Last week, I had a very interesting discussion with a girl at The Marquis. I'm not sure if she had too much to drink or is just unusually feisty, but she proceeded to give a great diatribe about her lack of trust in men. She is of the opinion that a man is only as faithful as his options.This isn't a new theory (I think I saw it in a movie once or a thousand times) but I have never met anyone who holds it so dear. She even told me that she intentionally dates uglier guys because she knows that they will have fewer options to cheat (though, when prompted, she quickly tried to backtrack and exclude her current boyfriend...uh-huh). Although initially tempted to dismiss this idea as a drunken rambling of a girl who had been burned badly along the way, I couldn't just shake it. The girl is reasonable, intelligent, and quite persuasive, so I deemed her theory column-worthy.
How it works
Something about being in a relationship always makes a guy more attractive to girls...I don't know if it some pherome, the inate competitiveness in most girls, or simply the proven fact that you are a guy willing to committ. For my part, I believe that guys are simply more confident when they're in relationships, more relaxed around other girls because they don't feel the same pressure to be "on" to impress her. And that confidence works as an aphrodisiac. Hence, your options expand. And that one night when your are fighting with your girlfriend, the other option becomes more appealing. It may be an intriguing conversation or possibly just a low-cut blouse but all of a sudden that girlfriend bond doesn't seem quite as permanent.
5-5-03 - Anniversary Thoughts
5-4-03 - Susan's Column
4-29-03 - Movie Reviews
4-26-03 - Blake's Column
4-23-03 - Reality Television
4-22-03 - Theme Column
4-20-03 - NBA Preview/Review
4-15-03 - One Saturday Night
4-10-03 - Thinking Can Be Dangerous
4-9-03 - The Next One
, Archives
1) "Papillon" - Rilo Kiley
2) "Paranoid Android" - Radiohead
3) "My Ride"- Nappy Roots
4) "Rewind" - Northern Slate
5) "Brown-Eyed Girl" - Van Morrison
6) "I Can Drink Any Woman Pretty" - Todd Snider
7) "PopStars" - Rooney
8) "Can We Kick It?" - A Tribe Called Quest
9) "Too Far To Care" - Old 97's
10) "Outtathaway"-The Vines
It is our last night in Vegas we are walking out of the Bellagio in Vegas, we have just been decimated at the tables and out spirits are crushed. We are each mentally calculating the damage that has occurred on the trip, and the numbers are too staggering to relay. Defeated, we are heading back to our hotel, until we our swept away by a junior supermodel convention that passes by us into Bellagio. I have never seen 7 guys do such a well-timed 180...if synchronized walking was an Olympic event, we could certainly represent the US. Now granted, by nature we are cowards and didn't approach the girls, but we did gawk effectively from afar. At that point we split into 3 groups...One group (1 w/ girlfriend, 2 w/o) headed back to the hotel to regroup, another, me, hit the tables (I know I have a problem) , while the third (3 W/ GIRLFRIENDS!) all decide to stay and enjoy the scenery. Now these 3 are about as straight-laced as would ever deem to hang out with me, but I do not doubt for a second that at least 2 of them would have left with one of these girls had the opportunity been there. I could give numerous random stories of high school and college friends (and me, for that matter) placed in situations where the option to cheat was readily available. I'm not ready to completely destroy my confidences, but let's just leave it that some did and some didn't.
So is it true?
After a lot of thought, I regrettably have scome to the conclusion that her theory is probably pretty accurate. To every rule there is an exception, but for this one I'd like to add a couple of caveats:
1) All men define an "option" differently...for some, it would take a Rhodes Scholar bombshell to constitute a reason to cheat, for others, any willing female would do.
2) For most guys, alcohol and the knowledge that the girlfriend/wife is at least 150 miles away are also necessities for the cheat to occur. Alcohol provides the confidence and a flimsy excuse, the distance guarantees that you will not immediately be caught.
3) Something has to be off in the relationship for the guy to even contemplate another option. When I have been at my happiest in relationships, I do not even notice other girls.
Does it work the same way for girls?
Without having the same level of access to the female mind, I would believe that it does work the same way. I think that the average girl has to be more unsatisfied in her relationship to cheat, and that the option has to be more of a significant upgrade. Maybe I'm wrong about that...maybe that is just years of society's propoganda about gender roles.
Afterward
I really didn't want to come to the conclusion...it says an awful lot about the fruitlessness of relationships that I don't really want to believe. But upon thinking back, nearly everyone I know has either cheated, or at least strongly contemplated it. And I believe that those who have just thought about it, likely would have if they were just given a little bit more of a push. So now I'm depressed.