I am so freakin' happy! My 2 weeks of torture without my computer and the basically social life I have gone are over! I finally have a keyboard now! It broke down just suddenly 2 weeks ago, sadly. So for 2 weeks I had to suffer without one. So sad!


The Kelly situation still hasn't changed. If it's changed at all, I guess it's gotten worse. Apparently last Friday I started "blowing her off" from what Elspeth told me. And today when I got this greaty computer back thanks to this great keyboard Im typing on, I discover the email Elspeth told me Kelly sent. It said bitchy things. Just bitchy. So guess what I did? I emailed her back saying bitchy things right back. Yeah, you wish you could be like me. Sorry, Haley got me hooked on that saying! It's fun though. She's also got me hooked on something she found online just by typing Banana Phone on Ask. Beavers are singing "Ring Ring Ring Ring BANANA PHONE!". She does it so FUNNY! I love it. Or I've learned to anyways.


Ok, but back to the subject. According to Kelly, I dont have the right to tell her who to sit with, etc. Yeah, I know I dont have that right. The funny thing is, she says how she never ignores me and she never wants to make any of her friends feel that way again. YET, when I was friends with Alanna and Kelly ( I am friends with Alanna but just saying ), this was about a week ago, we were walking and Kelly was telling a story of something but telling it to Alanna! When it came time to say goodbye, she says goodbye to Alanna and they both walk off as if I was never there to begin with. I hate being invisible. At that point, I might as well be dead! If I would Kelly could care less, I know it. Who knows if she ever thought of me as a friend? Yeah, she probably did once upon a time. I just miss how everything used to be. We all were such good friends, all at the same table, life was good at no one ever had any problems. But yesterday, Elspeth told me something that I already knew but she brought to my attention more. First of all, the only reason Kelly basically sat with me last year (and Elspeth) was because Alanna didn't have A Lunch so she had no other choice. Otherwise, she would have sat with Alanna. Second, everyone has their little groups. Mary and Fostina, Victoria and Soraya, and the very well known, Kelly and Alanna. They are all off on other tables and we all seem like such strangers. Like we never met in our entire school years. Now I guess adding to that little group is Elspeth and I. Although, I truely admire Elspeth for one specific thing. Other than the fact that she has been a truely great friend to me by listening and giving me good advice, she treats all of her friends equal. There is never a day that goes by that she doesn't never say hello to them. She always says hi and she's always giving them hugs. I truely admire that because I believe everybody should be that way towards friends but that isn't possible. There are few people who are actually like that and Elspeth is one of them. And it wasn't until Kelly and Alanna started acting like total strangers that I realized something. In a note to Elspeth I put that it's like they don't give a damn about friends. Everyone agrees when I say that because they truely dont. Or I thought THEY truely didn't until Alanna was being a real friend and she only thought I was mad at her but I wasn't because I thought she was mad at me which is why I didn't talk to her. The main reason I didn't though was because Kelly was around. I hate the fact that none of us can talk to or hang out with Alanna because of Kelly. Today observing everyone around me, I saw how Soraya and Victoria were hanging out with Alanna and were around her. It was because of Kelly that they never did. This whole time everyone has been strangers. Ever since we all started getting in this big stupid fight, everyone has been strangers. The thing that really gets to me though, with the Kelly thing, is that she said I was her best friend. And on an old note I read, she had put (this was from last year) that I was the only best friend she had. What bullshit. It seemed like the only reason she didn't want to lose me was because Alanna wasn't around for her to hang out with. Now that she's here it's like "screw you, buh bye, Alanna's back". Call me super paranoid but I dont care. Everyone feels this way. EVERYONE and they all have told me too. They all, including me, think of Kelly and Alanna as two peas in a pod and it just bugs the shit out of me. But today, I got a glimpse of how things are going to look next year and you know what? I'm looking forward to it. In fact, High School can't come soon enough. Not only will I have all of my great friends back, but I'll have my life back. I'll come back to Jeremy, Angelica, Charles, everyone I left behind. Ever since they left me, especially Adam, although I know is never coming back but still, my life has been awful. My social life went down and I went into a "great depression": I just know though, that once everything, as in fights, being mad, wars...is over, everything will be back to normal. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

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