As we all know, its Christmas and in theory this is a time of cheer and goodwill. As a man of intergrity and tolerance, I have often allowed the celebrations of the birth of christ to go unremarked upon out of respect for my fellow man (or woman, or hermaphrodite). Over the last couple of weeks I have, with some consternation become aware of the active discrimination against other religions who dont feel the need to decorate entire buildings with their pretty bunting and mistletoe. Do i see jewish people forcing their "Festival of Lights" on us (hannukah)? No of course not. Does the buddhist send out a fat guy on a sleigh to suck in little children to his way of thinking? No. Make no mistake, someone must think of the children.

Despite the existence of the EEO, I've observed that these Christmas celebrations and all the trimmings are nothing more than an in-your-face type of discrimination, the worst kind of discrimination - the kind that discriminates against me.

While I percieve myself to be the very bastion of tolerance, quite frankly this celebration of a holiday - which doesnt even fall on the day of the birth of the person whom it is intended to honour - is a joke, and an affront to my religious beliefs. This is the kind of error which leads to schisms in the church (does anyone remember the Great Protestant/Catholic split of 1179?). On such basic tenets of our faith are the foundations of our world shaken.

And yet this is not the biggest danger we face. With the ever increasing propogation of tinsel, foil and rakes thoughout the centre it should be readily apparent that the gravest danger facing the telstra employee (and the contractor) is metal poisoning. This metal terror is more vicious than anything portrayed in the "Terminator" series of films. This is a killer which takes on many shapes and sizes. It lurks on ceilings and on desks, it slithers across the floors. It kills swiftly and silently.

Working in close proximity to large quantities of tinsel, and foil, I fear for the staff. From an OH&S point of view, the solution is fairly simple. Strip it all down and burn it in a fire. While I understand this action may seem reminiscent of Nazi Germany in 1938, it is in fact the only infallible solution to a problem which threatens to escalate out of controllable proportions. The cataclysm which surely is inevitable can solely be blamed on management and their inability to deal with the metal menace that dwells in our midst, like a hungry lion awaiting a feeble lamb.

When you consider the average age of employees in this centre, one must surely be concerned for their inability to live much longer in these oppresive circumstance. Lungs which have been around for 50-60 years may not long survive the introduction of metallic substances into the airstream. this must surely be a major health concern.

Where does it all end? One only needs to look at fish in the North Sea to see the severe results of metal poisoning. The British Government has banned the eating of fish from the North Sea due to its high metal content. With the metallic plague that is facing us, those of us with more cannablistic tendencies will find ourselves short changed should the government introduce bans on the consumption of telstra employees (and in due course, contractors) due to the outbreak of metal poisoning.

Please do something.

Enjoy yourself, feel free to comment.