Choir Jokes

Q: How many coloraturas does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. Her agent does that.

Q: What's the difference between a soprano and the P.L.O.?
A: You can negotiate with the P.L.O.

Q: What's the difference between a soprano and a Porsche?
A: Most musicians have never been in a Porsche.

Q: How does a soprano change a light bulb?
A: She just holds it and the world revolves around her.

Q: How do you frustrate a soprano?
A: Ask her to read music.

Q: What's the difference between a Wagnerian soprano and a baby elephant?
A: Eleven pounds.

Not being on birth control, the soprano tells the sax player to pull out, to which he replies, "Why, am I sharp?"

The soprano section -- alias, the nosebleed section.

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Q: What's the difference between an alto and a dressmaker?
A: The dressmaker tucks up the frills.

Q: What do you see when you look up an alto's dress?
A: A tenor.

Q: How do you know if an alto is at the front door?
A: She can't find her key.

Q: How do you get an alto into a VW Bug?
A: Grease her hips and leave a twinkie on the dash.

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Q: What's the difference between a stuck-up soprano and a stuck-up tenor?
A: Two octaves.

Q: What do a woman in labor and a tenor have in common?
A: They both strain.

Q: Why aren't tenors allowed to marry violinists?
A: Their offspring would be too dumb to play out of tune.

If you took all the tenors in the world and laid them end-to-end... it would be a good idea.

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Q: What do you call ten baritones at the bottom of the ocean?
A: A start.

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Q: Why do singers never say anything bad about musicians?
A: Because they're too busy talking about themselves.

Q: What is the difference between a singer and a grand piano?
A: About a semitone.

Q: How many lead singers do you need to change a light bulb?
A: Twenty. One to hold the bulb, and nineteen who dink until the room is spinning around.

Q: How many female singers do you need to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to hold the coke, and one who persuades one of her suitors to screw in the bulb.

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