| REVIEWS (of things that call themselves entertainment) |
| MOVIES Crumb (added 01 Dec 2001) Maybe it�s me and my hardened heart, but at the end of it, I could not give a horse�s scrotum what happened to Crumb. And no, he did not die, and the butler did not do it. The Man Who Wasn't There (added 01 Dec 2001) I thank the Coens for having the good taste to not make her play the flute or something. Things like that should be left to the Farrelly Brothers. The Others (added 14 Dec 2001) It was Nicole herself. Screaming in bed. Gee, when was the last time she did that since she got hitched to Tom- oh, never mind. The Piano Teacher (added 19 Dec 2001) I honestly feel dirty writing this damn review. I need to go take a shower after this, and bring my computer with me as well. Ocean's Eleven (added 19 Dec 2001) Ocean then pays a visit to his friend Rusty and they go about gathering a group of 11 people to stage the heist. I�m already bored recounting it this far. Vanilla Sky (added 19 Jan 2002) Tom Cruise slammed the door in Penelope Cruz�s smirking face. I actually laughed out loud during that precious moment, although I�m pretty sure no one else in the theatre shared my chuckle. Serendipity (added 20 Jan 2002) All rom-coms are different in one way or another. You can have rom-coms between two people who meet in a horse farm, a horse-riding school, or the horse exhibit at the zoo, and call it three different movies. Mulholland Drive (added 25 Jan 2002) What�s it about? Hot girl-on-girl action. Seriously. That�s all I got from the film, and that�s all I�m saying. R.D. brings you a review of yet another nominee for Best Film at the Cannes Porn Film Festival 2001. Black Hawk Down (added 21 Feb 2002) The movie helpfully captions in some large bold font the information that it is 1992 in Somalia, East Africa. You know, as opposed to the Somalia in South America. Gosford Park (added 30 Mar 2002) River Dawg takes on Ryan Phillippe, plus the entire population of Vanuatu, and then some. That's probably just about right in describing the number of cast members in this movie. The Son's Room (added 30 Mar 2002) All hopes that the Cannes Film Festival might be becoming a showcase for porn are dashed, with this Palme d'Or (Best Film) winner that revolves around a psychiatrist, his wife, his basketball-playing daughter, and his son. And his room, I guess. A Beautiful Mind (added 30 Mar 2002) Russell Crowe, his ass, and Jennifer Connelly's eyes act their guts out in this made-for-Oscar movie about the schizophrenic mathematician John Nash. There's a new feature here! A poll - so vote now! Signs (added 21 Sep 2002) First, I missed the bus. Then there was a long queue for tickets. I had to settle for a crappy dinner. I had to climb clumsily over 10 people to get to my seat. The seat was hard and cramped. My knees hurt after it all. The driving instructor was right. One Hour Photo (added 16 Dec 2002) Robin Williams goes psycho on us with a camera. We are intrigued by his character, until our eyes get permanently scarred. No, it's not the pooing in the loo that got to us, but rather the most hideous-looking action figure toy ever made. Catch Me If You Can (added 23 Feb 2003) Tom Hanks� annoying accent drives criminals ten million steps ahead of him, Leonardo TheCapricious is really aging gracelessly, and Christopher Walken�s wrinkles are so pronounced that his face reminds me of a river drainage system. They star in this cat-and-mouse story in which Leonardo is Mighty Mouse pedalling furiously in a bucket of cream and Tom is the stupid cat. Hey, Leo? You might want to change your name to Jerry. MUSIC Artist : Blue (added 01 Dec 2001) The only way they differentiate themselves from boybands like Take That, Five, Boyzone, Backstreet Boys and �N Sync is that they have four members instead of five. Single : "Something Stupid" by Robbie Williams & Nicole Kidman (added 02 Dec 2001) Is Robbie trying to get into acting, or is he trying to get into the American market, or is he just trying to get into Nicole? Single : "Calling" by Geri Halliwell (added 05 Dec 2001) In between the two singles, she played on the see-saw with Robbie Williams and entertained troops in Oman. Entertain? You mean, �sing�? Man, I dunno, I wasn�t there. Single : "Hero" by Enrique Iglesias (added 26 Jan 2002) First line is �Would you dance if I asked you to dance?� � I guess Enrique is into dancing then, as well as horrendously bad pick-up lines. Single : "Whenever, Wherever" by Shakira (added 21 Feb 2002) Shakira starts : �Lucky you were born that far away so, so we could both make fun of distance�. If you make sense of that sentence before you turn 90, please let me know. Single : "Do You Realize??" by The Flaming Lips (added 8 Sep 2002) Let�s try to get through this without getting my eyes red, shall we? I�m kidding! It�s not really that complicated, Avril. Now shut up. TELEVISION The Amazing Race (added 30 Nov 2002) Reality at its best ever. So real it's even coming to town. Yeah, like the circus. So bring your family and friends, and let's sit in front of the telly, and if you're the type that bites your nails when things get tense, I suggest you tie up your hands. |
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