Wilmington Wildcats and their native son crack open cans of whoop-ass

The Class 3A football playoffs and the Sunday Football Picks appear to be headed in the same lopsided direction in 2003.  Both the Wilmington team and a former Wildcat player opened cans of a particular product last weekend that is known for putting great distance between themselves and their opponents.  It wasn't Gatorade or Popeye's spinach, by the way.

The undefeated Wildcats began the high school postseason on Saturday by flattening the Eureka Hornets 42-0 in front of a cheering home crowd dressed in purple and white.  The Cats came running from the woods and onto the field, charging through smoke and a crowded spirit line with their school flag flying high, blasting through a Wildcats banner with fireworks booming overhead and the Little Bird vigorously shaking her noisemaking jug of pennies.  The "Monday Night Football" theme music and flashing ambulance lights were great touches, too.

Wilmington native Mark is also powering his way through this football season.  He has built a commanding seven-game lead in just nine weeks of picks.  But unlike the Wildcats, it is not believed Mark came charging through smoke with loud booms filling the air, unless The Beast was badly overheating and backfiring like crazy on the highway.

Mark's first-half dominance in this year's Picks ranges from that seven-game edge over Ali to a massive 18-game advantage over Blaine, who continues to think he is making quality picks despite a disastrous record of 61-59.

"How was I supposed to know the Chargers were going to bench Dan Fouts, and that Kenny Stabler wouldn't be on the field for the Raiders?" asked the dazed and confused veteran, apparently stuck in his successful mindset of the 1980s.  "Why didn't Dan Marino come in against the Colts?  He always throws at least three touchdown passes in Miami.  None of this is making sense!"

Mark's recipe for success has been achieving records that have even spanked the favorites.  Both underdogs he chose in Week 9 were victorious, and all three of his non-favorites in Week 8 came through as well.  You have to go back three Sundays to find one of Mark's underdogs that lost.  The last Picks member who consistently identified upsets far more often than everyone else was Jeff in 1989, and he finished with a 20-game lead.  Now that's cracking open a major can of you-know-what!

The pesky Little Bird kept pace with the roaring Montgomery Express on Sunday with the same 8-5 record.  Ali has flown from last place in Week 1 to second place in Week 9.  Her beak remains pointed upward, and she has intentions of nest-building at the top of the Picks tree.

D.J. finished in the middle of the pack with a 6-7 record, and questioned her strategy Monday morning after dropping to third place.  She thinks she spent too much time deliberating the games.  "I would have had the Saints and Texans for the upsets if I didn't stop to think about it," Girlie said in disgust.

But how long did Deej actually take to pick the 13 games?  Twenty minutes?  A half hour?  No, it was literally 33 seconds at the breakfast table, timed by an observant member of the Picks Oversight Committee.  "It may have seemed fast, but some of those games I stopped to think about for a few seconds," said Girlie, as if contemplating NFL games is a bad thing.