Hi Ya'll! My name is Cornfed the Monkey. I uhhh.. like to climb them trees and ummm... swing on my tire swing...

     Aww man. Mr. Lizard said this would be easy. He's so good at talkin, he can talk hisself up a storm. But I can't... I'm jes a stupid monkey.. a stupid monkey with overhauls and a hat... a stupid monkey with overhauls and a hat that has hisself a crush on Attorney General Janet Reno. Uh oh, I think I said that out loud.

    Now lets be civil-like and forget that whole Janet Reno busniess. If you's a lookin fer my NES debut in Cornfed The Monkey: Santa's Last Hope, you need to check you out the Games section. But iffins ya'll jes want to see funny stuff, ya came to the right place!

    Join forces with Cornfed the Monkey on his quest to rid the world of the lactose intolerant.

    A public apology to DDP for punching him in the nose, a love letter to Spice of the Nitro Girls, and of course; Rockum-Sockum Cornfed and Rufus. Its like chicken soup for the groin.

    Easily digested bits of knowledge in Java form.

    Cornfed's first attempt at children's stories. This charming tale is about his favorite stuffed christmas tree, Rufus, and his adventures in the Big City.