Like my pappy and his pappy fore him. But I ain't huntin no vampires or werewolves, I'm a hunting a truer evil. A evil so ummm... bad its umm.... really bad.

    I hunt the demons that walk as man (and monkey) and suck at the teet of you know who (S-A-T-A-N) and a-cause of this sucking they cannot enjoy the milk of their mothers or of ummm..... uhhh... you know those big ole things... umm ya cows. Or cows or like goats and stuff. Thats right ya'll, I'm talking about the lactose intolerant.

    One night my pappy was a swingin on his tire swing, jes a swinging away and drinkin beers and he says to me "boy," he says to me "Boy, I think its time I done showeded ya sumthin." So my pappy he took me to yonder root cellar and busted the lock right off it. He woulda openind it but he was drunk and couldn't remember the combonation, so he busted it.

    An inside that there room was the cockamaymee-ist setup I's ever seen before. The walls were stocked with cartons of milk and stuff. And my pappy says to me, "boy," he says "boy, you're a fifth jean-eration goober hunter. Theres people in this here world that don't act like you and I. They don't like milk shakes and ice cream and other good things in life, they're evil right down to their non dairy core."

    My pappy tolds me about how my gran-pappy and such used to hunt the lactose intolerant or "goobers" as they're called in the industry.

    So thats how I came to be a goober hunter. And this is my FAQ (thats Frequenty Axed Questions ya'll). I'm puttin it online so as all you new goober hunters out there can see how real goober huntin gits done.