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*you know you're a redneck when... (page 5) You prefer car keys to Q-tips. Your momma tore her best dress coon hunting. You look upon a family reunion as a chance to meet `Ms. Right'. You consider your license plate personalized because your dad made it in prison. You are still holding on to Confederate money because you think the South will rise again. You consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food. You can amuse yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter. You consider a three piece suit to be: a pair of overalls, a plaid flannel shirt and thermal underwear. Your biggest ambition in live is to "git that big ole coon. The one what hangs 'round over yonder, back'ah Bubba's barn..." You have the taxidermist's number on speed-dial. The ASPCA raids your kitchen. You've ever hit a deer with your car...deliberately. Your parakeet knows the phrase "Open up, Police!" In tough situations you ask yourself, "What would Curly do?" You use a 55 Chevy as a guest house. You watch Little House on the Prairie for decorating tips. Your four-year-old is a member of the NRA Your satellite dish payment delays buying school clothes for the kids. There are more than ten lawsuits currently pending a gainst your dog. :: next :: return to quicksink |