The Chunk o' Thumb Fax
Here's my sob story, or if you like, my "Why I need to go to the Second City."
You see, I'm an English major. In college I studied the Big Three: Shakespeare, Milton, & Chaucer. Though highly fulfilling, knowledge of these three couldn't land me a job if I tried (and I did).
Since I typed all of my papers on the University's Macintosh computers, I took a job that dealt with them. "This job opening will be a great learning experience," my soon-to-be employer said; hence, the piss-poor pay and less than optimal hours.
Late one night, my (future ex-)wife calls me about a job for a Desktop Publisher opening at Ameritech. Ah what the hell, I thought. So using my current employer's fax machine, I shot my resumé over to a prospective new employer.
Well, I scammed them: I got the job!
The pay was better and I got to join the eight to five traffic crowd. Now everyone comes to me with their little chicken scratchings on paper and say to me, "Make it look better; jazz it up; use your artistic creativity to make it shine!"
I don't have any artistic creativity. I'm an English major. They still think I'm a graphic artist here. I feel like the elephant in that Far Side cartoon where he's on stage before an audience, seated before a piano, and he thinks, "What am I doing here? I'm a flutist!"
My cubicle doesn't help to alleviate their perceptions. In it I have my Mac, but other than that, there's a drafting table with a complex light; glues; cutting mats; knives to make Houdini wince; more colored pens and markers than I can distinguish; and other small things, with expensive price tags still stuck to the bottom side them, that I have no clue as to what they're used for.
I use the drafting table as a lunch table. I sometimes play with the glue. I was having all sorts of fun with the X-Acto knife, until a large section of my thumb plopped to the floor by my feet.
Did I mention that I have red/green colorblindness that my mother graciously passed on to me? Well, they put me in charge of the color copier!
But I can't let them know I have no real creative skills (I think they're starting to figure out the colorblindness, though).
Therefore, I need these tickets to The Second City. I need to see the creative process in action. Hell, I need to get away from my job for a little while. And I know my (future ex-)wife would just enjoy the hell out of it, too.
So couldn't you please find it in your heart to consider me as a viable candidate? I have a rather excellent song to request: Modern English's "I'll Stop the World & Melt w/You."
In exchange, I've included this little piece of clip-art. It is without a doubt, the coolest lemur monkey I've ever seen (and I can't think of a creative way to incorporate it into any business presentations).
Enjoy!
sklender
Desktop Publisher - "Dammit, Jim! I'm an English major, not a graphic artist!"
© sklender, 1996 - Until My Death, and then three weeks beyond that.