I am seated on the balcony watching the
breath-taking panorama. The radiant colors of the setting
sun reflecting on the cool silent waters of the river flowing
gently towards the mighty ocean.
The white sea gulls perched on the low boughs of trees and
the long legged storks standing like sentinels on the banks,
awaiting its prey. The slender, tall coconut trees seem
to sway rhythmically to the soft music of the breeze. And
against the backdrop of this scenario my thoughts f1y back
to XTC where I spent 5 very rewarding weeks.
The CD unwinds itself on the screen of my mind and there
I see a blurred vision of myself- miserable bundle of
nerves with its network of negative feelings of fear,
anxiety,guilt, unwantedness unlovableness. A feeling of
rejection wishing I was not born at all, or died before
all this happened.
I started working on myself with the help of Vijay, but
I became still more confused, getting more and more discouraged.
I felt like packing up and escape to get back home. Vijay's
encouraging words constantly repeated, "I
wiII not
let allow you to leave this place
unless and until
you are completely
healed"
urged me on. Days were quickly rolling by and almost the
eve of closing the retreat. But I was nowhere
