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ewa: EVERYTHING MUST GO


Well if there is one roleplay from my tenure in EWA thus far that I could honestly say was not that good, it's this one. I had a tough time coming up with a concept for this one, and I'm not sure this was the best answer. As you could tell, this was another match I wasn't really psyched up for. It didn't help that my partner, Bryan Anderson, didn't bother to roleplay and provide me with any inspiration either. Also, I think by this point, my opponents hadn't roleplayed either. Or, if they had, it was the type of roleplay that was more to do with character development and had next to nothing to do with me.

So, it was tough to find inspiration. Whereas in the past I would likely get discouraged, not roleplay at all and then find myself losing inspiration more and more until I had to quit...I forced myself through. The end result isn't pretty, but it was passable. It comes across as a bit contradictory at times, doesn't it? I mean, at first I'm saying I don't want a partner, then I'm saying I want an ally. Kinda confusing, even though I tried to explain what I meant. My head just wasn't in this one. It does make an interesting point though—I'm supposed to be in the main event at the PPV the following week...why am I involved in this nothing match? Not ragging on anyone or anything, as I'm sure there was some reasoning behind it, but it does seem a little puzzling. No worries though. I began to pick things up from here on out. So, in a way, this one really helped me find my stride.

(The scene opens up with a video package of Scott "The Boy" Hellings on his worldwide publicity tour. It shows clips of Hellings attending the May 26 premiere of Pixar's new film Cars at Lowe's Motor Speedway. It also shows The Boy sitting courtside at game one of the Dallas-Miami NBA finals and then shows him signing autographs at halftime. The clip finally shows Hellings attending the star-studded CTV fall lineup unveiling in Toronto.

The scene then fades out and into a new scene. We see Scott Hellings wandering around a random yard sale, looking at the various objects on the many tables. Several people can be seen foraging for deals in the background.)

HELLINGS-
"Some people love to come to these sales, but not me. 'One man's trash is another man's treasure' they say. I disagree; trash is trash. Don't kid yourself; you'll never find any true bargains at a yard sale because everything here is useless. You know what yard sales are meant for? They are designed to get rid of junk. This is all stuff that no one wants and no one needs. This coming Implosion, I'm going to see more of that. You see, I don't want or need the Tag Team Titles. I never asked for that title shot. Now I'll never complain about having more gold adorn my waist, but I've said it all along-I don't want or need a partner. I am a lone wolf and I work alone! Being saddled with a partner just holds me back. And that is why I don't want those titles. I don't want a championship if it means I have to be worried about what my partner is doing. Especially when I don't know much about this Bryan Anderson guy. Better the devil you know than the one you don't, right?

So Bryan? I promise I'll show up, but I can't promise I'll put forth 110% into this one. Heck, I probably won't even put 72% into this one. But I'm fairly confident that me operating at 72% is still 27 times better than most people's best efforts. Don't forget folks, I am THE Canadian Legend and The One and Only UBERstar! But, like I say, I just can't get excited for this match. So, it looks like you're really going to have to bring your 'A' game if you want to walk away with the gold Bryan. But, set your VCRs and get your TIVOs ready because this is one time I won't actually guarantee victory to all my fans, all The Boy Scouts. Which I guess is good news for the ladies, right? Normally stepping into the ring with me is almost considered an act of self-flagellation. But not at this Implosion. We must be in Bizarro World, because The Boy is going to be calling this one in. Like I said, I'm simply not interested."

(The Boy glances at an old ladder for sale. He pauses and smirks to himself).

HELLINGS-
"You see this week I've got my mind on other things. Like Double Ladder Mayhem where myself, Ric Thunder and Jessie Devlin will represent EWA and Rob Faith, Big Dave and Dick Hansen representing their little alliance. What is with these guys? You're trying to take over or something like that? Well that's good and fine boys, but I hope you realize you're hopelessly outnumbered. And why take over EWA? Because they seem confused and have it mixed up with some other second-rate company that went out of business years ago or something like that. All this confusion is due to the two companies having the same initials. I seriously hope you boys start taking your meds soon because it's clear to me you're quite delusional. So they have the same initials, so what? So are you saying that you get Paris, Texas confused with Paris, France too?

Listen up boys, because I have got a message for you: your precious little company went belly-up years ago. This isn't the same place. Now stop living in the past! Why cling to the past like that? Why long for your old stomping grounds? Is it because you know you're washed up now? Is it because you know that you can't beat anyone here at EWA? Is it because you want to remind people you were once competent in the ring, in the vain hope that they'll be too busy reminiscing about those days they won't notice how much you suck now? Well you know what? You can have the past. But the time is NOW and THE NOW belongs to The Boy!

Oh, and for the record...I think it's going to take a bit more than sophomoric pranks and cheap parlor tricks to just walk right over an entire company such as this. So you drove a SUV into an arena...so what? Congratulations? Is that supposed to be intimidating somehow? Oh, and you blew up a few cars. I think the only people that really care about that are the insurance companies. Big deal! You know how all this looks to me? It seems to me that these guys are afraid. They want everyone to pay attention to the pretty pyrotechnics and gloss over the fact that none of you can beat me. This isn't a three-ring circus fellas, so stop acting like it. This is MY world and if you're gonna stick around here then you had better recognize my dominance. So bring it on boys. I'm not worried one bit. Blow up my car too if you really want. I'll just get a new one. No sir, I want be losing any sleep over you guys. You're not worth my time. After all, I am The Boy and that does mean I am The Best!"

(The Boy picks up an old, beaten-up cassette deck car adaptor. In the background, two people can be seen arguing over a tacky old lamp. He shakes his head in disgust and tosses the deck back onto the table.)

HELLINGS-
"Sales like these really are pathetic, aren't they? I mean, you got the dregs of society show up and root through stuff that belongs in a landfill like it's some sort of lost treasure. Let's face facts folks-you've got about a one in a million shot of ever buying anything at a yard sale that is worthy of the Antiques Roadshow. And these people show up far too early too; if the sale starts at 9 am, you can bet there will be a lineup by 8:30. Why is that? Why would someone want to do something like that? Don't they have better things to do? Well obviously not. Just like Nic Leone had something better to do with his time than show up to face me at Inception. Am I getting the wrong impression here? Is it possible that I'm being a little harsh with my views on yard sale shoppers? Perhaps...but I doubt it. Yard sale shoppers are second-rate citizens, just like everyone else is a second-rate wrestler compared to me. Now, THIS is where mistaken perceptions occur; Precious and Destiny, just like Jessie Devlin before them, still seem to think that I think women don't belong in the wrestling ring. No, that's not it at all ladies. I don't care if you want to show up and face me. I'll beat you, but that has nothing to do with you being a woman. I can't help it; I'm just that much better than everyone else, regardless of sex, race or religion! I know it, you know it, the whole damn world knows it!

So I don't want you folks thinking that I'm not going to put forth much effort at Implosion because I think that, because they are women, I'll have no problem beating them. That's not it at all. I'm just not going to try because I don't want to be saddled with a tag partner. That's all. So let us all just move on with our lives and stop pretending like the guys in the locker room are treating EWA as their own personal tree house with a (making quotation marks with his fingers) 'No Girls Allowed' sign. As far as I know, no one here has had any disparaging remarks about you ladies as athletes. You can hold your own and we know that. You're equal to men and we know that too. With one exception of course-me. But that's just because I'm above all the other monkeys around here, man or woman. So drop the charade, okay? Because you ain't getting sympathy from anyone. You know what? I'll even go ahead and give the ladies of WOW Evolution credit-they stick together. You know what? I don't want a tag partner-especially a nobody like Bryan Anderson-but I wouldn't mind having someone watch my back. Just like sometimes you'll see more than one family or group pull all their garbage together to make one big yard sale, it proves that less is not always more. I can handle myself, we all know that, but with WOW Evolution and the Alliance, it seems like there is strength in numbers.

So you know what? Anyone who wants to strike up a little alliance with The Boy is welcome to it. I don't want to team with you, nor do I want to have you riding my coat tails to success like former tag partners of mine have done. All I want is to know that someone is watching my back, to prevent me from getting screwed. And in return I'll do the same. All you gotta do is prove yourself to me somehow. Now don't go jumping down my throat and tell me I'm being contradictory for first saying I don't want a tag partner and then saying I would be interested in forming an alliance with someone. There's a subtle difference here people; a tag partner is someone you are stuck tagging with week in and week out. Everyone knows that one member is always more talented than the other and, of course, that would have to be me no matter who my partner was! So that would just mean I'd be shafted with someone holding me back. I don't want that.

No, I don't want a partner. I want an ally. I know there are some other alliances being forged around here and I am, if nothing else, adaptable. I recognize that no matter how talented you are-and believe me, I am-as long as there is someone watching your opponent's back you always have the possibility of getting screwed. I deserve to win people. Bryan Anderson isn't an option anyway because he'll be on Implosion and I'll be on Warfare. Besides, I don't know anything about the guy. I dread the thought of winning the tag title with this guy because I know I would be the laughing stock of the locker room. You know why I doubt him? Well not only is he inexperienced, but last week his tag partner, Maxwell Damion, couldn't be bothered showing up. That's not a good sign Bryan. So nothing personal Bryan, but you're just not in my league. And that is why I want nothing to do with you."

(The Boy pauses and picks up another item on the table. This time it is old, thirteen inch black and white television. The price tag clearly reads "$5 dollars or best offer").

HELLINGS-
"You see? That's another reason I hate yard sales. 'Or best offer?' What is that supposed to mean? The make me a deal mentality just doesn't work if you ask me. Bartering is pathetic, isn't it? It all comes to down to people not being able to accept things at face value. Admittedly though, sometimes it can be hard. You see, I've been told that this is to be one of my final appearances on Implosion, as the EWA is about to be split into two rosters. What that means is that the World Championship is going to stay on Implosion and I'm heading to a show called Warfare. Bad decision really. I am The Nielsen's Favourite Son, so having me appear on only one of two shows is probably poor planning at best. Their loss I guess. And although I would love to represent Implosion as the World Champ, it just isn't meant to be I guess. Sure, they say the International Title will just somehow become a World Championship, but I know the truth. It just isn't the same is it? Well, one way or another my name will be on a world title sooner rather than later. Believe it.

But while the news of the split may have been hard to swallow at first, I've decided that really is fine. You see it doesn't matter where I go. It doesn't matter what they want to call the show, whatever they name the belts, what night I'm wrestling on or who is on the roster. Whoever The Suits decide to put me up against will just taste humiliation and defeat. But, of course, there is no reason to worry for the poor souls who get decimated by myself, as I still have my Red and White Ribbon Campaign, to help all those who have lost to me-and it's a big list that is only getting bigger and bigger-to cope with their inadequacy. So put me where you want boys, because no matter what, I'll be the one stealing the show. You had better believe it-I am the Marquee Players, the Franchise Saviour and the Number One Money Maker! I WILL become the Warfare MVP. Count on it! Besides, all is not lost as I can still walk away as World Champ after Double Ladder Mayhem is all over and done with. And if you're a betting person, I'd say the odds-on favourite has to be me, The Boy!"

(The Boy turns to leave, but then stops and turns around once more.)

HELLINGS-
"This week will be an exception, because I won't be bothered trying for that wannabe Bryan Anderson. But Double Ladder Mayhem will be different. I will steamroll over anyone who gets in my way so that I obtain a championship that is worthy of me. Why? Because I want to, because I can!"

(The Boy walks off out of the shot as the scene fades to black.)

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