WOW, this is the first time in a long, long time that I've actually ranted two days in a row and considering how extremely busy I've been here this past couple of days ;) ... I'm guessing this whole week will be filled with ranting and updating and scanning once Corianne's bro tells me how to do it on his computer.. i know, i know.. how exciting... don't you wish.. you had.. my life. But once the moving begins and school starts I'll be busy like crazy. Not to mention the theatre and possibility of ASM ing and my getting a job here sometime. And then the whole forcing myself to get into shape by joining yet another gym. I will make it happen, you watch..
Anyways, life is slow at the moment and today is Sunday. Corianne's family usually spends this day together (none of them work and they go to church twice). They have encouraged me to join them at church or to go to their gift opening and supper with the entire family and extended family. But I politely refused, not because their family isn't fun and it's not that they make me feel left out. I just miss my own family and contrary to what people believe, spending my time with someone else's family doesn't fill the void. It only makes it worse. Not that I cry at home because I miss them so much but why add salt to the wound that slowly heals? I do miss my life there already but I'm surviving.
Want to know a funny story? The moment I stepped out of my car when I first got here and the smell of stank shit rushed over me, I said to myself, "You know you're in Chilliwack when...." Yes, it stinks. Too many cows. Launa, I am two books into the series. Three to go. And I have reached the brink of my coolness. Not to mention the brink of my lack of something else important...
hmm.. where to start.. I know it's taken me forever to update this..AGAIN.. but I've been busy. You know the whole moving across country thing usually takes up some time. Also the time I spend stressing and making myself go insane, doesn't help much either. Not like my life is that bad right? ... actually it's pretty good. I have awesome friends, an amazing family (who i miss terribly already), chances at love and relationships (which don't seem to work out and I begin to wonder if there is something seriously wrong with me), and my independence. Which I value alot. And which scares me into making the decisions I do. I started to wonder yesterday if coming back here to Chilliwack for another year was really worth it. I started to wonder at what I gave up. Seeing my neice and nephew grow up, helping my mom through hard times, being with someone that I really cared about and that I thought cared about me. And I really miss that. Maybe I'm just feeling lonely again, out on my own again. Ok.. just thinking.. I'll give you a real update.
So I left MJ on Monday. Stayed at my sister's that night, went to Revelstoke, then to Summerland and got to Chilliwack on Thursday. I'm staying at Corianne's parents' house until I can move into my new apartment. We went and saw it yesterday. It's a basement suite with priv. bath and kitch. Only $425/mo. everything included except phone of course. But I can't move in until next weekend sometime so I'm just going to spend my time vegging and relaxing. Maybe go to the beach or something. Work on the website a little.. But if you want to get a hold of me, the no# here is 604-792-3733. So I miss you all, love ya.. and I'll talk to ya soon.. Bye Bye
Could it take me long enough to change this rant or what? And since it's been yep over a month since I last wrote, I doubt anyone even checks it out anymore.. Maybe I'll send out a big bulletin and whoever were my fans before can check it out. I should write a bunch of dirty and truthful stuff since no one will be reading it! hahaha....Nah.. but I'll tell the truth anyways.. The computer is crap and I am too lazy to go to the library. This past month has been insane.. I started work again at Laurier, which was fun and then turned bad. We had my family reunion at the school, which was fun because we got bombed. I sang karaoke, played full contact soccer, and slept in the pool room with Mike. I met someone who I really enjoy being with and I hope will go further. Some people that I love with all my heart are not as supportive about my decision as I would like. It seriously brings me to tears. The people I thought loved me possibly don't love me like I thought. It really hurts.
July 1st, Canada Day was a blast, I played Slo-Pitch with our LaLonde team and surprisingly we won a few games. I also saw an old friend from elementary and had fun hanging out with him. The weekend after I went to visit Mike in Saskatoon and spent the weekend with him. And this past weekend, me and the girls went to Craven and had the best time. I did get really drunk three of the four nights and passed out during one but what I saw of the shows was good and Sunday was incredibly fun. I have only a month left here starting today I think and I am both sad and excited to go back. This year should be fun.. But i will miss alot of people while I'm gone. Anywho.. i am sick today but life is ok and I'm doing alright.. miss this. .love you all.. bye bye
Ok.. so I had a fun time last night.. A little odd but fun.. Moose Jaw never ceases to amaze me.. but it also makes me want to stay... At least I'm rarely bored here.. I am still wearing the clothes I wore last night..mmmm.. yumm... at least I didn't have to get up and go to baseball this morning.. Poor Launie.. Anyhow.. supposebly I'm starting work this Monday.. but I doubt it.. Today is Jake's Birthday.. HAPPY B'DAY!! I watched my nephew play baseball yesterday and I realized that I really love most of my family and I miss them when I'm gone.. I practically went 8 months without seeing my niece and nephew and when my other nephew was born, I didn't see him for 4 months after he was born.. What fun is that and what if he had gotten some disease and died and I would never have met my nephew.. Just ignore me, I'm just running what if scenarios through my head.. I guess I just keep thinking if it's worth living and going to school in BC.. Don't get me wrong, I love it there.. and I guess I shouldn't put my life on hold based on what if scenarios but I sometimes wonder what the hell I'm doing.. Like someone told me last week, can't you take what you're taking .. in Sask? .. And I said yeah but would I really want to? I kinda like having no snow and Vancouver right near by.. Ahh whatever.. Just running scenarios.. It's just kinda making me sad that I only have two months left here and a month has already gone by.. I mean what the fuck have i been doing? Ok.. I know.. getting bombed and doing dick all.. BUT HELL, IT'S GOOD TIMES
So I'm gonna try and write this rant before the librarian kicks me off of the comp.. They scare me.. So I went out this weekend and had some events but nothing too scary or psychotic like last weekend.. I've definitely fallen back in time though.. An old "flame" (that's what we'll call it) has got me thinking about lots of shit through his drunken rants.. And this is what bugs me.. how he still has this power over me.. I swear this is the only thing that makes me weak.. I guess I did fall for him pretty hard before.. It felt very real.. Maybe too real.. But because the words from him were from the alcohol.. I'm not going to read into them, or at least I'm going to try not to.. I doubt he even remembers what he said and I'm sure he probably regrets it considering he is in a serious relationship.. But it does make me want that feeling again.. because well I was naive, it was a good feeling and I was sorta happy.. even though I am happy now.. Just that guy feeling.. You know the one you have when you are with someone.. Not that we should rely on that to be strong and happy people, don't get me wrong.. but it does feel damn good.. And I do miss it ! So I have to go now.. The library and my ma are kicking me out.. I will try to write sooner.. Love you all.. Life's too short to be grouchy and try to appreciate your friends more often... They love you and tell them everyday how much they mean to you.. Some people don't hear it often enough.. We are all guilty of that crime.. Life is good.. Bye bye