"Weh!" yelled Duke, pointing at the monster made entirely from severed zombie limbs. "Bila masa kitorang masuk John Carpenter's "The Thing?"
"You watched that movie too?" asked Enazz. "I loved that. Kurt Russel looked so cute in that movie."
"Yea dudes," Shah joined in. "Shiran loves that movie too. Especially the scene where.."
"Guys," said Fara. "Can we have this conversation later and just get the frickin hell out of here?"
Good advice, indeed. We dove into a stall and hid there while the limb monster ploughed his way through the fixtures of Damansara Uptown. He was uprooting tables and stools, tearing apart stalls one by one, all the while screaming. While we couldn't exactly hear what it was yelling at first, our perfect hiding spot gave us ample opportunity to examine the monster, and more importantly, what it was it was screaming.
The answer became quite obvious after a while, an answer which sent shivers down my spine. With a blood-curdling yell, it screamed "FESALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!"
"Dude, the bugger wants you, la." said Stats.
"Wah," exclaimed Duke. "Ada jugak orang nak kat lu. Gua ingat lu tak laku. He he he he. Sorry macha."
"Well whatever it is, its not going to stop. Any ideas?" asked Enazz.
"What the hell do you think I am? An encyclo-frickin-pedia?" I said. "Try and look it up on the net!"
"And where exactly am I going to find a PC here, brainiac?"
"Stop asking me questions, goddamnit!"
"FESALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!" yelled the monster as he tore out more of the area. It was quite obvious that the thing won't stop until he finds me.
"Perhaps you should meet that thing, fesal," said Shah.
"Yeah," Fara joined in. "It might just go away or something."
"Fat chance, Moffats Lover." I replied. "I might be feeling a little heroic today but I am not stupid. You want to meet it, be my guest."
"No chance, Boney M!"
"Ey! Watch your mouth!"
"You ARE boney.. it suits you la."
"Can we have this conversation later, Moffats Lover?"
At that moment Stats, feeling a little bit more than heroic, decided to take matters into his own hands. He calmly left the stall and walked up to the monster.
"Hey! You!" he said.
"Fesal?" asked the monster.
"No. Its Stats. I'm better looking than Fesal."
"Fesal!!!!!"
"Fesal isn't here. He's finally found a date."
"Fesal!!!!!"
"Are you a fool? He isn't here. He has a date. And surprisingly enough the woman is cute. So you just take your limbs and tentacles and get the hell out of here."
"Fesal!!!!!!!!"
"Oh boy, this is going to be a long night."
"Fesal!!!!!!! Me want Fesal!!!!!!"
"Ah, you DO have more than a one word vocabulary. Now, can you understand the words 'get the freakin hell out of here, you cretin'?"
"Fesal!!!!! Where Fesalllll?"
"I guess not."
Having failed at diplomacy, Stats then tried to punch the hideous thing but to no avail. The jabs met their marks but the monster just stood there, yelling. He then picked up a sharp pole off the ground and tried to impale him. He was more successful then, but only in pissing the thing off. The monster gave a shriek of pain, removed the pole from its mass of flesh and whacked Stats with it. The force of such a blow was so strong that he went flying back to the stall we were hiding in.
"Goddamnit, that hurt," he moaned.
"Benda macam tu pun lu tak boley kalahkan?He he he." remarked Duke. "Sia sia lu masuk gym."
"Sorry macha."
"Gua nak lawan dia, susah sikit. Lightsaber gua habis bateri."
"There goes lah," said Stats, spitting blood from his mouth.
"FESAL!!!!!!!!!" yelled the monster as he continued to wreak havoc on the area.
"You know," said Xylia. "This situation we're in, its like we're stuck in a crappy Hollywood movie."
"Nah, its more like one of those third rate novels people put up on the internet for free reading," said Enazz.
"What the hell are you talking about?" said Fara. "No one is stupid enough to do that."
"I guess you're right."
"But imagine," said Shah. "If we get through this, we could sell the rights to this story to Hollywood and make millions."
"Thats right," I said. "Who do you think would play you?"
"Drew Carey," said Shah. "We look alike."
"Who's hunky enough to play Duke?" asked Stats. "Brad Pitt?"
"No la." said Duke. "Itu lu. Gua pretty boy. He he he. Macam Rob Lowe. He he he."
"So Fesal," asked Xylia. "Who's going to play you? Hugh Grant?"
"With my luck, I'll probably get some unknown. Like Eric Roberts."
"Who?"
"Thanks for proving my point."
"Well, I do know that our Moffats Lover here will be played by Bruce Willis."
"Hey!" said Fara. "Bruce Willis is a guy!"
"So what, Moffats Lover. He's handsome. Just like you, hahahaha."
"At least I don't look like Jar Jar Binks, Syracuse Mascot!"
"Hey! I do NOT look like Jar Jar Binks!"
"And I am NOT handsome, you freak!"
The two girls then proceeded to beat each other up again.
While all this was happening, the monster was getting closer. "FESAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" it yelled again and again.
"Okay fellas," I told everyone. "That bastard's yelling is getting on my nerves. I'm going to end this now. I'm going out there."
"Finally," said Shah. "Just go there already."
"Wait!" said Stats. "If the monster kills you, does that mean I get to keep your TV and VCD player?"
"Yes, I guess it does."
"The guitar too?"
"That too, dude."
So I walked out of the stall and approached the monster, My heart beating as loudly as it could.
"Here I am," I told it. "So lets get it over with."
"Fesal?"
"Yes its me."
"Fesal?"
"Yes la! Me Fesal. You idiot?"
"Fesal, happy birthday dude."
And the monster just walked away, leaving me wide eyed in surprise.
"Guys, lets just kill the toilet monster and get this over with."