12/31/05
Here's To The Future!
Wow! It's so hard to believe this is the last day of 2005! I'm not used to it. I can remember myself sitting in front of my mirror recording new years for 2005, watching home movies, preparing while not knowing everything ahead of me. Now that everything has happend, I wouldn't have thought it.
January was surely a month that changed my whole social world. I got a class that I NEVER wanted! PE! I am still SO relieved that I went to the office and got my schedule changed to something that I knew was great but I didn't think so at first. Student aide! I remember first walking into Mrs. Maloneys room. Everyone was chatting away like it was a typical day. Which it was for them. They were 8th graders and I was just 7th. Mrs. Maloney had mistooken me for a student as a transfer. Was she in for an awakening! When I first went there, I officially HATED Student Aiding. No one was there with me. I had to do it all by myself and Mrs. Maloney was a BITCH! When the person who I now call ba by arrived, everything changed for the better! She's become one of my really great friends and even though she's at Cibola, we still are close friends. She also brought Jeremy into my life who brought along Charles. They've been two people I can really rely on. I'm still not sure about Jeremy though. He really bashed me out for just sending him ONE forward! But, forget that.
And oh gosh! Who could forget February!? Maybe you can, but not me! February..Valentines Day! Eek! Was I a FREAK!! Anybody who is a very close friend of mine or even just a friend period would know about my 7th grade obsession with a person I considered my 'love'. Wesley. Because of those 2 words he told me, refresher: sexy stuff, it changed my world!!! Okay..not really, but then it did! I had 'fallen' for him. And on Valentines Day, I had a plan to give him a candy and call him sexy. What a LOSER I was!!! I also gave Angelica a note to give him that he so happend to throw on the ground, damn him. lol. But hey, if it wasn't meant to be, it WAS NOT MEANT TO BE!
But I then figured out in March, who needs Wesley when there is another guy under my nose!? Yep, you guessed it. Jeremy Martinez. I was crazy for him til school ended. No clue why exactly. I would stare at him in student aide and sometimes thoguht he was starring at me. HaHa! Whatever. I would write notes that I never gave to him asking if he liked me in hopes that something could happen. Sadly for me, it wasn't meant to be.
May was awful for me! Victoria announced to Jeremy that I was scared for him to sign my yearbook. She really made me mad! She made me look like a freak! When he was coming toward me, I rushed over to Drakkar asking him to sign my yearbook looking like another fool but oh well. Drakkar is cool, right? Right! So, back to my story. I rushed around the dance looking like an idiot while Victoria was lying about me! He then went up to me with his creepy friend Charles who I HATED back then because he said the most bitchiest things about me that I later find out was Jeremys doing for us NOT to be friends.
May was still getting worse. Adam was moving. I found out in December but I could never fully grasp it. In my mind there was always hope that he probably wasn't leaving and that he was just joking with me. Now Im not possitive that the last time we saw each other was May. It might have been June. I don't really remember but it was terrible. We spent our 2nd to the last day hanging out and going to the park with my camcorder recording things so I can remember days like that. I still have it and make sure I see it once in a while. It helped with my pain. Especially on the last day. The final moment was terrible enough. We were completely quiet at the park and when he parted, we gave each other one last hug. I tried SO hard not to break out in tears, but when I got home, I couldn't help it. To me, it was like the world ended.
Before I knew it, school started again. It was already August! I found out that Alanna, Kelly, and I all had journalism together. I knew it was a disaster waiting to happen. And I was right. They had gotten closer and I was in the outfield. It doesn't matter to me now and I'm quite happy with the turnout but back then, it was a stab in the back.They had moved tables like I was toxic, or so I thought that was the reason. I couldn't understand it then....then.
Then it was Halloween! Brenda and I came closer since Kelly's move and we both planned in the beginning of October to go together. But Brenda was someone else who stabbed me. She wanted to go with Soraya and Victoria! We had both planned for us to go by ourselfs and even when I would tell her that, she'd still say how she wanted to go with them. So in the end, I stabbed her. Not literally of course. I ended up going trick or treating with Katelyn, Carlee, and Dayanara. It ended up being GREAT! Better of a time then I would have with Brendas complaining.
Right after Halloween, I moved to Katelyns table and thats where I've been ever since. My mind drifts to Kelly, Brenda, and them once in a while. I think of Black Ice or now FoolProof and I always wondered why I wasn't it in. Kelly would talk about how Mary was getting a bass soon and she eventually did, just recent actually. They are completely a band now. Of course I feel awful I'm not in it anymore. Kelly said she thought I quit but really I didn't. But oh well.
Thats been my year. Not the best, but certainly not the worst. I do know what my resolution is though. Oh yeah! I forgot to include something. I've had a HUGE crush on a guy since the beginning of the year. His name is Hirim. He is SO cute/hot! I'm like, pre-in love. I can't help but stare at him all the time. He's so dreamy! Okay, sorry. lol. My new years resolution is to get the guts to talk to him and to get rid of my acne. Also get my first kiss. No, I haven't had it yet. Isn't that awful!? I feel so alone and left out. I just pray whatever the lord has in store for me is good and makes me happy. I really do. Goodbye 2005! I'll miss you!
12/30/05
I'm feeling:
This will be a short entry. I bought Curtain Call by Eminem. We listened to it for a while but I can't listen to it now because my mom would 'disapprove' so I'm supposed to keep it a secret that I have it. If I listen to it at ALL, it has to be with headphones. The song Fack is really gross. It's actually kind of funny. Andrew was like "Oh no no no!" because it talks about sex all the way through the song. It's pretty gross, lol. Especially the part that says stuffing a hamster up there and his cock stuck in the girls X. Yeah. Great CD though!
12/24/05
The Early Entry
I'm feeling:
It's 12:16 and I'm prettty mad..yep. For some reason, my mom always gets her way. They said they were going to the bank and would be right back but instead they went to get a haircut and my moms appointment is RIGHT NOW! Ugh! Everything is going to be closed tomorrow and we can't do anything and we have SO much to do today and she's just being very inconsiderate. Not only that, but I didn't eat breakfast this morning and I am SUPER hungry! They left at 10:00 and have been gone for 2 hours. How would you feel? GRR!!!! I'm freakin' furious. Congratulations mom, you've officially pissed me off. I did get all my presents and everything but still, come on! This SO isn't fair. My mom pisses me off! I just !@#$@%@!#!!!!!!!!
12/22/05
I'm feeling:
Today has been SO funny and my mom is the joke. Andrew is pretending that he got my mom PJs for Christmas and I'm pretending that I got her a sweater. It's SO funny because she claims she wants nothing that you can wear but instead something she can enjoy. So she is PISSED at Andrew and I for buying clothes. But really, we didn't. Andrew bought her Jerry Lewis DVDs shes been wanting and I bought her The Notebook because she LOVED that movie. It's funny. I wrapped it in a box that looks like a clothes box. In the box is one of MY sweaters and underneath it is the movie. It looks SO real! I've been going along with it really well too. I even made her promise to open the gift when she refused to. But yeah, everythings going great with that. I still have to get Maria and Amy's gifts. Not to mention Carlee's gift! Her birthday is on the day we go back and I DO want to get her something even though she said I didn't have to. I haven't heard a word from Katelyn. It makes me wonder if she's mad at me or something. Maybe talking shit? I don't mean to sound that way. It's just that she usually keeps in contact with me and the only one that seems to me contacting me this Winter Break is Carlee. Katelyn even said I could go over to her house, yet I've had yet to hear from her.
Oh! I almost forgot to tell you this! My dads card came today. He sent a card and it's so pretty. Here's what it says: MERRY CHRISTMAS To a Dear Daughter. Wishing you a Christmas filled with sparkle and suprise, a lovely present that unfolds before your very eyes...Wishing you a new year filled with joy and warm with love...the kind of year someone like you is so deserving of. Love, Dad. Isn't that just beautiful!? And on the cover is a teddybear, roses, and holly, all in glitter. Okay, enough stalling. I know, Im leaving you hanging. I know what you're saying. "COME ON ALREADY!" Okay, okay. See where patience gets you? Inside is.....a $100 gift card to Hastings!!! Can you BELIEVE that!? My mom is so jealous of my dad because I "hate her" and think "he's the better parent". I said that one time and she's making a HUGE deal over it. She's also calling everyone saying that I love the parent with the most money which is bull. I'm just really happy that my Dad took the time to do this for me. I mean, he didn't HAVE to. It was no requirement. But he did. Which is why I'm going to spend an hour or two at Grandmas and invited him. Nobody should be alone on Christmas. Nobody.
12/20/05
I'm feeling:
Hey. Wow. This seems weird now. I've gotten so used to not using this blog anymore! lol. The reason I haven't is because I've just forgotten all about it, mainly. I got sick of doing entries everyday and now I missed it. Hell, might as well.
So much has happend since my last entry. Heres a recap: I went to Katelyn on Halloween for my reasons. Elspeth and Brenda no longer talk to me. Everything is cool with Kelly and I and it has been for a long time actually. So now I sit with Katelyn, Carlee, and Kandice. I love it too. They are my best friends not counting Adam and it's nice to have good friends with excitment! No offience to my old group..just..saying. lol.
Anyways, it's almost Christmas. The most wonderful time of the year. But I keep having the feeling like it's gone! It's probably because last week everyone wore Santa Hats, gave presents so it seems like I've experienced Christmas over a million times. I'm more excited about the New Year. Another year..wow. It's amazing actually. Looking back at last year and this year..it's crazy. So much has happend and it all turns out to not really matter in the end. Too bad not everyone feels like that. Example: my mom. We've gotten in so many fights lately. It all started last Wednesday I believe it was. We were talking about my 16th birthday party. Now I know I'm 14 and 16 is 2 years away, but think about it. 2 years away! Look at how fast 2005 went. It's going to come just as fast as this year ended. But anyways, my mom and I were talking about my 16th birthday party and how Amy would plan it and I couldn't wait for Adam to come back. So she says "You dont even know if you're going to be alive then. He won't come back. He'll find a hot babe and to hell with you. As for Amy, she won't care and she won't plan it. She has better things to do." Okay wait..excuse me? I know that in the future it's very possible for Adam to have a girlfriend. I'm not stupid. But he's my BEST FRIEND. My BEST FRIEND!! We are like SIBLINGS. We have that sister/brother relationship...okay...not exactly. But it's like love. A LOT like love and she shouldn't criticise that. She can at least wait for the I Told You So first. I know that it's going to happen and I'm going to make it happen. She's just..not a real mother. She's never been able to be there for me..which is another thing. After the fact that we fought over not only my party, but her threatening to call the school and say I 'forged' her signature, I had a major breakdown last Friday. Thank God that someone was there during all of it. If I hadn't followed his advice, I don't know what could have happend. I was THAT crazy. I was out of my mind. But I e-mailed Amy that night asking if I could hang out with her on Sunday because Andrew wasn't going to be here and I didn't want to stay all alone with my mom. Not only that but I WANTED to spend time with my sister. We hardly ever see each other and I deserve that much at least. So she said if I go, she's going to start a big ol' thing with Amy saying how she never invites HER anywhere. But the thing is, I ASKED her. Thats what you have to do. She makes a big deal over everything which brings us tonight. I told her that I want to get to know my father a bit better and get aquainted with him. I believe that he deserves that chance. She got carried away and thinks that I'm giving him all the credit when she's getting a slap in the face. Ugh. I just wish she knew how it's like you know? Having to take care of more responsilities then you should. She doesn't understand. Amy and I hung out today to get my boots and we just talked about everything. From last week to now to from when she was my age. So much has happend to her as well and I could feel how she used to be. She used to be me. Maybe not the same cercumstances, but still the same.
Off of that subject, I still have to get like 5 more gifts. I feel so awful because Andrew is coming over here on Thursday just so we all can finish Christmas shopping and I told Noah I would go play games with him at his house. He seriously cryed today when Amy said no to me going. I felt so awful. But hey, theres Saturday for all that!
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