4-10-03 - Thinking Can Be Dangerous
4-9-03 - The Next One
4-8-03 - The Break-Up Column
4-7-03 - Hari's Column
4-5-03 - Me Thoughts
4-1-03 - Vegas Recap
1-16-03 - Some Questions
1-15-03 - 2002 Movie Review
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Friday night we had the girls to guy ratio in our favor for a change, we played something called "Dirty Jenga", girls kissing girls, girls removing underwear, a nibble or two on an earlobe...and I'm choosing to write about Saturday instead. You know this story has to be good.
2:30 PM - Jeff calls suggesting an idea for the night...crashing a fundraiser in search of the elusive open bar. I know the perfect target...The Alley Theatre was having their ball that evening.
4:15 PM - I swipe four tuxedos from work so that we'll have the right look...hey, I make my job work for me.
5:45 PM - Meet co-conspirators Jeff, Kevin, and Rob (plus Leigh and Jennifer) for a 6:05 showing of Anger Management.
8:00 PM - The movie was alright. Very funny in some places, painfully stupid in others.
8:40 PM - Stop at Fuddrucker's for dinner, meet Jeff's organized crime friend.
9:15 PM - Go to my apartment to get dressed for the evening. I'm starting to have some reservations, but everyone else is gung-ho, so I'm game.
9:30 PM - Research the event...find out that it is being held at The Corinthian downtown...even stumble across floor plans that Jeff studies.
9:40 PM - Try to get a back-up plan...we all have a fear that we'll get denied and end up in tuxedos at the Marquis, or worse, a certain Rice
1) "Not Dead Yet" - The Bad Examples
2) "Meet Me in the Bathroom" - The Strokes
3) "Mr. E's Beautiful Blues"- The Eels
4) "Butterfly" - Weezer
5) "We've Been Had" - The Walkmen
6) "Touch You, Touch You" - Hot Hot Heat
7) "If It Were Up To Me" - Rooney
8) "Just For You" - Solomon Burke
9) "Just Like California" - Old 97's
10) "Its True That We Love..."-The White Stripes
9:42 PM - Back-up plan developed...BYOB strip club if we can't crash the fundraiser. Can you believe Kevin has never been to a strip club?
10:15 PM - We're finally dressed and ready to go. How could it possibly take a group of guys one hour to get dressed? I can't explain it either.
10:25 PM - Kevin devises code names for us based on former flings. We are now Bentley, Bohn, Solberg and Sylvan. Thankfully, these names never come into play.
10:40 PM - Arrive downtown...take one lap around the building and formulate a plan. We split up into two gay couples (Jeff & Kevin, Rob & I), thinking that four guys entering together without tickets may be too conspicuous. Jeff and Kevin will lead the way...if they get in, they'll call us and we'll follow.
10:45 PM - Rob and I get bored waiting for them to call, so we decide to try to go in ourselves.
10:50 PM - We walk straight in the front door of the Corinthian. Inside, we find Kevin and Jeff at the top of the steps. So much for prior planning...walking in the front door like you own the place is always the way to go.
11:00 PM - The party is winding down...but the bar is still open! I turn my back for 20 seconds and Jeff is already on his third drink.
11:15 PM - Drinking is in full swing, but the social interaction leaves something to be desired. There is a table of girl sitting one table away for us, staring, practically begging us to ask them to dance. And we continue to drink.
11:20 PM - I argue that we should hit ot waitresses, not guests. They are more likely to be in our league and possibly may be fooled into thinking that we have money, since we're at a fundraiser. Unfortunately, my foolproof plan isn't tested in battle.
11:25 PM - The bars have closed.The band breaks into my favorite song of all time, "Sitting on the Dock of the Bay" by Otis Redding, and I still don't ask anyone to dance. And neither does anyone else. Granted, the girls aren't Grade A choice, but I'm still a little embarrassed that we aren't at least attempting to mingle...we're behaving like all of the Rice stereotypes that we like to mock.
11:35 PM - Kevin and I notice that Rob and Jeff have disappeared...Wherever could they have gone?
11:40 PM - Found them. And they found a secret stash. Upstairs, there is a backroom, full of unguarded food, wine, and beer.
11:50 PM - After each drinking a few quick beers, I walk downstairs with a bottle of wine in my pocket (Insert easy joke).
11:55 PM - Rob goes over to chat up a waitress, claiming to be from out of town. Jeff tries to help...she isn't having any of it.
12:00 AM - We leave the Corinthian, the three of them giddy with success, me slightly more critical that we didn't do much once we got there. I felt more like an outside observer than a participant in the party...but that was soon to change.
12:05 AM - We decide to hide the bottle of wine so we could get it on the way back to the car. I hide it is some shrubs, but Jeff picks it up because he swear some guy watching me put it down. He hides the stolen property in the bushes in front of the courthouse. Gotta love the irony.
12:10 AM - Walking down Main Street in our tuxedos, we here someone say "Prom Kids". A boy can dream, a boy can dream.
12:15 AM - Strike up a conversation with doorman at Boaka Bar, he convinces us to go inside. The cashier and the cashier's friend Alissa (or Alicia, decidedly unimportant) decide we look cute, and lets us in without a cover. Um, score.
12:25 AM - Rob and Jeff are immediately approached by girls...I didn't realize this stuff really happens. I walk over to meet a girl with Jeff...we receive the whole Mikey in Swingers treatment...you know, "What kind of car do you, drive?" without the phrase, just the look.
12:30 AM - We walk down the stairs from Boaka Bar to the Mercury Room. Along the way, we spy a bachelorette party. Umm, we'll be right back.
12:40 AM - Kevin and Jeff take a couple of tequila shots downstairs, and we quickly head back to the bachelorette party's corner. We tell them that we came from our buddy's wedding.
*************FROM THIS POINT ON, I WILL NO LONGER IDENTIFY MY FRIENDS BY NAME, IN CASE A JEALOUS SPOUSE WERE TOO STUMBLE UPON MY COLUMN******************************************
12:45 AM - The bachelorette's twin!!!! sister has specialty playing cards that we each took turns drawing...they had bachelorette dares such as kiss a hottie, nibble on someone's ear, dance with a hottie, et. al.
12:50 AM - We are all taking turns talking to members of the party. One of our group seems taken with the sister, until she reveals she has a boyfriend. His back was turned before the 'friend' was out of her mouth.
12:51 AM - It is noticed that the bachelorette seems smitten with one of our group. This person is pulled aside and told that his beer is free the rest of the night if he gets his tongue down her throat for ten seconds. His turn at the card game is next.
12:52 AM - He pulls a card that says "Tell a sexual fantasy" She proceeds to tell one, later confiding that she had never told that to anyone before...unlucky fiance.
12:53 AM - Our friend responds that his fantasy involves a bachelorette in a public place.
12:54 AM - And without further ado, our friend wins free beer for the rest of the evening.
12:55 AM - If he gets free night of beer for every ten seconds, he is already up to a week and a half. The rest of the group is on the floor laughing....well, at least the rest of our group is.
***************************NAMES CAN BE USED FREELY AGAIN*************************************
1:00 AM - We go to regroup with a shot at the bar. We run across Alissa/Alicia and invite her along, after all she lets us in for free. One hard shot and lots of laughter. We leave one of the group talking to Alissa/Alicia.
1:10 AM - Jeff and I stumble into another bachelorette party...and this one is British!!! They invite us to take a picture with them, but seem much less willing to go home with us than the previous group.
1:15 AM - We run into the first bachelorette. She confides that she will remember us forever and what an important role we played in her life. She invited us to her reception...ummm...let me repeat...she invited us to her reception!!! St. James Condo, 7:30 PM, Saturday, April 26. Absolutely have to be there.
1:25 AM - We all split up, but I run into Kevin and take hime over to the British bachelorette party. More pictures are taken, and somehow I con this girl into a free drink and a cigarette.
1:30 AM - She claims she is a freelance photographer for British GQ. Umm, wait, she meant to say she was a writer for the magazine, writing a story on how guys react when you approach them at clubs. And the whole wedding thing is a ploy. Umm, yeah. She gives me her card....Kathleen Gillin, Education and Business Consultant. Researching this article, I had to google her...and I wish I could say that we were all soon to be in GQ. But no.
1:45 AM - We all gather again to plan the next step. A girl walks by and says something to Jeff. I turn to resume the conversation, but notice that Jeff is sprinting out the door after her. He comes back a few minutes later and says, "I just had to get her number.
2:00 AM - Bar is closing. We talk to the initial bachelorette party one more time. By now, the sister seems to be a little bit more wary of us. She physically drags the bride out of the bar. They try to get back the reception's address, but they are at least 30 minutes too late and 80 pounds too light.
2:15 AM - The wine is still in the bushes, and we all leave very satisfied with ourselves. We are off to House of Pies to meet with a couple of cocktail waitress, at least one of which has implants. I know I may be a little shallow, but it seems a fitting way to close out the night.