While I was in Las Vegas, I came to the realization---the majority of my unmarried friends are currently in long-term, long-distance relationships. If you look at them individually, each looks strong. But odds are that at least a couple of them will come to an end. And this means that a few of my friends may have the pain of a break-up in their future. I hope I'm wrong, but this line of thought at least gave me a column idea. I will write a column about how to get through a break-up. You see, I am currently 10 months removed from my break-up with my girlfriend of 3 years. So I figured it would be easy for me to offer a blueprint of what to expect, and how to get over it.
Unfortunately, while preparing to write this column, I realized that I am possibly the worst person to write this column. Ten months have past, and I am not yet over her. Just typing that line is embarrassing. Everyone loves Swingers, but nobody wants to be Mikey.
So I can offer up a blueprint of what to possibly expect, but the only advice I can give is of the what-not-to-do variety.
The break-up may not be dramatic... Some relationships end with a whimper. Over time, things slow down, the newness wanes, and excitement can dampen. And one night, for some reason that you have long since forgotten, things end. You don't expect it to really be the end, you assume you will take her back, or she will take you back.
4-7-03 - Hari's Column
4-5-03 - Me Thoughts
4-1-03 - Vegas Recap
1-16-03 - Some Questions
1-15-03 - 2002 Movie Review
1-14-03 - Thoughts for a New Year
1-10-03 - My Life, Up Until Now
ARCHIVES
1) "Flowers in the Window" - Travis
2) "Llama School" - Sifl & Olly
3) "Glendora"- Rilo Kiley
4) "Turn the Page" - The Streets
5) "A Time to Be Small" - Interpol
6) "In Da Club" - 50 Cent
7) "Sha Sha" - Ben Kweller
8) "Girl Like You" - Pete Yorn
9) "My United States of Whatever" - Liam Lynch
10) "Seven Nation Army" - The White Stripes
You each will date again. Read High Fidelity. Nick Hornby explains the pain, rage, confusion, and hurt that results much better than I ever could.
At times, you will want to get back together... You will miss your ex. There will be something that you will particularly miss...the sex, the friendship, the intimacy, or just a warm body at night. For me, it was losing that person that you did the little things with...the person to go grocery shopping, to see movies with, to sit down and watch Sunday night television yet. When you love some one, letting go is hard.
At times, they will want to get back with you... Because you are a stud. They will miss something about you...the sex, the affection, the friendship. And often, just the familiarity.
But it most likely not to be. Most likely you broke up for a reason. Incompatibility, distance, that annoying tick she does while brushing her teeth...Some couples go through break-up after break-up, but unless something major about the situation changes, it isn't likely to work out
You will lean on your ex for comfort.. At times, your job will suck. Or life will hit a rough patch..it invariably happens. And because of years of trust that you have built up you turn to the ex. Phone calls increase and you use your ex as a crutch. For me, this occurred when my grandfather died. She was there, and I fell head over heels in love again. And, try as I may, I haven't been able to shake that feeling since.
Up until a little over a week ago, I was still talking to Kiley multiple times of day. That is exactly what not to do if you want to get over a break-up relatively unscathed. By talking daily, I have just prolonged the hurt. So, recently, I finally decided that I needed to break off communication. It isn't easy, it just...is. It is very difficult when the person you view as your future only sees you as part of their past.Everyone has heard the figure that it takes you have the length of the relationship to fully get over the person you were dating. I laughed at that theory one year ago. Now I am just looking forward to December 28.