So...what is Gay?
Now that may sound like a dumb question but I assure you that it has validity.
Guys lovin' guys or girls lovin' girls?
Hold it! You're already wrong and only partially right.
I remember when I thought that being gay was as simple as that. If we see two men "too close", oh that's gay (nevermind the fact that women do it).
Men kissing? Really? Well they do it in other cultures and yet they are not gay.
Holding hands? Oh really? So you mean holding hands around a campfire or in church prayer is gay?
Why is it said that guys "get away" with alot of touching while they are playing football? And I don't mean pile-ups either. It seems that when they are playing football, it affords them a chance to express affection in ways that would otherwise be considered "gay". Of course this is not to say or speculate that this is why guys play the game! Yet, it is the only time - it seems - that guys' affection for one-another is not subject to being called gay or otherwise unacceptable.
When I first started going to church, I was paranoid about what was considered gay. I do not blame this on the people at church, but rather my own understanding - or lack therof - concerning what being gay is and is not. Very little of this was caused by some of the church people who basically assumed that being gay was all about sex. What exactly was wrong with hanging out with a gay friend when the only thing shared between us was a friendship? Was our friendship wrong? Was it even a "gay" friendship? Even if we are both gay?
What exactly is wrong if two gay guys hug strictly on the basis of a friendship? Regardless of their sexual orientation. How about a parting kiss? Are these things wrong? Are these things even "gay"? Perhaps gays are the only ones doing this in our culture but what about other cultures? Is being gay defined by our cultures. In other words are expressions freely expressed by non-gay people in other cultures suddenly gay if done in our culture? What if the men in question are tourists from a country where such expressions are the norm?
For those who believe that being gay is a sin: Is God bound by culture? Does God say that it is a sin in America for guys to express affection toward each other but yet such is not a sin in, oh say France or Germany? NO, I don't believe that. Sin is sin no matter if you do it in America, Germany or on the Moon! Conversely human expression in it's many forms is not necessarily what makes the determination as to who is gay and who is not.
So what defines Gay? While the Gay communicty has "hijacked" the rainbow and the color lavendar as well as the word "fabulous" to define their culture, they cannot claim ownership of these things. Just because someone has a rainbow sticker on their bumper or paints their bathroom lavendar SHOULD NOT mean that they are automatically gay (although more often than not gays are the ones who do these). Gays have set trends in which the rest of society has followed, for many years and yet the rest of society did not suddenly fear they were gay or in danger of becoming gay. I remember once when my older brother came home on leave from the Marines, he was wearing leather pants and he liked the Hi-NRG dance song Two Of Hearts by Stacy Q! My brother is not gay! To the point of being homophobic, even. House music started in the Gay community but straights who listen to it do not feel that they are compromising their sexual orientation to do it, now do they? In this same vein, they should not feel anymore apprehensive about wearing a rainbow wrist band, having a rainbow bumper sticker or wearing a lavendar shirt if they so pleased. (Lately, there has been a group of people doing just that. Known as "Metrosexuals" these straights follow the gay styles. Well why not? Get in on what is in vogue when it is in vogue, not when it's yesterday's news).
As for the rainbow, it is as old as the earth. For the Christian, the rainbow is a reminder of God's promise never again to bring on a worldwide flood. Scientifically speaking, the rainbow is a natural occurance caused by certain condtions during a rainfall or storm just as much as lightning or hail. The rainbow has been around longer than the gay community so, really there is nothing wrong or gay about it.
So again I ask: What is gay?
When does a man's love for another man cross that thin line between human affection (straight)and gay? From ordinate affection to inordinate affection? Biblically speaking, the Old Testament says a man is not lie with another man as he would lie with a woman. In this case, "lie" means sexual intercourse. There are other passages in the bible that support this. For example when the passage goes something to this effect: "he lie with his wife" and then it goes on to mention that a child was born. Therefore I see that it is the sexual interaction between men that is condemned. Manly affection is cited in the bible's Old and New Testaments. David and Jonathan kiss in the Old Testament while Jesus and John both have a very intimate relationship in the gospels. I have heard the audacious claim that John and Jesus may have had a gay relationship and I do not buy it! I will not even rent or borrow it!
It is not the affection such as hugs and kisses that are considered homosexual but the nature behind them. Affection that is communacating friendship, family affection and casual greetings and partings is not sexual. Now romantic affection and/or affection that is sexual in nature (steamy lip-locks) between two men or women is where the affection becomes homosexual.
So what about a couple who love and care for each other beyond sex? I know a gy wow cared for his lover's well being and had me remake a drink in a ceramic cup. It was not enough to simply pour the original drink from it's paper cup into the ceramic cup because the paper cups have a corn-syrup coating which gets into the liquid and it would adversaly affect his partner's allergies. They lived together and shared with each other, enjoyed going out together. Basically, they were best friends. In their eyes as well as society's, they were gay lovers. Strictly speakiing, their love for each other is simply a human friendship. Two men could do all the above things and still NOT BE GAY, even if the world thought they were such just because they shared such a relationship. Things like non-sexual/romantic hugs and kisses, sharing the shower, going out to the movies DO NOT MAKE PEOPLE GAY and it should not mean such the two people sharing the relationship, nor the society. In the military, men shower together, perhaps sometimes they may chide each other about their anatomy or touch each other in fun. This is simply human interaction and has no bearing or affect on their sexual orientation. It is in American culture that manly affection often gets locked down as being gay.
Basically, I think gayness (homosexuality) is a mind (and heart) set to some extent. Perhaps upbringing plays a part in someone "having gay feelings and tendancies" Perhaps a guy who has gay feelings/tendancies is really just looking for a father figure because maybe his original father was abusive and unloving or the guy did not have a father at all due to a divorce or adbandonment by the biological father. The guy's need for a father figure may become mixed with sexual/romantic attraction (gay feelings) as the guy becomes sexually active and developed.
Don't take this as truth, I am only speculating from things I have heard and from my own experiences. It has been said that gay people have a different make-up that straights. That said, I have speculated that while there may be a difference in make-up between straight and gay people, perhaps the purposeof the difference is not so one set of people would be gay. Perhaps we merely assume we are born gay because of this difference which may have been for and whole different reason.
Did you know that some African elephants which are usually born with tusks were born without them? And this was not caused by breeding either. I discovered this while watching the Discover Channel. The African elephant has been hunted and killed for it's tusks which are made of Ivory. The program on the Discovery Channel called it an "unnatural selection" and speculated that such elephants may be born without tusks as a result of the mass killings in the past. Could this be a form of defense for survival?
You do not need to bring religion into the equation to discuss "purpose". The weather changes systematically not because somebody is manipulating it. However, from a religious standpoint, the belief that God's as the creator and his supreme control over everything is not compromised because he created and set all scientific phenomenoms in place and they work in accordance to a certain order, and when that order is disrupted the phemomenom in question systematically changes in order to compensate or perhaps defend against whatever is disrupting it. The human body works the same way. Religiously speaking, God created it but yet - scientifically - it operates on it's own. When it's survival is threatened, it reacts and gears for fight or flight.
Ok, enough of that small detour. I was saying that the different make-up between straights and gays may be for a different purpose dictated scientifically and/or by God himself and we may be merely assuming the intent was so the one with the different make-up would be gay. Again, I am not presuming to be "Mr Answers" here regarding homosexuality but again, I have my own educated speculations. While I have long held the speculation about the difference in make-up between straight and gay being for an entirely different purpose, the father figure speculation stems from both something I have heard in the past, and my own experience.
Firstly I will explain what I heard regarding the father-figure speculation. I have heard that when a boy grows up without a father and does not have a father-figure, he seeks that need from outside. This could be in the form of hanging out with other boys as in a gang or club this could lead him into criminal activity if the guys he hangs out take to doing such. For the boy who may be a "loner", the need may go unfulfilled and then as the boy becomes sexually developed, that need becomes eroticized (or mixed up with his sexual feelings) and take on the form of gay feelings and attractions.
Ok, now from my own experience. I met a much older man when I was 15 and was sexually involved with him. First it was all about the sexual pleasure. In the space of 10 years or so, a friendship developed, one that took on that of a father-son-like relationship. He would get on me about not being disrespectful toward my mother who I felt was being unreasonable because of her off-and-on relationship with a boyfriend who was rather insensitive and agitative toward both me and my mother. My friend also got on me to help with the money situation in the form of giving mother some money for room and board if I was going to live at home. I would argue with him from my selfish point of view. As for my dad, there was no arguing, but, I never really felt loved as a child because my dad was abusive and everything I did was out of fear of getting whipped. Basically, I learned to obey out of fear and not love...and when dad was not around, I would back-talk and be bratty with my mother. My friend counseled me in a way where I if he had actually been my father I would have learned to obey out of love instead of fear. My friend basically became the father I never had. When I look at our friendship in retrospect, I see that it - with all it's arguements and stomp-outs from my side - stacks up far superior over our sexual relations.
Personally, I believe that my friendship with this man was a blessing from God. Perhaps, even though he knew what the outcome would be at first, he knew what good he could bring. I remember the story about Joseph and his jealous brothers who sold him into slavery just to get rid of him. In the end I remember Joseph saying of the situation and it's positive outcome that benifited both him and his family "What you meant for evil God meant for good" What me and the man I met, meant for our sinful sexual pleasures to be fulfilled, God used for a good purpose that benifited us both. He was like a mentor and a father to me and I was like a son to him. We are still friends some 24 years later. The original blessing - our friendship - outgunned and outlasted our little sexual relationship.
As for Clay Aiken, I did have some sexual feelings and fantasies about him, these came sometime before I actually "fell in love" with him. Now though I never personally knew Clay, my attractions toward him - ironically - died down when I "fell" for him back in April, 2004. As I write this both my sexual attractions have completely fallen by the wayside and my crush on him for all intent and purposes is essentally dead. It was during the "crush" period following the concert at Pepsi that I started wanting what would be best for him and this included not wanting to have any kind of gay relationship with him even though I was attracted to him and entertained the idea of him as my boyfriend. Though I entertained such an idea I never wished it could come to pass. Of course wishing things would happen does not make them happen, I still would not with I could have any kind of gay relationship and I never wished or hoped Clay was gay. Wanting the best for him included also wanting him to continue to follow his faith in God, not falling victim to Los Angeles' lures and celebrity parties. Furtherly wanting what was best for Clay shut down all my sexual fantasies about him everytime they came around until they simply went away for good. It seems that I actually got out of my sexual/romantic feeligns toward Clay by learning about and caring for what would be better for him...even over my crush on him.
God commands us to love our neighbors as ourselves. I have learned that "neighbor" can mean anybody who is in my life regardless if they are actually there or by any other means including seeing them and remembering them because I thought they were attractive. I believe I exercised this neighborly love toward Clay who was in my life by way of his music.
In conclusion, having gay feelings DOES NOT make someone gay. This may sound weird and even contradictory but I think it is an important fact to consider especially from a religious point of view both for religious people who are quick to condemn someone for having these feelings but do not yield to them, as well as for the person who has them but yet wants to follow his religious beliefs and not feel that he is disqualified just becasue he has such feeling. Since my background is that of Christian and Catholic (both relating to Jesus) I will use that religion.
Jesus never taught that BEING TEMPTED WAS A SIN. If that was the case Jesus himself would have been guilty since HE WAS TEMPTED IN EVERY WAY, that is what the bible says. Whether he was specifically tempted with homosexuality or not is not mine to assume. "Every way" could be meant in a broad sense, in other words he was temped Sexually, tempted with financial and/or power gain, tempted with hunger when he fasted in the desert for 40 days, tempted to hate especially with the religious people who where making show of being religious but yet not were it really mattered and such. The point is that Jesus WAS tempted but YET DID NOT SIN.
There is the key: YET DID NOT SIN. He did not give into the temptations. Where he could have aquired the kingdom from Satan without having to die for it, he rejected the devil's offer and followed God's will.
If you are tempted to rob a bank you are not a bank robber. Now if you wish you could rob the bank and not be caught and have the money for whatever simply because you are envious, God would consider you the same as if you were a bank robber just as he would consider you an adulter if you entertained the temptation to fantasize about hitting the bed with that girl or guy you think is hot. It is the same with gay feelings, while how they got there is BEYOND your control, how you deal with them is not. Temptation is beyond your control for the most part. You can avoid it to some degree by avoiding a situation where you know you will be tempted but still you cannot avoid your own sinfulness which may generate temptations in your mind. God is not going to say you are sinning just because you are tempted to look at that guy, take that money when noone is looking or to envy the yuppie down the street who seems to have whatever wants. It is when it becomes in your heart and/or actions that he will say you are sinning.
Your gay feelings may be your temptations all the same as the straight guy's lust toward a woman are his temptation. If either or you entertain those tempting feelings and/or follow them. That is where you cross the line. Now the world may say you are gay just becasue. you have gay feelings but you need to know that you are not gay until you commit the act. You are sinful just as all of mankind but that is where Jesus's sacrifice comes into play. Jesus died for your gay feelings and any gay sins you did just as much as he died for that bank robber's wrongful act or the one who hit the bed with the woman who was not his wife.
So, to anybody who is religious: You know someone has gay feelings but is seeking to not live by them. Don't be all calling them gay and saying God will not accept them. The feelings are this guy's sinful temptations and not the acts.
To the ones with the gay feelings who seek a relationship with God: Bring him your gay temptations as you would bring him your temptations to do any other type of sin.
To you Christians actin' stupid saying gay feelings mean that the person is gay: Cut that shit out. Ok so I am cussin' and that ain't right. Judge not or you will be judged.
