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ewa: HOW TO SUCCEED IN BUSINESS WITHOUT REALLY TRYING

For once, I don't have a pun title or any sort of play on words bur actually a direct title from another work. It fits here though. I always loved this title ever since WWE came out with a HHH DVD a while back. Let me explain: people on Amazon.com had the most hilarious suggestions under the "Instead of this title, we recommend..." to poke fun at The Game. This was one of the options listed and ever since then this title has stuck out in my mind. For what it's worth, it is actually the title of a successful Broadway musical (as well as a film and a book). As far as deadline roleplays go, this one isn't that bad. The deadline was fast approaching so I was scrambling for an idea to get one final roleplay up, as my opponents had also stepped it up on the final day. The idea was the first one that I could work with, so I went with it. There's nothing really memorable here, but deadling day roleplays tend to be fairly weak, whereas this one is solid enough. It gets the point across. I was definitely shocked at how long it ended up being though. Looking back on this one, I can see that there were some great ideas that I could have incoporated into this one and certainly there is a lot of office-based humour out there to draw from, but it just wasn't coming to me and I had to get it up by the deadline. If I would have had more time, it would have been better.

(The scene opens up inside a large office building. There are many people running about, going about their day. Phones are ringing, people are mingling by the water cooler, others sip their coffee, some are faxing documents; it's an average office setting. The camera moves through the hustle and bustle towards one regular-looking cubicle. Sitting at the desk is none other than Scott "The Boy" Hellings. He is wearing a white dress shirt, a black tie and matching dress pants. He has a security badge clipped onto his shirt with his name and photo ID. His cubicle is adorned with various promotional photos of himself and there is a framed picture of him wearing the Warfare Title. He is typing away at the computer when he looks up slightly at the camera, not taking a break from his "work.")

HELLINGS-
"I love offices like this, don't you? There's always something going on. But, more than anything, I like the fact that the best workers get rewarded with raises, time off, and even promotions. Yes, I enjoy the sense of hierarchy here in an office like this; you got your CEO at the very top and at the bottom you got the caretaker or the guys in the mailroom. Somewhere in between would be the type of person who would sit in a cubicle like this, toiling away. But, if that person works hard enough, he or she could be promoted. That's refreshing, isn't it? The best people get rewarded for their efforts. Well, too bad the rest of life wasn't like that. Honestly, can you tell me why Chris Dyson and Michael Landry are even in my ladder match at NewLife? What have THEY done to get there?

Whereas I, well, I'm already the Warfare Champion. I'm on a winning streak and I've still yet to taste defeat in singles competition. Obviously, someone like me has earned their shot at gold, wouldn't you think? And, yes, I am getting my shot and that's all good and fine, but why do Dyson and Landry get to tag along? It's not fair. But you know, I'm not even going to bother dwelling on it, and I'm not even going to complain. Simply put, Chris Dyson and Michael 'I can't even be bothered making an effort' Landry don't deserve any more time than I've already devoted to them. Besides, it's not like they're actually going to win that match! I don't have to, if you will, worry about them getting promoted ahead of me. Look, they may call me The Boy but there is no doubt that I am The Man! Dyson and Landry are just fodder really, a couple of bodies The Suits needed to throw up against me to make this an actual match and not just someone handing me a title. I understand that, I do. They're a necessary evil really. But, after NewLife, they will have fulfilled their purpose and I'll make damn sure I dispose of them! Count on it!"

(The Boy leans back in his chair and puts his feet up on his desk, making himself comfortable.)

HELLINGS-
"Some people like to waste time at work and have to hide what they're doing when the boss comes by. Basically, they want to stay out of sight so they don't get into trouble. And I'm sure that Chris Dyson would have preferred it if he had been able to hide away in some corner too...but that isn't going to happen. Heck, I wouldn't want my first match in a new company to be against someone as dominant as me! Talk about a task of Herculean proportions! Unfortunately, Dyson IS involved now and he will have to fight. I just hope he's prepared to give everything he's got because it will take all of that and so much more for him to actually beat me. I know it, you know it, the whole damn world knows it! You know, when I first heard about this match, I thought 'what's the point?' I'm already wearing the more prestigious Warfare Title and, let's be honest; I deserve to wear the World Title. The Mighty Lion Title? Honestly, it's beneath me. I wasn't even going to put forth that much effort into this one...until I heard what Chris Dyson had to say.

See, he likes to think we should all respect him because of his past accomplishments - accomplishments that I might point out were never achieved in an EWA ring. Dyson, you need to learn that you can't just tell the people they should care, you have to MAKE them care! You've been badmouthing me? Why? Because I'm a winner? Because I get the job done? You can hate me all you want and I'm sure we'll never see eye to eye on things, but you can't deny that I deserve everything I've ever had, everything I've got, and everything that's coming to me! I don't care how long you have been wrestling Dyson because you still act like a rookie. You need a crash course on how things work here and I guess I'm going to have to be your instructor. You think you can waltz in here, get a title shot, demand respect, and trash someone who has been here from Day One and has been winning ever since? Show some respect kid! You see Dyson that, THAT is why I want to win that Mighty Lion Championship now more than ever! I want to climb that ladder, grab that title, and stand over your lifeless body so everyone can fully comprehend the pecking order around here. And then, as you regain consciousness, I want to look in my eyes, and see what a real champion looks like. Just so I can see your dejection as you come to the painful understanding that you're not as good as you claim and you never were. And, most importantly, that I am every bit as good as I say I am!

Rob Faith doubted me and he ended losing to me twice in a row. I told him that I was The Marquee Player, The Franchise Saviour, and The Number One Money Maker and he thought I was just blowing hot air. Then, I pinned him and he came to the realization that he has to respect me. He saw the light and so will you Dyson. You don't deserve that title and I'll be damned if I allow a nobody like you to tarnish the reputation of this company. EWA is a place where for the absolute elite, not the inept. Look, I'm so far out of your league, I'm the Chairman of the Board and you're just the temp! I don't know how you got this far - maybe you (making quotation marks with his fingers) 'padded out your resume' I can't say - but I know that the journey ends here. But, just like there's a Worker's Compensation Board, my Red and White Ribbon Campaign will take care of you. It will make sure that you get the help you need as you try to cope with your loss. Deny it all you want, but I think there's a nagging sensation at the back of your mind that tells you that you know that you can't win. Admit it: you're well aware that getting into that ring with me is like a kamikaze mission. Let like the lemming that mindlessly plunges to its death, you're going to go through with it anyway. Just like having an affair with someone in the office is a bad idea, it's a very bad move to try and take me on. But you're stubborn and you'll do it anyway.

That's okay, I've had to educate many others like before and I'm sure there will be many more like you in the future. Maybe you're doing it because you really want to believe in yourself. Maybe you're doing it for the paycheque. Maybe you're doing it for the experience. Or maybe you're doing it because you want to try and prove to your mother that you're not as pathetic as she secretly always knew. Whatever your motives are, I can't say for sure. But there is one thing I know - the outcome of the match is a given, and the only possible scenario has me climbing that ladder and taking that title."

(The Boy gets up, grabs some random document off his desk and starts walking across the office as he continues to talk.)

HELLINGS-
"I heard what you had to say about me Dyson. You said that I was complaining about a sprained ankle that forced me to end the match. But you see Dyson, you're ignorant and you shouldn't speak as though you are an authority on something that you obviously not. I WANTED to continue the match, but the officials wouldn't let me. If it were up to me, I would have kept on going and I would have went on and captured the title. Unfortunately, it didn't pan out that way. Of course, things worked out well enough for me, as I did manage to acquire some gold relatively soon afterwards and now I'm set to win some more. The unfortunate part refers to you though, because it means that this series of events has placed right in my way, on a collision course with pain, humiliation, and defeat.

From the moment that I sprained my ankle, you and I have unknowingly been headed towards the same goal - the Mighty Lion Championship. I would think that instead of wasting your precious time chastising me for something I truthfully had no control over and that you don't understand anyway since you weren't there, that perhaps you'd spend your time on more productive things. Stuff like training and preparing, or maybe praying, or worrying. Of course, none of that will help you, but at least you can pretend. In case you haven't figured it out by now, there is simply no way you can win this thing. I'm that much better than you. I will promise you one thing though, I will relent to one minor concession: since you seem to like broken bones so much, I'll be damned sure to give you a few. And that's all about all you can hope for because the winner's circle already has a spot reserved for me and me only."

(The Boy gets to the copier and start copying his document).

HELLINGS-
"You know what's great about these copiers? They just spit out the same thing over and over. All they are good for is making copies of the much superior original. And with each one that comes along, it gets worse and worse and less and less like the original. I like this copier because it reminds me of life. Chris Dyson, you're no different than anyone else; I've seen many others like you waltz on in here and think that you're something special because you won a few matches a couple years ago. Big deal. Me, I don't make a living off the tales of my past successes, I go out and make new ones. You see, you're just like everyone else in that you want to act as though you're better than you really are. You act like the people should care. My fans, The Boy Scouts, support me because I give them a reason to. What about you Dyson? Everyone wants a shot at glory, but so few are able to actually taste it. I've fought hundreds of guys like you before and they all failed and you will too. They all look alike, getting blurred in my mind by their generic personas and average ring skills. And you're exactly the same. Is there some cookie-cutter wrestling school out there churning you people out?

Seriously, I've seen far too many guys like you come into a company like this, pretend they're a big shot, say the same things you do, act the same way, and then I inevitably beat them and they walk away as the disgrace that they truly are. You're no different than all of them! You have nothing that makes you stand out! I'm so tired of this little act that guys like you like to put on. It's not a case of deja vu; it's just that you people are ignorant. You are blatantly ignorant of where you are, who you are and who you're facing. Well I'm going to do something about it Chris Dyson. I am going to beat the respect into you and I will make you recognize me for what I am - THE Canadian Legend and The One and Only UBERstar! Say what you want about me Dyson, but it will fall on deaf ears because everyone knows the truth. You know what?"

(The Boy turns to his right and picks up a phone.)

HELLINGS-
"I'll transfer your call to complaints and maybe we can find someone who actually cares. (Pause). Hmm...seems to be no answer. Odd that. It's as though no one cared about you! Well if they didn't care about you before then they certainly won't after NewLife because I prove that you're not worth bothering with. Yes, Dyson, you can go and say what you will and think what you want about me, but the pure and simple undeniable truth is that there is no one better than me. I can say what I want because I make a habit of backing up everything I say in the ring. And, believe me, there is quite the precedent to prove that I have a pretty good track record of doing just that.

No, if I didn't want to shut you up I would say that you're just not worth my time at all. Go on and hate me Dyson, that's fine by me. I won't lose sleep over it. You can think I'm cocky and you can say I'm a jerk and I won't necessarily argue those points. But you will definitely be able to witness firsthand that I am, more than anything, a winner. You'll have front-row seats for when I am crowned EWA's first double champion and maybe when that happens, maybe then you'll give me the credit I am due. But, even if you don't, it won't matter to me because I'll be the one with two titles around my waist and you'll just be the guy with a 0-1 record."

(The Boy stops for a moment and then smacks himself on the head, as if he forgot something.)

HELLINGS-
"I knew I was forgetting something! You know that feeling when you're headed out the office and you can't help but feel as though you left something important behind? Well, I suppose I really forgot to address Michael Landry. Well, I heard what he had to say and, well...I didn't really care. You allow me to continue wrestling? I'm sorry, who are you again? You and Dyson act like I should care about the two of you, but in reality you guys are nothing compared to me! He claims he ended the EWA Alliance. And, more perplexing, he referred to their dynasty has dominant? What did they do? Honestly, I can't say I remember much of anything but driving some trucks into an arena and blowing up a few cars. It fizzled out once and then it just died the second time. Let's face facts - their little alliance was a joke. I'm sorry, but they had absolutely no stroke around here whatsoever. If they were so powerful, why didn't they last? It had nothing to do with you Landry, it's because they didn't have a leg to stand on. I'm sorry, but you can't take credit for that and you can't take pride in it. And yes, I did treat you as an afterthought, didn't I? Well, that's easy to do for someone who has been quiet up until now and who kept referring to me by the wrong name.

Newsflash: my name is Scott HELLINGS. H-E-L-L-I-N-G-S. I think you have me confused with that Nathan Hellsing guy who used to be here. See? Should I care about you? Tell you what, why don't you do your best to show me in the ring? But, just between you and me, it won't work out the way you want it to. It's going to end up badly for you, just as it will for Chris Dyson. Don't plan the victory parade just yet Michael Landry because you have to go through me first...and that's a tall order indeed."

(The Boy turns to leave, but stops short. He then slowly turns back around to face the camera once more.)

HELLINGS-
"Just like the employee who stares at the clock counting down to quitting time, I'll make sure our match feels like an eternity for both of you. You'll feel every agonizing second and within the first five minutes you'll be begging me to end it! I'm in this match because I deserve to be, the two of you are in it because I need someone to beat. Face the facts...we all know it's the truth. I don't care if you hate me. In fact, I WANT you to. You don't get ahead in business without being willing to do what it takes and that is the exact same mentality I bring to the ring. It's worked for me thus far, and it will continue to be a successful formula at NewLife. I am going to beat the respect into Chris Dyson and Michael Landry and let them know that they don't deserve to be here. I won't be so impersonal as to send them an interoffice memo though; I'll personally make sure you receive the message loud and clear. These two are a joke and I'm going to prove it. It's quitting time so get ready to punch out.

The company is going in a new direction and you've been made expendable. NewLife will be both the beginning and the end of your journey in EWA, I'll see to it. I am going to take that Mighty Lion Championship because Dyson and Landry are not worthy of wearing even such a meager title. Show up if you must, but understand that I'm walking out of there as the champion. Why? Because I want to, because I can!"

(The Boy storms off and grabs a briefcase on his way out the exit. The camera focuses on the copier, still spitting out paper. Each copy is a photo of The Boy wearing his Warfare Title with the words "What a Champion Looks Like." The scene then finally fades to black as the copier comes to a stop.)

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