is truly necessary for survival? How much do we really know, anyway? The screen you're currently looking at, do you know how it works? What about a microchip? Think about this: for all the wonderful things a computer can do, it's really nothing more than a series of electrical impulses; on, off, on, off.
Yes, I know that these achievements have come after thousands of years of people living, thinking and dying, and that most of this knowledge is no longer necessary for our survival, but isn't it worth thinking about from time to time? I also realize that the sheer amount of knowledge that I'm discussing could never fit inside a single person's head and that's why folks became carpenters, or blacksmiths, or farmers, or whatever - I just think that having some of these basic skills instead of having the ability to program your VCR might be a good thing. Then again, from what I've seen and heard, programming a VCR requires some fairly arcane knowledge as well.
Maybe I should eat more oranges. Maybe I should've watched Cast Away instead.
July 12, 2001
Had the first of my last classes today. The thought of this whole affair ending is starting to catch up with me - two weeks until liftoff (or eject, depending on how you look at things) - and time no longer seems to have any set definition. I have cigarette breaks that seem to last for hours and whole weeks that are over in the blink of an eye. Three years that I've been waking up in the same bed and walking the same path to school; three years of talking to people and desperately trying to understand/make myself understood; three years of trying to find a niche for myself in this land of sake and sakura; three years of wondering just what the hell it is that I am doing - and now it seems that all that effort was for naught.
I gotta go. Back to a land that I'm not sure I know anymore, back to a game where I no longer remember the rules, back to people whose faces and lives are three years older - how exactly does one prepare themself for that? What with this whirlwind of work, farewell parties, packing and cleaning, where do I find time to sit down and figure out what to do?"The sun won't ever shine
Not like it used to do
And there will be moonlight in the sky
Won't mean a thing to you
Friends and relations say you've changed
They say it is writen in your face
Better get used to living like this
Now that you've fallen from grace"
- Blue Rodeo, Fallen From Grace And that's to say nothing of the chaos and confusion that girls perpetually add to my life - just bad timing, that's all. Right?I guess what it all boils down to is I'm currently seeking some sort of justification for having spent a sizeable portion of my life over here - and there seems to be none forthcoming. I've never really enjoyed having to think about the future - the present is time-consuming enough as it is - and now that I pretty much have to look ahead, all I can think about is the past. That's not to say that I have regrets about anything; obviously there are some things that I should've/would've done differently (had I known better), but these don't plague me that much. I think the intangibles are far worse: have I been a good teacher and friend to my students? Just what have I accomplished over the last three years? Why is it that I still hit my head on doorframes in my house?
Even now, I still somehow manage to make dumb jokes. I'm not in a light-hearted mood at the moment, so where does that come from? I get a lot of people telling me that I never take anything seriously - I've always had the ability to put on a funny face to cover up my feelings - why should things be different now? Besides, taking things seriously and letting people know you take said things seriously are two different things, aren't they?"I saw a TV commercial that said 'Kiss your hemorrhoids goodbye.' Not even if I could."
- John Mendoza So, in all seriousness, all that I want to know right now is that I am not a failure. To put it in terms of past, present and future: I want to know that my being here has had some sort of meaning - I don't want to just be that crazy guy that my kids will talk about over beers at a class reunion ten years from now - I want to know whether or not I have made a difference somewhere along the line; I want to know that although I have no choice but to leave that I am doing the right thing and am leaving in a good way - I want to feel good about this inevitable change looming on the horizon; and I want to know that my life will end not up becoming a complete shambles before my very eyes.
I have a kind of nightmarish daydream (is there a better term for this other than 'anxiety attack'?) from time to time: that I go back home, end up living at my folks' place (don't take this the wrong way - I love you guys, but I don't want to live with you forever) and working some shit job, eking out my days watching TV and dreaming of what could have been. I can't abide being nothing - and right now it feels like my life could easily tumble down that slope."In this world there are only two tragedies. One is not getting what one wants and the other is getting it."
- Oscar Wilde Am I really this concerned about everything in my life? Probably not - it's just that from time to time, I have to let off a little steam and reduce the pressure a tad. Yeah, I'm unsure about a lot of things and letting my mind run all over the place is not necessarily the best way to deal with this situation, but hell, it's not like I know how to do anything else. The one thing I am sure of is that a year from now I'll have a whole new set of issues to deal with and I might even be able to laugh at this little (and decidedly random) collection of thoughts. "We do not much deal in facts when we are contemplating ourselves."
- Mark Twain Or just go watch Little Ninja.
July 17, 2001
Suddenly the pace of things in my life has broken the sound barrier - I don't even really have time to be working on this page, but I'm hoping it will lend a little stability and sanity to an otherwise dreary day. Constant rain notwithstanding, I had my last class ever this morning, followed by my last drive up to the mountain school in Setokoba this afternoon. Both were plenty of fun as the kids and I managed to put that little niggling factor out of our minds for the duration of the class/visit, but driving back down the mountain was not quite so much fun. The image of a first-year elementary school girl trying to give me a farewell letter suddenly bursting into tears after forgetting the English she had practiced so hard (she had also counted to fifty for me a few minutes earlier) kind of stuck with me.
Add this to the little visit that Yoshino-san (Section Chief at my BoE) paid me at school today to inform me that if I hadn't found a place of residence for Don Quixote by tomorrow, they were going to take him to Karatsu to be put down. Thanks for the advance warning, asshole. I needed that little gem like I needed a hole in the head - especially considering I'm in the throes of trying to get everything sorted out before I leave.
The calendar on my desk at school is covered with countless notes and memos of things I have to get done before I'm out of here and I find myself adding three or four more to it every day. It's starting to look like a Japanese/English version of the Rosetta Stone, I tell you. Hell, as far as the other teachers are concerned, it might as well be written in Greek - I can't hardly make out some of the things I've written.One thing is for sure: all this chaos is keeping my mind far from the emotional side of leaving. I'm thinking I might already be in Canada before I realize I've gone. Not that I think lugging all that emotional baggage back to Canada is a good idea; I just figure I'm not going to have any choice.
July 27, 2001
Well. Here I am, back in the Great White North. I'm still reeling from the last two weeks of my life, so forgive me if this ain't the mother-of-all-updates that you may (or may not) have been expecting.
All things considered, I am hale and healthy (but more than just a little jetlagged), and after a good night's sleep seem to be no longer prone to spontaneous bouts of tears. Apologies to all those folks out there who thought I was a manly-man. I'm having a few issues with the climate over here, but I guess after three years of living in the tropics that's to be expected. Also haven't spoken Japanese since embarking upon my journey home - kind of fearful that I might've forgotten something already. Oh, yes. Don Quixote lives. Jason, stellar individual that he is, has taken the Shithead under his wing (albeit temporarily - although I'm betting Quixote wins him over in less than a month, sorry Jason) and allowed him to reside in Tosu City for the time being. Bumped into Kathy in Fukuoka airport as I was checking in my bags for the flight. Turned out we were on the same flight to Osaka, which made leaving a whole lot easier. Unfortunately, we were unable to sit with one another, thanks to the decidedly bitchy woman who was suffering from severe jikochu refusing to switch seats with me. Arriving at Kansai, we made plans to meet up for a smoke after checking in our baggage but before heading off on our separate ways (Kathy's from TO).
An hour or so later, Kathy shows up - she's on the same flight as I am! Turns out her flight to Dallas/Toronto was still in Mexico, so they were shunting people onto alternative flights. I now had a buddy for the entire trek home. Our seats were fairly far apart, but Kathy had a free seat beside her so we got to hang out. Sadly, I lost her somewhere between the plane and Customs and never got to say goodbye - which might have been a good thing, as I was being molested (as usual) by Immigration Control and various other Customs officials and had no time for anything other than answering questions and filling out forms. I hope she's not mad. SHOCK OF THE DAY
I was originally intending this space to be a log of my Canadian culture shock experiences, but I have to admit: seeing my brother with long hair is probably the most shocking thing I've seen so far. I'll see if I can't get a picture of it for y'all.
|
