Advice Column 2000-'01

�This is a marching band camp?�

Don�t race to a chair with Chris because I�ll get the chair and you�ll end up breaking your toe.

Purrs and Kinky Feet can get you anything you want.

�Omae o korosu� means �I will kill you� in Japanese. Learn it well.

Don�t pester the witch!

If you�re a brass, don�t put down the woodwinds as much. A fellow brass is now an �honorary� woodwind. (Rehberg and Kruse keep making fun of me because they stuck me with the clarinets on the field. Shut up Midget!)

�Are you sure?�

Invading a freshman cabin is fun!

Japanese cartoons promote sex and a little witch girl�s underwear.

Don�t sit near crabby chaperones on the bus.

If you�re sore but it�s not bad enough to sit out on the field, don�t complain: everyone gets sore. (Hay! He MADE me sit out!)

Too much can be bad! (I didn�t say "of a good thing.")

'Barinets' are cool! (Baritone marching in a clarinet hole i.e. me!)

When on the bottom bunk--your friend�s bunk--don�t spill pop or water on her pillow!

Don King has nice hair in the mornings.

If you�re taking a shower at 5:00 am while everyone is still sleeping, try not to drop your shampoo bottle a million times. (Was not me! I swear I only dropped it once! I wasn�t the only one taking a shower at that time anyway! The other shower was occupied.)

�Are you positive?�

Please, we don�t want to know how many times you went poo that day so don�t tell us!

If a little boy named Ryan tells you to jump off a steep part of the dunes, don�t. You will have a hard time getting back up.

Flying can be fun!

If you bring a soccer ball and plan on using it, don�t break your toe.

When told to go to the �Wedge,� plug your ears to escape another Kruse Joke.

Remember what he�s actually thinking when he tells you the above; Murder! Murder! I will kill you!

�You�re joshing me, right?�

If you�re told to sprint around the field for your friend with the broken toe, make sure people�s instruments aren�t laying in your way.

�What?� �What?� �Huh?� �Huh?� �What?� �Huh?� �What?� �Ok��

Cover your food because it�ll attract ants if you don�t.

If you want to take home a memory of the dunes, don't put the sand in your pockets. Just take a picture; it'll last longer and it's not as messy.

Don't screw festivals if you're in the Marching Mounties! Straight I's for 36 years. Can you see why people get so emotional the week before MSBOA?

Don't cry before MSBOA, thinking you'll get a II, but it's ok to cry after when grades are announced as a I.

"It's tradition for traditions to change." -someone on Fiddler on the Roof.

"That's not very bloody likely to happen. OUR tradition is the only exception! There's been too many damn traditions taken from us! Don't take this one away!" -the upper class marchers on the above quote and festival

Kill all streakers if you ever want Dudley Doright back.

Ignore the bees, damn it! -at Vandercook

Any mentions of cheeZe, sandwiches, main courses, (ANY food) coming from Mr. Kruse's mouth; slap him unconscious with your instrument, kill all witnesses with the case, then run like a bat out of Hell! Ah, heck, you can kill Kruse too!

Shut up already! If you want to play better then practice, practice, practice! Don't complain to me about it!

Do not, I repeat, do NOT sit in a 20 yard radius of Kaylob on the grassy hill next to the stadium, during MSBOA, wearing your uniform, when its dark and the grass is slippery- ooh, and you're not in the happiest mood!

If you are hosting a marching band for MSBOA, make sure you either a.) Have Rehberg's keys with you b.) Have an extra pair of drumsticks handy or c.) Have the ability to sprint from the MS band room to the box office and back.

It can be fun laying on the hill when other bands are going or coming to the 'grassy gnome' and you're right in their way--fun and cool looking--yet hold on to your hat: it's dangerous!

Don't ask why MSBOA is held at our school every year and nowhere else; you won't find an answer.

Stealing mouthpieces can be VERY entertaining!

Make sure you watch American Pie before becoming a band member. At that rate you will know what it means when people finish their comment with "This one time, at band camp..."

If you are cold and waiting for your turn to march in a parade, don't stick your hands down your pants to keep warm--it just isn't right.

Writing silly stories during lunch with fellow band nerds means there's something wrong with you- I mean, as long as you don't talk about- ooh, never mind... forget it!

It doesn't sound like a cruise on a boat, it sounds like croo-ZE. Get it? Got it? Who cares? Kruse doesn't matter anyway.

Knowing the phrases "You're ugly, I'm busy, have a nice day," and "Why do people with closed minds always open their mouths?" can come in handy.

Go see BLAST (the Drum Corp-meets Broadway musical spectacular). It's really neat and I still can't shut up about it!

When the show is over in the Detroit Theater remember there isn't a wheelchair slope but unlit steps and that it hurts if you think that and fall down them. It's a health hazard.

Jekyll & Hyde the Broadway is really neat. You should go see it sometime. "You'll never be able to separate Jekyll from Hyde!"

The book of Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson is really good too. A small warning; if the descriptive words are kind of hard for me to understand that means it's a hard reader.

When having a conversation, shut up and listen to where you led it. Band? How did we start talking about that- ooh, I did... ok...

Just remember, talking about band is healthier than talking about kounaiseikou.

Playing an instrument is healthier than having kounaiseikou... (I'm still the good girl; I'm not referring to myself if that's what you're thinking. Hentai!)

Hentai! All of you!

Oh, and the #1 bit of advice for any NW band member: Don't ever, ever listen to Cornish. For the few years I've known that geek he's always been a horrible "leader" (if you call that a leader) and 99% wrong with anything he says. He can't march and he smells really bad (I actually feel sorry for him).