|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
-----Original Message----- From: Lassey, Jason Sent: Monday, 11 April 2005 11:48 am To: Team leaders Subject: having my cake..and eating it too Dearly beloved Leaders, History tells us that Marie Antoinette was executed during the French Revolution for allegedly telling the peasants to "eat cake", and indeed it is cake that has led us to the brink of an outbreak of devastation and death, the likes of which has not been sighted since the Black Plague of the fourteenth century which wiped out half the population of Europe. On Saturday I had the opportunity to work 5 hour shift. Little did I know of the danger that lurked in the centre of the facility. I arrived at midday, logged in to my pc, and saw cake in the middle of the room. Like the ancient Sirens of Greek mythology, who lured sailors to their deaths with song, I was propelled by a will not entirely my own - and pulled towards the seemingly innocent and tasty looking cake. With my spider-sense a-tingling, I picked up a slice of the somewhat delicious looking cake, never suspecting that the cake had been sitting there since the day before, accumulating dust and bacteria aplenty. As I took my first bite, little did I know that the cake was not what it appeared to be. Instead of a tasty, sugary morsel coated in icing sugar and containing some sort of dried fruit, I was consuming a mouldy, stale, virus and bacteria infested shadow of its former self. A killer with a sweet topping. I have at this point ruled out a greater Telstra conspiracy. While the serving of poisoned food is a tradition which goes back to the Pharaohs (it was a particular favorite of the classical Greeks and Romans), it is incongruous to suggest that the staff at this respected company could be responsible for such a deliberate and deadly action. This leaves us with the Janitorial and Security staff. The great problem with outsourcing is that you can never really trust anyone. One minute the guy who is vacuuming the floor is smiling, the next he's a deadly assassin, maybe some sort of ninja - flitting from desk to desk and leaving unsuspecting staff members lying in a pool of their own blood. Security guards are of course, trained to kill with their bare hands, and many have their own firearms. I have suspected these people of colluding together for some time, and it is only now that all the pieces have fallen into the puzzle. During the Cold War the KGB used to be particularly fond of using attractive women to seduce foreign targets in order to obtain information, it is a well known fact, that if you dress your killer up to look good, your chances of success are much higher. It is much easier to kill someone using e.coli and mouldy baked goods than with a firearm or knife, as its less messy and the evidence is almost untraceable. Food poisoning is a common enough advent in this state (garibaldi, nippy's, anything made by villi's) and would attract about as much notice as the Charles and Camilla wedding, or a Port Adelaide football final. What puzzles me is the motivating factor. What drives these people to kill. What childhood trauma's have led to these people taking on the secret and dangerous life of the professional assassin. What psychological misconceptions have lead to their desire to terminate human li> fe? The simple answer is we dont know. We need to capture one and learn its language, its fears, its history. Only then can we hope to triumph over this dire and terrible foe, who strikes fear into our hearts and minds, and can appear and disappear like Casper the friendly ghost. So how long before we see action on these points which I have raised? Must we wait until someone actually dies before we get results? You and I both know that I speak the truth. Jason M. Lassey Tester, Residential, Key & Corporate Testing Service Specialist, Commercial & Consumer Testing Telstra Service Advantage Adelaide | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
|
|
Contents copyright
�2005 Landmines'R'Us. Reproduce at your own risk |
