| Monthly Jingles |
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Songs I Can Relate To..
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10/24/05
I'm feeling:
I dont get why I'm always getting mad for nothing. I think I need a vacation. Yeah..just me, the ocean breeze, no one to bother me, just peace.
Sadly, thats not going to happen. Ugh. I'm so mad with myself. I can't do anything right. I'm losing Kelly as a friend and it sucks. I know I get mad for no reason and all but thats because I'm not used to her being so close to Alanna. I guess I'm jealous because she's not close to me anymore. I haven't quite had a friend like her and I don't want her to just poof away like Adam did but it seems like she already has. Gosh, I hate losing friends. I think I'm going to stop praying. I pray each night that our lives will get better but they seem to just get worse and worse and worse. I should go to a new school and start over. Maybe move to Montana with Adam.Speaking of Adam, I talked to him the other day and he's planning on sending me some of his football pictures. Yep! He plays football now. And I'm just SO proud of him. He got on the weight watchers diet and lost 18 POUNDS in 2 weeks! That is SO much! I can't wait til his pictures get here. I'm going to show Victoria and all of them. But they won't be as excited as I will be. Adam is very close to my heart and everyone else speaks of him as past sense but he's still around! It's wrong when people say "he's gone now and you have to get over it" because he's not. I wish he was here so we could celebrate Halloween like we did these past 2 years..that was fun. I wish I could have savored every moment I had with him, but I', not going to dwell on it and feel sorry for myself. Thats not my style. It was for a while, but not anymore. He's coming back when I'm 16! He's going to fly out here just for my party. Gosh, I can't wait.
But yeah, about Kelly, I don't know what I'm going to do. I could not be her friend but then I'm sad that I'm not. And when I am, I'm sad that we aren't close. And I guess I can say we're not close at all, which sucks.She left me a comment on my other MySpace that said she doesn't know if she can forget it. I don't blame her. I hate how I am. It's just proof I'm my mothers daughter. *wink* I've just been very low lately. Not even Brenda seems close to me. I have NO best friend. Isn't that sad? That's why I've been in such a mood swing. There is NO one that I hang out with all the time. No one. Not Kelly, not Alanna, nor Victoria and Soraya, not Mary, Fosty, Elspeth, and not even Brenda! I know I said that Brenda and I consider ourselves best friends, but it's just consider. We're not real best friends. Oh gosh, I'm depressing myself. Whats wrong with me that I have no one?
Anyone out there who's reading this, be my best friend or find me one. Please. Before I cry and just die feeling sorry for myself filled with self pitty. I HAVE NO ONE! WHY!!!!!!??
10/17/05
I'm feeling:
Wow! So much has happend since my last entry! Before we get iinto that, last night, I was in the hospital! Yes, you heard me right. Er..READ me right. So if you're one of my concerned friends wondering about me and why I wasn't at school today (Katelyn), thats why. For about a week now, I've been getting pains in my chest, under my left breast. They are SHARP pains. And I have to breathe deep breaths for the pains to go away if they dont by themselfs. So my mom called 911 and I went in an ambulance. Surprizingly they did that! The only reason she called was because no one would take me so in a way she had to. SO, at the hospital, they got blood from me. Oh gosh did that SUCK! First they tried it in my right arm and they said my vein blew so they then had to do my LEFT arm! Thata stabbed me SO many times! And the blood was starting to but it wasn't enough and THAT vein blew! Then they say I'm too dehydrated so he gets someone else and the other guy gets blood from my FOOT! Oh my gosh! It HURTS! He said it hurts more then anywhere else because of the smaller veins and he was RIGHT! And they LEFT IT IN THERE after they did that! Other then the PAINFUL blood thing, I went and got my ribs X-Rayed. NO CLUE why all this was required. I also needed to do a urine sample. Gross I know. So I stayed at the hospital all the way to 2:30 in the morning. They never found out about my pains. They think it's gas in my stomach causing it but I dont think so. My stomach feels fine!
Little recaps on other stuff: 2 popular 7th grade bitches consider me their new target for EVERYTHING, Elspeth is back to her old self, no, I didn't go to Victoria's party, I talked to Adam today! Okay, I'm gonna go to bed now. Night!
10/11/05
I'm feeling:
Today was ALRIGHT I guess. I was kind of mad though. (Well first of all, right now I am STUFFED with work but I took time for this just because I'm bored and I'm doing the rest of my work tomorrow morning, lol). OKAY, I KNOW something is up with Elspeth!! I said hi to her at lunch and she ignored me! I don't know what's up. She doesn't talk to me anyone and she told Brenda that I'm acitng weird lately when really it's HER who's acting weird. She eats lunch with us and when she's done, she just walks out and walks with her other friends. What's up with that!? Then out of NO where today at lunch, she walks with us and we didn't even know she was going to. I don't really like it though. Threes a crowd, lol. j/k
And I was kind of upset by Alannas broken promise. She said she would eat lunch with me and the others but sits over there. I think the reason she said that was because Kelly wasn't at school yesterday. I don't know. Brenda was telling me earlier how whenever people say they are going to sit with us, they never do. And I guess she's right. That's all I'm posting about that. I don't want to start anything again. (YES, keeping the peace! WHOO!)
10/10/05
I'm feeling:
Sorry I haven't been posting! It's not because I didn't have internet because I did. I just didn't have time and to me, posting wasn't worth it. But wow! Today was AWESOME! Alanna and I paired up in Journalism and worked on our assignment. It felt really nice getting along and close again. I missed that. It felt like how it did in Social Studies last year. I LOVED it! I wish it would last. I wish it still could! But of course wishes don't do any good so..lol
I think the only bad thing about today was Elspeths behavior. I don't understand why she's acting the way she is. She told me a long time ago that Brenda is being a certain way and she hates it. I don't notice anything wrong with Brenda and that's probably what's bothering her. She eats with me, but then as soon as she's done, she goes outside and walks with Tiffany and them. I don't understand! Is it because I'm actually considering Brenda my best friend? Hanging out with her and everything? Is Elspeth jealous?? She gets mad everytime I tell her we should wait for Brenda to finish so we can walk. It's like she has a grudge against Brenda. It's really bothering me. If Elspeth feels like that, why does she even sit with us? She didn't speak to me once at lunch either! Which obviously means she's having a grudge against me too. When Brenda and I were walking at lunch, we saw her and Tiffany walking towards us. Then they saw us and turned a different direction! I don't like being treated this way and I really wish it would end!
10/7/05
I'm feeling:
I found out that I'm switching internet! For some reason, Andrew and my mom want us to switch to Qwest. Not only that, but we're getting DirectTv! I don't know why! It's supposidly "cheaper", but I have a feeling it's going to be more expensive. Just giving you the heads up, if I don't post for a while, it's because I don't have internet..temporary.
Have any of you heard about that series Hot Properties? I watched the premiere tonight! OMG! That show is TOO funny! I LOVE it! It's hard to explain about it, so if you can, go to www.abc.com and start watching it from now on! I LOVE it and I KNOW you will too! ;)
10/6/05
I'm feeling:
I'm not sure how I feel and I'm not sure what the deal is with Alanna. I'm not sure if we're friends. She said somethiing like 'I'm not going to beg to be your friend'. Not those words, but similar. Last night, I couldn't stop crying. Alanna email starting my water works but then it moved to Adam and I was thinking of all the times I had with him and I finally realized that he's gone. My friend. MY shoulder. He used to go with me to Walgreens..now I hate going. He came over when I needed someone there. He loved me even when I said I hated him. He's been the best friend I ever had in my entire life and I don't expect anyone to understand except him. It's like that saying..all things must come to an end..but why our friendship? I ended up asking god why he had to leave. Is it like a cruel payback? I had a best friend who was always there when Kelly, I guess, had Elspeth. Now Kelly has the best friend, Alanna, and I have Elspeth. What a cruel way to trade. I've needed Adam here so much lately. He was like my wall. If I fell, he caught me. If I was in a breakdown, he'd save me. He's the kind of friend that if you are having a problem, he'll stay up all night talking to you about it. I know he says he's going to come back when he's 18 but I somehow doubt it..
10/5/05
I'm feeling:
Right now I am just...shocked..and...sad. I got an e-mail from Alanna and when I saw the subject, my heart just dropped. When I read the e-mail, my heart kept dropping. I could feel me hold in my breath and not even able to breathe. She was upset of my last entry. And I didn't even know she read this blog. The only reason I put up this blog is for Adam and I. Adam so he knows whats going on. And me so I know my history! I don't know. I think I've really blew it this time. Ever since Adam left, my whole WORLD turned upside now. I never feel as comfortable, I can never go to Walgreens anymore, I feel like a depressed version of a bug about to get squashed. Seriously. I'm really hating my life. I can't do anything right and no matter how hard I try, I lose everyone. I lost Adam, Kelly, Danielle, and well..a heck of a lot more. And soon Alanna. I can't deal with this. I pray each night that all of our lives will get better, but it seems like instead they are getting worse. I deal with my mom on a daily basis, I have much more responsibility than just homework, school during the day, and now so many issues with friends. It seems like there have only been a few people I haven't had problems with. Victoria, Mary, Fosty, and Brenda. Otherwise, everyone I've blown up on at a point. I guess that e-mail kind of opened my eyes of how cruel I am. I don't mean to be but I can't help how I feel. Just like everyone else, I can't help it. Aaron was actually telling me today that Kelly is always in my blogs and I know that but I'm always having a problem with something. But in that e-mail, Alanna was saying things like I have no right to say this and that and she couldn't help that she was having a good time. I know she couldn't help it, but did she have to announce it? I feel like crap as it is because I didn't go.
...maybe Alanna & Kelly will get lucky and I'll get hit by a car.
10/4/05
I'm feeling:
I'm so flippin pissed! Theres a Green Day concert tonight. Yeah. And I'm obviously not going. But guess who is? Alanna and Kelly! Of course. You know, it really pisses me off. I'm not the only one peeved. Victoria is too! In fact she wishes something would happen to them tonight and I wish so too! Grr! I remember a long time ago talking to Kelly. Oh yeah! Before I start this, did you know I was the one to announce they're coming here. ME! ME!!!!! And I'm not going! Back to what I was saying, I remember talking to Kelly a long time ago and we were talking about how we would go together and sit together and everything, WHAT BULLSHIT! No, she goes with Alanna. Oh yeah. And speaking of Alanna. Remember when she said she could give me an extra ticket. Well a long time ago she said she can ask but said her dad would probably say no. Before she even ASKS she says "Im sorry". The thing that pisses me off the MOST is that this proves our point. Alanna and Kelly have gotten closer and there's not a damn thing anyone can do about it. As for the Green Day concert, the whole freakin WORLD is talking about it! I woke up this morning to 104.7 talking about the Green Day concert and playing their music, people at school asking if others are going to go, and haters that WON VIP TICKETS! I told Kamdon to get me and autograph and he better! Or else he's a liar! lol! But UGH! This whole thing just PEEVES me! I can't wait til this night is over and the whole Green Day concert is out of everyones mind! I won't get near Kelly or Alanna at ALL for at least a week! But I learned something. When MCR comes here and I find out early, I am not telling ANYONE and I am buying the closest seat possible whether I spend all my money or something, and I will brag all flippin DAY and all flippin YEAR!!!
As for Brenda, she CAN go trick-or-treating with us! My mom misunderstood. I just hope she REALLY can! I mean, I dont want her just to be saying that but I don't think she's a liar. I can't wait!
10/3/05
I'm feeling:
I am SO sad right now! First of all, at lunch I talked to Bre about Halloween and trick-or-treating and all. She told me that she told her mom how this year she isn't going with her sister and she wants to go trick-or-treating with friends. She really wants us to go together and we have all these things planned already! I told her my mom would call hers tonight so they could get aquainted. So tonight, my mom called hers and her mom pretty much said no. She said that she always takes her kids trick-or-treating. My mom believes that she's one of those mothers who are really close to their kids. So basically, Halloween is going to be crappy for me. I might as well cancel all my plans now and just stay home for candy. What was the point in thinking everything would be great? I know, I expected too much. There is a plan B and C..I guess. I suppose I can go with Kelly and all of them but if I don't have anyone to talk to through it all, whats the point? I know that Kelly and Alanna will buddy up and when they are running to the next house, I still have to get candy. God, I can't believe everything just blew up in my face. And to think..it's only the third.
10/2/05
I'm feeling:
I'm tired but I'm on to do this blog, lol. I just got finished watching Desperate Housewives then come on the computer to see Adam IMed me! Dang shows. I missed him!
Anyways, I have a goal. To buy a Halloween decoration or just anything Halloween related every weekend Andrew is around. Today I bought a glow lanturn that is covered in bats. It kind of looks like something from Japan! I'm just wondering where we're going to hang it on Halloween.
Speaking of Halloween, you know how last night I told about how I was going to talk to my mom? Well I did! And she said it was okay! Which is crazy because she never agrees to things like this so easy. I think she was 'Gary high' or something. "As long as it doesn't interfere with my Gary concert, it's fine, I don't care." Okay, thats fine with me too! :)
10/1/05
I'm feeling:
This morning I was totally mad! Andrew and mom went out to breakfast at 8:30 and got back at 12:30! 12:30!! It was 'traffic' and mom wanted to go to a friends house. Oh yeah, thats nice. Leave me here why dont cha.
We cleaned the house for a while and then went an got me something to eat (Andrew and I). THEN we went to Krazy Kat to exchange a CD, went to Party Cuty and bought me a costume. Okay, I'm gonna stop for a second. You should see what I chose! It's so cool. If you go to www.partycity.com and go to the costumes section, then teens, and look for Goth Princess. Thats what I am! It's SO cool! But anyways, then we went to pick up pants for Pat, then the mall and bought gifts for Kelly V and Victoria, then went to Walgreens to get those little pre-made bags. Sadly there was just one so I figured I would get it at the other Walgreens. Guess what? There was just one there too! So I bought one. I'm getting the other one tomorrow. I don't get why they don't have more than just ONE! Come on!
About Halloween, I am not sure of what to do. In a way, I want to stay home and give out candy in my costume and be able to decorate the house all cool and do a pumpkin and stuff. BUT I want to go trick or treating and do all that stuff listed in the last paragraph! Andrew said he's going to try to get Halloween off and I really hope he can! It would make my year! If he's able to, I'm thinking of inviting Brenda to come to my neighborhood and we can go trick-or-treating together. Maybe she can spend the night too! Which would be SO cool. I'll have to check into it. I know our parents will say "we have to meet her parents first" thing so I'm fully prepared. AH! I hope my plan works. It would be SO awesome!! I'm going to go talk it over with my mom and probably with Brenda on Monday. I best get started! Oct. 1st starts a fresh month and I'm not going to waste any time. ;)
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